I fund myself, quite unhappilty, at a moment in life where both waning physical abilities and an unhappy emotional balance make hobbying a total crapshoot.

My question is, how do I account for this in my reviews?  Obviously, my emotional and physical decline is nothing that can be laid at the door of any provider.  Yet, these factors keep me from experienceing as pleasant and pleasurable an experience as would be possible in their absence, so they do have some bearing on my experience. At least in theory.

Out of fairness to  providers in question, how do i account for and compensate for this in a review?

My thought would be to state this clearly in the body of the review [and these problems would not effect the way I evaluate appearance].  But i suspect more than a few hobbists only look at the numeric ratings, so even that's not a foolproof solution.  And no help for the non-VIP members without acces to "the juicy details."

The other obvious solutions would be to no longer submit reviews, or only do so in the event where the experience was very poor or totally at variance with the providers' previous review history, be it for good or for ill.

And ultimately, the solution might be to stop hobbying altogether.

Any thoughts?

I'd like to PM you on some stuff but alas you're an unknown alias.

Your review should not mention your status.  Aferall the review is about her, not you.  In those areas not affected it is easy.  FOr those areas where your situation or attitude might impact the review stand back and look at the provider's performance oin the areas of attitude, sincereness, range of services, companionship and the like.  Either she did a good job or tried and not due to her efforts she was either successful or not.

No, that's not going to work.

I live in the NYC metro area.  Paying someone to abuse, degrade, torment, humiliate, and inflict pain upon me, events which I can expect, if not predict with close to unerring accuracy,  in the everyday warp and woof of daily life does not appeal to me in the least.

To pay for additional experiences along those lines would be, well, totally masochistic!

performing up to your expectations, you might try some medical assistance.  That might help the physical problem, but since you didn't give the specifics on the physical ailment, I can't be sure if that is what you need.  I am assuming you are having some erectile issues.  That happens to many of us as we get older.  I myself am no longer a spring chicken either, and a little help goes a long way with us old guys.  I also refrain from self-pleasuring for several days before visiting a provider

Secondly, your emotional decline should have little or nothing to do with your enjoyment of the provider.  If it does, well, maybe you should take a break from hobbying until you can regain your emotional health.  Again, since you didn't get specific about it, it's hard to know how to guide your decision.

Also, you don't mention how often you hobby.  If the provider has tried to do what you are there for, then even more obviously, she can't be to blame for your lack of enjoyment.  And, you would have to rate her accordingly.  Just be fair to her, after all, the problems are yours, not hers.

If you quit reviewing, your problems are not going to magically disappear.  Maybe an extended break would help.

Don't know if I have helped or not.  If you want to discuss it further, feel free to PM me.

Swim

As my alias suggests, I also have problems brought on by age and some ED.  It has never occurred to me that I should not submit reviews, or that I cannot do so fairly.

The answer is that you can submit reviews, but you have to be realistic about what you can expect from the encounter.   You should be grading the provider by how well she delivers on your realistic expectations.  Your description of the encounter should include what your realistic expectations are given your limitations.

If you can't do that, you should not submit a review at all, IMHO

I proposed BDSM b/c your post left me with the impression of, well, excessive masochism......

See, it's true, no good deed goes unpunished.

Contrary to my usual inclinations, this is a legitimate request for adice on a legitimate topic.

I think I can be placed somewhere between "overly introspective" to "guilt ridden" but I do blanche at any suggestion of masochisn [save when made in jest, as I suspect was the case her].  Except when i read, with extreme envy, the reviews of the VIP, PSE, and centerfold providers [lol].

I probably wouldn't submit reviews as a lousy experience, even if it's your issue, is still going to come across as exactly that.  If I had a lousy session because I couldn't get it up or climax and/or I wasn't in a proper mental/emotional state to have a good time, I wouldn't hand out a great performance review number because the provider can't do a '9' performance with a '2' hobbyist.  Capiche?

I don't think that changing physical/emotional circumstances necessarily have to be the end of your hobbying, nor do your experiences have to be less than 9s or 10s.

I agree with Swim's post above, with regard to rating your experiences.

But reading your post, I kept thinking of all the amazing people I've met who've had ED, or other situations that prevented them from having traditional sex.

Life throws changes at us. Most of us have experienced changes that, while at the time seemed negative and difficult, later we discovered that things had evolved in a new, positive way. We discovered new ways of living life, ways that we even preferred to our old existence.

The same can be said of sex.

My sexuality has been in a constant state of evolution. As I have grown, changed, developed, and evolved over the years, I've come to appreciate and understand my sexuality in ways I never could before.

In our culture, for time immemorial, we have had this androcentric view of sexuality. In that model, men and women can only achieve true pleasure through vaginal intercourse. That view is starting to change, over the past 50 or so years, for women... as the validity of clitoral orgasm has been gradually acknowledged.

But men are still stuck in this belief system that says the only way they can achieve any kind of sexual pleasure is with an erection, and ejaculation, and preferably vaginal intercourse as well.

The truth is, ejaculation and orgasm are NOT the same thing. Men are capable of intense, full-body orgasms, without an erection, without ejaculation. Any man, with a serious desire to do so, can learn to do this.

Orgasm and sensual pleasure are, in great part, a state of mind. I once read of a man who was paralyzed from his collarbone down... yet his body had adapted, and he was able to enjoy intense sexual pleasure and even orgasm simply by having his shoulders touched and caressed. I think it's like what happens when someone goes blind, the way the other senses take over.

Now you are not severely disabled, and from your post I assume that you are capable of erection and pleasure sometimes, but not always.

Instead of giving up on the idea of hobbying, or deciding that some of your experiences will be negative, why not start exploring your sexuality in a new and different way, that allows for your body to be less capable of traditional sex?

Orgasm and ejaculation are wonderful... but the journey can be exquisitely pleasurable, too.

Sorry for the long post... just my thoughts...
xxxooo
Beverly ;-*

I would refrain from posting reviews if I thought my emotional state might render them inaccurate.

Hope things improve for you soon, SH. I enjoy your posting on the board.

Swim and BevFisher are right-on with their advice.  You are writing the review about the lady and her appearance, performance, attitude, etc.  If she puts forth the effort, then she deserves a good review.

To Holly, Bev and KK for their kudos to my advice.  Sincerely, I hope we have all helped the SH with his problems.  We are a family here, and helping each other enjoy the hobby is something we should all do when we can.

Swim

Thank you for your post.  I do hope that the men who read it will take it to heart and accept what you've said....... and explore this part of their sexuality.

I guess I'm of two minds on this, both of which reach the same conclusion;

A reviewer, whether of a movie, book, or provider, should as much as possible be objective.  A review should not bring much of the individual to bear.  Admittedly, not an easy thing to do.  Part of this objectivity is determining how well the subject of the review achieves its/her goal.  If the goal of a film is to entertain, you will consider how much humor or action or whatever is present, and how well it's presented.  If a book is trying to elucidate or educate, how well does it present its information and make its case.  We all understand what a provider's objective is, or should be.  If she fails to deliver, even if it's not her fault, it would certainly impinge on the reviewer's objectivity.

On the other hand, as a sometime film reviewer, I know I've had experiences where my expectations colored my perception.  Or, if I was in a particularly good or particularly bad mood, it might affect my reaction to a film.  This can also happen with a review of a provider.  High expectations, because of other reviews, or because of photos at a website might set the lady up for failure.  Likewise, if a reviewer is having a bad day, a fair to middling provider might brighten your day enough to earn a better review.

The point?  Be as objective as possible, sharing that your expectations, performance, or other externals may be influencing your review.  This should provide a fairness or balance for the provider.  And, the information may still be valuable to another hobbyist.  If you just feel that you absolutely can't be objective and impartial, then perhaps you should reserve judgment.  But I'd still encourage anyone, especially someone as articulate as you, to post your reviews.

I like your posts on that board where people are willing to bend over a fuzzy phallus......

junior humorist....lol

But seriously, TY very much.  You pretty much stated the lines upon which i was thinking when I posted to get additional POVs.

I'll compose them and then sit on then for a few weeks, to get distance, and i hope perspective, on what I've written.  Then i'll edit as necessary and submit at the appropriate time.

A big TYVM to everyone kind enough to weigh in and advise.  I could do this w/o you, but it's more pleasuable indeed with you.  Again, many thanks.

-- Modified on 8/7/2007 10:23:02 AM

TY, but hey, don't blow my cover!

And it took 3 reads to get the double pun.  You're a sharpie, no doubt about it.