Re:Providers and love...

WOW- Sounds like you got it bad. If it bothers you that she is working try another provider and maybe you can get the thoughts out of your head. If you follow along this line of thinking soon you could cross the stalker line and you know you dont want to go there so 2 choices. 1. win the lotto and then you can afford her for a while or just walk away.

D

there's a thread a few pages below on "emotional risks of the hobby" or some such. see that for starters.

hell, my attitude is, so you fall in love with her, so what? love is in ya, baby, just squirming to get out, and now that it's found an exit you're trying to hold it back.

jez love that minx.

seriously: what's ailing you may be good but strong medicine. a true minx, i mean the really potent kind, is a magical and powerful presence, unlike anything you'll encounter in our otherwise pathetically tame and mass produced existence. you can't understand your reaction until you recognize the potency of her skills.

we're all socialized and expected to treat each other with the minimum of involvement -- no anger, no confrontation, no criticism, just go with the flow, play nice. the minx is paid to get your gears grinding as hard as they possibly can, she's paid to make you *ache* for her. it can be quite a shock, especially in new hampshire.

doesn't wanting to call a prostitute to see if she is really a prostitute seem a little wacky to you? recognizing that is a good thing. my atf has given me more encounter therapy and more insight into my personality hangups and deformed sexuality than *months* of traditional therapy with the usual "how does that make you feel?" talk therapy bullshit. but that benefit came at a cost, including obsessive urges like those you describe.

the pain and jealousy are not necessarily bad ... the first step is to admit that it's *your* black stuff, not hers. it comes at times you can foresee -- when you're tired, stressed, and especially alone, or waking up early in the morning. try labeling those moments, explaining them with other reasons than your "love" for her (after seeing her twice, yeah right): "of course i'm thinking about her, i'm feeling lonely." "of course she seems special. i never had sex like that before."

try to channel the rest of it, for example by feeling a frisky interest in the available ladies around you; or by exploring why you're jealous of a woman whose job is servicing men, or what you think they are getting that you are not ... your demons will be your own. it's good stuff if you can use it.

the last suggestion is: schedule a two hour session with her. do your usual stuff, but spend at least an hour just talking to her. you may find she's not the person you thought. tell her you think you're falling in love with her, she may be able to offer some help, or freak out ... but it will be a person responding to you, not ghosts swirling around in your unlit skull.

if all that fails and it comes down to obsession, back way the hell off. spend your cash on another minx. you'll find your atf is not as special as all that.

the most potent minxes i've talked to say they get guys who become regulars and then can't stand the experience, they get in too deep emotionally and have to quit completely. you're not alone if you make that choice.

if that happens, you are with the wrong lady anyway. not her fault, not yours, just a chemistry thing. when you find the right fit you will completely abandon yourself to her and to the experience of pleasure, and walk away cleansed and sober.

the last alternative is to propose to her. there's a thread here on that, too, even some amazing success stories. but none of them start out with obsession.

-- Modified on 8/27/2002 2:20:34 PM

My first question is: are you married?  If the answer is yes, then back off.  If no then try to think about the following.  

When you are with a provider, the whole time spent together (session) is about passion and sex, and stimulating all the pleasure sensations in your body and your mind.  The body responds by releasing endorphins into your blood stream and you will begin to feel a sense of euphoria while in the girl's presence. The better the session, the more euphoric you will feel.  This sense of euphoria is similar to how you feel when your first start dating a person you “really” like.

I love when I connect with a girl, both physically and emotionally, during a session because it makes the experience so much more special, and fun.  I also think about a hot session for days after it is over and re-live many of its high points.

However, because your body and mind feel so good during the session, after it is over, you crave that feeling again. In your case the time spent with this girl is what you crave because of how it makes you feel.   Remember, sex and passion are the strongest drugs on earth.   Understand what you are feeling cannot be love (yet), but the urge to share the moments of passion with the girl over and over again.  This urge will be even more intense especially if you have little to no passion in your current life.  Remember love is something much, much deeper than sex.

Try this.  Try to see another provider with whom you have already met and shared a positive moment and evaluate the experience you have with her.  If you find yourself still thinking about the other girl then call her again and make another appointment.  If you feel you connect again, then ask her if she feels anything towards you beyond the physical sense.  But remember, if she says she does not feel the same as you BACK OFF AND LEAVE HER ALONE.  

I hope what I have said here helps.

Since it concerns you, why not book sessions with a couple of different providers? You'll see how you respond to them and how your experience with them affects your feelings for your special provider.

the girl friend experience to the next level. As the old cliche goes, go where your heart takes you. After your next session with this enchanting vixen invite her out for an hour or two for a tall cup of coffee. Make sure it is properly communicated that this isn't any longer business; but instead, so you can really start to know each other better. If she displays any hesitation, tell her that you will make it a venti(some ladies like things a little bit bigger). If she still won't go tell her maybe next time. Schedule another appointment at your standard interval. After this next session suggest that you go out for ribs. Again, if she seems reluctant ask her if she prefers vegetarian. If she again feigns other plans, just drop it. Schedule another appointment a week or two later and afterwards suggest that the following Sunday that the two of you drive up to Santa Barbara for the day. Just let her know up front that you are making this generous allowance of your time out of your busy schedule simply because you find her to be a wonderful person. Make sure you are very clear that she does not have to split the cost of filling up your car with gas. If she should then deliver your third strike, just forget about it. After your next appointment with this wonderful lady of the hour just get dressed and go home. While driving home you can blissfully think what a wonderful girlfriend experience you just had. Good luck and think positive, instead of striking out you may hit a home run. Perhaps you will make the movie Pretty Woman into your own real life experience.

....my suggestion is that you read them in all of them completely  before getting too star-struck.  Then it's up to you to decide what or what not to do.

Probably not so uncommon ...

that a guy would fall for his ATF girl. I'll bet that most of you got into this hobby for more than the physical aspects. Pretty girl, nice conversation, no commitment relationship.
The probability of reciprocity is likely to be very low though.
The fantasy is great. Unfortunately, that's probably all it'll ever be.
(Any married guy will tell you how the GFE experience differs for the WE - wife experience)