2-3 hours of foreplay....
Translation: clean the house!
If there is ONE constant in the P4P world IMHO it would be the endless amount of stories you hear (either from providers personally or on these message boards) about how married women eventually seem to lose interest in sex altogether.
Honestly, this is why I'll never marry--the mere thought of that happening to me is too much to bear. I could never be faithful under those conditions. OK---I take it back--I could marry IF i were to find a woman who.....
a) Loves sex as much as I do
b) Has a nonconformist, free-spirited view of life
c) Takes great physical care of herself
d) Has a very strong spiritual dimension and appreciates the sheer joy of being alive
e) Isn't obsessed with material wealth
(Finding someone with all of those characteristics....well...let's just say I probably have a been chance of hitting the Powerball jackpot LMAO!!)
Anyhow, back to the original discussion point. I find this phenomenon so disturbingly fascinating---why does this situation play out time and time and time again?! Is it boredom? Hormone changes? A drifting apart? Too much daily stress to contend with? A combination of all 4?
It just seems such a terrible shame that so many marriages get into this rut. The idealist in me wants to believe that it can be different. Can it?? (Might polyamory be a something to seriously consider??)
just yesterday. The lady said there is actually some chemical in the brain that begins to decline in both sexes after about two years of marriage. Didn't say why as far as I can recall.
TED talks rock!
Once the baby(ies) come, so does the stress. Little sleep, little time to have a moment to yourself, little time for friends, increased focus and stress related to finances and housing. Women with new babies dedicate 100% of their attention to the baby and family responsibility, with out ever making time for much else.
I laughed when my friend was telling me he can’t understand why his wife will never give him a BJ anymore. She says she’s tired all the time. His argument? “I am tired too, but I could roll over and give you oral. I’d be happy to do it if you asked.” LOL. I think it just comes down to the major difference in our needs. A good book on this subject is His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley Jr.
Women’s core needs are more emotional; like intimacy, communication, a mans financial commitment to the relationship/family and feeling safe/having security. Men’s core needs are totally different, like his woman looking good for him, getting plenty of sex, having an activity partner, trying to live a life without added and unnecessary drama and getting domestic help. Based upon that, it isn’t a surprise to me women are the first to lose interest in sex as we age, after becoming mothers.
Yes, I would say children. Women have children and it then seems that the offspring become their whole focus in life. It is unfortunate that more married women do not understand the physical and psychological importance that sex is to men. Wait.... never mind. That would put me out of a job!!
... did they lose interest in sex, or lose interest in sex with you?
Can be all of the above. The thrill is gone.
Menopause happens and effects a lot of women's sexual desires also. Not all.
There is too much generalization to really answer this. There are plenty of married couples fucking like crazy also. Sometimes even each other.
A discussion of hormones or whore moans will probably ensue.
Thats a good one 🤣 but seriously with women, and the man , ot take two ... all the above you mentioned ..and every day life work kids. .# well and keeping it interesting ..spontaneous...make a effort... spice it up.. little SexY vacation getaways o r how bout a sex therapist...😚
‘Me and my husband are on different wave lengths re:sex now that we are in the ‘routine’ of marriage. He wants sex 4 times a week and it would take him about 15 mins each time to get there. I want GOOD sex which to me is about 2 to 3 hours of foreplay and sex each time. We don’t have the schedules to do that 3 times a week so we’ve hit stale mate but at least we’ve discussed it.’ I always wondered what happened from there....and how common this is? I will say that once has to become ‘convenient’ it’s a dead fish in the water as far as I can see and I think that’s what she was saying...
2-3 hours of foreplay....
Translation: clean the house!
I read it three weeks ago! :-/
Steph
Married men go look at what's in the bed, then go to the fridge...... single men look in the fridge then go to bed
But since women are the focus of the OP... many reasons, some of which were already mentioned. But many other possibilities. Thus if you're in that situation and you're interested in working on it with your partner, don't assume it's one thing or another. Talk with her about it. If she won't talk with you, see if she'll go to a counselor together--let her know how important it is to you and your happiness. If she loves you, she'll go. If not... at least you'll know where you stand.
And of course, do some soul-searching to see if there's anything you (general you, not just the OP) could do different/better to improve the situation.
And for the typical hobbyist who raises that as their primary motivation for entering P4P land - you might want to resist taking their word at face value.
Understanding why someone has experienced a loss of interest in sex is usually multi-layered and quite complicated.
I also think marriage is sometimes plagued by complacency, which can be considered the antithesis to sexual interest.
Feminist answer: statistically, women are still pulling more than 50% of the weight in marriage and aren't even getting good orgasms. So they let other distractions, well, distract them.
P4P answer: a lot of women don't really enjoy giving BJs and Idk a client who doesn't enjoy receiving. It effects the "chemistry"
Plus, big boys like to have variety in play and big "respectable" girls aren't encouraged to play so the chemistries stop matching and soooo big boys look for greener pastures (or in my case: bushier pastures 
)
But in all honesty: people forget to make time for each other. You get into the routine and you assume the other person knows you still find them sexy. But we all know what they say about ASSumptions. They land us in divorce courts or something.
Don't be disillusioned though. I've entertained happily married couples. It's possible.
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Its because they're married to old fat guys. Send over a guy 20 years younger than them with a fit body and they will get interested again. Don't know why its so obvious in the case of the husbands. but such a mystery when it comes to the wives.
Modified to correct typo
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... if you're only looking for an easy answer to what is a much more complicated situation.
This may be true with some, but not in my case. It's me! This super hot, fit, muscular man, otherwise known as "Sir Fucks So Hot".
Actually, when my 2nd ex wife went through menopause, she still would tell anyone that I was the best lover she had ever been with. But, her desire was not there at all. Her hormones went south. She was willing to do the duty sex thing. I had zero interest in that, UGH.
There was other emotional stuff going on too. It wasn't that simple but it was the basis for her lack of desire.
I do know that a lot of the ladies here are on HRT including some Testosterone, which boosts sexual desire in them.
Maybe, if my ex would have been willing to give that a try.........
I can be nearly everything that a man can be as a Husband.
I can be faithful, a friend, a confidant, a provider, a lover, I could have been a father at one point of my life , but I've since been fixed.
I could be all of those, without the piece of paper of marriage which says "oh by the way if the relationship doesn't work out, she gets half my stuff".
Men pay for sex, it really is just as simple as that. I choose to pay with money and choose to do so directly, the added benefit being that a prostitute's agenda is obvious and I don't have to wade through the bullshit to discover what motivates her.
If I get bored with her, or more likely she gets bored with me, we can simply see someone else and neither is worse for the wear, there is no ugly jealousy. I don't have to be faithful to her, nor she to me. She is motivated to keep fit, if not for her own health but for the health of her wealth. And neither of us takes the other for granted, well not more than once anyway. She doesn't have to listen to my bullshit, nor do I have to listen to hers.
And, ding...ding...ding, it's a win/win. She gets what she wants, and I get what I want.
Fuck marriage! What a stupid, bullshit deal that is. All marriage does is semi force people to stay together when they are bored with one another or no longer attracted to one another or even dislike one another and it creates a ton of unnecessary daily drama and stress.
I fell for that bullshit once, I have no further use for it. Now I go where I want, with whom I want, when I want, for as long as I want.
I've posted this message before, and asked the question "what is the upside of marriage"? There have been a few useless trolls who go on response rants because they are, well trolls. But to date, no one has given me an answer to the question., because there really isn't an upside.
There is a economic upside to marriage ... if you can avoid divorce.
I have to say--your post IMHO is spot-on!! Men pay for sexual pleasure---that's just the way it is!! Marriage just seems like a bad "investment" relative to other options. Great response russ---I think you speak for a lot of guys regarding their true feelings about marriage--(especially the ones who've found themselves trapped in a lifeless marriage with no passion or sensuality whatsoever.)
If you really want an answer, find some couples who've been married 20-30-40-50 or more years. Ask them your question about upside to marriage.
Or research writings on the subject. I'm sure this question has been researched and written about.
I think a better way of saying it is this isn't the "only" place to ask that question. But I'd venture to say (unfortunately) the bad marriage experiences outweigh the good ones---perhaps even more significantly than any of us realize.
I completely understand your point. I’ve had similar feelings before. I’ve concluded, however, that marriage provides financial and familial stability and emotional comfort for many. If you have kids, marriage makes it harder for the parents to split and can keep some relationships and families together as they work through tough times. But, make no mistake...marriage can be tough and finding someone compatible for life is a crap shoot at best. I think providers may keep more marriages together than they realize because they provide an outlet for a spouse to get needs met and remain with their sexually disinterested or now physically unappealing partner.
I agree. Marriage is comforting. After much consideration over years, and particularly over the last couple of years, there is something ineffable about marriage that I really can’t imagine living without. It’s like saying, why buy a house when you can rent and move to a new place whenever you want.
You can talk about it being a great financial investment—and it may be. But there are often better returns elsewhere.
The stability of not having to move all the time. Sure, that’s a reason.
But really, it’s just the comfort of having something that is your own. When you put up the blinds, it’s more than just to keep the light out. It’s more than just to improve the resale value. It’s because they create a certain ambiance. There is a non-utilitarian value to investing in upkeep. There is an aesthetic value that is not a simple ROI calculation. It’s not for everyone—and not for the young and curious. But it is something that some people need in order to feel rooted and at peace.
Having said that, there is no reason not to enjoy a nice hotel room while on vacation. The view is often spectacular. The amenities and service can make you feel like a king. But, what I’ve often found is that when you pull back the blinds or step out onto the balcony in the morning, rather than seeing a vista of twinkling light as you did the night before, you see a traffic jam 15 floors below, the coffee is not quite as strong as you are used to and the creamer has to be opened one half teaspoon at a time rather than poured from a carton, the room feels a bit small, you have to check out by 11am, and when you are walking out with you luggage, you look Into the other rooms that a being cleaned by room service and notice that they are all beautifully apointed, but with the same decor.
And there is nothing better than getting home, crawling into your own bed, and pulling the blanket over your shoulder.
I love going on vacations! But there is nothing like getting home!
Going back to the biblical prospective.I don't think God intend for a man/woman to be unhappy and sexually deprived . King David and others had many wives (partners), they were considered men of God ,and there is nowhere in the Bible that said they were condemned or banished to an eternal punishment.Let's look at people who claim they interpret God's word and wrote their version of the bible.
King James was gay and his partner was Lord Buckingham (Buckingham Palace named after him).I understand that God uses different kinds of people to carry out his works.
But am also of the opinion that people have also invoked their own philosophy in a effort to manipulate and determine world order.
So is today's marriage laws more to do with economic and social outcomes ?
Is polygamy really wrong ?
Was Jesus married?
What about the other 32 commandments that is not written in today's Bibles ?
Not trying to justify my lifestyle ,just saying there is a lot that is hidden and a lot of questions to be asked.Personally I live my life with common sense,yet still not relying on my own understanding.
I question ANY and ALL "respectable" institutions--marriage being one of them. The older I get, the more I realize that most of our social systems are nothing more than control devices which keep us enslaved in some way. They do not promote freedom and creativity at all!!
King James was gay and his partner was Lord Buckingham (Buckingham Palace named after him).
The palace takes its name from the house built (c. 1705) for John Sheffield, duke of Buckingham. It was bought in 1762 by George III for his wife, Queen Charlotte, and became known as the queen's house....
Duke of Buckingham (not Lord ) thanks for the correction.And he was just one lover of James who was also married with children.So James was basically playing on both side of the fence (so to speak ),..talking about hypocrisy.
Not sure if the palace was named after John and not George,but you being a Brit I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Duke of Buckingham (not Lord ) thanks for the correction.And he was just one lover of James who was also married with children.So James was basically playing on both side of the fence (so to speak ),..talking about hypocrisy.
C x
It was the opposite for me with both of my ex-wives (5 years for the 1st, 10 for the 2nd). Neither of them could get enough sex with me (and no, I don't have a big dick). It was me who lost interest after a while. I don't know why, but my sexual interest of them just fell off the charts. I did feel badly about it. It really wasn't fair to them. But my sexual interest remains in younger, thinner women. I didn't cheat on either of them, and didn't get into P4P until after the second divorce. Is there a doctor in the house?
...will say that the woman i married,who passed 3 yrs ago,is reason why im in the hobby now...we met while i was on tour..married for 14 yrs...she loved women and thought that the best way to satisfy both of us and keep me "in line" was to seek out providers in each town,who were "open" for after concert meetings-she lead me to TER...listen....having ur wife find women she wants to share w you is not a bad thing...if the woman u married is losing interest in fucking you...maybe you married the wrong woman....or......
Women generally only enjoy sex when it’s new or when it’s wrong. If it’s a new relationship or when they’re cheating they really like it. Otherwise, they lose interest. There is an old adage that if within the first 6 months of marriage you put a marble in a barrel each time you have sex, you’ll fill it up. If you then begin removing a marble each time you have sex, it will take the rest of your life to empty it. So true.
Married women lose interest in their men. Not all men. Just theirs. The reverse is also true. How many men reading this are married? You're cheating in your wife. Of course she doesn't want to fuck you anymore! Think she doesn't know you get it elsewhere? Stop deluding yourself.
The error comes in getting married in the first place. Marriage us nothing more than a legal contract, primarily designed to entrap members of the populace and keep them in place - being good little sheeple, who work their shitass jobs, and pay their taxes, and don't cause trouble.
Monogamy, and it's legal entanglements are a sham. Polyamory and pansexuality are the actual norms for most primates, wild or domesticated. Homo Sapiens created "laws", and "social mores" as a means of control so that a few could subjugate the many.
Why you think this hobby is illegal???
A FRIGGIN MEN!! You sir, have written one of the greatest posts in TER history IMHO!! EVERY syllable is 100% truth!! BRAVO!!
One of my married lovers told me that his wife was never into sex! She did not give or liked to receive oral and that she just liked intercourse in missionary only and in bed. Not on the sofa, floor, car, kitchen table, leaning over the sink, etc. She never initiated. They mostly held hands but she never pressed for sex. Not long into his marriage the sex completely stopped. He makes very good money and took good care of her and it's like once the ring got on her finger, it was over. They have not made lover in nearly 20 years but that is what I was for!
Another one said that after they had their kids the sex stopped. She believed sex is for creation only. Now why the f*ck he would marry someone who feels that way is beyond me!!! I mean he knew it was coming and they wouldn't be in their 50's and 60's having babies. I did ask why he would marry her knowing that the sex would be ceased permanently and he said he loved her. WOW!! That is some serious love. They have not made love since their last child was born and considering she is now in her 30's with her own kids.... a very really seriously long time!
A married guy friend told me that after his wife entered menopause the sex stopped. I have heard of that happening and have prayed that whenever I go through it (I have a long way to go) that it won't happen to me. I have heard of vaginal dryness/soreness, etc so yeah. Yikes!!
On the other end I do know of a lady that complains that her husband had put on weight and that she said if he doesn't lose it she will divorce him as she no longer is attracted to him and he disgusts her. She was very outspoken on this and will tell anyone this, whether you ask or not as I had no clue about her or her life and she was a cashier at the grocery store and just opened up to me! Another lady friend told me that her husband too lost interest. Of course he is the MD, head of his specialty, taking care of a wife, her mom and their two kids to send them to Ivy League colleges and pay for their mortgage and his wife to get her hair done, spa visits, etc and paying for mom's around the clock nursing care. I mean the guy is busting his balls to support his family. I told her that she could get a job to alleviate the husband's load and of course she let loose with a big guffaw. She did tell me a few times her husband was in the mood and she never was. It was probably because the guy she has been running around on her husband with for years left her sore. I no longer communicate with her.
I do not know why wives and husbands lose interest. I had kids and took care of the household and even when I was tired, if hubby wanted it, he got it. He was giving me the life that I wanted, to be a stay at home mom. The least I could do was let him have some even if it meant feigning that I was into it. Well for those hubbies whose wives have lost interest, I will be around lol! 
My wife was completely self-centered. If she wanted it, we did it. If she did not, I just had to do without. She would not make herself available to me unless it was to satisfy herself only. When she lost interest in sex, it stopped completely. She said we didn’t need it and that was that. If she has been available to me the way you were to your husband, I might never have entered the hobby. Of course now that I’m involved in it, it’s very difficult to stop.
With you there....my ex was the same way. Except she would give it to me if I wanted it, but being able to see she didn't want it just made me lose any desire for her. Should have walked a long time before the end came on its own.... only fucked around once...for about a month and a half. I was 40 and the woman was 27, what 40 yr old man is gonna turn that down? Especially when there's no play at home! Ex still doesn't know to this day it happened, although she started to get a whiff....thats when I shut it down.
If you tell her you will give her $500 and then promise to leave in an hour, she would have rocked your world.
NIce response. IMHO there are many reasons why people stop having sex with their partners; primarily because it's natural (the lust phase has a shelf life) and add to that routine, familiarity, domesticity, complacency or boredom among others. For people who cannot manage a dead bed situation and cannot envision the idea of some form of non-monogamy or active work on rekindling desire by themselves it is going to be a challenge not to build resentment over time, especially is sex is used for bargaining on the lower libido side and/or felt as a "right" by the higher libido side. One factor that I see very clear around me is this idea of merging with your partner into one, the Brangelinas of the world. The moment you merge with your partner into "one" then desire is doomed. It is hard to desire what one has so close that is almost oneself. Desire breathes in otherness, so it is important to respect the partners individuality and autonomy and work on creating scenarios where she/he is seen that way (i.e dance parties, or seeing him/her in his/her personal environment which you are not part of). That helps create this degree of separation where desire can reemerge. That said, it is not a one size fits all.
They like different dicks..
Gives quite a perspective.
I never want kids though. And i have read before that women who are less motherly have higher testosterone and therefore higher sex drives, definitely true in my case lol!
First of all I had paragraph breaks in my post lol! I don't know why they did not show up, wow!! I am a believer in those so it was not a huge paragraph. I apologize that it looks that way. Could it have been that my post was too long? Don't know but second thing, I never had a sex drive until my 20's. My ex and I had chemistry, well at least sexual. Hell we did it on the floor with his parents in the next room and they walked in on us and we didn't stop! This was after our first child. During the pregnancy, his dick needed batteries! I had that thing working over time!! I went to his job once when I was feeling that tingle and we did it in the stair ways. With the subsequent pregnancies he was like oh lord cause he knew he had to have that dick charged up at every time!!! It could be true women without the mother gene have a high self drive but some milfs are mybf!!!!! (mothers you better f&ck!!!)
Paragraph test.
Two blank lines above.
One blank line above.
Paragraphs display differently on smartphones vs PCs.
...quite a few seem to be REALLY into sex!!!...a lot of times its the husband that loses interest...work stress/cute secretary/cant have "wings&beers"with the boys,etc...many of the "non hobby" women i've seen, i found out the next day,were married...when i found out-stopped seeing them,but all had the same story..hubby stopped finding new ways to fill the hole...will say...i was married,14 yrs...wife passed 3 yrs ago...BUT...never lost interest in sex....she was bi...when she met a gal she liked,she asked me to watch,invited me to join...then we would spend the next few days reliving what we experienced
its a trap once you are married, give them kids, a house
they don't need you anymore
and its obvious
better to get out while you can
before you are too old to
and you are trapped in a house with people just waiting for you to die.
I have seen it
its why I got out while I still could
He gave me what I wanted to I said I would give him what he wanted. I always made sure that I was looking my best too and well I could fake it when I needed to. I never denied him as I was truly grateful of the life that I was living.
I think a lot of it stems from the idea that monogamy is the only way a marriage can survive. By seeking pleasures outside the marriage, you deflect boredom and regain appreciation for your spouse. You feel the difference between casual sex and making love. Each is wonderful in its own way but if you only have one or the other, you can easily lose interest. If you think of it like food...if you had nothing but tacos for dinner, even if tacos are your favorite, wouldn't you crave something different? If you have spaghetti one night a week or sandwiches once a month, you still love tacos, but the monotony goes away and you appreciate your tacos more!
A lady who writes on the subject of why women especially married women lose interest is Rebecca Watson. Check out her site hightmarriage
She talks a lot about testosterone therapy for women and coping methods for men and natural methods of increasing testosterone for everyone.
She also helps teaches you to be aware of signals that help you differentiate between low desire and losing interest with your long term partner. Definitely worth a look.
There are a few reasons that my male friends have shared with me about their partners. Medication, depression, and other medical issues (such as cervical cancer). A lot of women experience life changes that kill their sex drives. Having children is another reason but I don't understand exactly the two are related.
and turns out that women lose sexual interest for their male partners earlier in the relationship than men do. But that doesn't mean that their sexuality is dead by any means. Esther Perel, a Belgian psychologist, has written 2 amazing books and given numerous talks (including TED talks) on the topic.; fascinating staff, especially her first book Mating in Captivity. Highly recommend.
Why it happens? because it's normal; the first phase is not love, is lust and that inevitable fades. Monogamy may work for some, but obviously it doesn't for most. But more and more people are recognizing this and looking at alternatives.
In regards to consensual non-monogamy, my advice is that it is not for everyone, but for many can work wonders. Now, it cannot be imposed or coerced into the partner, it has to happen through communication and common agreement and true excitement to go down that path and making it like an adventure which can further strengthen the bond between the couple. Also check the term compersion which means taking honest joy in one's partners pleasure with others (the opposite of jealousy). The biggest error in non-monogamy is getting into it to fix a failing relationship; that is a recipe for disaster. You need a healthy relationship and a strong bond to venture safely in these waters. So it can make your already good relationship better and act as an antidote for the almost inevitable sexual decay. Sorry to be so blunt but it is the truth for most.
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