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I just love the hypocrisy and the concept I call 'othering'...the idea that everyone needs to feel better than someone else. Even among serial killers. Remember that dummy Joel Rifkin from NY who said " Well I mean, I killed them girls but I didn't want to go so far as to eat them like....like some others did." Oh brother.

So today on another adult forum there was this very condescending porn star who went off on escorts saying we were degraded and dirty for having sex for money. I said, " The only difference here is YOU do it unsafely, and in front of a camera, and how does that make you any different or better than those of us who choose to have sex for money discreetly and in a more sensual and engaging environment?" And then a bunch of strippers jumped on me and said " I would NEVER fuck men for money, I dance!" No, really. You give men hard ons for twenty bucks and get tips thrown at you for degrading yourself on a stage for a few dollars. And trust me, men do not pay VIP room fees of a thousand and up just so they can see your ass dancing.


I think it's just pathetically sad that other sex workers have to relegate even the classiest and most honest of sex workers, the escorts, US, to the bottom of the totem pole of the sex industry. Same thing I guess, the whole need to feel better than someone else. And even amongst us, there's always that " Well I would never take it up the ass but so and so will." I just wish, and wishful thinking this is, we can all learn to get together in a marginalized profession in which safety is paramount and so is sisterhood.

Ava,
Your point is well stated and as a man and a user I can never fully appreciate or understand your position-I can only imagine. I am in a trade that has it's imposters and I get BS from people that think they are informed about what the hell I know. So, don't sweat it, do what you do and move on. Don't let the zeros hold you back. gf60

Many Americans  have caught the looking down on "others" virus .
It has nothing to do with the field you are in . It's  them not you .    

 
 

As a member of several other sex industry related boards I've seen porn girls, escorts and strippers all claim the moral high ground at one time or another. It's actually pretty funny since I know lots of escorts who started out as dancers and a few who still do both.

By the way, there is no sisterhood in the sex business. If you are lucky enough to find a few trusted friends in the industry you can count yourself as extremely lucky. Watch your own ass, no one else is watching it for you.

You speak the truth especially the last two sentences. And it's sad that there isn't a sisterhood. I've often wondered if it's just because of the basic nature of women and how as women, even as non sex workers, women can be so catty , competitive and treacherous snakes. Maybe the sex industry just makes those bad qualities even amplified more.

Had to put them on blast. I got sick and tired of hearing about the 'othering' " I am better than whores" bullshit. And boy let me tell you I think I did make them think about what I had to say. I wasn't exactly nice about it, but I was civil and intelligent in my argument that as sex workers we should not be looking down on each other. Sadly though, we do know it happens even amongst us providers, who might say " Well, I don't do anal do I'm not as dirty as so and so, or, I charge more money than so and so and I'm not a streetwalker, and so forth." But as a rule I find most providers are pretty united in their views that we are fully aware we are at the bottom of sex industry 'totem pole' and as a result, try hard not to resort to classist behavior.

Ava, I wouldn't let this porn star's opinion affect you too much. Always remember that opinions and assholes are the same... everyone has one... and, I have found that the people who are the most opinionated are often the biggest assholes you will ever meet.

By pointing fingers at you and others.  Blow 'em off...their opinion means nothing to anybody but them.

It is the surest way to degrade yourself.

In my line of work, I recall our senior estimator getting a phone call from a potential client for a job we had worked long and diligently for.  The call was that the job was going to our competitor.  The estimator thanked the client for the opportunity to submit a bid and ended by saying that he had hired a wonderful contractor and should be fine.

Two years later we were awarded a substantial contract by that same client and continued to hold them as a client for years.

There is a very good busness lesson in all that for everyone.

I've always continued to take it to heart.

everybody seams to want to be better than someone.  I can tell you that dancers do think they are better than escorts.  Porn stars I have met have ran about 50 50 thinking they are better or just being nice about it.  Escorts when I have had the chance to discuss the topic have actually been the most tolerable towards either of the others.

Is clearly not busy enough in his/her lifestyle.  Telling someone that his/her POV is wrong never did anything to anyone that was positive or caused them to want to change.  

Don't let it bother you.  Just live your life.  And live it well.  S long as you are not endangering others, who cares?

Think of it this way - when girls degrade or put you down for something they don't like, it is often something that they see in themselves that they don't like as well. They hate on you because you're making more money, or don't have to put yourself out there on such a thin rope to get money (IE we make a few calls, bang for a few hundred in an hour instead of a) working 9 hours at the strip club showing off our bodies to 100s of guys and making a few hundred or b) being flimed for a flat rate and having that blow up and sell for millions and have your friends/family run across it online)

I definitely think I picked the right area to work my sex in!! I do not want to (nor have I) done dancing or pornos.... and I'm not saying I'm better than them but I'll say that I don't care what they do. Everyone makes their own choices, and as long as I am comfortable with mine then I let their words roll right off my eyeballs (in this case) and move on. Instead of complaining on the boards think of all the other things you could be productively spending your time on. THAT is what they are keeping you from, SUCCESS. Don't let anyone hold you down over a mere comment that they make.

Xo
Nat

and it's a self-perpetuating issue. In history, men have been women's sole source of support, especially when children have come along, so a lot of competition was bred into us. The system's been put in place, and we women perpetuate it today even though women can largely support themselves now (at least in many places). Every time one of us calls another woman a slut we feed into this. Every time one of us puts another woman down in classist and racist ways, we perpetuate it.

And I agree, the sex industry has its way of amplifying lots of stuff- both good and bad.

It helps me to remember that people who "other" someone else or put them down clearly have issues they haven't dealt with about whatever it is they are doing. Their self esteem is nowhere near your own, so it helps me to feel a little sympathy for them. I try my best to wish them well in my mind and then move on.

In my very limited experiences with corresponding with porn stars, the few of them I've ever had the pleasure of interacting with are also providers or have been providers in the past, and therefore have been charitable towards providers.  Unfortunately, I'm not talking about ALL porn stars, as Ava's experience shows us.

However, when it comes to strippers, from my limited experiences with them, I'm shocked by their total ignorance of the escort industry and their condescension towards it.  These women have no knowledge of sites such as TER, and believe the classic stereotypes of providers.  And then not only do they look down on providers, but they also look down on hobbyists.  I've also gotten the sense they think that they are too good for being an escort, as if they think their profession is so noble.  It pisses me off, because they're not only dissing providers, but also hobbyists  I'm sure there are probably some strippers out there who do not have a negative attitude towards providers.  I'm only talking about my experience, and I just can't believe how ignorant these women (strippers) are about the hobby.

themselves as sex workers. This is a problem. They don't realize that men don't pay them to dance because they want to admire the intricate skill needed to design the lace on their panties, or to discuss Socrates with them. They delude themselves into thinking that what they are doing has nothing, or very little, to do with sex.

But again, the main reason one looks down on someone else is because they look down on themselves. We all come to our own enlightenment in different subjects in our own ways and in our own time. The rest of us just have to smile patiently and wait it out.

than those who don't, well that says it all. Give her some meds and a reality check.

Since the days of the bible...women are created for the sense of Entertaining,Serving and Seductive purposes to the opposite male. If you look at the history of Porn XXX many were arrested and charged with Prostitution before the business was legalized. Women in XXX are just as nasty but worse. Because once it's known your a "Porn star" many will shun you. Secondly once her glory years are Over what's left for her to do? Work at the bunny ranch,open a webcam business or dance in a strip club for reviving the glory of male affection. Stripping at one time was looked down upon as well..let's remember folks if there were no churches,fat women or high and mighty males with two faced "moral's". Then no one would care who is sexually "Pro",jiggling tit's for $$ and making porn with 40 sex partner's a year. Let's remember folks that when that Bitch Jenna Jameson was arrested for DUI about a month ago. Her twitter account was besieged with hate tweets calling her a filthy "Whore".. By the way did you hear about the so called singer "Madonna" showing the world her right nipple for publicity? We women should use what we have so that when we are no longer appealing to men. We won't have to collect can's out of a trash can to supplement our income monthly. Power to the pussy!!

Were looked down upon just as bad as Escorts,Call girls and porn stars were in the 1970's,1980's and the 1990's./ Attitudes have changed thanks to recording artists,music video's and the mass marketing of sex. Remember when Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee filmed the footage of their honeymoon trip on VHS tape. Some how it ended up in the hands of a construction worker who stole it and sold it to  Vivid video or some shady XXX company. Then Paris Hilton,Kim Kardashian..everyone profits from sex!! By the way what about the famous Madam Heidi Fleiss or the world famous Airforce Amy who was well known in the 1990's-2000 @ The Moonlite Bunny ranch as the wealthiest Legal Prostitute in Nevada...I have a saying it's best to keep your profession in the dark. Unless you are writing a tell all,movie for HBO or enterprise that could make you millions....Besides its more about your approach and how you carry yourself. If you dress tacky,walk sleazy and conduct yourself like "Low rent" then you will be treated like the STIGMA that the moral majority wants to treat you like!

Hi,

... should be treated w/ the utmost respect!!  They are Mother Nature's greatest creations!!

When I was a table dancer in my late teens, I stuck my nose in the air over the fact that "I would never..." fill in the blank.

When I was in my early 20s, I was a feature entertainer (dancer) supporting my Penthouse issues, and I stuck my nose in the air over how I was "so much better than" the other dancers.

When I did porn, the other porn girls would stick their noses in the air and say how escorts are worse than they are, because they let guys actually touch them.

When I escort, the girls stick their noses in the air and say how bad the porn stars are because they show their faces and everybody knows their business.

Funny enough, there is enough of a crossover and I know who does what, so we can all quit being so stuck up and rotten to each other.  Grow up, be supportive of one another.  We are all in the adult entertainment industry.  Let's be adults about it.  Right?

Love to all,
Bethany Sweet xo

Any woman who can manipulate a man into dropping a dollar for her company is a WHORE. Bartender,Cocktail waitress( ala HOOTER's),Gold digging females like Sir Paul McCartney's ex wife who settled for 55 million after the divorce was finalized or even Rupert Murdoch's ex wife who sued him. When he left her ass for a younger woman who was Chinese. He paid his ex-wife 1 billion dollars that included cash,stocks,real estate,paintings,jewelry,etc etc. Let's just say that with all of the hoopla over the Gay marriage issue  and Chic-Fil-let who really cares. One day in 25 years if all females will get their act together but sadly they won't because "Jealously" is such an emotion that won't dwindle any time in the near future. No one will care if you fucked,struted on a stage or banged 3 guys on film in a five scene movie called "When at the TER"...Besides some women enjoy causing emotional heat among the sexes. If anything Playboy magazine used to look down on strippers and Porn stars until they were having problems financially in the 1990's early 2000's. Hustler was the only magazine that allowed porn stars and stripper's and former escorts who had affairs with famous men in their pages. If anything what we all can agree upon is that none of us wants to be associated with street hooker's!...Just make your money and if you decide to profit off of any of this. Just becareful what you do and how you present yourself to the public. Like when Jenna Jameson went on Bill O'Reilly on FOX and The View on ABC..presentation really matter's.

I wouldn't worry about strippers often lie to themselves. I have heard strippers say they are selling a fantasy, they idea being it is only real in the minds of the customer. Last strip club I went to the girl wouldn't let me leave the VIP room until I poped. That is not fantasy it's basicly foreplay that you pay for. the want deniability and let them have it if they keep letting me nail in the vip room. Bottom line of love you girls that are adult entertainers and enjoying doing it. With the rare exception that I find some girl with an attitude those girtls need to find new occupations.

My 2 cents

Maybe it has less to do with the job than it does with the proclivities of human interaction between women.  Don't get me wrong though. Working in a job where you are constantly and often unfairly judged by your customers, society and even your piers doesn't help. Not to mention the possibilities of criminal calamity and personal safety issues.  It all multiplies the pressures that already exist in just getting through it all on a day-to-day basis.

I really like this post.  You are right on and you seem like a nice person.

What the porn star is doing is called leveling, trying to make herself feel better but putting others down.

Most strippers are teases and lot of them don't like sex and eventually start having a man hate thing going on.  If they liked sex, they wouldn't be on heels for 5-8 hours a night.  They'd be on their back.   But many have boyfriends as in love interests who don't want them banging other dudes.

I always thought it funny when dancers say "I make 1-2 grand a night and I don't have to have sex with anyone."  like they are bragging.  I tell them I make the same in a couple days shooting porno and have 5 orgasms a scene and go home relaxed and my feet don't hurt.  

The hierarchy is like this in the adult ind and societally. I don't agree with it.
Dancer
Porn Star
Escort

A lot of dancers and porn stars look down on escorts.  And I think that's because guys eventually decide strip clubs are a waste of money.  I like strip clubs but then again, I'm visual and I've had some great experiences.  But I usuallly have a guy lined up afterwards for getting off. I don't go home frustrated.  A strip club is like an appetizer.  It's good in it's own right but it's supposed to have a finale.  If dancers don't like men because they are hardened by rejection from pitching lap dances all night long, the idea of male seminal fluid, isn't gonna turn them on.

Porn stars look down on escorts because escorts see total strangers so porn stars think escorts are not selective and just see anyone.  Actually, escorts weed out clients and determine who they want to see.  Porn stars can't usually pick male talent unless they are key players in the industry and have that power.

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Awww!! You're so sweet. eom

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Were I asked to make a list of things that fuel my indignation, being marginalized by a porn actress on an adult site chat room would rank somewhere below being barked at by an annoying dog. Save your outrage for things that matter. You define your own self worth and you owe explanations to no one. Leave the pecking order controversies to the cackling hens desperately trying to bring order to their barnyard lives.

staring at my ass for a dollar....too much work if you ask me. If I want an 8 hour work out where anyone off the street can see me, I will just open my garage when I run on the treadmill!