Gotta question, ladies. I saw a provider recently that was hot as hell and awesome with her services. She has rave reviews on TER and gets much repeat business. I'm fine with her popularity and planned to see her alot myself. But here's my dilemma: she calls me just to chitchat sometimes and says that I'm 'dangerous' for her because of how safe and secure I make her feel. She asked me out on a date and says that I stay on her mind. Now, should I expect to pay for these dates or should they be considered off the clock? And should I just take her apparent interest in me with a grain of salt and assume this is what makes her a good provider? I like her for her awesome services, but I'm also really getting into her beyond that. Help me, ladies. Guys, if you've had similar experiences, please tell me about them. Just so you know before answering, I have a pretty nice home that illustrates my wealth and am fairly handsome. Thanks in advance everyone. Your answers may determine what I do

Check your feelings for her:

Is she someone you want to "date" outside the hobby and if the answer is yes then are you going to be ok with her working. There is a lot more to this than just asking for a date.

Make Sure you ask her up front:

If you at any point have a question as to whether or not this is a "paid" date or not...just ask. Be clear and precise. If you are paying then it is business as usual. If it is not, well you are treading into territory where many have fallen but a few have succeeded.

If you make the mistake and "assume" anything you are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of, not necessarily by her, but someone else if it becomes a pattern. If she truly likes you she will tell you. If she likes your company "outside" business well it should be conducted as so.

For your own sanity, get a clear picture of what you want and expect and then ask her point blank. It may not be the answer you want but at least you will know.

~Gracie


-- Modified on 9/4/2005 1:19:22 PM

Continue to pay for her time and only see her in the context of a paid date unless there can be something more; both of you must agree to the terms. It may mean making major changes for both of you, though you sound more flattered by the situation rather than committed to making it work. You will find that you can't have it both ways unless you are prepared to support her lifestyle. Can you handle being in a relationship with a provider who continues to see other men, women? My advice is not to dip your toes in that water until you know how "hot" it is.

but the nature of the call is totally clear to me!  and to her.  If you are not clear, you need to talk about what she is communicating to you...  I would suggest that you arrange some time, OTC, with her - over coffee or some such, to discuss.  State to her when you call to make this appt. that you would like to have coffee with her at such and such a place - but that this would not be a scheduled appointment.  If she accepts, you have lots to discuss, if she says I need to be compensated for my time, well, there is your answer.... my guess, she will accept.

Providers are people too.  I had a "Date" with one last night, and although the "date" was not what I planned and I had to bring in a sub, the sub was intellectually worth the evening...  She made me realize and think about a ton of things... What a wonderful intellect.  Best of luck to you - and her.

You may find that when you are off the clock, you are opening your wallet even more than when you were on the clock. All sorts of day to day "emergencies" seem to pop up. It happened to me more than once. Shame on me.

and I can tell you from my own experience. I bet she does it to many other guys. It is all business. You should enjoy her company, though, so long as you can control your feeling. Dont get in there deeper.

I have so many stories like that. One provider gave me a cbj on my first visit, saying everything should be covered for safety, then on my second visit, she gave me a bbbj, saying because she liked me a lot. Hell, I felt great but later I founnd out from some members here that she gives a bbbj to all her clients.

Be sure to keep the healthy distance and expect to pay for the services. I hope it works out for you, but be open minded and never...ever judge the lady for what she does. if you can accept her as is and take it slowly, a frienship may develop. But, don't kid yourself, there will be some bumps in the road.

And, unfortunately, this is probably just a ploy to take advantage of you or keep you 'on the string'.

I had a very reputable provider who is now retired, but still has the reputation as "Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm" tell me in August of last year that we had something special developing. At the same time, she still took the money for the appointment. She then asked if I could give her a job managing my office. She became upset when I told her that wasn't a good idea and the rationale behind that decision and said she had to get back home.

The lady kept badgering me about hiring her and kept claiming we had something special, but still took the money the next time I saw her a month and one half later. We had gone to a social gathering in Nashville where she met some providers that I had seen before. Even though it was business and we had never spent any 'off the clock' time together, she blew up a couple of weeks later at me when she read my reviews of these lovely ladies.

That is when I put the lady in my rearview mirror and never looked back. The lady knew that I was a successful businessman of significant means who could support her to no end if I so desired.

I am thankful every day that I kept my distance and saw that lying wench for what she was, so please be careful, step back and proceed with the caution that our military uses in Iraq when driving down a highway. Those IED'S are hazardous to your health!

My final suggestions would be that if you have a second car, make it a 'granny type' or nondescript vehicle to drive when you are seeing a provider so that ladies won't know you are loaded unless you slip and tell them. And, don't be a human ATM!

All of your responses have given me clarity. I will assume business is business until the day she tells me to keep my money and just enjoy her. I don't fall in love easily so it won't be hard to not get caught up. And I certainly won't judge her for what she does (I think if I was a woman I'd be a bigger nympho...a lesbian nympho, mind you...than any woman I know). I guess I'll just keep seeing her 'professionally' until she makes it unequivocally clear that she wants more...although it is hard to see another provider without pangs of guilt. I guess that's part of the game though, huh? Thanks, gang.

with another guy!  but she knows I am cool.  ahhh,..... living through other's lives it is fun.!

won't be able to communicate with her about the relationship.

Don't guess about it.  Talk to her.  You should've done it yesterday.

Do you want to hang out with her if no sex is involved?  If not, you might want to thank her and either move on or keep paying an hour at a time.

Some women on these boards have relationships with men who started out as clients. I know one in particular.

Agree.... keep it prof'l for now so you can see how it grows....  Might turn into lesser and lesser rates, and ultimately to something more personal....

But from my experiences, delving into a rel'p off the clock right away just leads to sudden doom.  We all want the epitome of the opposite sex at first -- looks, action, style, similar lifestyles, etc.  But give her some time, and after getting to know each other more, and if you fall for each other emotionally, and get along in the living room/ with others, etc, it could work out!!!

1. the first time this happned she called me and asked if I wanted to get together. I said sure, cause she was hot and the sex was good. she came over and said the session was only 50 bucks. SWEET I thought. We emailed back and forth and had lots in common.  I made another appointment and she came over and said it was no charge from now on!  Woohoo! WE had regular booty calls and went out for dinners and stuff.

Next thing I knew she was pyscho woman! Went from really wanting me all the time to blaming me for every thing that went wrong in her life. I never found out why either. I had to block her email and phone number. Lucklily she never showed up on my doorstep and I didn't have to get a TRO.


2. I found a nice petite lady who twisted me just the right way. I saw her every week for a year. She and I discussed the relationship. (Yes, it became one naturally because you can't see someone every week for a year and not develop some emotional attachment). We like each other a great deal, but have different goals. But decided to see each other outside the industry sometimes but we still enjoy appointments too. Why? because we both want to see other people. But have told each other it isn't exclusive.


Best advice.  communicate to each other what you NEED and what you WANT.  Be sure you both know the difference in them as well.

now say my name backwards!  

My assumption would be that is she is asking you out on a date, that it would be OTC - but I suppose every lady is different.

Likewise, each lady will have thier own way of doing things, and their own comfort levels.  Personally, if I choose to spend time OTC socializing and going out with a client - they are no longer a client - and never will be again.  And since I have only slept with 3 people in my personal life (all of whom I have been in love with), establishing a friendship outside would effectivly guarantee that we would no longer have any sort of a sexual relationship - unless of course we then fell in love.

The basic possiblilties are:
- She wants you as both a client and a friend
- She wants you as only a friend/boyfriend
- She is providing extras to ensure she can keep you happy as a client
- You have misconstrued her comments, and she is only wanting you as a client and is expecting you to pick up the tab.

Whatever her intent is, you need to work that out with her - as well as determining what the short and long term implications are going to be.  Are you willing to stop having sex with her if she sees you as just a friend now?  Are you willing to date her and be non judgemental about the fact that she is a provider?  Are you willing to be monagmous to her (if that is what she expects) should the two of you start dating - even though she continues working?  

You won't know what she wants or expects unless you ask her.  Each of is is indidual in our views, wants, needs and ways of doing things.  As with everything eles in life, communication is the key.

I guess communication is the key, but when she speaks vey little English, that makes it more difficult to understand her motives in dating me. On the first date, she seemed eager to set it up. We had dinner and a movie. No sex, which suggested to me that she was having her period. At the end of the evening, she left the car so quickly that I figured I didn't owe her any money for the evening. A month later, she called me and we spent eight hours together, but I really made a lot of mistaks: I took her to a park, which I found out later was not something she liked to do; then to my house for her to get a tampon; then to a movie that she didn't like; then back home for a steak dinner, which she hated because I didn't cook the meat enough to her liking. She liked my house and estimated its market value. I dropped her off, again with her leaving the car quickly. No dates since, but I continue to see her on a regular basis. I always bring her a gift -- flowers, trinkets, candy. We get along fine for an hour. She's a typical attentive, loving Asian woman who seems to be somewhat independent although she works for a pimp. She buys diamond earrings and rings with her money. She promises to go out with me again, butb that hasn't happened since May. Shne's a wonderful woman I wouldn't mind waking up to every day. But I suspect she's just in whatever she does for the money. I guess she will call the shots on any relationship, and I should find out sooner rather than later. But that's difficult when the "fit" is right for me.

Or, tell her when she asks you out that that you're too short for the donation that particular night (if you are, that is).  If she tells you that she'll waive the fee, you know if it's business.  You better ask her then and know what she has in mind for future paid or free nights out.  This could lead to a lot of confusion and hurt feelings.

Just avoid doing that as the date starts, or worse, when it ends.  

You will realize that in the end...it's all just business. Granted providers are people too, but their line of work disallows them from having a happily ever after with you. No offense, and like everyone said, the chances are slim that it would work out. To share my experience, I too was in your position and decided to go for it. It was a fling, more or less, and the "off the clock" activities with her made me pay for everything including her other "extra curricular" activites. I wound up as a personal ATM for her, more or less. Don't expect a long term thing. You said it best...take it with a grain of salt. After all, it is a hobby. Good luck.

You can also ask her what her plans are aside from this business.

You can also see her on a professional level and see how you really feel about one another before going down the dating path. You may find that you want to just keep in on a professional level.

X's Summer