unless your relationship is based on money and favor and not that other love/friends stuff, don't bother.  What do you expect from asking????

"Hi honey, can i go out and cheat on you tonight?  There's a nice diamond necklace for you."

You know you're screwed if she says yes....Unless the X-factors come in.  You would be ok with her spending your money on male prostitutes...or you both go into the swing scene...or that she also loves women, in which case, you've got it made.  

Now this "terms of agreement" thing.  Sounds like a business. Is this a suggar-daddy arrangement you have???

You seem to have a special situation (thank you, GirlCrazy, for providing the link to riker's previous post) with your SO.  She already has given you implicit permission.  I'm not sure that getting explicit permission will help, especially if she asks how much the hobby is costing (per your comment in the post).  It also could give her grounds for taking you for all you are worth if it comes to a divorce.

LC

Hello Riker,

Had an opportunity to read your previous thread and your current post.  Needless to say, I can empathize with your predicament.  

A dear friend of mine, lets call him Joe, on the East Coast was confronted by the exactly the same challenges.  His wife lost all interest in sex after their first kid.  Joe loves women, and he needs to get his sexual fill.  If not, it takes a toll on him emotionally, mentally, and physically.

To keep sane, Joe strayed and befriended a part-time lover.  However, his conscious left him with a guilty feeling.  He did not want to break up his marriage.  Nor did he want his wife to know of his affair.

Joe decided to work things out with his wife.  After numerous months (18) of being patient and attempts at seduction, Joe decided to have a candid conversation with his wife.   In their case, the wife felt insure about her sexuality -- she had put on some weight, had stretch marks, etc... and feared that Joe would not be satisfied.  

To remedy this misperception, Joe and his wife decided to go to marriage counseling.   Per mutual agreement, Joe also arranged for his wife to have some cosmetic surgery.  

The end result was positive.  It took time, patience, open communication, flexibility, and support.  Joe and his wife now make out like bunnies...

The details of what your have attempted thus far is sketchy.   What have you tried as of date?   Is there a different approach you could use to discuss this topic?  

All I can suggest is keep trying ... and for the time being put the "acquiring permission" process on hold.   Why you ask?  Most married women do not approve of ex-marital affairs.   There is a lot to loose....

I feel for you!

- Blue Thrills

riker,

As I've previously posted, I have permission from my SO to see providers.  The short version of the story is that we've been together for almost 40 years (high-school sweethearts), and have had a good (and often great) sex life.  One day I told her I was curious about variety, and what we had missed, and she gave me permission to try it.  I found it interesting, but no epiphany, and invited her to join me the next time.  New vistas opened up -- that was 2 1/2 years ago - and now we both see people from time to time, together and separately.  Her last birthday present was a surprise visit with a male provider, and she's even experimented as a provider (successfully!).  We have strict rules about how the game is played, and agree that we're stronger together now than ever (and have a fantastic set of fantasy experiences to play off of).

Believe it or not.....there are other participants on this board who know it's true!

Paul

Human beings are emotional, especially women.

Although I am single, I suspected a large percentage of our fellow hobbyists' SOs have a feeling about them foolingly around.  Women do have their 6th sense .

Really, it is hard to hide the fact.  The libido might not be there as often.  Suddenly there are lots of gifts and less arguments about spending.  And so on and so on.

However, it is hard for any human being to be confront with the idea that they are replacable, less desirable or inadequate.  By asking for permission to see provider, one forces all the problems involved in a relationship to put in the sunlight.  Often that is not a pretty sight.  Not everyone is ready to deal with the hard truth.

Anyway, a little anecdote.  A female friend of mine that is interested in pretty women and wants to do a threesome with her boyfriend.  However, she is worried about picking one up or doing it with her female friends (It can complicate things).  So she asked her boyfriend to find a pretty provider to join them.  That way, no chance of further emotional involvement.