Do most men that you see think of you as a part-time lover or simply as a provider of a service?

I find it odd that you ask the ladies to hypothesize about what we think, when countless guys are on the boards and able to answer for ourselves.

My 2 irrelevant and unwanted cents worth..

essentially the OP is asking for speculative mind reading. it is not only epistemologically dubious but psychologically dysfunctional.

odd is quicker and pithier though

Yes the men can speak for themselves (and hopefully they do) but they can only speak for one man - themselves. Whereas a lady can surmise how most of her clients treat her, not just one guy.  

In my early identity as an hourly provider, most clients saw me as a provider. However, they still treated me with consideration and respect (the vast majority anyway), and so it didn't bother me.  If someone became a regular client for over a year, they generally treated me as a friend with benefits, not a lover.

I find in the multi-hour world, and those who seek a travel companion, it is more common to meet gentlemen seeking someone who will start as a friend, and might overtime become a lover. However, there are still people who consider me a provider giving a service, because they maintain a level of kindness and warmth, I still find the time I spend with them pleasant and enjoyable.

the question would make a lot more sence.


How do we ladies see ourselves? As part time girlfriends or service providers.


I personally would describe myself as part time girlfriend.

Even though I do not have minimum multihour requirements, most of my dates tend to be at least 2 - 4 hours long. This allows to develop certain intimacy and gives opportunity to get to know my dates.  Then of course there are overnight and travel dates which I love.  

I've got to know some of my friends very well and truly care for them.

Do I have "just service" dates?  Yes, they are usually the first meetings.  Sometimes it is just fun to get naughty for an hour in middle of afternoon

Lina

Thank you Lauren for taking the time to comment.  I think its a curious question and I myself have pondered it often.  

What I think it boils down to is the difference between "sport f*&king" and partaking in the services of true courtesan.

When I was into sport f&%king all I cared about was the service. Now that I am older, with a wide range of experience, likes and dislikes etc., its the intimacy, the sensual environment and the entire interaction between the man and the woman,  (Thats not to say occasional sport F&%king isn't called for now and then too.

Why are some men so homophobically challenged and so defensive when asked to contemplate a question with the letters L-O-V-E-(R) arranged in more or less that order?   They can't even expand their minds long enough to consider the possibilities that the question is about more than ideas that are black and white.

MHO.  

-- Modified on 5/16/2010 8:32:56 PM

I don't have the experience base you do Lauren but the little I do have is consistent with your comments.

If there is no friendship involved I don't see a provider more than once or twice.  Even without travel a few have moved from friend to lover over the years.  Part of the formula is selecting carefully.  Part is true care and effort.  Even so, part will always be fate more than design.

Based on my experience I agree.Also the courtesan aspect does facilitate a transition in the relationship.

You always start out with a provider-client relationship, but I have had things transition from there into everything from a non-repeat to a full blown relationship.  Just like meeting any other lady any other way.  Emotions can and do become involved.

I can tell you how it worked for me. What started as a business transaction quickly changed, the more we talked the more we realized we had similar views on many topics, plus there was just an undeniable chemistry there. Its obvious fate had something in store for us as we are now quite committed lovers, albeit living a rather unconventional open relationship. It's not for everyone, but for those brave enough, can be the most illuminating and healing sexual adventure.

That's all I can say.

in a way different way from Lina. she re-parsed the question into one about her personal attitude to her encounters. you have re-parsed the question into one about observable client behavior. both re-castings of the question eliminate the call for speculation.

one responder does seem confused about how i found the OP's question "odd": it is simply the call to speculate. for his benefit i'll clarify:

not being much of a once and done type, i prefer repeating with a small circle of friends where there is shared warmth and caring at some level that is comfortable for both. the encounter then become _not_ stereotypical perhaps even unreviewably good, too tame for the reviewers of reviews but very effective.

my friends express (one way or another) that they value the encounter as more than just for compensation. while i find that the envelope is inadequate to express my gratitude. what is the value of those friends who help you to recover and maintain your well being?

there is no price to put on that kind of relationship. but some folks will never understand that.

-- Modified on 5/17/2010 4:44:48 AM

your careful answer removes the oddness

i generally find mind reading questions to be "odd" since humans are rather deficient in that ability.

you and lauren below have finessed the "oddness" out of the question in different ways. clearly you both have superior social skills.

for my part i never book a service date. what has me not repeating is the sense that the encounter(s) was was all about delivery of service for to maximize the extraction of profit. that's simply not going to work for me.

I didn't want the men to answer with their feelings and I didn't want the providers to "read the minds" of the men.  I was looking for the providers' opinions on their clients' mindset based how the gentlemen treat the ladies.

Many thanks to the respondents that didn't automatically assume that the question is odd and gave an intelligent and thoughtful answer.

My own opinion is that more times than not, a repeat client (several repeated dates) begins to think of the provider as a part-time lover rather than a service provider and that is because of the intimate nature of the service.

I do often wonder why in the world a gentleman would see someone if she was just a service.. seems to me that would take the fun out of it..

Now, If we are into role play or something I get that whole game...YEAH! not a bad game to play at all.

How powerful is it to be able to please someone..!

person to have fun with instead of putting a label on it. I have been told that what I do is like therapy and much needed....yet I have never been called a therapist. LOL.

If it's our first meeting then his fantasy will lead him to the place he wishes to visit. I do hope when he walks out the door some feelings will be there to return.

For those friends who do return it's for soft sensual kisses, physical pleasures and me. Why would you return if there wasn't something special you wanted to feel again.

I think like most ladies here we would like to feel we offer more than a service and less like a piece of meet.

Kisses Haley

Those very few ladies I see, I truly like. I'm not really there to be "serviced."

Because I like them and enjoy their company beyond the sex; I think classifying as a friend or part-time girlfriend is a lot more accurate than as a service provider.

and your black-white categories.

now the difference between "mind reading" and "looking for the providers' opinions on their clients' mindset" is simply IMO that the latter uses more words to express the same thought but with seemingly more nuance.

part time lover may go too far, though, as a category. without permission and encouragement i'm not going to go there....

but i do have very warm feelings toward those with whom i connect well enough to enjoy repeating visits. it is more of a "friends with benefits" thing than part time lover.

besides, one UTR lady i know has a real lover, a SO she's made known to me. the SO is pictured in the annual Xmas card. so in that case especially i know that my status is FWB only. it would be extremely presumptuous and unwholesome of me to think of myself as a part time lover in that context!

so there are several parts to the oddness of your question from my point of view.

1) is that you ask providers to speculate about what is in their clients heads. my experience is that such speculation is often wrong, both ways.

2) your categories of "service" versus "part time lover" is not nuanced enough to capture my reality.

as for repeat dates? there are a few with whom i've repeated 1-2 dozen times.... so i'm very serious that my experience does not fall comfortably (for me) into your two rather extreme categories.

i hope i've clarified...

without a doubt, most of my clients think of me as a lover, however they think of me as a lover who is there to serve them.

i am submissive by nature, and very caring, nurturing yet docile to the men i see. i do not have a purely sexual NEA (no emotions attached) relationship with ANY of my clients. in my selection process i intentionally seek out those men who desire a connection and true bonding with another human being, so "one 'n dones" and "sport fucking" are not a part my hobby life.

at the same time, because i have such a submissive personality, it is never forgotten that my place is to serve. this is not limited to purely sexual service either. my obedience, devotion to service, and passive demeanor actually intensifies the emotional connection i have with my clients, as it brings out their protective sides. just the other day a long-time friend told me, "you're so delicate, i just want to wrap you up in my arms and make sure no harm ever comes to you." others have called me their little puppy, lol. it may seem like an odd sort of connection to most here, but it is very natural for me and for the men i see.

but whether it is clear or not may depend on the context. i can't help with that.

-- Modified on 5/17/2010 1:44:25 PM

Somehow automatically negates genuine human respect, bonding, affection.. etc....

The $$$'s is just another vehicle with which to initiate a scenario..albeit with a focus on physical pleasure being the primary commodity.....

Anyhow I really dig, as a person, who I see and the feelings are mutual.......

I prefer to let life unfold before me knowadays.

Two mature adults having sex.


Is there a law somewhere saying you should be lovers for having sex. Don't remember following that law ever especially in college. All I remember is having a few and waking up someone's bed or someone in my bed. Only difference is $.

yourself and all your constant bloviating psychobabble, which mean nuttin to real men here.

WTF, are trying to take over the job of Mangina.Team.Captain?

I think you are close. lmfao

psychobabble you want then:

"control yourself" is often an injuction whose true import is to be controled by someone else's taste.

"real men" and "mangina" are only stereotypes. i seem to recall a time when you and i were both posting more frequently that you were called a "mangina" yourself.

the discussion comes down to taste: is one a lumper or a splitter, does one see only black/white or does one see shades of values, perhaps even colors?

in the end, the reality of life and death is just what it is, it simply does not give a damn about our tastes, how we find the other's tastes to be odd or objectionable, or how nuanced or crude our labels and categories are. it just doesn't matter in the end. it can be a source of mild amusement before the end though.....

so it is best to not take it too seriously.

-- Modified on 5/17/2010 7:03:11 PM

Had a current favorite ask me just this night---"Do you like me?"  I said "I wouldn't be here unless there was a connection."

Dear Ms. Summerhill:
I was wondering could you describe your psychological metamorphasis from when you first came into the business until now? With respect to your reply I was wondering,when you first started how much of it was a thespian activity with respect to your session and how much of it was real? Also considering that you have seen a number of men how much of it is real and how much of it is being a thespian? Also how comfortable are you now lending some of yourself emotionally as opposed to when you first started? It would be interesting to here your evolution with respect to your demeanor in calls and how it has changed with respect to the chemistry with your clients over the years.

Depends on the guy and well what he's donating for.

Dear Duplicitouslust:

With respect to your constant stupid ass "with respect" and "please clarify" posts that nobody answers........ please STFU. You are boring as hell.

"We're mad as hell and not going to take it anymore". lmfao