Never have I heard my very own kinks described so elegantly.
I welcome all lonely fools who enjoy ass peanuts and piss cocktails. This whore can have it all ways!Please understand that it's a very small percentage of potential clients & TER members who engage in fanatic/stalker-like behavior. But the creepers here definitely give the site a bad rep, and make many providers reluctant to participate.
Now, there is nothing wrong with admiring a lady from afar, perhaps following her on Twitter, Liking her Photo Only Board pics, reading her posts here or her own blog, and occasionally checking her personal website for any new pics or updates...... even if you never book a date.
The problems begin to arise when one starts sending messages. She responds, the two of you strike up an ongoing conversation? Great! Just don't expect too much of her time if you aren't looking to book a date.
If you send her a compliment (or any chatty message) and she does not reply?
That might be a hint.
Some ladies consider any communication that is not an appointment request to be a waste of her time.
If you continue sending such messages, without any encouragement from her, you might change her impression of you from "timewaster" to "creeper" or even "potential stalker". Don't do that. 
Many providers are not only on their guard for stalkers, we're also jumpy and quick to shut down/block/Ignore someone who even slightly gives us that vibe.
Why? Because it's just not worth the risk.
Of course, some people escalate from sending PMs & DMs to writing comments on her blog or even on her message board posts. Every time she writes something, there this guy is chiming in.... such actions can start to feel as though he's deliberately letting her know he's watching her. This can be intimidating and even cause the lady to alter her writing/posting habits. She might not be nearly as active in posting (or only use her alias) and stop adding her pics to the Photo Only altogether. Let me be clear: it shouldn't EVER get to that point!
She doesn't want to communicate with you? Let it go! Don't keep pestering her.
She turned you down for a date? It doesn't matter what the reason is/was and quite frankly, she doesn't owe you an explanation. Continuing to repeatedly peruse her blogs, comment on every one of her posts or tweets, and other lovesick-puppy type behavior is NOT COOL.
If a lady is not responding to what you may think are innocent compliments & comments: STOP. Please just STOP.
Now we get to where a provider has blocked a person, yet he still contacts her another way.
"Oh, she is Ignoring me? Well, then I'll just email her directly!"
"She won't see me? I'll start PMing her reviewers for more Juicy Details!"
"She blocked me on Twitter? OK, now I have a new account to follow her with!"
These are examples of when you have CROSSED THE LINE.
No ifs ands or buts about it: if you are doing or have done these things then you are officially "THAT GUY".
I tried to keep this post a bit simplistic, but I sincerely hope others (especially other providers) will join in with more examples.
You are preaching to the choir. The kinds of guys that would benefit from your admonishment are, as you say, "lurker" types, so they are not likely to be a part of the community that discusses things on this board. Why not just PM the latest offender? Most stalkers don't think they are, so you need to get in their face and tell them, IMO.
Now of course I don't expect she's talking to theclikes of you, me, GaG, Jake, dunphy, et el, who are active on this board, but the kinds of guys she is talking about may very well be lurkers here and read this board.
while I agree there may be some lurkers who'll read it, my guess is guys who behave this way are simply not available to her message and are unable to change their sociopathic ways. Even when hit in the head with a 2x4.
You are almost certainly correct, but there is a "chance" that maybe some of the BSU's who are entering borderline stalker territory might read this and take a step back. Okay, a very slim chance, but if even one guy steps back from the edge because of this thread it would be worth the bandwidth.
We all know however that just like the "please wash your ass" posts, the worst offenders will never see themselves as such. "Even when hit in the head with a 2x4" lol
Your/my rule about not sending another message until your last one is returned, (even if it's six months) is a sound one. I have posted the very same advice many times and all guys "wondering" if they are becoming a pest should most definitely subscribe to this rule.
I am NOT saying that, therefore, no one should put up posts like the OP. Even though it may be fruitless it's better to remind people, even those who may be unreachable. Just don't be under any illusions about it.
But in general, I subscribe to the wisdom of my dear old Dad, who used to say about any effort that was unlikely to work:
"It's like pissing in your blue serge suit. It gives you a nice, warm feeling and no one knows you did it."
Do you know why, the retaliation can be extremely awful, especially if you're someone like me who does confront head on.
I can handle a lot, and I am one of those people who will straight up tell someone when they're out of line. However, when the blame comes back on you, if they're public, it can be brought public,l by them. A lot of people stand up for that person. Then it makes us look bad because we hurt somebody's feelings by telling them the truth
The retaliation can be awful. I know, I've been through it a few times.
I'm one of those people who believes in confronting head on, but I'm not one of those people who believes in not telling a friend, or bringing an issue public to see if either people deal with the same thing or feel the same way about something.
However, there is usually retaliation. God forbid you block someone who is "watching you". You're made out to be the bad guy.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 10:05:55 AM
1) I've said it before, but because sex is the most intimate act two people can engage in, there are more neuroses connected with it than almost anything else we do. So don't blame TER for making this happen, it's called human nature -- the ugly side of it. This is the biggest site devoted to P4P so you see a lot of it here, but that's not TER's fault.
2) As a result, you are talking to the wrong people. The ones who REALLY need to understand what you're saying are totally unreachable, which is a shame. That said, I agree with you.
3) I have a rule: if we're having an email or PM conversation and you don't respond to my last communication, I do NOT contact you again until you contact me. I will not be THAT GUY.
misunderstood the nature of the relationships I was forming with providers. I soon noticed that if I send a text or email asking how they were doing that day, I often got no response or else the response was hours later. If I emailed or texted about scheduling an appointment, then the response was usually within five minutes. it didn't take long for me to figure out that chit chat was a type of "stealing" of a provider's time in a business where time is money. I quickly evolved to the point that I rarely will contact a provider for any reason except to make an appointment. However, if they initiate contact with me, I try to respond in a timely manner. The exception is a TER PM about a comment or post they made on one of the discussion boards. I don't consider that to be wasting their time because they chose to be here posting and have to expect feedback sometimes. It should be clear to every hobbyist that this is a professional relationship, not a personal one. You go see your doctor or attorney at the time appointed, but you don't follow up with endless texts and emails of what a nice time you had. They will know it if you keep doing business with them. Same with providers. They are, for the most part, professionals.
Shit, I must be creeping you!
Begging a provider everyday to put you in a four-point restraint is not the least bit creepy. You love this hobby but just can't control yourself. Lol
I think we had a brief conversation in inbox a couple years ago. I'm pretty sure you initiated the contact. I believe I asked you if you were once a stripper because of your body style. Hopefully that didn't put me on your shit list.
If you are a consistently controversial poster with a high post count on TER expect to be called out. Don't play the "stalker card" if people answer your posts.
I pretty much agree that if somebody tries to get around your blocks it is not cool. Still, I wouldn't consider it stalking unless there was a credible threat of some sort of harm.
Before hookers started promoting the hell out of themselves on social media you rarely heard of such problems. Eros and TER attracted serious mongers. By putting yourself out there on media that was never intended for hooking you open yourself up to those type of problems.
Bc I could be wrong. But just check August of 2015 in your board posts.
What the fuck is wrong with you? You are the prosecutor and I am the accused. Why don't you come up with the August, 2015 board posts and prove your case.?
If the thread was removed then how the hell could I find my own comments? You make no sense. You are just another part of the "crew" that like to harass "OTM" but you don't realize I really don't care other than the amusement it provides.
No, we can see our responses if they're removed. So you would be able to see yours under My TER-My Board Posts
So it would be somewhere between July 31 and August 15 (2015) if you have the time.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 2:30:33 PM
No, we can see our responses if they're removed. So you would be able to see yours under My TER-My Board Posts
So it would be somewhere between July 31 and August 15 (2015) if you have the time.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 2:30:33 PM
This begs the question. Why would you derail a thread to accuse me of that?
I can't quote you now but I remember your hostile nature to Court. To say they were disconcerting is an understatement in my book.
Once again a fuckin whore accuses me of something but "can't quote." There is a big difference between being "hostile" and printing a URL to somebody's personal information. Posting a URL that led to somebody's personal info is what I was falsely accused of.
I guess I spoke too soon Gag. It looks like the BSC old whores want to pile on after all.
and that is ringing true right now. I have no idea if you posted anyone's personal info so I left that part out. So I'm not "piling" on so slow your roll. and I'll refrain from calling you names since I'm not BSC. You should try it sometime!
You at least tacitly agreed with Courtney. It was piling on because you knew that I was accused of a bannable offense. You read the thread. You never said "Well he may have been "hostile" but he never posted a link to somebody's personal information. Instead it was "I can't quote you now but,,,,,,,,,,,,"
The internet appears to create huge balls, even an asshole like me never goes quite that far.
Court was big enough to offer an apology, I think you owe one to Steph for the "fucking whore" remark.
She piled on and after being put through the ringer I was in no mood for anymore crap from the "crew."
Courtney rescinded her apology later in the thread.
" You're very mean and degrading, and I honestly don't think you have any feelings whatsoever anyway, so seriously. I'm losing zero sleep over this."
After what happened to me yesterday in this group what little human kindness I might have had left is gone.
And less face it , had I done to Courtney what she did to me you would have jumped all over me for eternity. You walked on eggs with her even when you said she was wrong because she is part of the "crew."
Your post reeks of butt-hurt. You try to come on like such a tough guy but I guess that's just a thin veneer.
Your post reeks of butt-hurt. You try to come on like such a tough guy but I guess that's just a thin veneer.
(I've had OTM on Ignore for ages, so I missed it.)
Ah, that pet-name brings back memories, indeed it does......
That moniker probably goes all the way back to when OTM's nickname was Begs for Whores.... now of course, it is Fucks with Whores To Feel Like a Man.
This is probably the first time Steph and I have been mistaken for one another, but clearly that is what happened here, as such a label does not apply to that lovely lady.
P.S. ~ I mustn't forget to recognize GaG, the eternal Man Whore, who ran the risk of being called a WK in speaking up. Thank you!
-- Modified on 7/19/2017 11:09:13 PM
I will confess, I like "fucking" and I like "whores" , but somehow when you put the two together in a sentence it loses it's allure and reinforces the impression that most of us have of OTM which is that he really does look down on the women here. AND that he is rather mean spirited, even if he is often right about the specific acts of "some" hookers and johns, or "whores and tricks" if you prefer.
Now let me go find girl to pick on to save my reputation lest others start calling me a white knight. Preferably some "old broad" lol
I know in apology doesn't make a wrong right, however I apologize for posting that. It was probably somebody else.
As I do many times, I didn't think before I posted. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and not fret about it any longer.
It's your clients who filled out the field set form on your schedule the date portion of your website. Who are second guessing your potential to go BSC with their personal information.
is not enough. You should have let it go. Anybody who clicked on your website and glanced at your requirements to book would know that my post is not ridiculous. You ask for full name and last name on ID, city and state on drivers license and registered phone number. Yet you have shown you have the potential to go BSC as seen in this thread.
You should have listened to Gag. When you find yourself in a hole on the internet don't keep digging. Based on what happened anybody would go full tinfoil hat with you.
I don't hate you but this was something that should have been hashed out in PMs not publically.
I honestly don't feel too bad about it honestly. You're very mean and degrading, and I honestly don't think you have any feelings whatsoever anyway, so seriously. I'm losing zero sleep over this.
All the reason to refrain from giving out your real life information to a hooker.
You know I hate to be supporting OTM on ANYTHING, but he is absolutely right. Just please stop already.
I can't believe you just honestly asked him to go back and research his own posts to prove YOUR accusations against him. If you were anyone else I'd ask you to put down the crack pipe, but I will ask you to please at least step away from the keyboard. You are not doing yourself any favors today. Go have a drink, go have ten drinks and come back tomorrow. You'll thank my in the morning.
You know I hate to be supporting OTM on ANYTHING, but he is absolutely right. Just please stop already.
I can't believe you just honestly asked him to go back and research his own posts to prove YOUR accusations against him. If you were anyone else I'd ask you to put down the crack pipe, but I will ask you to please at least step away from the keyboard. You are not doing yourself any favors today. Go have a drink, go have ten drinks and come back tomorrow. You'll thank my in the morning.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 12:57:09 PM
Did you see any other women joining in with Court to falsely accuse you?
I hate it when the women accuse all/most clients of something based on the actions of one guy, You are doing the exact same thing here. "Most" hookers did not make this accusation against you, only one. If a dozen other girls piled on with no proof to back them up, you'd have a point, but they didn't. Not even the ladies who can't stand you and we both now how many women that is. lol
It pains me to say it but you are right. Still, it proves that even a seemingly level headed well reviewed high priced hooker can go BSC.
Dude, there are ladies that can't stand you either. There are even a few ladies who like my hard hitting posts. The positive comments always come in inbox because many people lurk but almost never post here. I don't blame them for staying out of the shitstorms.
I was not too upset because you of all people know that you get banned for what she accused me of. I have never even been timed out.........yet!
but yes you are correct that even a seemingly "level headed, well reviewed, high priced hooker" can go off the rails, and that is the point I try to hammer home when the conversation is about "giving personal information that can be used against you" to a hooker, even the ones with great reputations. You just "never know" and it's not worth ruining your life over.
and yes, you would be surprised at some of the PM's I get too, and VERY surprised at some of the people I get them from. lol
Honestly, TheNudeOpera has been on a mean streak lately. Not really sure what's crawled up her ass, but it's went from being funny to being sad.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really agree with OTM usually, but the outrageous shit he says has some comedy to it (intentional or not). Also, I don't get the impression that he has the desire, nor the skill, to DOX someone like TNO is insinuating.
Someone get this girl some chocolate.
I'm not going to go have a drink. but. *gulp*
I was wrooooong.
Hugs to everybody.
I will add to this though, I do not like the way this guy talks to / about women. And I will never agree with those things. But yes, my initial post was over-the-top and I should not have said that/accused without proof, (only vague memory). I was kind of joking about him doing his own research- apparently nobody got the dry humor. Bad joke. 😑
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 3:44:51 PM
BUT what if a guy is so naive or trusting that he give you his REAL name for screening and then you don't see him. Do you provide him with a reason if he asks? That has never happened to me and never will because I would NEVER provide my real name. But if I was THAT GUY that would drive me crazy and would weigh on me mentally. THAT GUY deserves a reason. Not knowing would be the worst. What is the right thing to do in that situation?
I think that is the exact kind of mindset she is talking about. Just because she knows your name doesn't mean shit. THAT guy doesn't deserve shit except not to have his personal information used against him.
Just why does it mean so much to you to know why a hooker has rejected you? Ok, never mind, it really isn't that important to me to know why. see how easy that is? I am not going to lose a minute of sleep worrying about your answer, and you shouldn't lose a minute of sleep wondering why some hooker won't see you.
Ugh, I'm so fucking tired of agreeing with you, but damn! Standing ovation on that post, you nailed it. 👏
A well thought out concise explanation would most likely increase his respect for you and your profession.
The reason is because he was stupid enough to give her his real info to begin with. NEVER do it. Ever. If you do it, don't whine.
"so naïve and trusting" should probably find a different hobby before they clean out their bank account and hand it over to the first girl that flirts with them.
but I could understand why someone might feel entitled to an explanation, but nothing more. Is there something negative out there about him that he is unaware of? Maybe someone "stole" or used his handle and did something inappropriate? You don't know what you don't know. A simple explanation would provide piece of mind. And if there was something untrue or slanderous then you would be aware and could correct it.
Explained rejection is not a must do.
It's an opportunity for emotional growth.
I've been rejected 3 times. Twice when I was a newbie. Arrangements were made and then crickets.
I got over it.
Once, because of a misunderstanding. Again, I got over it.
Grow a pair and leave the ladies alone.
and therefore I have nothing to get over. People don't actually read what other people write. I am merely using my alias to take a knowingly unpopular position in a feeble attempt to heighten the discussion.
you come back to the guy and say ... Sorry hun I can't see you because of x or y. But I will give you another chance. If you do z and show me that your behavior has changed then I will see you. In the meantime, though, please don't contact me because I have a business to run.
it's because it's WRONG!!!
You aren't entitled to jack shit for simply telling a hooker your real name. Why do you think she owes you a damn thing? She's a hookers, she fucks guys for a living and she has the right to fuck, or NOT fuck anyone she chooses, for any damn reason she chooses and she doesn't owe ANYONE an explanation for her reasons.
Are you this obtuse about everything or is it just pussy that makes you stupid?
It all depends on the situation. It could be the safest response depending on HOW it is executed. That is the point.
Why is responding "safer" than not responding to some love sick john who can't simply take no for an answer?
Do you REALLY think a guy who obsesses about a hooker who wont' see him is going to obsess any less just because she gives him a reason? Even you can't be that fucking dumb. All that does is start a dialogue about how he "can do better" or how she doesn't "understand where he is coming from" or a thousand other conversations that she simply doesn't want to have. None of these conversations are in HER best interests and all they do "at best" is to put off the time where she has to stop responding to him.
I don't know if I really appreciated their position on this until I joined Seeking Arrangement, the Sugar Daddy/Baby site and started getting dozens of messages from women I had ZERO interest in. By your line of reasoning I should respond to every one of these women, opening up dozens of different conversations about WHY I have no interest in them. Conversely, I reach out to a lot of POT SB's and never hear a word from them, none of these women ever give me a reason they don't respond, they just don't, and quite frankly I don't blame them, nor do I pester them for a reason why. I just move on like a big boy. Why is this so hard for you to understand? These women don't owe you a damn thing.
If you even remotely follow the thread then you could see the following:
- An individual that was given an explanation by the OP posted on this thread. I don't want to put words in his mouth, but I suspect that he appreciated the reason, gained respect for her as a result, and arguably gained more respect for the profession. Unlike some posters, he probably doesn't just look at her as a piece of meat. That is really the only piece of objective evidence on this board and it seems to confirm what I am saying.
- It sounds like some women sent you a hey babe what's up PM. That is very different from a screening process that requires an investment in time and one to divulge personal information.
I am assuming that the OP responds this way on occasion either because she believes it is safer and/or the right thing to do given that she has done it once and probably multiple times?
- Again, I've never had this happen.
Do you still not get it?
You can't possibly be serious. Please tell me you're just trying to troll the thread. If so, you need more practice. If not, I'd guess you're just about exactly the type of creeper that Debra and some of these other women are talking about, making them feel like they're always being watched. Or, perhaps more likely, you're one in the making; whether you're aware of it or not.
The "only objective piece of evidence" in the thread is a single anecdote from a single monger? Really?! What about the handful of women here, speaking from their CONSIDERABLE experience in the matter, standing on the opposite side of the issue from you? Why is that not "objective evidence"? LoL! (You've cited this single experience between the OP and a monger as the one and only leg on which rests your entire feeble argument. Do you even realize that the very same OP quoted your post and picked it apart?? Did you happen to notice that the monger in question told you point blank that "no one owes you an explanation", that when you're shot down, your response should simply be "next", and that your attitude makes you sound "entitled"? Are you even reading this thread? Talk about selective hearing!) For shit's sake, you said yourself he's NOT like a lot of the guys in this world, thinking of the women as a "piece of meat". That's why it worked out safely for them both. How the hell do you expect providers to accurately sort out the good, from the bad, from the ugly? Even if they could, they don't have the time, and oh yeah, as has been said, they just don't OWE YOU or me or whoever an explanation.
GaG occasionally rambles illogically, but not in his last post to you. He makes a very valid point about his SA experiences. When I put up an ISO somewhere, I don't spend my time writing to the women that responded whom I do not wish to meet, explaining why I don't think we're a good match and letting them down easy. Frankly, I'd feel I was insulting them and wasting both of our time. If a monger wouldn't do that, why on earth would a woman, who is practically infinitely more likely to be running the risk of unwittingly encouraging a creepy, clingy PITA??
I think you need to access some part of you that's in charge of reality checks and look at your own words with fresh eyes:
"Sorry hun I can't see you because of x or y. But I will give you another chance. If you do z and show me that your behavior has changed then I will see you."
Seriously? This is not match.com and these women are not life coaches. Do you hear the neediness in your statements? I do understand where you're coming from, I really do. I'm not without empathy, seriously. But I think you're failing to see this from their perspective.
You keep saying this hasn't happened to you. I'd wager it has. I'm also starting to think that you honestly believe that you'd feel better about the whole thing and truly be "an officer and a gentleman" if you were given that explanation and/or chance to correct your behavior. However, you'd probably be surprised at yourself if you did have a chance to go down that road with someone. You may find yourself nagging about one more reason, one more chance, one more "just tell me how I can be better for you", until you're creeping her out. Perhaps rather innocently, without even realizing what you're doing. But still. This is what I was talking about in my first paragraph.
I think you're looking to strangers for a kind of validation that has to ultimately be rooted from within, and maybe be reinforced by a few people with whom you have a connection.
If you are an officer, then you understand the chain of command. Each of these women is the CIC when it comes to determining with whom they will share their time and their pussies. We don't get to question those orders or demand that they be debated and explained until they make logical sense to us. We simply carry on. That's not to say they're totally in charge of every little thing throughout the session and you have to suck up to them and kowtow to all of their opinions. Who she will or will not meet and who she will or will not fuck? Yeah, that's her call. Period. Just move on bro.
Listen to what CdnBman is telling you. He's making sense.
I suspect you know ALL of this, that's why you're in alias. Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Providers have to always guard their personal & physical safety. The good ones help keep each other safe, too. It sucks to have to always think about these things, but that's reality.
Giving someone an explanation as to why I won't see him could tip him off as to WHO said something negative about him. And potentially make her the target of harrassment or worse.
Is there something negative out there about him that he is unaware of? Maybe someone "stole" or used his handle and did something inappropriate? You don't know what you don't know. A simple explanation would provide piece of mind. And if there was something untrue or slanderous then you would be aware and could correct it.
I mean, exactly how is he going to "correct it" without contacting that person?
Which, trust me, is NOT a good idea.
Heck, if he's a borderline personality, knowing that he's being slandered (possibly with his real name attached to it) could cause him to come completely unhinged!
Since I don't require psychological screenings as part of my verification, I choose to err on the side of caution. Sound paranoid to you? Well, I'd rather be paranoid than be the cause of someone else getting hurt.
When I refuse to see someone, it is usually a result of information (blacklists, negative references) found via his hobby persona only. Like many ladies, I typically don't take just one negative mark for a non-violent offense as reason to deny him. So whatever he's done, he's done it more than once.
Sometimes, no research of either his real-world OR hobby info was required.... he made himself a "persona non grata" all on his own, via what tidbits & trivia he spontaneously shared with me!
This can be gossipping about other providers, sharing private/personal info of his references, telling me he has a BBFS arrangement with someone (yes, guys have actually volunteered such things!) and hopes we can too, or his desire that we become friends and share OTC time together after our session.
If one lady had reported any of these things, I'd be on the fence, but from the horse's mouth?? He's an absolute DNS for me and I'm glad he made my decision easy.
I'm not going to tip him off that he's cock-blocking himself!
Nope, this person doesn't "deserve" any help in securing P4P dates from me or anyone else.
When I do decide against seeing someone based upon his real-world-info, the most frequent reason is because he and I are somehow connected in real life. I once stupidly told someone that I couldn't see him because I went to high school with his sister.... guess what?
Within hours, he was checking me out on Classmates and then Facebook, emailing me back to ask if his suspicion of my real identity was correct. (It wasn't, which alarmed me even more that he might email this other woman, insisting she was ME.)
This person contacted me on-and-off for months, practically demanding we at least meet for lunch, saying it was the least I could do since I wouldn't have a session with him.
Nope nope nope. He eventually went away, and as far as I know, did not spread any gossip about the other woman or me. I was lucky.
But this served to warn me against giving such explanations to anyone.
Other reasons that are a result of information I wouldn't have gleaned solely from his hobby reputation? He's most likely aware that's out there.
If he's a college professor who's been accused of sexual misconduct, he knows such info can be found. He was once in a bar brawl? Again, no way someone doesn't realize this shit can't come to light.
His ex has/had a restraining order against him? He knows it.
A vindictive person put him on Cheaters.com with a story that frightened me off? He might not know that exists, but again, he would probably have an idea of who did that.
And even if it's not another provider or even a woman, I'm not putting this person in his sights.
In a perfect world, where no stalking, blackmailing, threatening, abuse, cyber bullying or overt violence existed, I could feel free to tell someone why I won't meet him.
However, we don't live in that perfect world.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 6:03:18 AM
I can't do any better than GaGa, in explaining why you are entitled to nothing following a rejection. It should be obvious.
My point is that it is not in your self-interest to even pursue the answer. There is no upside. Do you think you could even believe the answer if you got one? I wouldn't.
A while back, I got rejected after trying to make a booking on short notice, which I gather made her uncomfortable. I guessed that was the reason, but simply told her I understood and thanked her for replying. No pressure. I guess that resulted in her digging into me a little more, and she came back maybe half an hour later, with some questions. I just answered, and never asked her if she was reconsidering. A few emails later, I guess she figured out that I fully respected her right to say no, with no questions asked. So she changed her mind and came by for an amazing session.
If I had gone down the path of wanting to know why, then I am certain the meeting would have never happened.
So just back off when rejection happens.
but you still won't get one in 99% of the time. Because no one owe's you one. A gal can choose to see you based on some of the same criteria you use to choose to initiate seeing her.
We get a "feel" for what and who we think we'd like to see and so do the ladies. I've been point blank shot down twice in 15 years and once was by the lovely Miss Hollander. She did explain her reasons, I replied one to see if if there was a chance she might reconsider and then moved on. No hard feelings. Sure I was disappointed. And a frustrated. That was my ego and I survived unscathed lol.
I want to share my time and money with someone who WANTS to be with me for the entire date, both physically and emotionally. Actually, I appreciated her honesty because some gals will take your money and will be in the same room as you, but not show up. And I don't NEED to give them a reason as to why I'll not be seeing them again! We connect on many levels ... and disconnect on fewer.
If you have a vested relationship here or IRL, you may deserve a reason for a breakup ... and still not get one. But to require or deserve a reason before you've ever met is a bit needy IMHO.
Mary Kay, of pink Cadillac fame, had a mantra for hundreds if not thousands of women who became millionaires using this simple philosophy for finding clients. No? NEXT!
"Deserve" does seem to make one sound a bit entitled. I never found that to be attractive.
I would think that providing a simple straightforward reason would generally be the safest and best way to make the guy feel as though he got a fair shake and was treated consistently and therefore go away and not escalate. With the few exceptions where doing so could place someone else at risk. Maybe I am wrong ? And it would increase his respect for you as a provider and more generally the profession if done correctly.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 12:53:28 PM
by this thread, it will be well worth it.
There's also a point to be made that such activity can go the other way. There was once a well known gal who had a very interesting personal life which she loved to share to excess and if you made the mistake of expressing too much interest in it, you could be showered with texts and phone calls all hours of the day from her.
To any providers who are tempted to follow suit: don't. That's what friends and family are for.
Keep things professional and fun.
Debra post original intent was a focus on people being stalker, the thread has then focused on just cutting off communication and why.
While all that has been said in response has great points, and Debra counter is so very valid it does not really focus on the real issue. That issue is the stalker to begin with.
Personally I dont have the time or expertise to manage all of the social media and aspects of blog. But I do recognize that those part of a marketing campaign have negative possibilities. You see in the news every day that the more out in the public a personality is, the more people attack them. For good or bad reasons, does not really matter.
Social Media attracts people from all walks of life not just from the hobby life. I think there is a good reason social media works for certain providers, but I think the provider must be prepared accept the consequences. Just like there are BSC providers, there are BSC people. They have nothing better to do than pick an easy target to harass. Its easy for some to sit at home in comfort of their chair and be an ass. Its also easy for some who live in a world so lacking in friends or family to reach out and try to form a relationship by text or email. Crazy people. Its very hard for a provider to fight a even somewhat intelligent BSC stalker without letting out too much personal info.
Both men and woman can be BSC. The shoe fits both feet. The more a provider exposes herself to communication to a wider world of people, the more BSC she will encounter. She should accpet it and learn to manage it, and deal with it. I am not saying its good, I am really say I have no idea how to deal with those issues and just elect to minimize my exposure. I admire people who know how to deal with it and use it to their advantage. But I personally cant.
If you advertise you expose yourself to the crazy people. If you advertise outside the hobby you expose yourself to even more crazy people. If you are one of the crazy people, you should expect to be ignored at a minimum. If your going to never book an appointment, yet try constantly be in contact, then you are a stalker, expect to be ignored. No explanation is needed or necessary.
Just my thoughts, excuse the grammar.
Christine
Deter unwanted behavior and most effectively handle "stalkers" or undesirable behavior. There isn't a universally right way that applies to all situations. The safest way to handle a given situation depends on the facts of that particular situation and the personalities of those involved.
I once was PMing with a provider here because we had some previous geography in common (though now we were 1000 miles apart.) We ended up sharing our life histories, transferred our conversation to email, eventually learned each other's real life names. She even linked to me on LinkedIn. This all happened in the space of a week or so.
And then one day she said she'd had a bad dream about me and kind of ended the correspondence. Of course it could have been something I said, though we didn't talk about sex, etc (she was 1000 miles away, no way am I going to travel 1000 miles for an hour of paid sex.) But I suspect she realized I probably wasn't a rich man and wasn't going to rescue her from this life'
ALL of your praise and all of your attention (of course, in return for their attention,) for the equivalent of 70 hours per month?
All day, every day, about every thing?
I get that sometimes and eventually I bust on them, especially if that "attention" turns from positive over attention from them to negative if I can't respond or kiss their ass right away (for let's say, 24 hours while I"m banging someone else.)
'That guy' can also be someone who IS booking regularly and won't get the fk out of your inbox. Sometimes is nice, but every fking day is absurd, especially when - again - that attention turns to pettiness, micro-management, "why aren't you talking to me" "I just sent a $50 gift, did you get it?" when they are contributing the equivalent financially of what normally is one date from someone who only says a sweet hello now and again, and handles well when you can't get back to that sweet hello right away.
I'm saying this because, sometimes people do book, and are always in your DM's, emails, texts, twitter wall all at the same time, every day, all day, even on your days off - then get upset that you forgot about them for a day and need to "talk about it".
After a while I can't handle that shit, and it starts to frighten me. It happens to all of us, but I usually cut those off once the "big red flag" comes, where I realize they can't control themselves, nor their emotions toward me.
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 9:44:01 AM
You start out paying good attention to them, but during the season that you can't give them your all because you want to be thankful to other people supporting you, it turns to anger. Not necessarily threats, but more passive aggressive. To where some people think everything you do, and every move you make is about them.
Over these past four years, I couldn't put my finger on what really bothers me about these people. And what it is is what you said. The feeling that you are being watched at every single move you make that is public. You can't set any boundaries or any etiquette standards, because some people think everything is about them when it's not. And constantly being picked apart, and eventually constantly confronted about it, you stop being yourself.
But in the end, it ends up you can't set any boundaries or any etiquette standards, because some people think everything is about them when it's not. But in the end, it ends up proving that it is about them, even though you didn't intend it toward them.
Sometimes I don't think people realize what they're doing, but if they don't, that makes it even worse LOL
-- Modified on 7/18/2017 9:57:04 AM
As someone who seems rather proud of her increased rates, I wonder why you would even dream of putting up with this kind of behavior? Do you really need "after a while" to cut off those kind of guys?
and are you sure you aren't exaggerating "just a bit" when you claim 70 hours a month? That translates into over two hours a day, every single day. I don't have anybody in my life I want to talk to THAT much.
Would it be that hard to simply tell these guys "if you blow up my inbox, I am going to cut you off completely"??? I make it clear to everyone I do business with, and everyone in my personal life. "If you blow up my shit, I will "eventually" get back to you, but you aren't going to like what I am going to have to say to you when I do" It's not really that hard to put your foot down, and it's a LOT easier to set the ground rules early than let a guy think it's acceptable behavior to occupy "70 hours a month" of your time.
Some girls put down the hourly guys as a bunch of animals just wanting wild monkey sex. So, they glorify extended dates, otc time etc. A guy who just wants to use their body for his own personal pleasure gets labeled a "misogynist." The lonely fool who takes them on extended (more profitable) dates is the "nice guy" that will suck the peanuts out of the whore's ass and wash it down with the whore's piss.
Of course those types are looking to "buy" friendship no matter how much they say otherwise. When the friendship is not reciprocated some might become stalkers or at least an annoyance that takes up a lot of the hooker's time.
The whores can't have it both ways!
True GFE comes at a risk. and that risk of course is being so believable that some/many of the sad sacks who want that "connection" are going to misread the very mixed signals there are going to be getting.
Hookers routinely belittle the hourly clients who just "want to fuck" and then leave until they want to fuck again. I have to concede this problem is of the hookers own making as they both want guys to spend extended time with them, at a MUCH higher price tag of course, and then they get mad when these same needy clingy guys who are too dumb to "pay a hooker for sex and buy a dog for company" start crossing lines and making their life miserable.
You are absolutely right that these women who sell the illusion of being a GF can't have it both ways. What they want is a guy to spend thousands of dollars a month on them, every single fucking month, but be satisfied with the four or five hours a month of paid time they get for their money. I guess you can put that misogynist jacket on me too, because I absolutely agree with you.
Put more simply a trick, a john, or a whore monger is NEVER going to become a stalker, A "hobbyist" is quite a different matter as he thinks he is getting a "real connection" for his money, when all the rest of us in this world know better.
Either. Some of the things in the OP are things that a regular boyfriend or girlfriend should not be doing to their girlfriend/boyfriend. Being an escort that claims GFE shouldn't have to just accept that behavior, because it comes with the territory.
and do nothing about it, try to avoid it, or discuss it.
I do see the catch 22 between The emotional labor that comes with longer term relationships, and longer dates, more time spent together, and more money. I love doing that. Until you have to start looking over your shoulder 24/7, worrying about the way you market yourself because somebody is watching every a word that you say, he needs to "talk about it and "every time they see a sentence that might pertain to them. That's not normal behavior whether we are in this world or not.
(1) Find me multiple posts where providers denigrate any clients who follow her rules. I'm not talking about a provider expressing a preference, real denigration eg., "these guys just want wild monkey sex" (if this counts as denigration).
(2) Sorry, but a guy who just wants to use a woman's body for his pleasure is objectifying her (treating her like an object for his use), not being a misogynist (someone who hates women because they are women). Helpful hints on what's a misogynist: You use words to refer to women that most people would identify as intended to be hurtful, you stereotype them, you treat virtually all of them in the same way, you focus attention on what you think are their negative cultural behaviors, there's more but I only went through page one of your list of posts
(3) Extended dates are not more profitable for a provider. Two hour rates are generally 50-67% higher than one hour rates. If a provider can get ready in 30 minutes for another date, they will make more money doing one hour dates. So why would these crafty, devious, genius businesswomen who know every trick to separate a helpless man from his money do something unprofitable? Well, there is a little less wear and tear on their body. And it is easier for a provider to commit to spending money (to tour, for an incall), if they can get a bigger chunk of change in one transaction. Finally, this part may be hard to process, but some people actually like spending time doing non-sexual things with other people. Yes, they may like it more if they're getting paid handsomely to do it, but some people actually enjoy hanging out, in some cases as much or even more than sex. If that's what gets them off, why does that bother you?
(4) I'm sure there are plenty of one-hour guys who like to drink piss, just as there are multi-hour guys in the same boat. Never heard of sucking peanuts out of someone's ass, but I'll check PornMD to see if I've missed the new trend which could replace my current favorite, "fully dressed people having conversations."
(5) There are stalkers in all price categories. Stalkers who want to be a provider's friend are very annoying and when they don't get what they want, they can be disruptive or a threat to a provider's privacy. Stalkers who objectify provider's bodies are very annoying and when they don't get what they want, they can become rapists. I suppose I should include this in the list of why providers might prefer longer dates.
Probably the most balanced response in this whole car crash of a thread. Valid points indeed 👍
(1) Find me multiple posts where providers denigrate any clients who follow her rules. I'm not talking about a provider expressing a preference, real denigration eg., "these guys just want wild monkey sex" (if this counts as denigration).
(2) Sorry, but a guy who just wants to use a woman's body for his pleasure is objectifying her (treating her like an object for his use), not being a misogynist (someone who hates women because they are women). Helpful hints on what's a misogynist: You use words to refer to women that most people would identify as intended to be hurtful, you stereotype them, you treat virtually all of them in the same way, you focus attention on what you think are their negative cultural behaviors, there's more but I only went through page one of your list of posts
(3) Extended dates are not more profitable for a provider. Two hour rates are generally 50-67% higher than one hour rates. If a provider can get ready in 30 minutes for another date, they will make more money doing one hour dates. So why would these crafty, devious, genius businesswomen who know every trick to separate a helpless man from his money do something unprofitable? Well, there is a little less wear and tear on their body. And it is easier for a provider to commit to spending money (to tour, for an incall), if they can get a bigger chunk of change in one transaction. Finally, this part may be hard to process, but some people actually like spending time doing non-sexual things with other people. Yes, they may like it more if they're getting paid handsomely to do it, but some people actually enjoy hanging out, in some cases as much or even more than sex. If that's what gets them off, why does that bother you?
(4) I'm sure there are plenty of one-hour guys who like to drink piss, just as there are multi-hour guys in the same boat. Never heard of sucking peanuts out of someone's ass, but I'll check PornMD to see if I've missed the new trend which could replace my current favorite, "fully dressed people having conversations."
(5) There are stalkers in all price categories. Stalkers who want to be a provider's friend are very annoying and when they don't get what they want, they can be disruptive or a threat to a provider's privacy. Stalkers who objectify provider's bodies are very annoying and when they don't get what they want, they can become rapists. I suppose I should include this in the list of why providers might prefer longer dates.
Never have I heard my very own kinks described so elegantly.
I welcome all lonely fools who enjoy ass peanuts and piss cocktails.
This whore can have it all ways!
Rates don't eliminate human beings.
Just because somebody raises the rates doesn't mean they become a Mary Poppins, flying through the sky singing with an umbrella in her hand and never getting any note incorrect.
I'm really not sure why rates have anything to do with us except for an attempt to get an emotional response in defense of my rates, and still considering myself a person with some empathy and compassion despite the fact that my minimum rates are high.
The reason this becomes hard, is because guess what? I actually like the people. I want to think the best. And a lot of times these bombs are not dropped until almost a year into the friendship. Yes, there are red flags, and with one of the probably five clients I've had problems with in the last 4 1/2 years, there was a red flag that I sawin the beginning, that I ignored. And it was him showing me his archives of ALL of my blogs in his computer that he copied and pasted and kept in his files, "just in case you delete them, because I know you delete your blogs a lot"
Well it's flattering that somebody wants to read your shit, those logs really are not brilliant pieces. They're just puking on paper. Why on earth would somebody copy and paste your blogs to keep for later?
But retip nothing to do with it, and a lot of the people that I see now I've been saying for years. I offered them grandfathered rates into the last rate structure, but most don't take it. Which is really nice. However the ones that do take the grandfathered are great people too
I have found no correlation between rates and stalker material. I have also found no correlation between rates and ease of illuminating someone from your life that you've built a relationship with. I like people. I actually like the people that I see in dates, I look forward to seeing them, we have a wonderful time, and when you cut somebody out of your life without really thinking about it, it hurts. You wonder if you did the right thing, you wonder if you were being a bad person.
Especially if you already feel like a bad person due to the growing accusations that you get overtime from these people.
granted, over these past 4 1/2 years I have learned to select very carefully, and because of this I have awesome awesome awesome clients. However, some of them will flip on you, and buy the point that they do it can be really hard to simply say "BYE". Another problem with that is, sometimes they see all of your friends. And they tell you about it. So then there comes the worry about your networks getting cut off. Possibly a provider from losing business because you cut them off.
I know, I think too much. And I will tell you that I'm not saying I am the victim in all of the situations either. I've done my part and saying/doing things I shouldn't have said or done. Or should have reacted better. However, what I'm currently talking about is not even really that 70 hours. I'm talking about how concerning it is when someone is making sure you know they're watching your every move. Which I have had happened to me, and I am not seeing any of those people right now. In fact, most of my current clients don't even know when I write a new blog, and they have no idea what the hell is going on on Twitter.
So maybe nowadays I am tapping into the non-gossipy type of clientele who aren't up in everybody's business all the time. Who knows. I've only had these rates for six months. We shall see
Excuse any grammatical errors, I talked this all out on my phone. Lol
I am actually going to agree with this guy for once. Too many providers don't effectively either 1) prevent small problems from becoming big problems and 2) de-escalate. While we may disagree on how that should be done, we do seem to agree on that.
Because I tend to snip it off pretty quickly.
I do enjoy a regular talk with clients if that's what they want. But most people know the balance of that, and know when it's just a hello, to when you're becoming their personal emergency "random thought" hotline.
I will have to say, being in this business has taught me a lot, because guess what? I used to be that girlfriend. Lol!!
So I feel like a lot of what I've gone through in the last 4 1/2 years here, has kind of been very eye-opening, and maybe, just maybe a little bit of karma. But that doesn't mean that I should condemn myself to that for the rest of my life. I think I've learned my lesson, the universe has spanked me. Lol
It's really sad that the knuckleheads, and creepers have ruined it for everyone. Back in the day, on the local sites, many ladies and gentlemen flirted with each other. It was a wonderful ice breaker. It was so much fun. And if a lady flirted back with me, 9 times out of 10 she got a date. Of course, since TER is global, there's no point in flirting much here. But the ladies on the local sites don't flirt anymore either.
One of the things I look for in a potential date is nuance. Something intangible. Something that's going to set you apart, even a little bit. Great reviews, and hot pics are a dime a dozen. So why should I come see you? You might think this is funny, but when I go to a strip club, or a brothel, I insist on the same thing. If you try to hustle me, I'll never agree to a lap dance, or a room tour. Those ladies have to nuance me. It used to be ten times harder to find nuance in those places, but still possible with patience. Now you need patience here too.
So old habits die hard. I'll continue being a fan. I'll continue to flirt. You might think me a creeper, but I'm not. Maybe one day, you'll take a chance, and flirt back, or say thank you for the compliment. If you're within a two hour radius of my home town, I'll be asking for a date. But because of all the creeps, it's likely you won't take that chance. So to all the creeps in the world who have ruined it for the good gals and guys, F.U.!!
Definition of nuance
1: a subtle distinction or variation
Nuances of flavor and fragrance cannot be described accurately … — Scott Seegers
… these terms have certain nuances of meaning … — Ben F. Nelms
2: a subtle quality : nicety
… the nuances of an individual's voice … — Michael Swaine
3: sensibility to, awareness of, or ability to express delicate shadings (as of meaning, feeling, or value)
… a performance of remarkable pliability and nuance. — Irvine Kolodin
You've got it. Those are exactly what I'm looking for.
1-What subtlety distinguishes you? What makes you different than all the rest? Is it your sense of humor, your intelligence, the little giggles you make when you cum? Yeah, we're here for the sex, but other things happen too. Like a recent session when the lady asked me what a pussy, and a noodle have in common right in the middle of daty. Before she could say the punch line I was laughing my ass off. Do you know how much humor enhances sex? That's nuance!
2-Nicety. This lady was the third lady down on my list of ten. The one I had selected no showed me, so I started on my list. The next two didn't respond, but this third lady said come on over. All I was expecting was sex. When I walked in, her hotel room was decorated to the nines. It looked like a European brothel. Not only that, she had a wide variety of toiletries, drinks, and snacks for afterward. To this day that is so far above and beyond any incall I've ever been to, it's not even funny. That was so subtle, but when I walked in her door I felt warm, safe, and knew I would be taken care of. Quite a nicety! I was expecting sex, but got an atf. (This was the early days, and the exact moment I discovered there was more.)
3-The ladies I speak of provide, not just sex, but meaning, feeling, and value. We're not going to fall in love, go steady, nor get married. But the best ladies add that something more to each session. Like a lady I see who, the last time I saw her, said that she loved me after a resounding daty cum. She quickly retracted, saying she only meant that in a provider sort of way. The little nuance of her letting her guard down, if only for a moment, brings me back to see her.
I'll leave you with four words a lady sent me in a thank you email following a one hour session. She used the words, 'psychological boost', and 'genuine intimacy' for the things that happened between us. Any one of those words falls within the parameters of your definitions. But four in one session? Do you think I should see her again?
Like a recent session when the lady asked me what a pussy, and a noodle have in common right in the middle of daty.
They both wiggle when you eat them.
That's a capybara, they're the largest rodent. They don't make good pets really, and you have to have 3 of them, minimum, otherwise they get depressed and die because of how herd oriented they are. They're also super moody, so one day they're cool as a cucumber, and the next day they'll have the rage and bite everything that moves.
So prettymuch a guinea pig that can bite your hand off.
EOM
and I know few that have done this in the past..
SMH
Now we get to where a provider has blocked a person, yet he still contacts her another way.
"Oh, she is Ignoring me? Well, then I'll just email her directly!"
"She won't see me? I'll start PMing her reviewers for more Juicy Details!"
"She blocked me on Twitter? OK, now I have a new account to follow her with!"
A guy requested to be accepted on my twitter, but he stated he found me on P411. I naturally was like great PM me. He didn't PM me but messaged me again to be accepted. I didn't respond. then, he eventually PM me and I accepted him. The message was simple hey i'm the guy that wants to be accepted. Now, I guess he wanted to catch up with my twitter and started liking every pic and some post...I didn't think anything of it. Until, he asked for pictures which I stated are under my portfolio. Then he asked for my selfies which are for gents that I have seen. Now he's a ghost on my twitter. SHRUGS but WEIRD especially if he doesn't plan on setting a date.
Omg, was just reading the WordPress on it...loved it.
I agree, small number.