I reasonably sure I know the answer to this question before I ask it but I am going to throw it out anyway.

There is a provider I have been seeing once every two weeks for some time. However, this last week, I have not been able to get in touch with her. One of her phones says, "She is not receiving call at this time and the other says ... the message box is full." I have also emailed her which she normally answers promptly but she has not responded.

She maintains an incall nearby and I was wondering if it would be inappropriate to go by and check on her. She has knickknacks on her entry so it would be easy to see if she was still there even without knocking.

I like this lady as a friend and if she has a problem, I would like to help.

What say ye?

I wouldn't classify a drive by as stalking, but assuming that everything looks to be in order, I'd say that you shouldn't do much more than one more email, expressing your concern for her well being.

It sounds like she's taking a break.  It may be as a result of an event, so she didn't even let the regulars know.  Could be something as simple as a seriously ill parent.

I hope it works out...

...that is an unforgivable breach of protocol, if you ask me.  We hobbyists and providers depend on, count, absolute discretion.  If she is indeed in trouble, it is simply not your job, not your responsibilty to help. That's not part of the deal.

Likewise, if she simply never wants to see you or communicate with you ever again, that's too bad, but it's her right.  Move on.

I strongly believe you should do no more than send an E-mail. You may perceive going to her home as a harmless walk by, a concerned hobbyist checking up on a provider. However, if she somehow sees you, or it comes out at a later date that you stopped by to check on her, she may totally flip out. She could view your actions as a complete disregard for her privacy. You have crossed the line. While you may like her as a friend, she may still view your relationship as strictly client/hobbyist. Although you want to, it is NOT your job to help her out.  

I know you are concerned, but the bottom line is if she wants to communicate with you during this period, she will. If your phone calls and E-mails are left unanswered then take it as a sign that she does not wish to speak with you. If your relationship with her is meant to continue at a future date it will. But you need to let her sort things out.      



-- Modified on 10/18/2007 11:28:19 AM

-- Modified on 10/18/2007 12:00:32 PM

-- Modified on 10/18/2007 12:00:52 PM

Is there anyone you know who knows her well?

I would start that route.

If, on the other hand, you are prepared to end a relationship for the sake of caring for her well being, then go knock on her door.

I think I would under these circumstances.

and last emailed me 4 days ago to say she had been sleeping for 36 hours and was getting up to go to the doc.  No response to email since then (she never answers the phone except to give you the room number) so I am worried.  But to take it any further would be very inappropriate on my part - she has friends and family for times like this.

Even though you are a paying friend on a regular basis, its not your business, and you would be violating a very important boundary to take any further action.

(alias used to protect my ass from her next time I see her LOL - it would be easy to figure who it was if I used my real fake name).

Write to her again and see what is going on. Most times, providers are just busy. Not trying to not see you.

Hope that helps.

I've taken a week or two week break every once in a while and I know that some men are well meaning and care for me, I get a lot of phone calls, which I appreciate when I listen to the voice mails every couple of days.  I appreciate the emails which I usually don't answer.  It's not that I am trying to be a bitch but sometimes I just don't have the energy to talk to anyone.  If anyone were to come and visit me during those times I would be so pissed off.  I wouldn't even be able to describe how angry I would be.  I would never....  never talk to that person again!!!
Sometimes I just need to go away, veg out, no make up, no styling my hair, sometimes I don't even change my clothes.. I need to be a bum for a few days.  And If that safe place was ever invaded.. even by just a knock on the door.. I would be livid.
After a few days I'm back to my old self and I can breath again and answer all the emails and accept phone calls and life goes on.  But please, if you've called and then emailed, and I have not responded it's because I don't want to.
My opinion is that you should just go on with your life until she is ready to see you again.  You'll know when she's back in comission.  Until then, realize that we are big girls and we truly can take care of ourselves.  If we need help from you, we'll ask.  We really will.

-- Modified on 10/18/2007 1:29:00 PM

"And If that safe place was ever invaded.. even by just a knock on the door.. I would be livid."

I would hate to be a door-to-door salesperson in her neighborhood...  

I agree with send one more email and leave it at that.

I wish I read and understood this before performing such a breach of privacy with a favorite provider.

First, you would be invading her privacy. You wouldn't want one of us to come knocking on your door, would you? And a drive-by is scarey too. Some of us don't want to be seen when we're -- pardon the sarcasm -- off duty.

We're big girls. If we're sick, we'll go to the doctor. If we're in trouble, we'll seek a female friend or family. If you don't get an answer for awhile, then talk to someone who knows her (another provider). I know the last thing I want is someone coming to my door when I'm on vacation, when I'm looking like crap, etc. She may even have a boyfriend that you don't know about. What if he answered the door if you rang? Yikes!

Remember, you may be a friend but you're also a client and she is the fantasy girl -- not the friend who comes to the door when you have no makeup, hair in curlers, boogers in your nose, whatever. Perhaps she just made the mistake of not putting up a vacation message or has a family emergency. On the other hand, she may be trying to tell you something by not answering your calls or emails. Granted, I'd handle it differently, but don't ever invade her space when you're not seeing her for a paid date, unless she agress to it.

Hugs,
Ciara

Maybe your lady is taking a bit of a hiatus, or as others have mentioned, has some type of personal issue/s to handle.  Whatever the case, it's her personal business.  While I see nothing wrong with expressing concern via an email or two, anything further and I would feel violated.  Especially someone checking at my private address.  

I'm sure most of the providers can agree that we all just need a bit of "down time" for whatever reasons to unwind and regroup.  Could be something as simple as that.  Why do we all make ourselves so nuts wondering when usually it turns out to be nothing?

"Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away."  ~Barbara De Angelis

XOXO,
Stella

......with a client, they will pull this type of BS. There's a real possibility she might be enjoying all the attention she's getting from you. I would just send her one more e-mail and if you get no response  move on to the NEXT lady.

Of course you already knew that. I applaud your concern for her, but unless you are more than a regular, much, much more, invading her privacy is a transgression that most providers will never forgive, no matter how well intentioned.

I know(well at least I think I know) that you feel that if there really was something wrong you would feel guilty for not doing anything. Don't let that get the best of you. There are some places you should never go to without an invitation, and into a providers personal life is very, very high on that list.

I simply needed to hear it from someone else.

Thanks for the advice!


-- Modified on 10/18/2007 4:52:26 PM

Several attempts to contact her (phone and e-mail) and no response means she doesn't want to talk to you at this time (or maybe forever).  You may need to move on.  You can always come back if she reappears on the scene.

LOL!!  It's true though.  If only you could talk to the Schwan delivery guy who made the mistake of knocking on my door.  Me, bra-less, hair caked to the side of my head, my shoulders stiff and hunched over from writing all day long...  I was a sight, I'm sure.  And I was shaking my head at him in annoyance.
Two days later he came to my door again and offered me a free box of steaks.. not sure why.. Customer Relations?  Poor guy must have been scared to death.. or.. turned on in a kinky sort of way.

That's hot.  I scared some Jehovas once with my green face mask and my teeth whitening trays.  

Natural beauty takes time.   lol

It is nice to know there are concerned members in the community...very sweet really, but don't overstep your bounds.  Linda Blair may come to the door and spit pea soup on you.

XOXO,
Stella

I think that every other proposed explanation in this thread is much more likely...

Sure, if I felt feelings for a client I would probably want to cut contact, and no, I probably wouldn't tell him why. Not because I enjoy seeing him in distress over me, but because men tend to like women that like them (that's why we laugh at your jokes if we think you're cute, lol), and I'd hate to confuse the situation further!

I'd also cut ties immediately, and probably with little to no explanation, if I felt that a client was developing feelings for me that were above and beyond what I wanted from him... happened before and may someday happen again.