... Although I understand and respect this P4P lifestyle that you ladies choose as a career, I salute the ladies that also seek what I personally consider to be a civie, family oriented normalcy as well.

It always amazes me when i get to know the ladies who are seemingly comfortable but also appear to be happy and well adjusted in their choice to forgo the need for a civie relationship, family or companionship. It is a mystery to me how one can successfully navigate their entire life alone.

The question was, could I personally be involved in a civie relationship with a p4p working girl....  The answer is no.

My feelings are not in defience of the p4p lifestyle but are simply in my own selfish inability in not being able to share the woman that i love with anyone else.

You deserve to be happy.
Wishing you the best of luck !

In this internet age, it is really hard to keep anything secret, and besides, the mental strain on you to keep it a secret will become unbearable.

I myself regard you gals as goddesses, and love to be with you in a SO relationship, but I know I'm not the norm.

As Scoed said, even a very enlightened person such as he (and he is!) found it very difficult.

So, if this boyfriend of yours can look past the escort thing and make it work for you, you'll really have hit pay-dirt.  If not then, it wasn't meant to be.

I had hoped to see some responses from providers on this issue.  I know of several providers who have SO relationships and I think most of them are honest (I knew of one that was not, and it ended just as terribly as you can imagine.)

I'd love to hear how they handle it.

C'mon gals, share the wealth.  Use an alias if you prefer.

I can and have "looked past it" but my perspective is that of a guy who has payed many women for sex and has been lucky enough to meet some great ladies and even form off the clock relationships with a few.  The perspective of a guy who doesn't hobby may be very different as most folks without first-hand knowledge on the subject tend to fall back on the stereotypes.. Good luck.

I lived with  a provider who white lied about her line of work .

 She travels a lot, claiming she's in  the Hotel hospitality rating business.

Once I accidentally figured out her real, job I acted dumb never telling her I knew.

 Common sense tells me if I am willing to pay to fuck a HO, I should be willing for one to stay with me for free.

 Who knows how a guy will act if he finds out?

 A favorite provider friend of mine started dating  a civie guy a few months ago.  She didn't tell him at first.
After she confessed , he said he didn't have a problem with her job . He asked her to marry him .

  She said yes.

I didn't tell her, but I think he likes her income.

You have much higher chance of normal healthy relationship with open minded civvie who has never been part of p4p world than with former client.

Dating a former client soon turned into a complete and total disaster. No matter how much he claimed to be OK with my job, he never truly could accept that we have met during paid encounter.

Dating a civvie now and told him what I do on 2nd date.

Turned out he is a swinger and has absolutely no issues with me being a provider.

MP "So now, I could look past it. As long as I could play too..."


  I would have to quit acting dumb and become  stupid to believe that.

 You get your panties in a knot over certain hobbyists your favorite providers visit, now you're saying you would be OK with your GF being a provider.
 Yeah right..lmao

I started dating a civie guy recently. He has no idea about my alternate "career choice". I would love to hear from the men (and please be honest) : would you be able to look past this if someone came clean with you (please no PC answers or BS sarcasm)? What are the odds that he will understand ? He is NOT involved in the hobby and has no idea this world really exists.
From the women on the board: have you ever done this with any success? Sometimes I think dating a client is the only way to go in the end, then other times I just want to date someone completely removed from it.
Any honest thoughts would be appreciated here.

for and answer that uniformly applies to every heterosexual male on the planet. Good luck with it.

Not being sarcastic, you probability is exactly same as tossing a coin any number of times and pocking heads/tails.

Honestly, Good luck.

opinions about a guy who seems to be a bit conservative. Ok, I think I answered my own question.

Exclusivity(unless otherwise agreed upon)is just that.

Well, in reality you've already been untruthful with him in your relationship.  So I doubt he's going to "understand" by any means.  I think he'd run if you told him.  Not many guys want to share their mate.

Good luck.  And I think you should tell him.  Or just break it off and let him leave, never knowing.

I can tell you what I would do, and I consider myself conservative and occasionally involved in this hobby. I would rather find it from you then discover it accidently - very important. Secondly, ask you to quit this business to build a different future. And yes, sense of humour, love and empathy is important for the man to get over the past.



-- Modified on 11/20/2011 5:28:32 AM

I think it would be best to keep it secret.  At this point he does not need to know.

If it looks like it could be something more than dating (marriage or other long term relationship).  Then you need to ask yourself if you want to continue working?  If you want to stay in the business, it would be best to let him know.  
But if you are retiring from the business for a life together, then I see no reason to disclose this part of your former life.

Not impossible to find but difficult.

Putting myself in the shoes of a normal civie guy. I might be cool with your true profession if I was looking for just sex from you. Now if I had visions of matrimony and kids. Chances are good you might never hear from me again once I find out.

It mights not be your life choice but paranoia about stds, your safety, social stigma, family acceptance that play a role. If a guy is cool with it, don't be surprised if he looks to get more involved with your "business" life by offering to help. Before you know it, he becomes more controlling and starts dictating the clients you meet, when you work and your rates.

Some guys might get intimidated about the $$$$ you make if it is significantly more than them. On the other hand, I have heard about some men who are fairly content to go to bed at 3, wake up at noon, play video games in between, enjoy fast food and let the woman in their life do all the work and bring home the bacon.

The issue is not as cut and dry as it seems and all variables must be factored.

usually demand a lot of time together. You'd likely have to cut way back on seeing clients or risk appearing negligent of your relationship. And go out of your way to be absolutely clean after sessions, lest you hear the dreaded "I can smell him on you." complaint.

If he knows nothing about this world, chances are he won't be able to handle it.  The question is, how well will you handle it if you tell him now and he dumps you?  Also, if you don't tell him now will you be able to handle keeping it a secret?  That's hard to do emotionally even if you can expunge this part of your life and leave no trail.  Finally,  you could wait until you're sure you really want a  LTR with him.  But if you do it will be that much harder on you if he can't handle the news.
Perhaps you should try telling him a partial truth: say you used to do it a few years ago to put your self through school, or something like that.  It may be easier for him to handle if he believes it was in the past.

What does your gut tell you?  If you like the guy you should sit him down and tell him.  You never know until you tell him.  Like a few said here,  it takes a special guy to date a working girl.  If he is cool with it you do have to keep enough in the sexual tank for him.  But first if it's really going to work you have to tell him or break it off.  Go with your gut after thinking about it some.

It is a serious paradigm problem among most people.


HH

a little over 9 years.  No need to tell him now.  If this relationship seems to be going well and heading towards something more permanent, then you will need to make the decision to come clean or keep your job choice sealed.  

After all, when guys or ladies settle down with a SO or spouse, we don't necessarily share everything that has transpired with other members of the opposite sex, especially between the sheets.

I will tell this is a difficult thing to accept. I love my wife deeply and when I found out she has returned to escorting I nearly left her, but I didn't. It will be hard on him and he may leave, but if he finds out any other way you will lose him, this I promise you. He deserves to know. Let him make his choice. Give him that respect. A relationship built on a lie can not stand. Odds are he will bolt, but he will when he figures it out anyway and unless you retire, he will figure it out as how you support yourself is a big part on how you live your life.

I do feel for you as this is a hard place to be in a relationship. You deserve to be happy and to have a SO that accepts you as you are. If you build this relationship on lies, you will never have that with him. If he bolts it is for the best in the long run. If he stays and doesn't get all controlling you likely have something very special, a SO who truly accepts you.

Besides living a lie will hurt you more than you realize, don't do it.

If you have any questions from a guy who has been there, feel free to PM me. I will answer them if I can.

It will be very difficult for him to accept what you do for a career. Not saying he can't and not saying there aren't exceptions but generally guys have a very hard time with it and it eventually goes south. He wonders what your doing at any moment, he imagines what could be happening, jealously begins to creep in.
Consider the reverse. The lady would also have a very hard time with it. However enlightened we think we are, we aren't. Relationships are hard enough including the good ones. Add sex with someone not your SO and it brings in a whole other set of emotions and baggage. I know of a few that are making it work. I know of many more that it didn't. My advice would be don't.

Then the romantic in me takes over and says that everyone is different and it could work. Only you can figure that out with him. But hiding it from him could literally blow your mind. He would have to know and there would have to be some completely open and honest conversations on a regular basis.

Depends on how he views the hobby and Sexuality.
There are some M & F who think the hobby is the worst thing ever. On the other hand what is the difference between a single woman dating many men and the hobby? The real only difference is not getting paid for it but getting cash! I know many Civie women who enjoy picking up a guy for a dinner out, dancing, shopping, travel etc with no intentions of anything more. She still got paid.

But that was not your question. answer Depends on the guy.. So the real answer is tell him.. Why? Because you can not change who you are and who he is. You will always have a certain view of sex and either you both are in sync or it will always be a thorn in your relationship. Even if he never knew..

Ask yourself why men hobby to begin with! It is because SO is not providing! Perhaps if communications were better she would not allow it to happen. Key word Communication!

But also know I couldn't handle it if it started to move.  Status quo could go on for a long time,though.

I wonder why you're only getting answers from guys?

You have no idea what is going on in his mind.He may have wonderful thoughts for a future
with you . The distant future that is....

Put yourself in a different setting. Lets say , you go to a few clubs on the weekends.You meet
a few guys and you have occasional dates from them because you met them, found them
attractive , wanted to learn more about them and so you had a few dates per week. Then
the special guy comes along . But you didn't meet him the same way.There is no commitment
just dating and enjoying time spent with each other. As your relationship grows and ripens unless
he asks you about your past , there isn't a reason to open the confession room.Is it important to
discuss the men you met before him? No.  

A persons past should never been brought up when its not so good especially when it isn't something
harmful or threatening.He met you likes you as YOU Meaning not the person who you are
in your other life.That is something you ( at least me) take to the grave with only you knowing.

With me, when in a relationship I disappear from this world of escorting and give the relationship a chance to show me where it may lead.Any outside activity may cause bad karma and I would only blame myself because in the end if I had played while in a serious relationship, my activities would only portray that I am dishonest and not to be trusted leaving someone to wonder if he can trust me to be sincere and never stray.

I think your heart will tell you as your feelings grow for this man but you will always have an
element of guilt deep down inside of you because you know you are starting a relationship off
based on lies. I hope you can find another career to support yourself and give yourself a chance
to see how this relationship transpires otherwise , you will never know where it may have lead to
which I am sure you want the future to be uplifting and happy.

I don't think you should challenge him on this .Just give this relationship only honesty . If it
does not work out at least you can tell yourself that you tried . But change yourself too to make
it true. Men are very sensitive people.There is a book called What Men Want and it tells alot about
their emotions and how men think .


Good Luck !

Angela  

-- Modified on 11/20/2011 8:20:25 AM