I am a person of color—a “mutt” really.  My parents are both multiracial, so I have a veritable United Nations of blood and ethnicity pumping through my veins.  If one had to describe me at a glance, however, I would probably be labeled as “black”.

I had an appointment scheduled with a lady who has great reviews and has even dabbled in porn over the past few years.  Within seconds of her admitting me in her incall location she confessed that she "does not do interracial".  I could tell by her demeanor that she was uncomfortable, embarrassed, and that she genuinely felt badly about it.  I found myself reassuring her that I was fine and that there was no harm done.  I left her minutes later, my embarrassment fading, with no hard feeling towards her (excuse the pun) and a horrible case of blue balls.

Before I continue, let me state explicitly that I have absolutely NO problem with a woman having her preferences for with whom she likes and does not like to be intimate.  I do not believe that when a woman chooses to become a provider that she forfeits those preferences--her body does not all of a sudden become equal opportunity property.  I also have no doubt that there are plenty of ladies like this who, in most other social and professional environments, are open minded, friendly with and freely associate with people of color with no hang-ups.  

That said (in probably too many words—I apologize!), I was left wondering how I might avoid an awkward situation like this in the future.  I have been hobbying for over 10 years and, while I have read several posts about this, I have never experienced this personally before.  

I have noticed that some providers actually state their preferences in some manner on their websites, or simply make a point of requesting one’s race as part of the pre-appointment screening.  I typically avoid contacting these ladies.  I guess I have naively assumed that if the lady does not overtly state something in her marketing, she probably does not have any issue with interracial appointments.  I have now been proved wrong.  The truth of my situation is that she did not ask, and I did not tell.  

My question to other hobbyists of color is this:  Do you make a point of identifying your race when you contact a provider initially?  Ladies, do you typically see or expect that hobbyists of color tell you up front about their race when contacting you?

It's always good to include it in an email. She might have it posted because she doesn't want to catch the wrath for it. I have a friend who won't see black men (it's not on her site). One client showed up and was black and she felt very uncomfortable, and felt like he kept this from her. Tell her and let her decide.

..but I guess that is just my opinion.  Not only do I fantasize about gentlemen (and women) of other ethnicities, my plan is to mate with a half black / half Asian man next time around, so I can have genetically diverse offspring.

I don't say what race I am unless asked. I never encounter problems with it.

I have posted a similar thread before and apparently it is a problem that is not going away any time soon.  

For the time being just put it in the email BEFORE you give out reference/employment info.  No since wasting your information if she does not do "interracial".  

I always send an email asking if they entertain African American men.  The providers who do simply send an email back stating that they do.  The ones who don't just don't respond.  Simple as that and live goes on.

The really weird thing about this is why don't providers just state it in the profile.  I mean really who gives a S---.  It is not like the Equal Opportunity Commission is going to take you to court.  This hobby is not exactly "mainstream" so what are these women worried about?  It just shows the level of "silliness" that we have in this country regarding race, gender, religion, sexuality, etc.

Cheers for you

I agree with you that when it comes to sex --unlike housing, employment, or voting for President of the USA-- there is no arguing taste and it is better not to take things personally.  I happen to love women of color and "colorless" ones too, just taste.  My current lovely obsession is an elegantly beautiful Jamaican lady. My four favorite providers are one black lady and three white ladies.  I would not want to visit a lady who didn't like white guys (or a provider who hated older men) and simply put up with me. I would rather she just tell me. I have only had a problem with my race once:  I was meeting people on Black Planet (this was before my current obsession...I am in monogamous place at least for the moment). There was a threesome (two women and a man) looking for a fourth to play with them and join them when they went to parties. We wrote back and forth and were really getting along.  I finally sent them a foto.  One of the women wrote back: "But you are white! What are you doing here? Not interested." No problem, tastes are tastes. Now my profile there includes the fact that I am white to avoid misunderstandings.

-- Modified on 9/5/2008 8:05:15 AM

If you are concerned about avoiding this in the future, check out the ladies' website.  If she says "I cater to all gentleman" then you should be fine.  If you don't see it, then maybe a quick question in your email ie "do you cater to all gentleman?"

First and foremost thank you for your level of understanding. Unfortunately, there are some men who do feel that an escort is public property.

I do feel for your experience but in some way your initial approach of not even contacting ladies if they are upfront does nothing to help this situation. More often than not they do get the wrath or will not even be contacted for openly stating their preference/s. This prevents many from saying anything and of course the client ends up paying for it...it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario.

Personally I do like to know upfront. Sometimes it makes a difference but more often than not it doesn't. My "thing" if you will, is not color based but culture based and there are men from some cultures I will not see....this I glean from accents as it rarely comes up in discussion...you can't hide an accent and I always ask where they're from. I am polite and simply state that I am not available. I do not go into my real reason...I don't see what good it would do.

So thats what that means. Thanks

At the Car Dealer, the man like this nifty sports car and he asked all the right questions. Plus he carefully read the Ad before he went to the Car Dealer. So he thought he knew exactly what he would be getting should he buy the sports car. What he did not know was that this car was in the past totally submerged under water during Hurricane Katrina. And he did not know that this Dealer did not use CARFAX. After signing the contract and make all the financing arrangements ie he paid by personal check. During the 1st month of his ownership a terrible thing happened. And when he took the car to his mechanic. The mechanic asked him-" had this car been underwater?" UNDERWATER?? said the new owner flabbergassed! The mechanic then ran the vin # into CARFAX & lo and behold the sports car came up as been in New Orleans During Hurricane Katrina and was found totally submerged underwater. So let me see-was it the buyer's fault for the non-disclosure of the sports car past history? Did the Car Dealer intentionally conceal this negative historical fact so as to NOT BE THOUGHT OF AS SLEEZEBAG BY HIS CONTEMPORARIES?
 I have encountered this same issue/problem from providers a few times. As someone said the provider's Motivation was Not to be thought of as a Racist by her potential clients and her fellow providers. Yes I agree with you and Yes I feel your plain-having had direct experience myself. Don't expect too much sympathy from some readers of your complaint because they "Don't Feel you" and really do not give a darn. Having said that there are others such as myself(I'm Black) and others-who are white, latino, asian, and etc; who do feel your pain either in empathetic bond or from their own experience-in hobbying.
 I concur that this all could be avoided if more Providers were totally honest. But that is not likey. Those Providers that do state their racial preference they should be applauded for their honesty as that prevents the awkard situations between hobbyists & provider. I really think those providers who are welcoming of all races are the absolute best providers-BAR NONE! I think the world of them. And this thread is an ideal opportunity for them (1 already did) to announce to this readership who they are. They would see an increase in business.
 It is always 1 of the risks of hobbying ie outside the robs & ripoffs eg Meso(its a sure indicator of a Rob when an outcall demands the money upfront and then hands it over immediately to the driver. That no services will be rendered and if you don't go for the upsell, you can't get your money back because the money in the Ad was just her entry fee ie you paid for her Presence and nothing more! And should you try to get your money back the driver threatens violence!). So when a providers does not state her racial preference and some say don't take it personal. If that person who thinks like that should say get mugged. Then he should apply that same logic to that situation. He should not take it personal. I suggest for any hobbyists that runs into such an situation. Of course you will take it personal, however just suck it up and do not be hard on yourself-just the the car buyer who was sold a Lemon; it was not his fault. He made the best possible decision given the all the information that was MADE AVAILABLE at the time. The Car Dealer INTENTIONALLY WITHHELD a key piece of information ie the sports car had spent a great deal of time submerged underwater in New Orlean at the time of Hurricane Katrina.
This metaphor encapsules the situation that some of hobbyists face from time to time. The best thing any of us can do is to -OUT THE PROVIDERS THAT ACTS THAT WAY. This is to be done, not out of malice. This is done as a service for that provider. Alerting those of us who fit her;" I won't service parameter". That way she will not get phone calls or emails from those that she does not like in that way and we those racially shunned hobbyists can expend our time locating those beautiful providers who will see us and enjoy seeing us.
 Some will say that this subject is old news or enough already. I disagree. It will BE tire news when the time comes when we all reject a person because of their personality/character and NOT BECAUSE OF THEIR COLOR OF THEIR SKIN. And don't get me started on religion!(kidding!!).
I hope that everyone understands that as humans we dislike being rejected for any reason. And when that reason is based on the color of someones skin. That is plain old-Prejuice. That word means you are totally discounted without the judger even getting to know you. To determine if you are a good person or not.
 Lastly in my response to this sensitive societal problem. You will not find me making light of it via a Joke, or showing insensitivity by saying-get over it & move on. I am treating this topic with all the RESPECT it deserves. I am optimistic that fellow hobbyists(the majority) will treat it the same.

WantsToDoTheRightThing,

My parents are both multiracial, so I have a veritable United Nations of blood and ethnicity pumping through my veins"


 Thank your parents and consider yourself lucky, that you were  not born a fool from too many years of inbreeding..
There are plenty of top notch providers who do not discriminate..
Save the Human race and procreate with different colors..
Eat Polar bears cuz they are just way too white.

I think I understand you point of view.  In my specific case, however, this provider and I traded several emails and spoke twice on the phone.  From that, she had no clue as to my color--like I said, I can't really define my "ethnicity" easily because of all the different traditions around which I have grown up.  She told me that she was genuinely shocked that I look the way I do based on the way I wrote and spoke with her on the phone.

-- Modified on 9/5/2008 1:21:54 PM

Then kind Sir, I have no idea what her issue was. It seems to me it is strictly color based or do you have/do/"fill in the gap" something that other men do not and she may have determined that upon first sight?

I don't see Middle Eastern men right of the boat usually identified by a heavy accent. However I have no problem seeing a man of Middle Eastern heritage that has been brought up in a western culture. The appearance factor has no bearing on whether I will see someone...culture and attitude and menu likes do. I do feel very bad for you, especially since you two seemed to have gotten on very well until she saw you.

What are you worried about - a lawsuit?  This is the business we ALL chose.  You should just state in the profile I will NOT see the following types of men ---.  Who cares why.  It is your business.  

As a hobbyist I will not see the following types of women black, fat, skinny, or Middle Eastern.  Why?  None of anyone's damn business.  But since you must know here is why:

Black  -  I am black and have had sex with many black women (well not many but enough).  I am not going to pay for the experience.

Fat -  I have nothing against fat women.  But I am just not paying for that.

Skinny - see my fat reference.

Middle Eastern -  The culture tends to stop wild sexual thoughts (but I could be wrong).  Anyway I am not going to drop $$$ to find out.

So call an ambulance chasing attorney and file a lawsuit against me.

Now see how easy that is.

My ideal preference is a 30 year old white women.  Why?  30 is the sexual peak for women; Why a white woman?  None of your business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Sue Me

Actually that question may not be specifically to denote racial acceptance only, but it helps establish whether or not the lady has any hangups with regards to anyone.

and that's the way it should be. In light of some of the shitstorms that have started because of a provider "being honest" and stating her preferences on her web site, I can understand why a woman would choose not to. It doesn't change the fact that a woman, or a man has the right to see, or not see whoever they choose.

FWIW I am not white or black, and I don't suffer from "white guilt". I have no use for the PC tendency to hide people's true feeling as to not be portrayed as a racist. We like what we like, there is no need to apologize for our individual tastes.Besides who wants to be with someone sexually who plainly doesn't want to be with you?

I like women of all races, but not equally. I prefer asian women first, followed by latinas, white, and then black, but I have had very enjoyable experiences with all of them. Why do I like what I like? Who knows? or cares for that matter. It is what it is.

Wants...in my experience many ladies are not comfortable stating their preferences openly...I've heard quite a few reasons as to why they do care...mostly because of bad experiences with someone of that race...be it African-American, Asian, Middle Eastern.

I believe that is their preference and don't believe it makes them a bad person...it is just a preference.

Many of those I mentioned you can tell when speaking to them or by their names so those ladies I'm sure find a nice way to bow out...no feelings hurt.

I've had many gentlemen ask me about my preferences or if I had any issue with their race. I kind of joke and say as long as you play nice, treat me with respect and act like a gentleman I don't care if you're pink with purple polka dots...that lightens things up a bit I think and answers their question.

I have been suprised a few times when the gent got to the door...one that really comes to mind though was a man with a german name, german accent and he was a very tall Asian man. Curiosity got the best of me and I did ask...but it was a very sad story.

If I am asked for a reference from a lady I know has preferences I will let her know..only because I wouldn't want to be an accessory to an awkward situation for either person.

One more reason I can think of for ladies stating their preferences in public is I've heard hobbyist that said if they knew a lady saw another that they knew were of a certain race...or a hobbyist who also saw TS escorts...they would not see her.

Sorry to be so wordy but...I hadn't really see any ladies chime in on this...probably for some of the reasons I've mentioned.

If someone reads this and changes their minds about seeing me or the kind of person I am....well.....they are not the kind of men I'd care to spend my time with anyway.

*stepping down off my soapbox now*

My intent here was not to judge anyone...just give my experience as it's happened to me in the last 8 years.

xoxoxox
Cookie

xoxoxoxox
Cookie

-- Modified on 9/6/2008 10:20:11 AM

-- Modified on 9/6/2008 10:20:48 AM

Actually I don't care who I see as long as they are 5'7" to 6.0' weigh 125-140lbs and can feed my
fantasies to my satisfaction. If a provider has preferences as to race they should advertise it.

Ever had a woman in her late 40's or 50's? Obviously not (:

With all things said, can any hobbyist provide information on providers located in the SF/Bay Area that entertain black men?