We don't have any information on her reasoning, plans, expectations, desires, etc. All we know is what was stated, which was from his side of the situation.🤷🏻♀️
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Yes, it's inference or 'what I make up in my head' regarding the protector thing (and that terminology may not apply, but work with me on the conceptual side at least). He did say that she'd "told" him of her money issue and that she's "been pulling back" on their time together. I very well could be overthinking the verb tenses but the money stress convo looks to be a singular past instance while the "pulling back" part seems to be past progressive.... and from there I took the crazy leap that she'd likely been a bit passive aggressive/oblique/indirect/poor communicator regarding her financial situation and made no direct ask, so when he didn't act in any particular way different than normal, she changed her behavior.
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Dunno, man. Putting myself in her shoes, if I'm digging a dude who used to pay for my time but stopped (ha!), and I end up in a financial crunch, and I mention it to him.... damn skippy I'd want him to volunteer to start covering my time again, or some similar thing. And yes, I'd feel 'protected' if he stepped into that role. I'd feel seen and valued, that he cared to make my life a bit easier and safer as I got back into the work flow (these things take a bit of time to ramp up to stable profitability), and was in my corner being my cheerleader/supporter (emotionally speaking). That's why I chose those terms... and I could be 100% wrong also.
Has anyone started a relationship with a an escort after she was done escorting but after time go back to being a client
I met a woman through an escort agency and saw her several times and we connected on many levels,
after she was done escorting I asked her out,
We have seen each other for about a year,
Its an emotional and physical relationship, without being too serious or being highly committed,
Lately shes told me about money problems, and has been pulling back on her time with me and I eventually found out she’s escorting again,
I dont mind, and I understand she needs to do it again,
But I would rather her continue to escort and make the money she needs and I would rather go back to spending time with her as a client,
But i dont know how she would react to that
Why would you want to go back to being a paying customer again? You already said your current relationship isn't a heavy commitment.
Imagine if you had met her as a civvie and then found out she was escorting. Would you end the relationship and start seeing her as a customer?
The only things I can think of is that you want to also see other escorts and this p4p relationship makes it ok in your mind; or you don't mind dating a former escort, but not an active one.
To your question, I would think that since she hasn't asked for financial help she values the civvie relationship you have. In addtion, I assume you found out, but not because she told you. She may be insulted that you'd rather just be a customer.
Every other guy - Shiiiiit this is the life!
You - I would like to go back to my old life.
After you fucked for free for awhile, why go back?
Just go pay a new one.
Lemme see if I understand this.... You guys met while she was working and you were a client. You guys developed an emotional connection and started seeing each other in a "dating" context. But at some point you stopped valuing (paying for) the time you spent in her presence. She's now in a position where she needs money because you've been sucking up her time/attention/affection/sex and providing nothing of material benefit in return. (Damn, that sucks for her.) Now you're saying that you actually want to be that traditional "provider and protector" male figure in her life? Good for you! ('Bout time) So do that. 🤷🏻♀️ Let her make the money she needs to and while she's at it, keep being whatever version of a good boyfriend you have been (because why would that change?), AND NOW ALSO start actually being a material benefit to her instead of a cost center. Be her rock, her safety, her "provider and protector". You want to provide for her and once again value her time/energy/care/attention/sex. She needs the same. Seems like a win-win for everyone.
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What was your question again?
Once again, a great answer .
Sooo, because she retired without a plan to sustain herself and afterward they dated so she's now a victim and he's the bad guy? Did I misread the first half of your post? You know, the part before he sweeps her off her feet and and takes financial responsibility for her and also let's her make "her" money by fucking other men....
Wow, amazing my dear!
Maybe 2.
Wasn't it her decision to quit? Is there any evidence she didn't make the decision freely?
As for him being her protector et al., is there anything beyond inference to show that's what she wants?
Moreover, if they're dating, how is that "sucking up her time" ? Isn't she exercising agency in choosing to date him?
Based on what he said about 1) paying for her time, 2) continuing to spend time together but not paying (and most likely spending more time together than when he was paying), 3) current time spent together has lessened because she needs to create income... yeah, I'd call that "sucking up her time". They both have agency and they both are currently exercising it... to her detriment. Just because she made a poor choice (IMO) to allow him to devalue her, doesn't mean he's lacking the agency or responsibility for having done so. He could have chosen to maintain some version of financial support out of respect for the impact on her time that dating creates.
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Now I know not everyone will agree with me on this stuff. It's just how I happen to view dating. Everyone's welcome to have their own ideas on what kind of relationship works for them. If the OP chimed in with more details or whatever, we might all come to different conclusions🤷🏻♀️
So, by dating her--AFTER SHE DECIDED to quit P4P--he's devaluing her time? By that logic, once a woman quits her job, I should stay away. Sorry, I usually agree with you, but I'ma have to hop off this ride. Either she's an adult who made adult choices, or . . .
Absolutely nothing in the original post suggests he had a hand in her decision to quit, that he made any promise to her, or that she asked one of him. I'm just not getting where he's the bad guy and she's a victim.
I think we may be talking past each other but saying very similar things. I don't think he's a bad guy or that she's a victim at all (or rather, if she is a victim then it's due to her own choices). And I agree, we don't have any info on her decision to quit or much of anything else. I'll say again that we all have different ideas of what dating looks like and my perspective on the situation as outlined in the OP is obviously skewed by mine. 🤷🏻♀️ And also, this isn't a great medium for these nuanced discussions...
"because you've been sucking up her time/attention/affection/sex and providing nothing of material benefit in return. "
It finally happened--I agree with Snafu on something.
That's your sign to buy a lottery ticket!
We don't have any information on her reasoning, plans, expectations, desires, etc. All we know is what was stated, which was from his side of the situation.🤷🏻♀️
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Yes, it's inference or 'what I make up in my head' regarding the protector thing (and that terminology may not apply, but work with me on the conceptual side at least). He did say that she'd "told" him of her money issue and that she's "been pulling back" on their time together. I very well could be overthinking the verb tenses but the money stress convo looks to be a singular past instance while the "pulling back" part seems to be past progressive.... and from there I took the crazy leap that she'd likely been a bit passive aggressive/oblique/indirect/poor communicator regarding her financial situation and made no direct ask, so when he didn't act in any particular way different than normal, she changed her behavior.
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Dunno, man. Putting myself in her shoes, if I'm digging a dude who used to pay for my time but stopped (ha!), and I end up in a financial crunch, and I mention it to him.... damn skippy I'd want him to volunteer to start covering my time again, or some similar thing. And yes, I'd feel 'protected' if he stepped into that role. I'd feel seen and valued, that he cared to make my life a bit easier and safer as I got back into the work flow (these things take a bit of time to ramp up to stable profitability), and was in my corner being my cheerleader/supporter (emotionally speaking). That's why I chose those terms... and I could be 100% wrong also.
I just get the feeling he doesn't want to be her boyfriend anymore, especially now that she started hooking up with other guys without telling him (aka cheating lol). There are fewer expectations and responsibilities for being a client vs. being in a relationship. When you're a client you're expected to provide cash but you're not expected to provide any emotional support. You usually get a provider at their best, trying their hardest to be sexy, friendly and accommodating. You don't have to hear the provider vent about their personal life and any related drama. You don't have to get to know them on a deeper level or validate their emotions. You don't have to talk to them on the phone on a regular basis. This stuff can be tiring and exhausting. When you're a client you don't have to deal with the messy reality. You just plunk down some cash and have a good time, and when that time is up you leave. It is relatively easy to be a client. It's all the fun stuff without any of the hard work most relationships require.
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When you date someone, you have to deal with the whole person. The woman is not always going to be waiting for you, all dolled up in some sexy lingerie. You hang out with them while they're wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. You have to deal with them on their bad days; when they are tired, angry or depressed. Sometimes she might not be in the mood to have sex. When you're a boyfriend, you have to be emotionally available and supportive. You have to become emotionally invested in them. You have to be their shoulder to cry on/lean on. While you might be expected to pay for dinners and buy gifts, you usually aren't expected to provide material support until the relationship gets escalated. Being a good boyfriend requires a lot more work and is way more demanding, even if you aren't forking over cash on a regular basis. Being a good boyfriend is much harder and a much bigger burden than being a good client.
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So, putting myself in his shoes... If a woman wanted more financial support from me, I'd be asking myself what kind of commitment and support I would be getting from her in return. If a woman I was dating was hooking up with other guys (for money or not) and we weren't in an open/poly/ENM relationship, I would question exactly how emotionally involved I would want to be. If I'm not going to be exclusive with a woman and I'm going to have to pay, Am I going to want to take on all the burdens and responsibilities required to be a good boyfriend? I think that is what OP is getting at. I think he just wants to go back to having fun without having to deal with the messy realities of actually dating someone. He wants to hook up and have fun but he doesn't want to be emotionally invested or deal with her personal life anymore.
I'm with you on the whole differing expectations/responsibilities/etc between the role of client and that of boyfriend ("BF" is itself insanely nuanced/individual on it's own). And based on him saying the relationship wasn't "too serious or highly committed", I'm guessing it's probably not your basic, standard, garden variety, socially normalized type of gig like you described... but he still considers himself a BF (cuz he said that in the title).
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Feelings/connection doesn't generally turn on and off like a faucet so what would be the difference between their current reality and him going back to being a client? He'd just be paying her for her time again and probably see less of her (as seems to be currently happening with her pulling back). That's why I said what I did initially and asked for more info. I didn't happen to pick up on him finding her reality too messy for him to deal with, but it's possible.🤷🏻♀️ Maybe he'll chime in with some added perspective since we've all had a fun bit of making up various scenarios in our heads...
You’re 100% correct that we don’t know all the details. We’re filling in the blanks with our own assumptions and desires. His relationship does seem to be in one of those grey areas as well. They’re committed to each other in some form but still keeping it casual. It can be hard to get on the same page about roles and expectations in those scenarios.
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To be clear I wasn’t trying to disagree with you. I was just trying to figure out what exactly OP wanted. So yea, I had to make assumptions and just think. Why would he want to go back to paying for her time? Why would he want to switch from boyfriend to client? There are really only two things I can think of. It might be frequency related. Maybe he wants to see her more often or less often, and that by going back to being a client he has more control over that. He did mention they were seeing each other less, maybe he wants to see her more? The only other thing I could think of is he wants less responsibility but still wants to have fun. So yea, maybe he will chime in because we’re just making this all up lol.
If that’s how you truly feel speak up now.
Kiss 💋 keep it super simple.
The question to me seems to be whether or not you want to continue as a boyfriend if she is working as an escort.
Is there something this lady said or did that makes you think this would be a problem? Are you thinking she wants you to help with her finances so that you 2 can be exclusive? Is she unhappy about going back to P4P and that's affecting your time together?
OTOH, do you have a conflict because of feelings for her? Are you feeling put out that she didn't tell you she was going back to the life? Are you unhappy about not getting the same level of attention as a boyfriend?
If the answer to all the above is no, not sure what you're worried about. Make a date and see how it pays out. If the answer to any of the above is yes, it may be that these are feelings the 2 of you will have to work out by say . . . examining your feelings and "talking"? No one here can do that part for you.
I didn't enjoy reading this. Doesn't sound like you guys were truly in love
To respect and value someone's time. Without more input from the OP, I don't think "love" is an issue here. He says there's an emotional connection and is attempting to be considerate of her feelings... and that's a beautiful thing. And if "love" were to be part of the issue, there are a great many ways for "love" to look in relationships, none of which are within our purview to hold an opinion on (as it pertains to how others live their lives).
Sorry 😐
Are you willing to financially support her as your girlfriend? Yes or no. If you are, work out an allowance for her as she gets more financially stable. If not, walk away.
That he was considering financially supporting her fully, but as a client for the time they spend together...because he said as much. He also said he has no issue with her working, so again, not full support. But perhaps the OP could clarify if he thinks it's necessary.
Do you really want to have strong feelings for a gal that is getting fucked by strangers? Its gotta be a serious emotional whirlwind
Would you let yourself get attached to a porn star? And have dinner waiting after shes been shooting all day?
Love comes in all forms but thats a tough situation. Could be fun if you are of the right mindset though
And he'd get to have his own adventures, too... and we'd get to swap stories of how dirty we were that day... and all kinds of other fun dynamics that can happen when there's connection and trust. Uuufff sexy stuff!!😈🥳
It does sound fun and exciting but it isn't all fun and games. I've been in open relationships myself. They can definitely be fun and I did enjoy the dirty talk and other aspects. However, most people don't have the emotional intelligence to deal with it (even if they think they do). People can get jealous over the smallest stuff, and trying to work through the related issues can become very exhausting. It is easier to have my own adventures without having to worry about how it effects another person. Plus, it doesn't really work out for most guys. Most guys usually struggle to find multiple woman while their significant other has a line out the door of sexual partners with washboard abs and monster cocks. I've seen this happen a lot. The boyfriend or husband struggles to find dates while the woman goes wild. Then sometimes the guy manages to hookup with someone, only for the woman flip out and become extremely jealous. She'll all of a sudden start insisting on rules, slowing things down, introducing vetoes or even ask about closing up the relationship. I've seen that movie before, too many times.
Ya know, there are some guys who get almost as turned on by their partner getting action as they do by engaging with their partner. Some get *more* turned on by it. Some guys like being the first in line and others love sitting back, watching and getting to be the last (metaphorical or actual). I'm not monogamous and happen to love a slutty partner. So the saying fits... There's a lid for every pot😉
if you don’t want to commit long term, that is fine, but why would you go back to seeing her as a paid client?
she is clearly looking for a commitment and financial stability
unless of course she is cool with that