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Jacque_Jenesais See my TER Reviews 2956 reads
posted
1 / 34
Dad joke thread! Post your dad jokes! What did the baker say to his wife on Valentine's Day?

You're the loaf of my life!

 

 

 

 
Your turn!

-- Modified on 7/1/2020 11:57:51 AM

useyrhead 4 Reviews 155 reads
posted
2 / 34
A couple of dad jokes

I’ve already told this one here. But..

A woman walks into a bar.
She asks the bartender for a Double Entendre.
He gives it to her.

Bonus dad joke.

How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing.  
It’s on the house!

IBDPhotography 171 reads
posted
3 / 34
Okay, but you asked for it. :P

Two dads sitting at the bar. One says to the other, "You have any idea what it's like to have 5 daughters? That's enough for a basketball team!"

 
The other replies, "That's nothing! I have 9 daughters - enough for a baseball team!"

 
A third dad overhears the conversation and interjects, "I've got 18 daughters - enough for a golf course!"

BillyBaloney 139 reads
posted
4 / 34
I'll let the chimp tell it for me


END OF MESSAGE
Related Link: An oldie but goodie

here4her 68 Reviews 189 reads
posted
5 / 34
dad joke

my favorite time of day is 630, hands down

inicky46 61 Reviews 138 reads
posted
6 / 34
That's one of my favorites.

Do you have an Italian cousin named Guglielmo Balogna?

useyrhead 4 Reviews 136 reads
posted
7 / 34
Male birth control pill

They used to make a nearly 100% effective male birth control pill.
It was about 2 inches in diameter.
You put it in the heel of your shoe and it made you limp.

And that was the very first dirty joke I ever heard. I was a quite young kid. My uncle told it and my mom yelled at him for doing so in front of the kids.

impposter 49 Reviews 145 reads
posted
8 / 34
Re: A couple of dad jokes

Posted By: useyrhead
Re: A couple of dad jokes
I’ve already told this one here. But..  
   
 A woman walks into a bar.  
 She asks the bartender for a Double Entendre.  
 He gives it to her.
Don't get it. "Double" as in double the size of the drink. "Scotch, make mine a double." Entendre? What's an "entendre" doing in a dad joke in a bar?

impposter 49 Reviews 150 reads
posted
9 / 34
Re: dad joke

Posted By: here4her
Re: dad joke
my favorite time of day is 630, hands down
Whiffed, again. I don't get it. 630? Hands down? Like on all fours?

GaGambler 168 reads
posted
10 / 34
Did Tini hack your account?

Yes it was a "lame" joke. It was supposed to be a little bit lame, hence the name "Dad Joke"  

 
Do I really have to draw you a fucking clock to show you that "six" is at the bottom of the dial as is "30" so both hands of the clock are pointing "Down" hence the punchline " both hands DOWN"  

 
I honestly don't understand why the most pedantic posters are so clueless about the nuances of the English language.

Robertini 4 Reviews 150 reads
posted
11 / 34
Are you calling me pedantic?

even though I probably would have missed the joke. But I didn't see it. Now I get it.  
Still why is his favorite time 6:30, hands down. ha ha ha ?  
why not 12:00 hands up.. ahhhh ... don't shoot BLM ha ha ha ha  
Talking of lame jokes.

Valida 17 Reviews 188 reads
posted
12 / 34
Books Never Written

... that was a category-joke once upon a time, like Knock-knock.  

"The Hole in the Mattress" by Mr. Completely

Robertini 4 Reviews 149 reads
posted
13 / 34
Re: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Ohhhhhhhhh I got it
He cums in a bottle because his wife not there no more. My brain worked . I mean I actually saw that light bulb light like in the cartoons. Funny Laffy.

Robertini 4 Reviews 163 reads
posted
14 / 34
Re: A couple of dad jokes

I got this one too. It's better to think hard and get it by yourself. These people are not nice when you ask them.
So here it is: after looking up "entendre" . Double meaning. See she ask for a double entendre. He gives it to her. LOL I got it. I'm never saying I don't get a joke again.

impposter 49 Reviews 161 reads
posted
15 / 34
Re: Did Tini hack your account?

I didn't see it that way at first. NOW, I get it. Thanks.

Posted By: GaGambler
Re: Did Tini hack your account?
Yes it was a "lame" joke. It was supposed to be a little bit lame, hence the name "Dad Joke"

here4her 68 Reviews 140 reads
posted
16 / 34
Re: dad joke

at 630 a clock with hands will have both hands, hour and minute hand, pointing down,  hands down

impposter 49 Reviews 149 reads
posted
17 / 34
Re: Books Never Written

Posted By: Valida
Re: Books Never Written
... that was a category-joke once upon a time, like Knock-knock.  
 "The Hole in the Mattress" by Mr. Completely
A Guide to the Police Force - Laura Norder
How to Get Rich - Milly O'Naire
Mathematics Made Easy - Adam Upp
And more, stolen from: http://www.thetoptens.com/humorous-book-titles-their-authors/
.
Electrical Wiring Made Easy: A. C. Deesey
Not Very Expensive: Amir Pittance
Joe Wins at a Track Meet: C. Howie Runns
And more, stolen from: http://badpets.net/Humor/Jokes/BookTitles.html
.
Car Talk's Official Staff Credits
401K Statement Analysts Douse and Burnham
Accounts Payable Administrator Imelda Czechs
Aegean Caterer Sue Flockey
Accounts Receivable Supervisor from the Mumbai Office Vishnu Payup
Airline Seat Tester Wilma Butfit
And more, stolen from: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits
.
And to stay on topic, Dad Jokes:
Daddy are We There Yet? by Miles Away

impposter 49 Reviews 168 reads
posted
18 / 34
Re: Okay, but you asked for it. :P

Posted By: IBDPhotography
A third dad overhears the conversation and interjects, "I've got 18 daughters - enough for a golf course!"
Technically, or kinkally, don't you only need 6 daughters for that? It might get a little crowded, but ...
.

compassionalism 125 reads
posted
19 / 34
Re: A couple of dad jokes

What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Rhino?
Elephino!

Robertini 4 Reviews 133 reads
posted
20 / 34
Two things

1. This is an old thread and probably should go on the erotic humor boars.  
2. I thought I understood the double entendre joke.
But maybe I did but I forgot. I don't even understand my own explaining it.

What did the baker served his guests?
His wife meat pie... Ha ha ha ha

Robertini 4 Reviews 139 reads
posted
21 / 34
Awwwwwwwwww

I got it
But the truth I have to look it up
Hell if I know
Why can't I be as smart as the rest of the population

Related Link: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Elephino%21

GeorgeSpelviniii 283 Reviews 139 reads
posted
22 / 34
Re: dad joke

I told one of my Millennial employees that we would do something at "half past the hour."  She had no idea what I was talking about.  I guess if you grow up with a digital clock....

OldCodger 125 reads
posted
23 / 34
Re: Books Never Written

Yellow River by I. P. Freely

rochmn 86 reads
posted
24 / 34
Re: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

LOL

rochmn 198 reads
posted
25 / 34
Re: Books Never Written

Under the grandstand by I.C. Morbuts

rochmn 162 reads
posted
26 / 34
Re: Books Never Written

First knock knock joke I ever heard
Knock knock
Who's there?
Red pepper, ain't that a hot one

Valida 17 Reviews 123 reads
posted
27 / 34
Daddy, or Mommy?

A category vaguely remembered ... .

- Daddy, daddy, why am I going in circles?  
- Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

theoldcavalier 2 Reviews 127 reads
posted
28 / 34
You never go wrong with the classics . . .

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Ms. Whack," he says, "I'd like to get a $15,000 loan for some home improvements."

 
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

 
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

 
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $15,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

 
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

theoldcavalier 2 Reviews 134 reads
posted
29 / 34
Meanwhile, back in the hills . . .

"Son, that gal you been pinin' for ain't nothin' but a moonshiner."

 
"I know, Paw, but I love her still."

theoldcavalier 2 Reviews 170 reads
posted
30 / 34
Why do they call them shaggy dog stories?

Because you've got to go a fur piece, and when you finally reach the end of the tail, you feel like you've gotta flea.

Robertini 4 Reviews 146 reads
posted
31 / 34
Re: You never go wrong with the classics . . .

why wouldn't his father loan him or give him the money? He got enough.

TerH3r0 3 Reviews 189 reads
posted
32 / 34
Whens the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty!

theoldcavalier 2 Reviews 137 reads
posted
33 / 34
Ouch!


END OF MESSAGE

DeClemente 48 Reviews 140 reads
posted
34 / 34
Re: dad joke

Posted By: GeorgeSpelviniii
Re: dad joke
I told one of my Millennial employees that we would do something at "half past the hour."  She had no idea what I was talking about.  I guess if you grow up with a digital clock....
I sent a message to a Milleniial provider confirming the time of our date, and I used the phrase, "I'll be there at 6 o'clock."  
She had ABSOLUTELY no idea what I meant, responded that she only knew English.

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