I have been lurking these boards for a while, gleaning info and finally took the plunge with a provider in Houston. It was fun except for a little performance anxiety on my part. The girl was hot and very very good at the service, but in the end I had to assit to finish the job.

I'm wondering is this common? I've never had that kind of issue with girls I date. What do you do to take the edge off? hopefully after a couple more hobby experiences the  anxiety will wear off?

It happened to me my first time as well. Too many emotions, not enough concentration! A few drinks beforehand wouldn't hurt, or maybe just one. You don't want to cloud your better judgement.

Keep at it, grasshopper. It gets much, much, much better!

I am always suprised to find that, compared to when I used to have sex with my wife, I last much longer with a provider. When this first happened, I thought it was performance anxiety and began to get worried. Then I just learned to enjoy the longer time it took (isn't that what we all want anyway?). I realized how bad sex with my wife was and that my "normal" performance with her was really "premature" by some standards.

Another more mundane factor is how the condom fits.

Don't be overwhelmed by having to perform for an amazing woman. Providers are professionals who are used to seeing men of all shapes, sizes, endurance and skill level. Like seeing a doctor, I am less embarrassed about showing my less-than-perfect body to a provider that to a "civilian".

Just have confidence that your equipment works, relax, let nature happen and have fun.

Be careful about the drink. Too much alchohol can work in reverse. One or two glasses of wine WITH the lady may help if it is offered. Most ladies will be turned off immediately if you appear drunk or smell from alchohol when you show up.

Well here's one I bet none of you have ever heard before. I can not finish inside a woman at all, not my wife, not a providor, no way, no how. I must always finish myself off. While this does keep my lady(s) very happy because I don't lose the erection, it is getting embarassing when I have to tell a providor that there is no way she can make me cum, and that I have never been able to finish inside any woman regardless of how hot she was/is.

This is the case for me as well....50 to 70% of the time. For me, it is two factors...

1) As mentioned by others, condom fit. I have found onyl one brand / model works for me...try using the larger brands. You might be a "bigger boy" than you know (we guys tend to compare ourselves to porn stars, because those are the only erect cocks we ever get to see ...assuming you are straight. You can be considerably smaller than a porn star and STILL bigger than the average guy...and thus needing a larger condom without even knowing it)

2) My emotions....when just screwing, even with the SigO, I can go on for quite awhile...indeed, more than one provider has called me off the job, as has more than one GF ("ummm...are you almost finished?"..Kinda kills the mood...lol) On the otehr hand, when "making love" with someone I care for, I really get into, body and soul. Sometimes I'm quicker on the draw than I'd like...and a tad embarassed. So far though current SigO say she has no complaints.

That is just me....just so you know you're not alone...

Prior to entering into this hobby, I never had any problems.  I have noticed some differences in how my body and mind have responded.  Here are some of my current thoughts:

First, sex can be a mind game, not just a physical event.  I've read over and over again more so with women than men, but I think that speaks to normal relationships.  The relationship between the hobbyist and the provider is different - at least on the first encounter.   First, the providers I've had the privilege to spend time with are beautiful women.  In many cases - they're simply gorgeous.  Second, I haven't had the need for a condom in 15 years - so I'm out of practice with not just the feeling but the - stop everything, put the cover on - stuff. Third, these women are experienced and this experience plays games with my mind (size, performance, etc).  I want her to think I'm a good lover, I want to me able to last long enough to enjoy multiple positions.  I want it all.  This adds additional pressure.  My last point is time management.  I appreciate the fact none of the providers I've been with are outward "clock watchers".  However, all us guys know, we're watching the clock.  Time adds pressure, the pressure you really don't have on a typical date.  Add it all together beautiful lady + condom + knowledge she is going to size us up + time limits = a potential problem.

Having said all that, a good provider works through all this and doesn't give up.  You see it in reviews all the time.  That is what makes these women so amazing to me and what makes the experience better than any girl friend experience I've had.

One last remark, for my own experiences and because of the way my brain is wired, I prefer to book repeat visits with a few providers instead of trying them all.  I find my second visit has always been better than my first, even if our first was pretty damn good.  I think this is true for the lady too.

Fitguy

P.S.  I have also found I have to watch the amount of Wine I drink as well, as I get older.

-- Modified on 10/30/2002 1:20:02 PM

A short time ago, this question was addressed on the board by providers. The conscience seemed to be its a LOT more common than anyone would ever know by reading this board. Some of the ladies were very specific and had insightful thoughts on why this happened. They also took pains to point out they really didnt care. Each of them was most concerned with how they were treated as a person not the performance of the client. Any providers wishing to comment here would, I think, be very welcome.

Same Thing happen to me the first time, The build up for 3 days, reading her reviews on the board over and over. She was great and in the end it all worked out. My 2nd time was a snap, with a differnt girl. but I did get back with the first again and had no trouble.

Maybe it is related to decades of masturbation, but seldom do I find myself having an orgasm without some level of fantisizing -- provider or not.  I almost always have to do this with my girlfriend, and in my hobbying days I had to fantasize over 3/4 of the time.  I generally can reach orgasm via hand stimulation without much fantasizing, but with anything else it required a lot extra.

I don't consider this to be too much of a disadvantage, because it does allow me to last for an awful long time during intercourse.  With blow jobs, however, if I'm not constantly fantasizing, the mouth action itself by most of the blowers wasn't enough to keep me up.  I guess that I just became so used to the hand that little else can achieve it for me.

I suffered a similar situation when I first started in the hobby.  Then one day I came upon a realization:  The session was for my pleasure.  If the provider has a good time then that's great.  But remember that more than anything else, she wants some Ben Franklin's out of this.  No matter how many O's she may have (real or not) if she doesn't get her financial due, she will not be pleased.

Once I stopped worrying about whether she was having a good time, I enjoyed myself more and the providers seem happy that I enjoyed myself.

Sometimes this is a perfect world!

Hobby On!!

GG

First, thanks for the helpful responses. I was waiting for at least one HAHA you loser, flame, but you guys rock.

I thought about having a drink, to loosen up, but I have to drive to get to the good providers in my area. I won't drink any amount of alchohol and drive, period.

There was definately a condom issue. The one we used was bit tight and small. I think it was a durex. I don't think I'm BIG, but I am above average. Her excellent work with the BBBJ was killed when she put it on, because it was a tight fit, took longer to get on, etc... I normally use a Trojan - ENZ. I don't know if this is larger than "regular" condoms? It is just what I've always used. Do most providers allow you to bring your own equiptment? That might help.

Another thing I noticed, and someone mentioned, was the "her level of enjoyment" thing. She really seemed to enjoy the DATY, but when we got to Miss, I could tell I was a bit big for her, and she was petite, 5'0". It was quickly apparent there was no way I could go deep without her wincing. I know this was about my enjoyment, but my enjoyment would be ruined if I just plugged away while she winced in pain from it. Am I wrong to feel a bit of compassion for her or should I just do my thing because she's doing hers? She kept telling me it was ok, but I knew it wasn't. "I" didn't want her to grimmage every time, and she was.

I think what I'm gonna do next time is ask for a taller, more sturdy girl, bring my own gear, and not psyche myself out next time.

Thanks

Duece

To answer your question re: providrs and condoms...I don't have an answer...lol. I have always used my own, because as I said, only one brand / model works for me. I've never had an objection, but there have been a few posts to this board where ladies have stated they nevr let guys use their own. The issue seems to be that they don't know how old said condom might be...a legit beef, which is why I always buy mine same day...said lady can then see me pull them out of the drug store bag.

I'm not sure how this issue resolves itself in all cases ultimately, because I think it is foolish for a guy to show up WITHOUT condoms...having had the "I left the condoms in the car" unsuccessfully tried on me a few times, and having also read reviews of planned FS that didn't happen because NO ONE had condoms. Yet...some ladies apparently do insist on using their own, so I can see how a guy might not think to bring any.

I've had problems with the "level of enjoyment" thing to....one of my reviews talks about a really nice gal (my only two hour session...1st hour went so well I decided to go again) who was a sweetheart, but just wasn't "built" for a guy "equipped" like me. Ultimately, it didn't bother me because I am used to having to finish myself off outside the love tunnel just as often as not, and since she encouraged me to make my doeposit right on your lovely body in various places, how could I complain? Still, it was a bit disconcerting during the act to watch her wince...so I feel ya.

I think your solution is the right one...bigger and more study girls, and find a brand / model of condom that works for you. If you are like me and in a committed and condom free relationship, then it might take some reasearch. If you want to benefit from the experimentation I've already don, feel free to PM me for a recommendation.

I find that it won't ever 'let you down'!!
Cheap insurance.
(Viagra)

Viagra gave me terrible headaches, near migraine intensity, but
didn't change any other parameters of the experinece. If the moment is going well, there appears to be a high degree of body-mind integration... everything is moving in the same direction at the same time. Not so good times feel scattered and unfocused. The best times get you into the famous "flow state" where you are totally in the experience and of the experience...

"The peak performer is able to gain entry to a special mental and emotional interior climate conducive to top levels of performance. It is different from our ordinary daily reality and quite different from the relaxation state. It is a state of flow, where the performer enjoys an effortless, focused, relaxed, automatic, confident existence. There is little anxiety, energy seems to be abundant, there is an optimistic outlook, mental focus is sharp and intense, the individual feels in control, physical relaxation is evident and there is a feeling of calm and quiet inside the performer. This flow state, coined by the psychologist Czikszentmihalyi, has been studied extensively and is now becoming the model of choice in facilitating peak performances from "ordinary individuals", and achievers.

Capturing this flow state is a prerequisite for peak performance. This special internal climate is also known as the zone of optimal functioning (ZOF), and the ideal performance state (IPS). The performer focuses on the process and becomes so engaged in the moment that all sense of time can be lost. The IPS is often likened to a sense of play, of being absorbed completely in the task at hand, in becoming one with one's work at that moment. Time seems to slow down, or cease to exist altogether. The individual performs at or near capacity, with deep endeavor, it is most likely to be brought forth when the task is right at the individual's limit of capabilities. The flow state is enhanced when one is pushing one's limits, but not so much that anxiety is created."

Hey Duece,
You might check out some of the books about different positions for intercourse. You will find there are options that make it comfortable for the well hung guy and the tiny girl, so that you can bang away in manner that both of you enjoy. Go check out the Kama Sutra. You might also ask the girl for advice she has most likely screwed guys that had a big cock before.

I am finding this thread to be very intriging and touching as well.  I fall in love with you guys everytime you are honest and true like this.  I experience performance anxiety prior to meeting nearly every time.  But I know it is my responsability to try to break ice and make YOU feel safe and comfortable.  I know it is deeper than that.  I know though that for the most part, I get more comfortable with someone I am familiar with as well and I perform better for you with a bit more acquaintance too.  But also, I try to keep a couple of different types of hats handy for different types of nogins, lol.  It does make a difference.  Too tight jeans can be very uncomfortable like anything else that doesn't fit right.  It is very very rare that someone breaks out with thier own though, so never sure what to offer other than to have things available to accomodate size. And to quietly choose myself in order not to offend someone. Thanks so much for your posts fellas.  It helps me hone my skills!

My sexual deficiencies regarding the hobby:

First, I agree wholeheartedly with whomever mentioned the importance of one's mental state. Although I'm all too aware that an encounter with a provider is primarily a business transaction, quality sex is as much mental as physical. Therefore, for me, some willing suspension of disbelief is necessary for an optimum erection. If the gal is OBVIOUSLY
distracted or not into the session, I'll lose my erection in a flash. But if she feigns moderate interest and arousal -- even though I realize it's an act -- I usually manage OK. Likewise, obvious OVER-ACTING is almost as much a turnoff as just laying there. I much prefer a more subtle approach. It doesn't take much to make me happy -- usually just a little DFK is enough to make it "real" for me.

Second, the damn condom. Naturally, I would NEVER engage in the hobby without one, but it desensitizes my penis to a degree that it easily inhibits my erection if my oh-so-important willing suspension of disbelief is challenged.

Finally, premature ejaculations. In cases where the provider was
incredibly attractive and/or very talented at her work, I've sometimes climaxed rather quickly (which probably makes most providers happy). I suppose I could either A) attempt a second pop (if allowed) within the one-hour session, or B) schedule a 2-hour session, climax immediately, and then engage in a more leisurely second round. If I found right provider, I'd consider option B, but since I'm a gentleman of limited means, I must engage in hobby activities a bit less often than I'd prefer.

Anyway, it's nice to see I'm not alone.

okey dokey, if possible. Chyenne calles it "the shared domain"... as good description as any... you could be doing all the sex things and it could still be external sex, completely correct on the physical level, but you are still "performing"... so you get "performance anxiety" because you are concerned about the performance, how you would be scored by an objective observer... but this isn't even sex in a meaningful way, this is at best an exercise in proving something to oneself, or disproving it...
 When you get to the flow state, or the shared domain, there is a very distinct shift in what the experience is all about, you lose focus on doing and regain focus on being. There is a sense of oneness, the experience is shared, communicative, subtle differences in timing, rhythm, pressure, emphasis, all take on the same qualities as inflection in speech. And why not,
because it has become a real dialog, not two running monologs...
 There is a brazilian girl who put it so, when I asked her if she like it slow or did she like it fast, she said "sex is now",
not ten second from now or ten secons ahead of now....

If she was really hot, you were probably scared and you freaked yourself out.  Try to find girls that aren't so hot so you're not so intimidated