I'm not trying to start any race issues, but I have noticed recently providers posting in their ads on backpage saying that they don't see "blacks" or "african americans" then trying to justify it by saying there not racist, it's a preference. While I believe everyone has the right to like or dislike whatever they want, I haven't seen any ads that say I don't see whites, mexicans, native americans or any other race. I'm guessing that these providers may have had a bad experience in the past, but saying that all black men are thugs or want to be their pimp, is like saying all Italian men are Mobsters or all Indian men are doctors . I'll get off my soapbox now, hopefully some one can give me a different point of view so maybe i can understand.
I am definitely not racist but do discriminate for behavior. If a guy calls talking "ghetto" or explicit, I am always busy.
I appreciate your response. It also helps make my point, being ignorant or disrespectful has nothing to do with your skin color.
i had 1 gal say she wont see black men cause she thinks there gross i was like well thats kinda mean
Like yo' wassup? lol
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You give much too simplistic a reply to a complex question. Do a search on the topic, it comes up very, very often and it's more complex than one person shouting "bigot" because they aren't standing in the provider's shoes.
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You make a blanket statement without having a clue why a person responds as they do. Even more, you don't seem to care why they act as they do. THAT is overly simplistic and you are not living in the real world.
Since you think the issue is so cut and dry, have you seen a 70 y/o provider? No? Then you're an age bigot, aren't you?
Have you seen both an anerexic provider and one at 400+ lbs? No? Then you're a bigot based upon weight.
Do you look at a provider's pics before seeing her? How dare you! That's being bigoted based upon looks.
You exercise personal choice based upon emotional preferences (others would say emotional predjudices) but you vocally say a woman is wrong when she does the same. That sounds rather hypocritical to me. How do you justify it to yourself? And save your breath about "It's OK for me because I'm paying". All that says is it's OK to be a bigot in your mind if you have the $ to justify it.
I've been turned down because of my race, my age, and my height. I've been turned down because I look too much like her old BF. I can whine about the unfairness of it or I can see someone who wants to spend the time with me.
I'm not a provider, so the comparison is far from parallel. One of the reasons clients are clients is the opportunity to pick a girl based solely on superficial criteria such as looks. We have nothing to justify since we're paying.
But a provider is a business. Remember the stories of lunch counters in the American south in the 60s who refused to serve blacks? That kind of behavior was outlawed because it is bigoted. At the same time however, there were no repercussions against customers who did not want to eat at black-owned restaurants. How could there be?
Your "arguments" are the same ones used to justify the Jim Crow laws, claiming that businesses have a right to discriminate based on traits like ethnicity. They do not. Period.
...to a business?? an inanimate, faceless, bloodless entity?? really??? i'm deeply disturbed and frightened by your attitude.
Well then you better stop charging, huh?
Here it is plain and freaking simple...no one is going to tell me who I fuck...PERIOD. I make that decision all by myself. I don't give a crap if there is money involved or not. And the likes of you can call me whatever the hell you want. My body, my business run the way I like. If you don't like it...don't call me. It's that bloody simple.
And it really has little to do with color but a lot to do with attitude, and ones own experiences. You don't like...don't visit. Keep up with your slamming...it won't change a damn thing for those ladies who have whatever restriction for whatever reason..I just get tired of the same old pathetic drivel hauled out over and over again trying in vain to get those who have thought long and hard over their reasons for seeing or not seeing any man waving greenbacks, to change their minds.
ALL my decisions to see who I see are based on attitude, hobbying style, age and penis size. Color of the skin has fuck all to do with it. So out of that list find something to bitch about...someone will. It is not all about a fucking fistful of dollars. I refuse more men than I see because I need some sense of comfort and without that let me tell you, I would be more inclined to tie them the fuck up , shove a curling wand up an ass, turn the fucker on and go shopping for two hours.
It also sounds deserved after an incredibly stupid statement by someone whose handle infers he actually has a brain. lol
Anyone who claims anyone has the right to tell someone else who they should be obligated to fuck is either terribly arrogant, ridiculously stupid, over the top PC, or all of the above.
It really takes a lot of fucking gall to tell a woman, any woman, that just because she accepts money in return for sex, that she should no longer have any choice over who she fucks. No wonder people believe that all prositutes are sex slaves, because that is exactly what "Brainsaremissing" is endorsing.
Not a lot pisses me off that I read on here but when someone, male or female has the gall to start telling the ladies who to have sex with because they have the $$$, well I get angry. Who the hell wants to be with someone who is visibly scared/uncomfortable or just irritated at being in their midst? Especially if they are wanting an affectionate, sensual encounter?
It never ceases to amaze me at the abject stupidity of some people. Right or wrong...and that is another issue, it comes down to personal preference/comfort and safety. After all we are the ones that are in a room all alone with someone we don't really want to be with and if we know going in that fact, it is on us to do the right thing and not book, if the reason gives that much angst. What a waste of both people's time and the clients money.
That last thing I would want to do is force her to not only be alone in a room with me, but actually let me inside of her body.
At the risk of sounding like a Mangina myself, providers aren't simply a receptacle for a penis, there is usually a complete woman attached. The last thing I would ever want to feel like is a rapist.
At the risk of sounding like a Mangina myself, providers aren't simply a receptacle for a penis, there is usually a complete woman attached. The last thing I would ever want to feel like is a rapist.
To me there are no manginas, just men who see women differently and this situation differently. I am not saying the other guys are wrong...just God help one if he ever tries that bullshit with me. I am glad there are men like you around...I would not see those others if my life depended on it....so thank you for your respect and looking at the ladies with a sense of equality.
I'm not telling anyone who they should have sex with. I'm saying that making a blanket policy to refuse service to all people of a specific race is the textbook definition of racism.
There's no outrage quite like that of people who want to rationalize racism and other bigotries. They know they have no logical leg to stand on so they'll retreat to "well, well, it's ... my personal choice!" If you don't fall for that, they'll sputter a bit while fruitlessly digging around in their heads for another excuse that doesn't sound like even more bigotry. Finally they'll resort to using rage or threats (online of course it's just vivid imagery, and therefore ridiculous) intended to shut up anyone who's called them on it.
If you can't distinguish the fundamental difference between a woman and a sandwich I doubt I am going to convince you on this. Paying someone doesn't make them inhuman, it doesn't make you their property.
I think Lilli and litterbike have said it better than I can anyway.
-- Modified on 9/15/2010 8:01:15 PM
sorry, but on this one I disagree...
sitting at a lunch counter is far different then having someone inside you... or sucking their schlong, sucking on other attributes of the female anatomy, etc. If someone doesn't like the way she's treated by certain types of guys - that's a reasonable choice for her to make.
I would think that if a girl doesn't like a certain type of guy, he's probably better off seeing someone else, as she's probably not going to put as much effort into pleasing him as someone else.
i'm sure there are providers who would rather not spend time w/ a guy like me with a large pot belly... shoot, I wouldn't spend time with me!!!
that's just MHO... so take it for what it's worth.
So you are either saying that the idea of a black man touching you or vice versa turns you off *so much* you won't be able to fake what many providers have said in this and countless other threads they fake all the time anyhow.
Please explain how that is NOT racist.
Those that CAN put on a believable performance while seeing someone they don't want to see (regardless of race, age, weight, etc.) are not likely to be the ones saying "No XXXX please".
So yes, we are talking about some providers who DO feel they cannot put on that kind of act. Or who don't WANT to put on that kind of act. Or, as you seem unwilling to acknowledge, have had a reason in their past that they do not feel safe being put in that position. There are women who have been abused in or out of the business, sexually or otherwise, who DO NOT WANT TO SEE PEOPLE WHO REMIND THEM OF THAT SITUATION!!!!! What can't you understand about that? It's not the same as saying "every XXXX will hurt me" so much as saying "I am not comfortable being in a very vulnerable position with someone who reminds me of that event every moment he's there". Especially if she's 5'0" and 95 lbs and he's 6' 220.
Look up stats sometime on the % of women who have been physically attacked by a man. Though reliable stats for abuse of providers are not readily available it's safe to assume they not lower and probably higher, especially so is some segments of the industry. Who are you to tell someone who they should or shouldn't feel safe with?
If you can't see the difference between feeling safe while serving someone in a crowded diner and feeling safe while naked on a bed with a guy double your weight pinning you down then I suspect you don't want to see the difference.
This business is about both people involved, not just one.
if you are going to say that a provider (or anyone else for that matter) MUST be willing to fuck anyone of any race or background.
Providers are allowed to screen as they see fit. Being with them, even though you are donating, is a privilege that they may decide at their leisure to offer, or not.
Let's keep PC out of the bedroom, whether compensation is overtly a factor, or not.
Ladies have just as much right to chose who they see as the gents that try to see them. NO MATTER THEIR RACE, RELIGION, ETC......!!!!!!!!!!!
For me, I see a lady who is cool, loves to fuck, and someone I can take home to Mom.
Alright, the last one might be a stretch cuz Mom knows I like naughty girls....! 
But, for the umpteenth time, I can't understand any question about race, et al. Either way. It's such a non-issue in my eyes, mind, and heart.
I know there's gonna be a wise-ass or two that's gonna challenge that, but go ahead and try.
I agree it is a stupid fucking question.
What part of "it's HER body" doesn't the OP grasp? HER body, and SHE gets to determine who puts his dick in her.
She can choose by race, occupation, age, sexual orientation and -- of course -- based on her prices she can choose by WEALTH.
If a certain lady doesn't like you, find one who does. Easy! And for enough Benjamins, LOTS of girls will find him likeable for an hour or two.
Hey, I dig chicks who are sharp as tacks, great in bed and ... yeah, I could take home to mom too.
This topic has been posted not too long ago.This issue has been going on for years and will continue.Everyone has their preference on who they will see or not if the ad says no "african-american"or "black"just move on.It might be frustrating but there can be an array of reasons these ladies will not see black men.Don't even waste your time to dwell on it whatever you say will not change their minds so why bother.We know black men are not all ghetto but there is going to be people that had a bad experience and will category one race into being bad based on their experience.Is it fair?No,but there is too many ladies that will see black men so I wouldn't even think twice about it.On to the next!
This is not a public utility or business (like a store or restaurant). Whether for racist or other reasons these ladies can see whomever they please, whether we like it or not. End of story. You and I will likely never know the why, and really, what do you care?
Racism and all the other 'isms are a fact of the human existence and will be for many many eons to come.
Her bias, justified or not, is none of your business - in this context. When this gets legalized and regulated by the FDA and EEOC, then you can bitch.
Get over it and fuck someone else.
Providing is such a personal thing that having certain preferences is understandable. I happen to have put my hobbying on hold because I am deeply involved with an absolutely gorgeous Jamaican lady. I have always loved the company of black women, but not to the exclusion of white women (I married two) Latinas, and Asians. I saw a provider who was clearly turned off by me, she loved big muscular Italian men not intellectual looking Jews like me. She still saw me three times but it wasn't good for her and not great for me. I am not sure if having a strong physical turn off for a certain group or type and not wanting to engage in oral genital contact with that group is really racist. It is hard to understand a truly professional provider feeling that way though.
I also would rather have a provider be upfront about her reluctance to see blacks or persons of color. That way I can move on.
The premise is simple, if she is not comfortable seeing blacks chances are you are not going to get her best service anyway. Why in the world would you want to force her to see you only to settle for half baked service and throw $$$ down the drain.
I am better off seeing a provider who wants to see me and chances are good I will receive her best service.
Same goes for hobbyists. Many hobbyists have certain preferences for Asian, Latina or Hispanic women. Does that make them racist, probably not.
Like I said, this service is highly personal even though it is pay for play. Part of it functions similarly to dating in the civie world and is based on mutual attraction. If you are not attracted to a certain race, it is best to be upfront, honest about it and move on. Trying any other way and it is bound to end badly.
I am not an attractive man. I am very obese. My teeth are crooked. Very few women find me sexually attractive. Despite this I have only had one lady refuse me service because of this. While I am not saying providers who refuse certain races are KKK type racist, they are still racist as most would see me who they also do not find sexually attractive. Now I said that I feel that many people in every race are slightly bigoted at least in the closet. I try very hard not to be bigoted myself and have friends that belong to every race but I have a bit of mild apprehension toward certain races at times. I would never discriminate on purpose and often even over compensate for my slight bit of racism yet it is still there. It goes back to how I was raised. I am ashamed and feel guilty because of my racism, thus the use of an alias. I think many ladies have the same racial apprehension and it comes in there providing and thus they are refusing to see certain races. It does not make them hate mongers, it makes them human. I too, like you, would like a heads up if a lady would find it hard to be her best with me for what ever reason, but most providers don't generally discriminate against ugly people like me. Discriminating against race is much more common. I know the world would be better if all racism ended today but racism is as old as the hobby and is not likely to go away any time soon. By the way I am sexually attracted to women of every race. I truly am an equal opportunity pervert.
Growing up, I met women who I would have loved to date but who only would date black men (They were white, as am I.)
A few told me that they just got the biggest thrill from black men owing to a certain combination of physiology and insoucient attitude that drove them wild.
Are those women racists too?
Do, perhaps, the two balance out in the grand scheme of things?
Thank you for being reasonable.
Yes, those women were racists.
One of my friends in the last town I lived in was East Indian. He was very clear in that he only wanted to date blond white women. He was an otherwise good guy and fun to be around, but we discussed this a lot and he knew that I thought he was a racist on this issue.
...i'll try and provide a different perspective on the subject. we all know that everyone has physical preferences, and providers are entitled to those as much as anyone else...we are human beings, after all (tho some hate to be reminded of that, lol). but that's common sense. there are other reasons why a provider may exclude certain races in her advertising, that have nothing whatsoever to do with physical preference.
for example, an african-american provider who is married to an african-american man, and who provides only in one area, catering mostly to regulars has good reason to avoid seeing african-american clients, as there would be a great risk of her civie life and professional life colliding. married caucasian providers don't have that concern quite as much because the circles are just not nearly as small.
another example, also relating to a provider being in a serious relationship: she may avoid seeing black men simply because the love of her life is black, and in this way can maintain more of a distance between her professional life and her real love life.
and lastly, i'll share yet again the primary reason i personally state racial preferences on my ads...an attempt to maximize chances of compatibility. i specifically state that i prefer seeing either white or asian men. this is not because i find men of those races in any way more attractive or appealing, or because i find black or hispanic men less so. it's simply because in my life experiences as a whole, white men and asian men tend to be more comfortable with and accepting of ME, as a submissive woman, rather than find me totally strange or want to "fix" me, which has been my experience with african-american and hispanic men. certain cultures are more accepting of assertive women, to the point where being submissive is actually looked down upon by most. now of course an individual man may not feel that way at all, but there are all the social hurdles to get through for most. and i have seen black non-american men, from cultural backgrounds where submissive women are valued, with no issue whatsoever. i have not closed the door on the possibility of finding an african-american man with whom i'd be compatible, but in general i like to just maximize the chances of a positive outcome for all.
...it's not racism (in my book, anyway). It's her personal preference, and she's allowed to have those -- if she doesn't care for bald guys or men of "hairy back" persuasion, then she should state those preferences. She knows what she likes in a partner and it will make for a better time for all concerned. After all, it's her work environment and she gets to define what's best for her.
Now if she were trying to get OTHER providers to join her camp based solely on physical characteristics beyond the control of the customer, then I would say *that* was racism.
End result is the same, though -- if I'm one of the members of the affected group, I'm not doing business with her.
So, she's a bigot. What of it? In our overly PC culture, we try to sanitize dissenting opinion off the landscape. While doing so, we promote the continuance of the problem. Schools make a point of teaching us about the history of blacks. The unintended message is that blacks are somehow different, because they have a history of their own. Really? Were they in a jungle all by themselves? As long as someone continues to point out those differences, even in an attempt to prove they are equal, people will find differentiation. Black people are people. Until most of us start describing black people simply as people, someone will look at differences rather than similarities. If they are different, someone will not like them. Think of it the next time you try to describe someone. How quickly does race enter the description? Perhaps you're a bigot too.
People are different, but some of us think that's a good thing, myself included. What a boring place the world would be if we were all alike.
There are some battles that just aren't worth fighting, who people want to have sex with is one of those battles. Eventually people won't care about race, but eventually is a long, long time. In the meantime "black history" or "asian history" perpetuates the perception that we are somehow different rather than encouraging equality.
Personally I don't care about white/brown/black/ yellow/red/green etc. I am an equal opportunity fucker, but somedays I feel like chocalate, somedays vanilla, does that make me a bigot?
does that make her sexist? What if she only sees women, just not ever while working. Still sexist?
Because this is such an intimate activity that we are engaged in (and not inexpensive also), one would think that a gentleman would want a lady to be fully into the time spent together. If there is some characteristic (cleanliness, m/f, weight, age, facial hair, race - all different excluded, circumcised, penis size- yes I have seen each of these mentioned for excluding an individual) that is objectionable to the lady and she indicates such, the gentleman should be thankful that he has not wasted his money on an experience that would have been sub par.
I am a wm and have been subject to "discrimination" for each of the items (except cleanliness) listed above and am glad that the lady let me know before we meet that "we would not be a good match". Saved me time , money, and disappointment. If the lady indicates (for what ever reason) that the two of you are not compatible, forgetaboutit and JUST MOVE ON.
I fully realize that everything I just said is not socially or politically correct but neither is this endeavor that we are pursuing here. Until this activity is fully leagalized there is no remedy to the "discrimination" that has caused you such great suffering and hardship.
Do you really, really, really want to be in a room with a hard cock ready to get jiggy wiggy with woman who loath you? If you answer yes to that question stop spending your money on providers and spend it on a psychiatrist instead. Whether it's with civvies or pros, the beauty of getting laid is having someone who is into you in bed.
Some ladies just don't like black guys. Some have had bad experiences.But most of them say its all about how the guy carries himself when he calls. I've seen providers that say they don't see black men. I'm always respectful and discreet.They always ask me how old I am and what's my profession. It really doesn't matter to me. There are plenty of providers that do see clients of all races.
Who cares.... For all those that discriminate or stereotype, red,yellow,black,or white, the only real matter is green. As a provider or hobbyist, the best experience comes from between the ears not between the legs. Its all mental. I went to Eastern Europe were I saw maybe three black people within the two months I was there and never felt like a minority. On the other hand when I was single I refused to see any American women period regaurdless of race or color. We all have our preferences and we are in America, so we have the freedome choose. This subject is really getting old. If a provider says "no black men", no problem, I'll give my green to some one else.
I know black, white and Hispanic ladies who won't see black, white or Hispanic clients in their small hometowns. The world is small, and some people don't want to see those that are so close to home.
Some other ladies won't see African American men because they've been watching way too much tv and they think all black men are all big dick gangbangers from Compton packing heat. Unfortunately, they are sheltered and take their ignorance into the hobby.
Some ladies have had bad experiences with black men too. Maybe they were raped by one, but the interesting thing is most men rape within their race, so these ladies should be just as afraid (if not more) of whites, but they aren't.
Or they may have a husband or boyfriend (not necessarily a pimp) who is black and they don't want to fuck the same guys their man sees at the local black barber shop every week.
And some ladies won't see Muslims or Indians as well. They just don't advertise it because they figure they won't get as many requests from these guys anyway.
Some ladies would see black guys if they knew there are several intelligent ones who don't email, "What it do shawty?", but since they are so ignorant from the media, they don't know there are intelligent black men, so they just say "no blacks". I'm sure if you emailed them "Hello Beautiful. My name is ___. I work for 3M and have an engineering degree from Harvard. I love to play golf and blah blah blah. I happen to be African American, though I'm not the "typical black guy" you may think of when you hear "black man". If you are open to a smart, wealthy businessman who will see you often, please send me an email," you might get a response.
But most will still be ignorant and thinking you're from Compton, which is too bad for them. I know a lady who has a monthly overnight with a black man. At $3000/ON for past seven months, that's 7 x 3000 = $21,000 off of a black dude (more than any of her white clients). She's happy, he's happy. And you'll be happy when you take your business elsewhere, because if a lady doesn't want to see you, she doesn't want to see you. And there's so much more pussy out there to be worried about one.
Lastly, some ladies don't see disabled clients. They don't announce it, because it is less popular to say "no disabled" than "no blacks". Same with obese guys. The ladies will back channel about obese man, because it's not PC to say "no obese", but people are ok with "no blacks", go figure.
I know I am an obese man. I just hate it when you warn her you are really obese and when she get to your hotel room she takes one look at you and turns you down by calling you a "fat fucker" before you can even invite her in and then she leaves like if your existence is a personal affront to her. That happened to me once. I have no real issue with someone polity declining me when I warn them about my weight. I know most do not find 350LB+ men attractive and some are even repulsed by a man like me. If they are actually repulsed by my looks I want them to turn me down as I would be able to tell and it would make me feel worse than just being turned down. It is not PC to discriminate against anyone but it is better the lady with an issue with something is up front with it because if they don't no one ends up happy as this business is extremely personal and sensitive.
racial preference goes both ways..... I've had a few friends black or black-looking told oh you're pretty but EXPENSIVE FOR A BLACK GIRL but will gladly give the same rate she charges or more to a white blonde or asian. Some providers yeah might not see a black guy OR regardless of race a YOUNG GUY but forreal whatever their reasons hobbyist or provider that has racial preferences whether we like it or not is their business. For a white or black or asian woman who won't see black men there is a white one or black one or asian one that will..... race/color preference I don't dwell on.
I check references and get a feel for a person the best I can through email and phone conversations.... If I think we are a good match and he is a good person, I am there......