I just want to know what is with a provider asking for references?? is this someone that she is actually going to contact and if so what ever happened to the client's right to confidentiality!! I do understand the providers concern for security but I just don't understand some of the requests for really personal information of clients. please help me to understand if iam being rude or whatever because Iam concerned with my privacy..Thanks
Now don't take this as me being rude, so if it comes off that way, then I apologize in advance.
But how do you expect a provider to screen you? What is easier for you? Givng her your real name, business # and phone # or giving her a reference of a lady who has already seen you that can verify that #1 you are not LE and #2 that you are a decent person.
We all have our rights to confidentiality. You write reviews of your encounters, so why is it a problem to use one of those ladies, with their permission, as a reference? I guess I am confused.
In the last 3 years I have never encountered a situation where a reference was out of line in giving too much information on a gent. Usually it is pretty basic.....along the lines of "Yes I have seen him, he is good, bad, ect." never does his personal information get shared nor personal details of the encounter.
As with all references, we have to take them at face value and make our own determinations. But a reference is the best way I have found to screen any gent who wishes to see me. I personally don't want your home or business number, nor do I care where you work. Those things do not tell me if you have the potential to be a problem when we are alone together or whether or not you will be one of the best memories I will ever have. A provider refernece cannot tell me those things either, but they can give me a pretty good idea if you are being true to your word when booking an appointment.
but thats just me
xoxox
Lass
giving another provider as a reference is not neseccarily a bad idea however I have seen on some ladies websites forms that they make you fill out wanting to know what you do for a living your work phone number etc and as far as Iam concerned even keeping the providers security in mind that is not her business to know that info. I don't want a provider calling my place of work , i don't care who they pose as.
Market forces will dictate how things pan out. Personally I am very reluctant to use a provider as a reference. How do I know that the provider does not have a hidden agenda ? They are alot of common sense things a provider can do instead of going with silly references. I see situations where some providers in particular states will be so silly on the references that there rates drop like crazy even to the point where they almost go out of business. Other providers from out of state come in and clean house. What I have found after doing my research in some instances that the provider does not have references themselves and they are not good anyways.
They they get silly by saying "Call me from a land line not an annoymous number". Calling cards are important so you don't get in trouble at work. Also you don't want to call from home and get in trouble with you SO.
Once again these silly things put ceilings on the prices. Other providers come and clean house.
There is something to be said for those who take a risk without references. They will be rewarded bigtime, especially by the new hobbists.
In all instances so far where I've filled out a request form, the reference was fine INSTEAD of work information. I'm retired, and therefore have no work information, so references work well for me. I have not ever had a problem securing an appointment in this way, nor have there ever been any repucussions regarding a reference check. Your point about wanting to keep your work information private is well taken. The reference route is a better and more private way of doing business in this hobby.
Ditto 100%%%% on everything Celtic Lass said in the previous post. I only see clients with provider references. Drivers licenses, work numbers, and home numbers can all be falsified. This was the case last week for an unfortunate LE event in the Twin Cities. In order to jog the provider/reference's memory,I generally ask the prospective client for details such as what she was wearing, where he saw her, any memorable conversation or little details. I may also ask the reference if an e-mail address sounds familiar. I never write anything down, or keep names or numbers. That could cause problems for me!
Lisa Lee : )
Lass: Great response to the post, and wonderful tribute to the horror and loss of Sept. 11 on your website. Thank you.
Its nice to know someone saw....I did it more for me and my personal feelings...but I am glad others have enjoyed it too
Slan,
Lass
Providing a reference is a simple means for a provider to verify that you are not either LE or a serial killer. You've seen at least the 9 girls you reviewed, and I'm sure at least one will be happy to provide an inquiring provider with just the fact that yes, you are a gentleman and no, you are not LE or a serial killer. This has the effect of reducing the initial uneasiness of the meeting to a minimum, and is a good thing. Since this is a business, there is no issue of loyalty (like with a wife), especially if it's in a different city. I have 3 providers that I can use as references, in 3 different cities, and do use them from time to time. I once asked a provider what the reference said about me, and she showed me the e-mail she got back. It simply stated that she did remember who I am, and that I was a complete gentleman. That's all she wrote, and that was all that the inquiring provider was interested in. And it is better for you than providing more personal information instead.
Put yourself in her shoes and tell me what you would do to protect yourself, keep the business happy and at the same time feel comfortable enough to meet up with a stranger?
I don't care if she calls the boss to let him know that I will get laid.
Regardless, even if I have to pay for it.
Maybe you don't care if she calls your place of work or your boss but some people do..
-- Modified on 9/8/2002 7:43:24 PM
as I said before maybe another provider as a reference but not my employer!!! What does knowing and calling my place of work have anything to do with her being uptight or her security?????
If one doesn't have a well known provider to vouch for him, then how does a newbie get his start? If it is too much of a hassle for you, then find a provider who doesn't screen her clients, but also know that if you do, you take the chance of running into LE who might be assuming you were looking for something else. Personally if I was a client, I would rather choose a provider who is responsible and takes the time to screen her clients cause I think those providers would also be the ones less likely to get into trouble and bring trouble to you and also more likely to be discreet and protecting your privacy in the long run.
If a client doesn't have any references from a well known provider, I do ask for some other verification information so that I know that the person is serious about the business transaction and not LE (as we all know LE always assume the worse and give us a hell of a time trying to prove that we are guilty and waste tax dollars and time but that's a whole other chapter) After the quick painless way of me checking, it's over with, erased and deleted...no phone records as I use pay phones for this part, no emails, everything wiped from the harddrive. More times than not I don't even have to go as far as calling your boss to verify that you work there as I have other ways after getting basic information.
I'm sorry that you have run into problems with this, but take the plunge once, see a well known provider, treat her like a lady and use her as your reference from here on out~
I seem to be giving out the impression that I don't treat people with respect or the providers like Ladies and that is not so.. I have always done so...as Iam retiring from the Canadian Armed Forces and will be living on pensions I have no idea what employer reference especially since mine deals with the federal govt.. yes this is personal info I have just given but not specific ..but I always treat people with respect and hope that they would do the same for me..
As one retiree to another, getting that one provider as a reference for you will make all the difference in the world. As I said before, it only legitimizes your intent, and assuages the provider's apprehensions about a new situation. And as former military (I know this from 12 years in service to Uncle Sam), you should know the value of intelligence. And these gals are only trying to provide just enough intel for them to go into a situation just a little more secure. Based on your reviews, I know that there are many excellent providers in your area. See any of them and just ask if they would be good enough to act as a reference. I have 3 girls who I use as references, and I have only had to ask 3 to do so. Nobody has ever refused. If you are a gentleman, and treat these ladies with respect as you say you do, then this won't be a problem, and I'm very sure that your security will be preserved as well.
Just one other point. In some instances I have told providers what my handle is on TER. Since most of the providers I see are a result of good TER reviews, they can actually see who I have seen and what kind of time I had. In at least one case a provider told me that she did not even check my reference because of the reviews I had posted.
I am truly sorry about the length of this post, but when you do retire, you'll understand the concept of having lots of time on your hands. :-}
At first contact with a lady, you know far more about her than she of you. Although you may very well be a gent that treats people with respect, there is no way of a lady to know that right off hand. One can be anything they want to be in an email or phone conversation. I call it the Jekyll & Hyde syndrome and we are definitely not telepathic.
I can sympathize with the need for discretion and find the process very uncomfortable myself, but it is an evil necessity given the nuts that are out there and the ever present threat of legal reprecussions. There is an inherent risk to the ladies. One that we have willingly chosen to take and do not understand why it is that anyone would have a problem with a lady wanting to minimize the risks as much as possible, for in doing so she ensures safety in an abstract sense to the gents also. If the tables were turned and you were in our position, given your need for discretion, I do not think that you would do any differently either. We all want the same thing.
You have found this forum and there are many more out there at your disposal and that alone helps in minimizing the risks to the gents. It is in effect a screening process the gents have for the ladies when a gent uses the resources here for a little homework. In fact I prefer those gents that do use those resources. It ensures that all protocols are met for both parties.
Nothing is fool proof. That is a given, but in doing all one can to ensure safety and comfort, the chances are that 98% of the time an encounter will be a positive one all around.
There is a risk in everything one does be it here or anything else. It is up to the individual to take that risk and if this is something that you find to uncomfortable, then you shouldn't partake in that risk at all.
Lauren
She will then know that you work for the XYZ Corporation, and not the NYPD, or whatever PD is in your neighborhood. By the way, you can also, in a comment box on the form, tell the girl that, if asked who she is when she calls, to say something like, "This is Ms. Smith from Fleet Bank.", or some other non-threatening code.
I have seen sometime visiting providers and they have asked me for reference with LA providers. I always gave them some contacts without any problem. Don't worry about confidentiality, the only questions they have asked were if I were LE and if I were a nice and polite guy. They have never asked anything else nor my providers in Los Angeles have ever gave them more info.
-- Modified on 9/9/2002 8:03:53 AM