Something I often see in our GD debates is the suggestion that we gents pay for sex ‘no matter what’ in either civvie relationships or P4P relationships – it’s just that the form of the payment (and quantity) differ.   While technically true, I think this view overlooks many other parts of the equation, esp with regard to the civvie relationship.

No matter what I spend it on, money makes it much easier for me to end up with what I'm after.

I don't necessarily mean that we always pay in a financial way. Some guys, maybe most actually do feel that way, but I do not.

What I do mean when I say we "always pay" is there is always a trade off. If I pay a hooker to fuck her today, I can fuck her best friend tomorrow without any issues or any drama. The same of course can not be said about a civvy chick, unless you happen to be swingers, but that's a conversation for a different thread.

I really like being in a "committed relationship" with someone who I feel can share my life, the problem is ME, I am a whore mongering pig and I have a very short attention span. I can fuck my GF three times in the morning, but then still find myself  drooling over some hottie that same afternoon. I am able to control those urges for a short period of time when I am with a woman who really rocks my world, but eventually I get bored and have to move on. So when I say "baby it's not you, it's ME" I really am telling the truth. lol

It's funny, I do take commitment seriously and no offense to the married guys here, but I could never live my life married to one woman, but spending half my waking hours scheming on how to cheat on her without getting caught. I guess I am just not wired that way, which I why I am very happily divorced. I realize that my freedom comes at the expense of not having a "life partner"  but until I quit lusting after every hottie that passes my way, this lifestyle seems to fit me perfectly.

Thinking about the high points of your life-- "You've earned a seat at the table..." So since you earned it, you paid for it. You give something for everything. Still, you might notice, you--I'm pretty certain everyone on this board--have so far come out ahead.

most do not last more than a few years and most have a lot of psychic and often financial cost -

Yes, all points well taken.    

not so much that we pay - yes, we always do.   Civvie relationships go well beyond compensation for sex; P4P not so much.    I just don't think the two are equatable quite the same way.

and the way our society is wired, marriage looks like a suicide. That said, there are a lot of benefits of having a life partner or spouse that you love and respect and who reciprocates that. These benefits are beyond sex; fall more in the realm of spiritualism. A life partner should be a platform for growth and development in your own path in life. When that is not the case divorce is a must.  

than a P4P relationship.  And if you have a goal to have children and raise a family, then it's a cinch that such a relationship is for you.

But the civie relationships also have those great and expensive downsides that we all know too well.

The best solution is to have both, but as there are no simple things in life, the balance of those relationships requires a lot of knowledge and skill, which is where TER comes in.

....and in fact, you speak for me as well.

1) The hours even days of sweet anticipation between booking and session.

... and you are right, these advantages never make their way into the conversation - but being free to live life on one's own terms through P4P is a huge advantage

Excellent post, by the way...

and I think that there are several reasons for it

appeals to me greatly -

Thank you!  

... I used to say "No promises, let's keep it simple"
But freedom only helps you say goodbye...

Those who won't P4P for various reasons, and this is their desire:
- Stylish with hair, skin, body, and nails (without really realizing how much hair, skin, and nails cost, as well as stylish clothes, shoes, and make up)
- A financially responsible woman who doesn't spend too much getting hair, skin, nails, clothing, shoes, and make up.
- Independent
- Socially acceptable in all situations by definition of occupation, finances, and assets
- NO drama (this includes saying how you feel after listening to him say how he feels when she does or says similar things)
- A woman to look like she took hours to get ready, but to be ready right Now
- For her to chill (remember, no drama,) when he says a crude joke about her profession, actions, personality traits, etc. but she says an 'inappropriate joke' to him.
- For her not to question him when he disappears for weeks at a time, but when he comes back and she questions him, she's causing drama.
- Wants her full attention whenever he is with her, wants her never to flirt or even talk about another guy, but he can flirt with women right in front of her. She says, 'oh good. I can flirt with other guys then' and when she does he disappears for another few weeks.

-- Modified on 8/10/2014 12:43:30 PM

Just wash your ass and be punctual. lol

For free, of course!   Am I that transparent?

Haha, I guess I forgot 'waxing' in my list lol. Because God forbid she has razor burn.

that (fuck-n-get-blown) is anatomically impossible for us males!

Personally I am still old school, I "like" to pick up checks, and most of my friends are the same way. When we fight over a check, it's because each one of us wants to pick up the check, not the other way around.

Personally, I hate cheap people, and as long as I don't feel like I am being "played" I enjoy being generous.

And that is that as important as mutual pleasure is to a happy session, there are times when I just want to do what I want with a woman, get what I want, have her do what I want, and not really care whether or not she gets off. Before going on, that doesn't entail slapping her around or anything of that nature, so don't flare up about what can be read into this by a sick mind.

How about having to listen to the bullshit jealous remarks like "oh my god, I can't believe so and so at my work wore that to work, she's such a slut", because this woman is getting looks and attention from the men in her office. First, she shouldn't be concerned that another woman is getting looks, she's in a committed relationship, she should be concerned about how she looks for her partner. Second, jealousy is without a doubt the ugliest emotion, it's born from insecurity which is ugly as well. I'm not an attractive man (that's not insecurity, it's honesty) but I don't get all bent out of shape if a good looking guy is getting female attention or if he takes off his shirt to show the ladies what he's got. Hell man, if you got it you should flaunt it. I not only don't mind, but I expect my partner to look at other men, especially if he's good looking. And third, if she is a slut, then I want to fuck her, I love sluts, it's a term of endearment as far as I'm concerned.

Totally agree.   Even if it's just out with the guys, paying is actually something that gives me pleasure too.   Hard to imagine guys who have the dough and don't pay for the woman they're with - not a very good short or long term strategy.

In P4P, you give money. Sometimes guys (and women) give a little more of themselves.

I will figure out how to get from my wife the intimacy I'm trying to temporarily get out of the hobby. I really don't care what it costs.  I just don't seem to know how, or maybe I'm too scared to try

1) Absolutely

In a civvie relationship, if you say "give me a blow job", you may hear "fuck me first" or "fuck you, we're going to the art fair".

I like having my cock sucked by a professional

...whatever. I pay. As far as I'm concerned that's the way it's done. I have had women friends say "my treat" or some such so of course they paid but if I asked them I pay.

Oh bloody fucking hell

my previous SO wound up with more per hour for our marriage then any provider I've ever seen has gotten....    we're talking eight figures....

but there is a huge difference between broke and just plain fucking cheap.

in exchange for a lifestyle the which she would have little opportunity to create for herself.....  oh -        in addition I require a great deal of entertainment :p

is one of my favorite things -  but I expect *her* to know how to fend for herself and to selfishly take some pleasure from me as well.....   I like it a bit competitive :p

It seems a lot of the threads on this board talk about pleasing the woman. Orgasm is, of course, prime. The idea of going to an incall with no concern for the woman's enjoyment just isn't spoken of much. That's the taboo. Most of the time I don't feel that way, but when I do, it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that in this arena of life selfishness is totally acceptable.
 

is vastly underrated in the equation :p

you met a woman who rocked your world who was your female counterpart? Like Frida Kahlo- her only demand of Diego was that he be loyal, because she knew he could not be faithful. Would an open relationship work with you? Or do you have double standard jealousy issues? I don't imagine that's the case with you, but ya never know.
 

The price, everything included probably reached seven figures.  I don't know because if I totaled it all up I'd want to shoot myself.  Or her.
Luckily for me, I'm still fine.

That's a different dynamic. All I'm talking about are those times when I really don't care what she does or what she doesn't get out of itvbesides the envelope. Like how I might've felt after a good friend died, or, conversely,after something very bad finally happened to someone I really didn't like very much. Maybe you had feelings like that on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Sometimes I still do.

-- Modified on 8/10/2014 3:15:12 PM

misguided in their pursuit of domestic arrangements. I think the assumption that the person you marry or commit to will always be the only person you will (or should) ever desire is simplistic and illogical at best, and smothering and repressive at worst. If we quit chasing that fairy tale and see a domestic arrangement as two people who adore each other on a much deeper level, understanding that each may pursue sexual gratification elsewhere as and when needed, we'd all be much happier. It will take a long time to get there, as there is so much religious BS in our society to get through, but I think it's inevitable.

I sometimes wonder if this hobby is going to ruin me for re-marriage after retirement. But, I've figured out that I just need a polyamorous man that is ok with me being polyamorous as well. Hard to find, but they're out there.  

I think I can handle "open" LMAO

You do bring up a good point though, but I haven't actually ever found that woman. If I ever do, I'll let you know how it works out for me.

that must have been some good pussy.

Lol! But seriously- you make some good points. Goes both ways, though.  

but rather cultural conditions have demanded it -

in this case I have a couple of points that may just be in conflict with what you suggest.

I've taken plenty of hookers out to dinner and was happy to pay for their meal.  They just know I'm not going to also pay to watch them eat it.  So if you want a good meal and some nice company, and don't have a more lucrative way to spend your time, I'm your guy, assuming we've got some chemistry.  
I've even had a couple of occasions where the girl insisted on paying for our meals.  A gentleman needs to know when to simply be graceful and say, "yes."  Especially if he's just been very generous in other ways. It's complex in this areas and you need to trust your instincts.

YMMV!!  Overworked term, yes, devoid of significance, no.  Everyone commenting in this thread expressed an opinion, no one asked a question.  What does that prove?  That experiences like the hobby/marriage/sex etc can't be quantified, legislated, or pontificated about with generalizations, as though one size fits all.  Bottom line: live and let live, don't legislate adult consensual behavior, teach ethics not dogma, and so on.

She said 'outside" of p4p. But I still disagree with her. The guys in my crowd never ever shirk responsibility for the check. I think she needs to run in a different circle.  

Jealousy is definitely an emotion that is taught in the realm of human relationships. Not taught in the traditional sense- it's more like a learned reaction. Like many emotions, we learn to express them from watching those around us- parents, siblings, TV, peers, etc. So in growing up we act certain ways in situations how we've seen others act. Rarely are these learned emotional reactions questioned. That's why you have things like a strong sense of machismo in some cultures and families. I posit that jealousy is one of those things. Eventually some of us stop reacting reflexively and instead become more reflective, and question whether what we think we feel is really what we feel- and if it's conducive to the way we want to deal with something.  

Emotional monogamy vs sexual monogamy. Many of us who have crossed that bridge have discovered to our joy and fulfillment that it is possible to separate the two. However, societal norms and religious "values" are very powerful constraints. Consenting adults should be able to find fulfillment and enriched lives without guilt, fear or jealousy.  
I'm not so sure of its inevitability but I do hope that with time there is greater openness and acceptance.

Either Girl is going to cost Money. It just depends on how much you want to pay and the amount of BS you're willing to put up with.

and clearly you have been able to rise above what most of us feel from time to time and banish jealously from your life.

... and that it is not disrespectful. Or, doesn't have to be... In my mind, escorts sell sexual experiences and not themselves... But then, I appear to be one of the few who don't want girlfriend type intimacy from this..