TER General Board
perfect answer! eom.
lilli
posted
You should be as comfortable in your own skin with her as you are when hanging out with your best friend, if you want a long term arrangement.
Ladies who say things like "I could never date a client" aren't good for long term arrangements. If somehow a gentlemen is beneath them, then he will eventually feel that, even if she's the best actor in the world. I feel the lady should view him as an equal in all ways, as a respectable good human being.
If she cannot be herself, the same person she is with her everyday life friends, then she won't make a good LTA. It will exhaust her, long periods of time will wear her thin, and eventually there will be an undertone of resentment.
She needs to be honest, and address a problem. If you do something that upsets her, both parties need to have a calm, fair, and considerate conversation about it. If she internalizes it'll be a mess, if it causes her to be confrontational it will be a mess. Eventually it will end badly. He should also be able to do the same if she accidentally upsets him, without her becoming defensive, mean or hysterical.
She should not be entirely dependent on one patron - either she must have a day job, or have other arrangements or be an active provider. I find these relationships end poorly, there is a power imbalance that breeds dependence and resentment from both parties. This is not ALWAYS true, but seems to happen often.
She should be someone who can adjust to other people's habits easily. No one wants to be harped on, nagged at, or be the cause of frustration. If someone has habits that are different then your own you need to adjust. I do late nights and late mornings. If I'm dating someone who is an early morning riser, we'll find a comfortable middle point where we rise and go to sleep. I'll adjust my eating habits to fit the other person, both time of day, frequency and if they have strong preferences or dietary needs. Everyone on the planet has bad habits, you need to be able to let the insignificant things that don't matter in the long run roll off your back.
People who are high strung, very particular, overly emotional, dramatic and demanding make for terrible long term arrangements.
And I personally feel she should to be available with him even when they aren't on a date. That's up for debate though, different ladies have different views. I personally stay in touch with my two LTA all the time, we talk every few days (unless I'm on a date). If they're having a terrible day, I make a point of being available at least by phone just to act as a salve, let him vent, and give him something to laugh about. This is true even if I'm on a multi-day date (on shorter ones I wait till the date is over). If something terrible happens to a "husband" (as I jokingly call them), I tell my date quite honestly: 'Something awful has happened to a good friend, I need to make a private phone call for about an hour". I've never had anyone be put off by the suggestion, they have always been kind and considerate.
And last - never take him for granted. I feel it's important that they know the contribution they make to my life is deeply appreciated, that it gives me happiness, and stability. Even when giving me what we have agreed upon, I still make a point of thanking them, letting them know it really matters to me that they like me enough to provide me with significant support. I don't think they *owe* me gifts or vacations or five star meals, or going out to performances. That is all a kindness, and it's important they know that. Feeling obligated to spoil is a terrible thing to do to someone. If they do so it's out of their own desire, and she should not expect, ask for or demand such things. In turn, I think it's important to do something for *him*. Buy him dinner, tickets to a show he's always wanted to see, I recently gave a man jeweled cuff-links for his birthday. Once in a blue moon, spend some of the money he gives you on him, as a token of appreciation.
Just my two cents, I'm sure there will be disagreements lol
Ladies who say things like "I could never date a client" aren't good for long term arrangements. If somehow a gentlemen is beneath them, then he will eventually feel that, even if she's the best actor in the world. I feel the lady should view him as an equal in all ways, as a respectable good human being.
If she cannot be herself, the same person she is with her everyday life friends, then she won't make a good LTA. It will exhaust her, long periods of time will wear her thin, and eventually there will be an undertone of resentment.
She needs to be honest, and address a problem. If you do something that upsets her, both parties need to have a calm, fair, and considerate conversation about it. If she internalizes it'll be a mess, if it causes her to be confrontational it will be a mess. Eventually it will end badly. He should also be able to do the same if she accidentally upsets him, without her becoming defensive, mean or hysterical.
She should not be entirely dependent on one patron - either she must have a day job, or have other arrangements or be an active provider. I find these relationships end poorly, there is a power imbalance that breeds dependence and resentment from both parties. This is not ALWAYS true, but seems to happen often.
She should be someone who can adjust to other people's habits easily. No one wants to be harped on, nagged at, or be the cause of frustration. If someone has habits that are different then your own you need to adjust. I do late nights and late mornings. If I'm dating someone who is an early morning riser, we'll find a comfortable middle point where we rise and go to sleep. I'll adjust my eating habits to fit the other person, both time of day, frequency and if they have strong preferences or dietary needs. Everyone on the planet has bad habits, you need to be able to let the insignificant things that don't matter in the long run roll off your back.
People who are high strung, very particular, overly emotional, dramatic and demanding make for terrible long term arrangements.
And I personally feel she should to be available with him even when they aren't on a date. That's up for debate though, different ladies have different views. I personally stay in touch with my two LTA all the time, we talk every few days (unless I'm on a date). If they're having a terrible day, I make a point of being available at least by phone just to act as a salve, let him vent, and give him something to laugh about. This is true even if I'm on a multi-day date (on shorter ones I wait till the date is over). If something terrible happens to a "husband" (as I jokingly call them), I tell my date quite honestly: 'Something awful has happened to a good friend, I need to make a private phone call for about an hour". I've never had anyone be put off by the suggestion, they have always been kind and considerate.
And last - never take him for granted. I feel it's important that they know the contribution they make to my life is deeply appreciated, that it gives me happiness, and stability. Even when giving me what we have agreed upon, I still make a point of thanking them, letting them know it really matters to me that they like me enough to provide me with significant support. I don't think they *owe* me gifts or vacations or five star meals, or going out to performances. That is all a kindness, and it's important they know that. Feeling obligated to spoil is a terrible thing to do to someone. If they do so it's out of their own desire, and she should not expect, ask for or demand such things. In turn, I think it's important to do something for *him*. Buy him dinner, tickets to a show he's always wanted to see, I recently gave a man jeweled cuff-links for his birthday. Once in a blue moon, spend some of the money he gives you on him, as a token of appreciation.
Just my two cents, I'm sure there will be disagreements lol