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Primer on Understanding/Interpreting Provider Ads (reprinted by permission)teeth_smile
Sexipedia 1467 reads
posted

This Provider ad Primer is pretty accurate! Beware the following  euphemisms.  Enjoy!


BBW = fat
Voluptuous = fat
Curvy = fat
Curvaceous = fat
Thick = fat
Rubenesque = fat
Womanly = fat
Full Figured = fat with big tits
Gives bra size only? = fat
Busty = either saggy or fat
Naturally busty = saggy and fat
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly

Slim = no boobs/flat
Svelte = no boobs/flat
Slender = no boobs/flat
Dancer's body = no boobs/flat

Bombshell = fake boobs
Baywatch = fake boobs
Playboy = fake boobs
Model = fake boobs
Barbie = fake tits

Brazilian = black
Caramel = black
Chocolate = black
Cuban = black
Ebony = black
Egyptian = black
Ethiopian = black
Exotic = black
Hawaiian = black
Mocha = black
Mulatto = black
Nubian = black
Mixed = black
Native American = black

Mature = old
Courtesan = old
Gracious = old
Refined = old
Elegant = old
Classic = old
Legend/Legendary = old
No age listed = old

Educated = graduated High School
Cultured = drinks wine, not beer

Age = generally add 7-10 years, here are some frequent exceptions:
College Student = late 20's
Just turned 18 = mid 20's
19 = possible jailbait
21 = late 20's
28 = late 30's
30 = 40s
MILF = 45 and up!

Intelligent = brunette
Sorority Girl = blonde
Selective = overpriced
Exclusive = very overpriced
Classy = can't afford lingerie
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients
Upscale =  over priced w/ snooty personality
All American = trailer trash
Princess = has an attitude problem & LOTS of rules
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices, Motel 6 service
coed = plain looking with acne problem
girl next door = looks like the boy next door
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips

New to business = changed name
New to area = changed name and moved across town

Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.
Discreet = I check your ID
Discrete = I can't spell
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me
Seeks generous gentleman = robs the elderly
Seeks generous businessmen = robs out-of-towners
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money
Available 24/7 = my pimp never sleeps

What an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information. Unless specified, you can assume:
hair color = brown
hair length = to shoulder
eye color = brown
age = mature
height = short
weight = heavy
cup size = small
measurements = large

BE FOREWARNED!!




-- Modified on 10/17/2008 8:05:45 PM

MarkusKetterman416 reads

There are many very pretty ladies out there who are a cut above. Want to find them? That's what the review process is for.

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Lisa Real238 reads


I don't completely agree but it is funny.

xo lisa in chicgo

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Arielle_Lace355 reads

OK, so according to the information contained in this primer - from now on I better start saying I am a 21-year old Barbie!!
Also - I do let it be known that I am "educated" - but I am not just a high school graduate - I hold a Master's Degree... what is the appropriate advertising code word for that??? :)




-- Modified on 10/17/2008 8:21:53 PM

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Love Goddess871 reads

Check out my study done with 100 providers on TER in May 2008. 14% attended graduate school. That's way above the American average!

You go girl,
the Love Goddess

Related Link: One hundred providers on TER respond...

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WymenLover120 reads

A pretty scholarly report for this community.

My only suggestion would be to use more paragraphs.

Are any follow-up reports anticipated?

I would be interested in your asking questions of the married providers.

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hawgdog293 reads

Now that was pretty funny!  If you play much at all you will encounter times when you would have needed this translation ahead of time.  On the other hand...you just might get lucky...LOL.  Imagine if the roles were reversed what kind of translation the ladies would need!!  

I would like to see one of those for a few more laughs.

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marere4781 reads

Ok here you have it...

Discreet= Won't give any screening info and will be indignant if asked

Generous= Will offer extra money in exchange for off-menu services or preferential treatment

Horny= Horny (but god, don't say that in an email to a provider, at least not an initial contact!)

Very fit and Attractive= Arrogant and Entitled

"I will make it worth your while" = I expect you to drop everything to see me because of the implication of a tip, which I will then conveniently forget to leave

Prefer outcall/incall/late night appointments/some other service specifically not offered= I failed to take five minutes to read your website

Do you have pics? = I don't want to get together, but I expect you to provide me with erotic photographs so I can jack off to them

What exactly do I get for my money? Do we get to have sex? Tell me what you will do to me. = I am a police officer and want to put you in jail because you are a naughty harlot

Related Link: http://www.mareaofmadison..rare-courtesan.com

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MrSelfDestruct306 reads

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hiddenhills319 reads

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filmat11223 reads

when I was pawing through the Boston Phoenix or equivalent in other cities.  Now with reviews and provider/agency websites, one can generally tell the BS from reality (as gregory12 says above).  If there is an important discrepancy between her website and her reviews, beware.

One thing I agree with here is what is not said (and shown) is as important as what is said (and shown).  For example, if her pictures don't show her stomach, she isn't close to a hardbody (if that is your preference).  If her pictures show her in a corset, likewise.  

This is still wryly funny, though, sort of like those real estate ad translations that go:

needs work - a dump
handyman special - a dump
great potential - a dump
cozy - tiny
cute - tiny
darling - tiny
charming - tiny
starter home - a tiny dump


and so forth.



filmat11





-- Modified on 10/18/2008 7:23:57 PM

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charlie445344 reads

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