Last night I yet again met with a new individual who, after only a short date, sought to engage me in off the clock time. I always marvel at this. Do you gentleman really believe that the lady you meet with for those brief times is an accurate representation of who she is in daily life?

I’ve seen mentioned there is a fine line between fantasy and reality in this industry. I respectfully disagree. I think the it’s a big, thick highly delineating line that we all can see and easily recognize, but some choose to ignore. You don’t really want to know that I’m just an average woman that grocery shops, cleans her house and picks up dog shit from the yard. Is that the image you are really seeking when you book a date with a lady? You want to know that I usually wear no make-up, flip flops, my old comfy baggy jeans and a t-shirt most days as I trudge off to my daily routine? Were I to show up to a scheduled date in that manner I’m sure my review would be less than stellar so why would one push to spend off-the-clock time with that woman? Don’t you prefer to think I walk through life with perfect hair and make-up always wearing lacy lingerie and sexy high heels driving the poor young boys at Starbucks crazy as I sashay out with my morning mocha?

Honestly gentleman, women stopped wearing garters and hose on a daily basis in the 1960s with the advent of pantyhose. And that uber-lacy barely-there bra, makes my breasts look like wadded balls of tissue under a basic t-shirt. Nor is the floss size string up the crack of my butt my first option for comfort when I head out to do my errands. Those pieces of lingerie were never meant to be worn for more than a few minutes at a time… their whole purpose is to ensure they get removed rather quickly.

But… when I get dressed for a date, I love those delicate things. It’s my fantasy too. With each stocking I unroll up my leg, with each garter clasp I attach and each high heeled shoe I slip into… I am stepping into my alter-ego. I am stepping outside of my mundane self and into a purring sex kitten that gets to engage in a clandestine rendezvous with a total stranger and enjoy completely baggage-free sensual enjoyment. It’s liberating to cast off the reality of my normal existence and step into a persona that is free from attachment to society’s standards of a “lady”. It’s the lack of inhibition borne from the total abandon of social moors that creates our purely primal encounter.

And when we meet, it is my goal to fulfill your fantasy… but you already chose your fantasy when you selected me to spend time with. My persona is clearly indicated by my website. That is the woman you wanted to arrive at your door with lust in her eyes and erotic juices saturating that 6” square piece of lace loosely referred to as underwear. Don’t undermine your fantasy by trying to instill reality in it.

So no… I don’t want to hang out and watch the game with you on Thursday night. You’d be highly disappointed with that woman. She’s boringly normal. Just enjoy the fantasy you paid for and revel in the reruns of the mental movie later. When you’re ready for a sequel, we can certainly arrange another passion filled fantasy… on the clock.

You mean you really don't wear butt-floss to go into the back yard as scoop up dog shit?

Guess I'll just have to be content to drool as you walk past me at Starbuck's.

The lines are somewhat blurry at times, and I am guilty of not always respecting them myself. Best to keep the two separate, but hard when you don't want to be phony.

I dislike boundary crossing because it puts me in an awkward spot. Asking if I can be your girlfriend sounds sweet, but then in the middle of our visit I have to tell you "No, you're not my type. I am not attracted to you. I don't want to date you." in a way that doesn't sound harsh or ruin the mood. Believe me, not easy.

Monet makes a good point, yes most of us are just regular girls most of the time - but for that small window of time we are with you we are your fantasy as you requested. Enjoy it!

Kisses,
Vanica Love

Yes, it is ridiculous to start discussing off the clock anything after one meeting.

However, off the clock (to me at least) isn't a forbidden no go zone.  I don't mind a quick meet up at a wine bar to catch up with an old friend, or a dinner with a frequent regular, or catching a movie or something of the sort. Generally social times are part of the booking, but every now and then, there's a friend I'm quite fond of, we haven't been able to hook up, and just doing something casual, friendly and non-sexual is welcome.

Though there are some men that want to believe that we're perfect fantasy women, there are also some guys that want a real woman without any of the pretension or artifice.  They've seen me in torn jeans and a tshirt, hair done back in a pony tail, and not a stitch of makeup coming right out of the office (yes I can wear torn jeans at my office).  Everyday me doesn't terrify them, they find it endearing. Actually there was one instance where  a gentlemen who has known me for years and only so the perfectly primped me, but do to scheduling I didn't have time to get ready properly before the date. I warned him that everyday me was showing up, and ever since he's been extra affectionate.


I can think of another incident when I was still doing one hour incalls.  The gentlemen always saw me in beautiful lingerie with my hair done and makeup. One day I didn't. He opened the door and I was in cotton panties, a simple bra, jeans skirt in a tank top.  The next booking I went back to doing my usual fancy getup and upon leaving he said to me: "By the way, I preferred you the way you were the last time. You don't have to dress like a tart for me, you looked sexy, the kind of girl I'd notice in my neighborhood. Feel free to skip the makeup and lace when I book you."  

I wouldn't show up super casual on a first or even third date, however, once someones been seeing me for a long time, I don't mind, and I've never once heard a disappointed comment.  

And especially when when I travel with someone - well they are pretty aware what I look like with my hair a mess and no makeup on, groggy eyed first thing in the morning.  They know on the third day I need to shave my legs (hell sometimes I shave while they're in the washroom doing their shaving and we talk about what we plan to do that day). They're aware that women burp, that they may drool or snore in their sleep, or that they have other habits that are imperfect.

Some men want a human being, not a barbie doll. Not everyone needs to lie to themselves, they find reality more beautiful than fiction.

I think "normal everyday me" isn't boring. I think she's fun and attractive, even without makeup and lingerie.  She's just as wonderful as dressed up fancy Lauren.  I hope more women can think of themselves highly enough to believe that too.

Men really aren't morons about the reality of being a physical human being, mostly because they are too. Especially married men - they get it.

-- Modified on 5/19/2010 11:30:33 AM

Thank you Monet.

Your post was written with class, intelligence and a level of tact that you don't always see on this board.

Somehow I cant imagine you to be the big underwear and scuffy slippers type picking up dog poop in the back yard but I clearly understand your frustration and appreciate the fantasy that you ladies provide.

For what it's worth, I do wear butt floss when I clean up after my dog. I'm a thong fanatic - I do it for me, not for the boys lol

Yes, it is ridiculous to start discussing off the clock anything after one meeting. You have the right to set any boundary you want, and it is their duty to respect it. Though he was naive to ask something like that, that's all he was, naive.  He can't know your boundaries on a first meeting, not everyone has the same boundaries.

However, off the clock (to me at least) isn't a forbidden no go zone.  I don't mind a quick meet up at a wine bar to catch up with an old friend, or a dinner with a frequent regular, or catching a movie or something of the sort. Generally social times are part of the booking, but every now and then, there's a friend I'm quite fond of, we haven't been able to hook up, and just doing something casual, friendly and non-sexual is welcome.

Though there are some men that want to believe that we're perfect fantasy women, there are also some guys that want a real woman without any of the pretension or artifice.  They've seen me in torn jeans and a tshirt, hair done back in a pony tail, and not a stitch of makeup coming right out of the office (yes I can wear torn jeans at my office).  Everyday me doesn't terrify them, they find it endearing. Actually there was one instance where  a gentlemen who has known me for years and only so the perfectly primped me, but do to scheduling I didn't have time to get ready properly before the date. I warned him that everyday me was showing up, and ever since he's been extra affectionate.


I can think of another incident when I was still doing one hour incalls.  The gentlemen always saw me in beautiful lingerie with my hair done and makeup. One day I didn't. He opened the door and I was in cotton panties, a simple bra, jeans skirt in a tank top.  The next booking I went back to doing my usual fancy getup and upon leaving he said to me: "By the way, I preferred you the way you were the last time. You don't have to dress like a tart for me, you looked sexy, the kind of girl I'd notice in my neighborhood. Feel free to skip the makeup and lace when I book you."  

I wouldn't show up super casual on a first or even third date, however, once someones been seeing me for a long time, I don't mind, and I've never once heard a disappointed comment.  

And especially when when I travel with someone - well they are pretty aware what I look like with my hair a mess and no makeup on, groggy eyed first thing in the morning.  They know on the third day I need to shave my legs (hell sometimes I shave while they're in the washroom doing their shaving and we talk about what we plan to do that day). They're aware that women burp, that they may drool or snore in their sleep, or that they have other habits that are imperfect.

Some men want a human being, not a barbie doll. Not everyone needs to lie to themselves, they find reality more beautiful than fiction.

I think "normal everyday me" isn't boring. I think she's fun and attractive, even without makeup and lingerie.  She's just as wonderful as dressed up fancy Lauren.  I hope more women can think of themselves highly enough to believe that too.

Men really aren't morons about the reality of being a physical human being, mostly because they are too. Especially married men - they get it.

Monet, your post should be mandatory reading for all newbies! Thanks

Do we delude ourselves into thinking this is a real date. Of course we do. Do you have the right to define boundaries. Absolutely.

I can honestly say that I have made many friends and have spent more "off the clock" time than on.  I like the ladies I have met and enjoy their company.

So don't be surprised if we ask, just politely decline.

And BTW, yes garters and lace with heels are still in vogue. I witnessed that the other week .

It was uber hot. I have crossed the provider/client line into a relationship and I can say that the sex only got better, wilder and steamier.

This is the way to do it. lol

No talking down to all hobbyists as if all of us are idiots. No stupid talk about washing our asses. Nothing at all to insult the bulk of us, but enough info for those who behave this way to possibly recognize themselves.

I am sick and tired of the countless rants by providers who have had the "wittle feelings" hurt, but I confess, I can't find a thing to find fault with about Monet's post.

-- Modified on 5/19/2010 11:57:09 AM

"Last night I yet again met with a new individual who, after only a short date, sought to engage me in off the clock time."

Strange request after a first date, and I handle this with repeating my hourly rate. There is no off the clock with a client this knew that I don't know and fully trust.

Do I give off the clock time?...yes but only to two very special clients that I have known for more than 5 years and I trust them and know as much about them as I do my other friends.

These guys still P4P and have never disrespected that part of our relationship. hell they pay for an hour but routinely get 3 plus...not play time but hang out time...they know where to draw the line and I love them for it.

You get much more accomplished with sugar than vinegar.

I can't imagine a new individual asking for OTC time. Unless it  has been offered to me repeatedly and been a good experience for both of us I would never think to ask, then only to take care of an issue like planning an upcoming longand complex date, for instance.

As for the fantasy dress up gear, frankly, I could dispense with it. Nicely dressed is just fine. A lady I find appealling will still appeal regardless of the style of the day. It doesn't matter if she dresses as stylish courtesan, artiste in jeans, well scubbed hippy chick in peasant skirt, or athlete in sweats and running shoes.

I think that often the costume for the lady is part of compartmentalizing the encounter as non personal, just  business. What do you think?

the only time I wear panties is for show and we all know how long they stay on for lol

I don't know that's it's exclusively compartmentalizing. First, it's honesty in advertising. If you selected me from my website, then that is the image you were seeking so I should comply by arriving as such. So, to some degree it is the putting on of a persona, but another side is that it's simply fun to dress up in sexy, delicate bits. It matters not if you're a provider, even the civilian lady enjoys dressing up and feeling sexier than her everyday self.

Please don't misinterpret my post to imply I am less content with my normal self. I am very comfortable in who I am... it's just she's just not who you ordered online. If the client requests casual attire, I am happy to oblige.

My point was, some men are enamored the woman they just met, garters and all, and want to believe that is who she is all the time. I was pointing out that although we are providers, we are normal women too. And I suspect more than civilian ladies, we are less inclined to want to draw head-turning attention in our daily lives. Our professional lives provide plenty of positive reinforcement of our femininity... we don't need it from the construction workers whistling as we walk past.

And it is nice to add someone to my must see list as opposed to my do not see list.

She also has a very nice set of legs

No worry, I was just going for balance.....

I don't think I misunderstand you.

I did once request casual attire from a lady I found very attractive in her day to day just kicking around duds and was actually declined. That was why my question to you about "the uniform" marking an on duty versus off duty boundary.

Cheers....

I guess some of "hobbyst" use P4P to search for relationships....dreamers!!

i like this post, as it serves as a reminder for all to keep in mind what is real and what is not real...myself included. I am still human after all. (but i dont like admitting that)

too much reality can definitely kill the fantasy some work so hard to create.

the line of professionalism exists for a reason. how many times have the readers on this board read a story of...

"aw man, why did i cross the line?"

I have yet to hear of ONE happy ending. This is not Pretty Woman, where Captain Save-a-Ho swoops a damsel off her feet and into a world of luxury.

I enjoy my gentlemen and lady friends. I enjoy whatever happens during our time together. I enjoy outings, getting all dressed up, the anticipation, the butterflies in the stomach...all of that I truly do enjoy.

I also the freedom of being single and doing what I want to do, whenever, however with no strings attached. If I wanted to be attached to someone I certainly wouldn't be on this site! (or match.com that site is a crock. lol)

Some may call me jaded...or mean. Call it what you may. I just like to keep things simple. You want your world rocked by a creamy caramel confection of sensuality and sexuality? You either fill out the form on my site or take yourself to Starbucks and get a Caramel Macchiato.

take care all!

i do like how the original post was worded...it didnt come off as bitchy...to me at least. This one is worthy of discussion!

but I hope let him down gently

I see nothing wrong with gentle reminders that leave room for discussion.

which is why I actually replied to it.

Kudos to Monet. This is a discussion board that men and women frequent..and her post kept that in mind.

It doesn't harm their image in my eyes. Show up in a t-shirt and jeans, fine with me. I think you're making too many assumptions. I know it's hard to believe, but not all men are exactly alike.

For these much too brief moments, I'm all about reality.
IMHO, our imperfections are what makes each of us unique (in most of the ladies cases, alluring and beautiful).
Some of my favorite times with a few ladies have been when they allow me to see their 'real' selves.

One of my favs was the last appt with a lady at her incall.
She asked me to correct some of her spelling/grammar on her ads.
She's from Columbia and one terrific woman, so I was honored she would ask me to do this.
We were talking as she was dressing/gathering her things in the bathroom.
When she emerged sans make-up, pulled back ponytail, cotton top and semi-tight jeans/sneakers, I felt that familiar stir in my stomach/loins (even after a 2 cup date).
Her then leaning over my shoulder while I showed her a few things I had done for her ads/site had my small head doing all the thinking.
Never mentioned this to her as we were now in civilian mode.
Looking back, wish I had as we were not 'new' friends.

Ladies, some of us actually like the 'normal, everyday me' side of you.
This is about the 'fantasy' meeting, but as Lauren says "Some men want a human being, not a Barbie doll. Not everyone needs to lie to themselves, they find reality more beautiful than fiction".
I am one of these men and no, I'm not married (never been), but I have always gotten it.

btw - By 'Barbie doll', I meant plastic and fake in the attitude/feelings dept, not long-legged, heavy-chested blondes.
I have a serious yern for just such 'attired' ladies, along with her short statured, small-bodied, asian, black or East Indian sisters.

I like women, all women; plain and simple.

This has to rank among the best posts I have ever seen. Just the way you express yourself makes me wanna see you.  Your website is tastefully done and...well...I'm just really really impressed.  Wish you were in my part of the country. My fantasy has already begun.

There is a lot of truth to that. Sometimes the best fantasy is close to reality. Some women are drop dead gorgeous in jeans and a T-shirt. Some are super sexy in a skirt and heels. In fact, some of the best websites include depictions of the provider that way. The woman just IS sexy, without "over the top" effort.  So...there is a place for both the super sexy vixon with fishnet hose and five inch heels and the woman next door or in the office that we fantasize about but can never really have.

OK, so aside from those amazing photos you have...

This makes you all the tastier as a fantasy lady.

Schlubbing around picking up dog poop in baggy sweats and then you open that door looking like a million bucks? Works for me. Unless you want to scoop poop in my yard wearing your lingerie.

Where I have to respectfully disagree with you, to a degree, is your second paragraph about the fine versus wide/bright line. I think we're talking about two distinct issues here.

The wide/bright line is the boundary between personal and professional. The guy in question is a toad, but I also doubt his request is about the fantasy as much as trying to get freebies.

The narrow line, at least that I speak of, is the difference between P4P and real life in terms of the emotions, deceit, personal interactions, maneuvering, etc. To me there is little difference between the two.

The other fine line is the one that separates the fantasy and buying the fantasy of the moment, and the reality of P4P that's always knocking on the door. For me, maintaining the fantasy is a very active thing, and it requires work on my part.

concerning boundaries.  Do you never tire of drawing lines in the sand?  Every conceivable point that can be made about boundaries has been made.  And so what happens when one or both crosses one?  Either they never see each other again, or , he gets a tux, she wears a plaid wedding dress,they marry, and live happily ever after in an enchanted trailer park!

Enuff Boundaries!

But I heartily concur with your response.

This was a delightfully written post, amusing and so true at the same time.

Boundaries 'R' Us  

Sounds like it's not too late for anger management classes!

I'm sorry, but I would just love to have a hot looking pooper-scooper giving my back yard a once over.

Then she could come in, take a shower and give me the once over... or twice. Yikes

Pooper-Scoopers on parade.

a heavy dose of anti-emetics, as so many of you estrogen soaked, tampon wearing pap smears are causing projectile vomiting!  Trying to insert all types of of your own personal issues into these conversations.  Now I have to do a provider in a bed surrounded with barbed wire so as not to cross some imaginary boundary. "Don't think this, don't say that, and on and on"!  There are so many amateur psychologists and sex therapists around here, you can't hardly throw a cat without hitting one!  It's P4P that has been turned into a halfway house for the "ultra-needy"! I wonder if the guys at the truck stops, who have a hooker crawl into his rig, and suck his dick for $50 have all of these heavy psychological burdens to overcome!
Too many manginas, with too much time on their hands dissecting every possible situation and outcome, then forming rules of engagement!  The government couldn't fuck up something this easy, this much!  Give your armchair psychology a rest.  In fact you can start by knocking off the "anger" horse shit!  I'm not angry, but listening to a bunch of half-wits continue to spew shit about what they THINK they know, does piss me off a tad!  Now, I'll do as so many others on this board continue to ask you to do .....STFU!