I had a remarkable experience today with a gentleman who has had a very incomplete sex life for the past ten years due to premature ejaculation. He said he felt like he was in his 20s again (he's in his early 40s). He came in kinda shy; he's short, but really decent looking. In fact one of the first guys I hadda overwhelming crush on, when I was in 7th grade, had his name... a very unusual name. I adored that boy! And he was short and looked surprisingly like the guy I met today!

Anyway, after we got naked and I was ready to give him a massage, he told me he had a problem with premature ejaculation. I was cool about it, said - no problem. If he wanted to pop more 'n once, that was ok by me. And if he wanted to try to hold on longer, just let me know...

Well, anybody who's been with me knows that I give a cursory massage at the beginning, intended just to relax and connect. Then I lie my naked bod on top of the guy's back, again to align the breathing and connect. After I flip the guy over, we usually kiss a bit, I'll nibble on their nipples (if they're sensitive and can feel), then I work over Willy. After some suckie, I'll find out if the gent likes a finger up his bum. If I can get up there, I will. Why? Cuz it's very healing. I don't go into details about Sacred Spot (prostate massage), in fact I don't really even talk about it. Well, he was apprehensive, but open. I usually work Willy at the same time, which can feel both very pleasurable and very confusing (whoa! am I coming or going? kinda thing...). I didn't do a whole lot of touching there, to keep the focus off that area. But I noticed he was still kinda tense. So I just worked him a bit, then withdrew. I could tell he had some body issues, that probably needed healing, but we had made a start... (Later when we talked about what we had just done, I told him that going up his bum probably loosened up his energies more than he realized. He also confessed that he had lost 70 pounds! in the past 6 months or so. On a short guy, think of how that must have made him feel and how he now looks - which is really good!)

Anyway, I went back to Willy, licking and going down on him real slowly and sensually. That was very easy for him to handle and allowed him to feel the sensuality of it all for a longer period of time.

He then went down on me. Now here's a point I wanna make with you gents: if you have any body issues (too fat, too old, too ugly... I mean this in the nicest way, 'k? premature ejaculation, small penis...) then LEARN to be a good lover! Study it! It can be learned! You'll feel better about what you can do in the sack and it's worth a thousand negative thoughts. Learn how to Dine at the Y! Read about it! Get good at it! It'll make up for tons of "other" stuff... trust me! Anyway, he wasn't very good in this department, but that's cuz his focus has always been on his "problem" of pre-jac and he hasn't learned to please the lady yet. But, at least he tried to get his focus on me for awhile, which is a start.

Then I rubbered him up, got on top, and it felt really good! He was up deep inside. I don't fake getting turned on or orgasms (I'm afraid it'll condition me to always be "on" and I'll not take the time to allow myself the true pleasure of turning on after awhile... so I don't fake it); it really felt good. But his eyes were closed. I knew he was in his "head," probably trying to control not coming. I suggested he look at me and breathe. He did. Damn if he wasn't able to keep going.. long enough for me to close my eyes and go over the top! (I'm sure a woman hasn't come on him for years...)

We flipped over (me on my back) and in awhile he realized he was about to come, and I whispered for him to completely enjoy his pleasure and he gave into it! Well, he was so happy to go for so long that he was moved - didn't wanna get off me (his arms were locked!). Took him awhile to recover. It made me really happy too! We cuddled and talked a long time about his weight, he runs long distances now (which, I'm sure, has helped him get back into his body), he used to wear glasses from the time he was four (but he's gotten lasik) - he had body issues in general. It's like he's remaking himself now though. Anyway, it's times like these that make me so proud to be a sex worker! xo Faye Desiree

I am not this guy you spoke of, but on behalf of all men who are somehow damaged, thank you for your kindness, understanding, and good work.  If society only knew what good you do for people, they would not be so quick to judge.  In my view, providers such as yourself are truly gifts to men.

This is the second thing I've read today on TER that moved me.  The first was the essay "On Seeing a Sex Surrogate" by Mark O'Brien.  YungHungGun posted a link to the essay on the LA Discussion Board.  For those of you who haven't seen it I am reposting the link below.

Mark O'Brien was disabled by Polio. The essay tells about his struggle with his sexuality and how a sex surrogate helped him to deal with his feelings and experience being with a woman.

However, there is a rather sad connection between Mark's essay and Faye's post.  

Near the end of his article Mark says, "Where do I go from here? People have suggested several steps I could take. I could hire prostitutes, advertise in the personals, or sign up for a dating service. None of these appeal to me.  Hiring a prostitute implies that I cannot be loved, body and soul, just body or soul. I would be treated as a body in need of some impersonal, professional service -- which is what I've always gotten, though in a different form, from nurses and attendants. Sex for the sake of sex alone has little appeal to me because it seems like a ceremony whose meaning has been forgotten."

I think Faye's post demonstrates just how wrong Mark is about what can happen when you get past the prejudice our society fosters about directly paying women for intimate companionship.

I have had the good fortune of meeting Faye.  Furthermore, although I cherish the time I have spent with her (and hope that I will see her again in this lifetime) she is not unique.  Actually, she is unique -- I never expect to meet anyone else quite like her -- but there are a number of other ladies that I have met who are also intelligent, warm, sexy, and a delight to be with.  True, these relationships are limited, but they are not impersonal.  

One of the great lies that we are taught is that we can care about only one person of the other sex.  We are far less limited than that.  I am a better person for the time I have been able to spend with these ladies.  They have touched my life in nontrivial ways and I am grateful.

And his legs were definitely affected.  And midway in the session, I thought he was gonna cry.  I wanted him to feel comfortable enough to and even told him I could see his feelings.  But what you brought up is true - even if the one experience is healing and wonderful beyond belief... where does one go from here?  After feeling connected once, who doesn't yearn for that again?  xox Faye Desiree

Nicole!  thanks for sharing!  This is an amazing story, you shared.  Your involvement with this man can be the defining point of his life!  Who says there's only one Ghandi?  xox Faye Desiree

After reading your message it occurred to me that I could use some instructions on DATY techniques.  Do you have some recommendations on videos or books?

Hey I love dining at the Y too, but aren't there some safety concerns here with a provider?

I remember an old routine by Sam Kinnison. If you remember, Sam was a great comedian who died in a car crash a few years ago.

Anyway, Sam had a routine where he talked about licking pussy. He said "Lick the alphabet." It's easy to remember, just move your tongue outlining the letters, a, b, c, so on. It works EVERY TIME. Do as many times as needed.

And guys, don't go at it like your eating a taco - gentle is good to start, for the most part. The lady will tell you when to go harder.

Good question, as I have some concerns also.  Please see my most recent posting regarding this issue.