I think you should post this to the Erotic Highway and LG respond. Her advise on these matters has alway been professional and insightful.
I have been seeing providers for about a year both in the states and Europe (because of the YMMV thing I only post really positive or a negative experience, the in betweeners I tend to keep to myself)...
So I see a well reviewed lady for the first time (let's call her Betty for now) and I am left speechless. This was a first for me, it was more than the physical but a connection that I have never, ever felt before. With anyone at any time. So I just assume that Betty was "good at her job" and try to move on.
But I can't...I book another session after a few weeks of an emotional wrestling match that I was loosing. When I return, she tells me almost immediately that I am her ATF and that she hoped I would come back and over the next few hours tells me she has never felt connected to a client before.
Then she asks if she can see me outside of the hobby, "you'll never pay for me again". So the conflict grows, I am not married but do have a girlfriend that I have been with for a significant while.
The times I have spent with Betty have been some of the most emotionally moving experiences of my life and I am both ecstatic and miserable.
She knows about my situation and said she would like to see me anyway. She said she would take a day a week off to accomodate my schedule.
People, can I get a dose of reality from both the ladies and gents. Anybody ever transitioned into a relationship with a provider? Am I as crazy as I think I am to even consider this?
Every nuance about this woman intrigues me. Physically she is my ideal of perfection but it is so much more than that.
I feel lost and adrift....
with a woman that makes her living creating
illusions. providers are extremely good li..
story tellers. Its a game. She will set you up and knock you down.
It will be a blast while she is playing with you.
Good luck.
That hurt bro. Seriously. I would never knock you down. 
~Alyssa
There is a bit of truth to it though. Her job does require her to be very nice towards people that she may not really care for. For all those guys that fall for a provider, the lady was doing something "right" for him. That doesn't make it her fault, but she has that effect.
Let's assume that she really is into him. It takes 2 very open and understanding person to deal with the ups and downs of any relationship. When one of those people has regular dates with others, the process gets even trickier for most people.
I know, I know....after "one date" I am smitten, crazy huh?
I have pretty much only had positive experiences in the hobby thanks to TER but no matter how good a time I had or how much fun I had I haven't gone back for seconds before. 1) It is just sex 2) still looking to expand my sexual boundaries and experiences 3) too many beautiful women in too many shapes and sizes and flavors and colors and...
But like I said I have never ever felt like this before. Look I am no kid and until recently was always monogomous with my SO and haven't entered into relationships lightly or quickly.
And no Betty didn't do any special deed that no woman had ever done. I know mind blowing sex isn't love. I have no illusions in that regard. In fact it wasn't the best single sex episode ever but something quite different.
She wants to take me away for a couple days... which I could arrange. She is not an indy and only works out of area hotels but has given me her home address and number and yes I know her real name.
I am not rich not even that "comfortable". Hobbying is an expensive indulgence that is financially difficult to do but I can manage it without endangering my little nest egg. I am sure that she makes many multiples of my income.
I don't think I am a prime candidate to play....how many clients try to see her outside of the agency (many I am sure), how many ask her for personal info (ditto). I didn't and wouldn't I understand the boundary or at least I thought I did.
What could she play me for other than a fool? Seems like a lot of work (and lost income) for a little reward.
So again I ask about the perils of dating. Anyone ever done this?
ANd yes I know I couldn't go back to seeing her professionally, I already can't!
Yes it is difficult, yes it creates a whole new set of problems. Yes it can work.
I would advise using caution(no shit right?),but sometimes genuine feelings develop.
I had a similar thing happen to me 7 or 8 years ago. A provider told me the same thing after our first session. I was extremely supicious, I naturally thought she was playing me, but I figured, what the heck, what do I have to lose?
To make a long story short, we only dated a short time, but we are still friends today.
Good luck, I am as jaded and cynical as it gets, but as long as you keep your eyes open, what do you really have to lose?
with the illusion part but my thoughts are :
If looking for possibility of long term ....
A. I hope you have money - it helps and can help in her transition
B. I hope she has some skills that can trancend outside of the bedroom
C. I hope she is willing to quit in the not too far off future
Lastly, if not looking for anything but fun and friendship then convey that to her and move forward as long as she seems SANE.
Good luck - xo lisa
-- Modified on 12/13/2007 3:13:03 PM
... she is seeing him outside the business relationship. If she were playing with him, she would be taking his money too.
Unless, she is truly a witch who just enjoys tearing out guy's hearts. If so, I'm sure there would be some bad reviews of her somewhere.
whats bouncing around the mind of a woman.
You hit the nail on the head. Some woman take
pleasure in seeing the guy wreck himself.
So I have been told.
Yes some of us have actually fallen for those 'illusions' from clients. Good luck whatever you decide. Live and learn.
Sara
I think you should post this to the Erotic Highway and LG respond. Her advise on these matters has alway been professional and insightful.
and see if the new wears off. You are already seeing her without your girl friends knowledge so try it for a while.
OFF
Unrelated Gratuitous Asian Boobiage Photo
In my ten plus years I have never come remotely close to having a relationship with a provider of any magnitude outside of the hobby. But its free advice.
First, obviously you are having problems with your girlfriend and don’t feel as strongly about her as you should. You have been with her for a "significant while" yet you are totally smitten with a provider after ONE session????? That in a nutshell should tell you something about your feelings towards your GF. Whether you pursue something with the provider or not, its time to ditch the girlfriend.
Second, if you are that enamored with your provider, and you care about her greatly, you may as well begin to see her socially outside the hobby. See where it goes. Be prepared, however, if the relationship doesn’t work out you prob. can not go back to seeing her strictly as a provider. I presume, once you decide to take this step, there is no turning back.
1-800-5-800- TOM heh.
Exactly .
-m
Danger! -e
First concern... Are you exclusive with this other woman? Does she know that you "see" other women? If not, I say let her go. Not becasue of you may have found someone else, but becasue you should let her have a chance to find someone who would give her what she wants... (if that is what she wants)
Now onto the provider thing... I have always said... if you are cool with what she does for a living... and if you like her... go for it.
Providers are women first and everything thing else is further down the list.
Her job is just that...a job and does not define her (unless you or she makes it define her) I don't like lawyers, but I am friends with lots of people who happen to do that as their job...
So clean up your relationship with the woman you are dating and then choose everything about the provider and go for it... or don't
People will give you all sorts of advice... I did, but in the end it is your life. Forget what we say... you already know what you want to do. Whats the worst case here? I say concentrate on whats the best case... You help the woman you date find what she wants and you might just find a soul mate... maybe
By tradition (for whatever that's worth), women are supposed to be the emotionally squishy sex and men are supposed to be the strong, stoic sex. I don't think that's true at all--I believe many women are much stronger emotionally than many men--not all but many--and it has been my observation that the average man cannot deal, over the long haul, with a partner who shares intimacy with other men. Women seem, in the ordinary course of things, to be able to compartmentalize much more successfully than men. JMHO.
so I won't.
What I can say is that we are all different and what this guy can or can not do is up to him. Who he is being for both of these women is up to him... his past, gender, race, etc... have no effect on his future so as long as he doesnt allow it...
A womans job or profession has no bering on who she is outside of that job/profession so as long as she doesnt let it...
My guess is that regardless of who he picks... that unless he addresses his need to go outside the relationship he will be doomed to a life of always looking and not being satisfied.
You raise a point or two I hadn't thought of. Thank you.
I learn so much about human kind everyday... So much that I would have never learned unless I had participated in this hobby.
why don't you just see her and your girl friend. you are not married and as far as I am concerned your girl friend does not own you. while it may seem that you are cheating on your girl friend... in reality you are not cheating unless you are married. at least to me. and I bang pros even being married. so my advice to you is to get some free ass and count your blessings. keep all atm codes and credit cards out of her reach. no divulging of financial information. do not let her move in with you. see her like another girl friend who happens to be a pro atsex. win win if you can keep your "I'm in love" hormones out of it.
I am old enough to know what is important... family and money. in that order. Since you don't have a family yet (I am assuming). It's your assets that you need to protect. If you don't care about money then you don't have any worries. bang the hell out of the girl on her dime. spend her money.
whatever... just stop talking like a teenage girl with a crush on the back street boys. I mean no disrespect but you sound like a pussy. grow up. make a decision. I suspect you already have and you are here looking for validation.
best of luck
Yes, providers are there to fulfill needs and create illusions. But what I think is missing in this link is that we are people first. While it is a very rare occurrence, sometimes people do connect right away. It happens in all walks of life. You may meet someone in a store, or through your child's school. BOOM! You feel like you have known them forever. (Past lives, maybe - we'll save that for another day) The odds are higher through hobbying only because you are meeting more people. One thing to think about before you go further - fast forward to a time when you are no longer involved with your GF and seeing "betty" exclusively (for free). How will you feel when she tells you that she has to go "to work". This is not said to create an argument. Some men are fine with the arrangement, but some men aren't. You need to figure out first which man are you. If you can deal with it, I say see her in public. Take her on dates. Do the same you would with a "regular" girl. Time will tell. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe she is yours...
Good luck,
Kari
I have to agree with Kari on this one (by the way, great site girl) : )
Finding a connection with someone is such a rare gift that when you feel that with someone who feels the same way about you, it should definitely be honored. As a provider I see many men and I try to find something about every single one of them that I can relate to, be excited about, make it a wonderful experience for him.
But every once in a while a man comes along who takes my breath away, catches me unawares, gets my heart thumping. He's the one that I can't stop thinking about, the one who some how touched some deep longing with in, the one who makes me feel complete and that everything up to this point has been worth while because it led me into his arms. It's a true connection and I feel it deeply.
So if you found that with someone, then honor it. Be grateful for it, spend as much time feeding that beautiful connection as you possibly can....
But, that doesn't mean that your life outside of that connection has to change. I don't see why you can't still have a relationship with your girlfriend, still go on as usual with the rest of your life and allow the provider to do the same...
The only thing that matters between the two of you is when you are together. And if things progress to an even deeper level and you both are yearning for more.. then cross that bridge when you come to it.
For right now, if she says to come one day out of the week, then I don't see what the problem is. That one day is set aside for the two of you to live in magic. Go for it!!
Personally, I think that sounds like a great arrangement. I would love to have that one man just come to me once a week, nothing exchanged except our lust, our love, our deepest most passionate yearnings for eachother, and then he would go back to his life, and I would go back to mine. Each one of us feeling secure in the knowledge that we will be together again in one week. Yes, I would really like that.
Just me though. Sorry if it's too sappy for you. True connections are a gift, they are rare, they are beautiful, and they most assuredly are felt by providers.
Look, there is no "love's first kiss" in this industry. This is a business - period. Either you are a provider or you are looking for a LTR with the love of your life. And none the twain shall meet. As a provider you are supposed to be the professional here. It is your responsibility to keep the boundaries in place. Of course hobbits are going to fall in love with you; this is a given. But to take the fatal step of trying to meld the two is professional and emotional suicide. Personally, I absolutely adore men - when I'm not married to them or dating them. This is key to being a successful provider. True connections generally do not happen in our industry. They are not supposed to. The "deepest most passionate yearnings" do not belong here on the provider side. I have seen so many of these convoluted pairings go straight downhill - both hobbyists and providers literally destroyed by their inability to understand this concept. -e
I am a very succesful provider, with a succesful practice and I have lived by my own rules for as long as I can remember and when I feel a genuine connection with any human being out there.. I tend to honor it, go with it, and see where it leads.
That might be why I tend to smile a lot of the time.. and I have often wondered if my life weren't more like a Disney Movie than not.
I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. Just accept who you are and what is happening with you at any given time. Life is about exploration and joy.. at least my life is....
: )
Where is it realistically going to lead? They are paying you for your "companionship." Hey, if you can turn that into a meaningful relationship, more power to you. But many formally successful providers have been brought to their very knees by just such an outlook.
I smile all the time as well and enjoy the vagaries of explorationa and joy, but it has no bearing on my ability as a provider to effectively compartmentalize. There are absolutely hard and fast rules in this industry, and they are there for a very good reason. -e
With this subject heading, I couldn't resist a little copy editing critique ...
... I'm pretty sure that you meant to say, "Of course HOBBYISTS are going to fall in love with you..." If not then sorry for the correction.
I like your posted version better anyways. It created a funny visual. Thanks for the chuckle.
In the PWN this is a popular nickname for hobbyists. Seriously!!! -e
I agree with you. I think it really shouldn't cross that line. I'd guess most of the time if a provider is dating her clients, its
1. Immaturity
2. Under 21
3. Not really into what shes doing and wanting someone to buy her way out. (see 2)
I'd honestly be creeped out by that. Especially if married (cause im sure the married clients are more charming and better looking in general -- than us single schlebs..)
I think it's a bad idea. That being said, I don't have a problem with girls that strip, provide, or are in porno, and would date them. But not from PAYING TO MEET THEM.
And, I've datd one stripper, but I met her at work, and had no problem with her job, I'm very empathetic to that.
-m
go easy, explore it...as someone else said, providers are humans like the rest of us. If it's true love, you'll know it in due course.
It happens. I've had two long-term relationships with providers -- the relationships having been separated by twenty years -- but I was enriched greatly by both of them. One of them, I have to say, is probably one of the great loves of my life.
If it "goes," you'll have to understand that it's different when she's with you than when she's with other guys...you'll have to live with reading reviews -- or knowing they are there -- and other guys are raving about how great she kisses, or how she made them feel like kings...but in the end, if you can do that, you will probably find the rewards are endless....indeed, if you can find it in your heart and soul to genuinely love a woman who is a sex worker, and to transcend the superficial appearance of what she does and really care about who she is, you will have found something in yourself that is precious and enduring -- not to mention the relationship you'll have.
But in the meantime, don't forget to have fun....
Hmm..
I'm not saying I couldn't fall in love with a porno star, hooker, stripper, or 'provider' as I'm no prude. But , I could never be convinced in a paid situation that she means a word shes saying. I go the same place I do when I get drunk, (or used to roll e..) it's an escape.. You go stand on some clouds for awhile, and then go back to the real world. In my opinion, you need to keep a solid head on your shoulders to avoid exploit. IMO.
And even a broken clock is right twice a day, I think in general this is a bad idea though.
I've no doubt that the situation IS as you have presented it. Clearly you are curious about the Provider... Betty - yea, Betty - thats her name...
Dude! what are you thinking. here are some points to ponder.....
1) do you love your SO? if so, why are you seeking the pleasures of providers? If you are young to the relationship with your SO she should be the one you go to for fun and sex and most other things....
2) What do you anticipate in the relationship with the SO? marriage, a convenient 'respectible date?' Free dental care?
3)What would your SO say or do, if she found out about your "hobby?"
Now NONE of that addresses your feelings for the provider NONE! You need to get that resolved before you do anything else... and I do mean anything.... years ago, before my marriage I dated a woman... but hobbied.... all I can say is I think that she suspected... a mistake on my part.
WRT the lady in question - ie the provider....
I actually have gone on dates with providers 'not on the clock' and it is fun.... but it is like anyother relationship, both parties have expectations... sometimes they are not vocalized... but they are there. This lady may not have them - yet, but the expectations are a commin.... and so are yours. You had better think this out..... with the provider... and with the SO. In that process you will find the answer...
For the record, this is one time where Hardy and I agree
as the lady above said "Warning Will Robinson, danger!"
Not to mention, most guys that Hobby have at least middle-class dough. I'd be afraid they are looking for sugar-daddy . . Or a sucker to get more out of you than standard hours can provide. Again, bad idea all around, IMO.
For providers, and hobbyists alike. I'm sure some have purposefuly torn-up marriages and LTR's just to get at guys' cash. It's not a regulated industry. What are you going to tell the cops that your provider extorted you for cash?
Be paranoid, It will serve you well -- That's to provider's and hobbyists... Just have fun and pay by the hour.
-m
This reminds me of that song by Sade, Never As Good (as the 1st Time). It also has me thinking that perhaps it should be added to the fantasy / role play thread as it is closer to imaginary than reality.
Knowing the skepticism of this board if anything like this were to ever happen I would consider keeping it quite and count my blessing for the possibility of getting a few free sessions.
The likelihood of creating and maintaining a relationship started from a physical connection - one-time great sex encounter is less likely than being struck by lightning. However, it does happen. And, some people have struck by lightning multiple times.
Yes, and some people win the lottery ,and keno.
That's not to say that there isn't Lust at First Sight.
I presume the relationship with your girlfriend is more than just lust by now. That is something deeper than you have with Betty.
I have no idea what you have with Betty, nor with your girlfriend. I'm just trying to give you something to think about before you loose your girlfriend.
Then again, she is only a girlfriend. It is the time in your life to make sure you are with the right person.
I have no suggestions about dating an escort. Other than, think hard about what you know. If it at all bothers you now, I don't think it will get any better with time.
I had exactly the same experience in my first meeting with my ATF but it took her until our third meeting to get the same level of connection. She had a SO at the time (as do I) so the level of commitment you are talking about outside the job wasn't possible but we became extremely close friends and remain so even though she's moved away. I know it sounds silly and hopelessly romantic, but one of these days things will work out for us. Until then, what is, is.
The type of connection you're talking about is pretty rare and deserves much respect by both of you. it can provide a great foundation on which to build an amazing relationship but it can also be more of an addiction than anything else. Be careful about managing it and try to constantly monitor your thinking about her and the relationship. Read up on addictive thinking.
Maybe the most important thing is to be completely honest with your friend about your feelings and your life outside the hobby. Even though you feel such a powerful connection, it may not be possible to maintain that in a 'normal' relationship with all the distractions, etc. that go along with that. Are you willing to risk the intensity of the current situation for a more committed one? This is tough stuff to sort out. Good luck.
It's simple, she wants to fuck you once a week.
I can't tell you what to do, but it's important to be honest with yourself. By hobbying, you have already been cheating on and lying to your girlfriend. Why would this be any worse?
It sounds to me like you're enamored with "fantasy Betty" but you're afraid to find out about "reality Betty". Obviously you're hedging you're bets because you still have a girlfriend.
What would you do if you caught your girlfriend fucking around?
Be pretty pissed cause she doesn't really want to have sex too much anymore.
First it was "no need to pay for me anymore" and now "no honey"? That sucks, she probably don't know herself what she wants. But break up with your GF anyway, you are definitely in need of something more than she gives you.