Let me preface by requesting that there be no FLAMES or LECTURES in response to this post.

I am a 28 year old single male and have been participating in this hobby for 5 years. For the most part I have enjoyed every encounter I have had. But currently, I have a little dilemna.

I should start by saying that I have never been on a 'date' (in a normal sense) in my life. I was always too shy or scared growing up. Nevertheless, I did try to ask girls out from time to time, only to be turned down. By the time I was 23 I found myself still a virgin, so I remedied that fact the best way I knew - visiting an escort. I still remember the encounter fondly.

I have noticed that what girls will or will not do have changed since my first visit to an escort five years ago. Back then, I had never heard of any girl who kissed, spoke French w/o a translator, allowed gentlemen to speak French to the lady, spoke Greek, or allowed multiple bell rings. Being a guy who has never dated, experiencing these things was great. My first real kiss was three years ago with a girl that I still see once in a while. The feeling was exquisite the first time another girl spoke french without a translator. It took a lot of effort in my part to be able to have two bell rings in a single hour with another girl. I've tried speaking French to a girl, but I don't think I did it very well. I have never tried speaking Greek, and I probably never will (not interested).

I am not interested in anything weird. So this means that the only thing I haven't done that I would like to do is BBFS. There lies my dilemna. There's no way I am going to ask an escort to do this. So how can I get this type of service?

"Find a girlfriend," you will say. The thing is, I can't. I am not interested at all in pursuing relationships with a girl that may involve a commitment or love. I am only interested in physical relationships. It would be callous, I think, to find girlfriends for the sole purpose of doing the equivalent of BBFS. Plus, because I am shy, and because I have never dated, I do not have the social skills needed to get a girl by 'normal means'.

"Get married," you say. See above. At this point in my life I am not interested in getting married.

Prior to seeing an escort I had looked at swinging clubs. Problem is, most will not take single males, and all activities are covered, not uncovered. I have also tried adult services like adultfriendfinder.com. I have not met any women there who were willing to meet me, and how do I know that the women's ads are completely accurate?

It would be nice to find what some call a f***buddy. You know, a friendship where two people do things similar to what a hobbyist and an escort do. I have a friend who has such a f***buddy, and it had developed to a point where the equivalent of BBFS was allowed at certain times of the month. Bastard. I just don't know how to look for a girl who could be a f***buddy for me.

I guess I am posting this because I am sort of ranting. How can I find a girl to do something like BBFS once or twice a month? (I'm not a sex addict, you can see.) I do not expect to find a solution to my dilemna anytime soon. But, the nice thing about forums in general is that one can post a rant and feel a little better afterwards. Thanks for putting up with me. Again, no FLAMES or LECTURES in response to this post please.


O.S.

Nothing to offer for BBFS, but here is a link to good information about improving your French. Maybe it's not your thing, but it could also help in your other pursuit...

http://www.sexuality.org/l/incoming/acunn.html

Some kind of oral? Hey, I'm new to these acronyms.

In any case, I think you are going to have to come out of your shell and ask. Perhaps, composing an e-mail would be an easier way of proposing what you'd like.

BBFS = Bare Back Full Service

Keep looking son..It may take awhile, but you'll find someone..There is someone out there for everybody..Just don't give up and don't do it with a provider.(you'll never find a provider that is nuts enough to do it that way anyhow)

You should work on your social skills so you can find your f___ buddy (or possibly even a girlfriend) for BBFS.  A lot of social skills can be learned.  Read books and give therapy a try.

I know you requested no flames or lectures, but whether advice is interpreted as a lecture or not is dependent on the recipient.


Good luck.


-- Modified on 7/8/2002 7:17:12 AM

The internet...

There are LOTS of women in this world who want niether commitment or love. LOTS! (Did I mention that there were LOTS?).

The problem you are gonna have is that you are "shy". I'm going to try to not flame you, but were you expect said girl to just fall into your lap?

No...you were expecting to pay for it. A sure thing. I understand...

Well, I suppose that if you went far enough down on the food chain, you could find an ASP willing to BBFS with you. You start with desperte crack ho's, and work your way up...

You probably are expecting said girl to be a hottie too, aren't you? A real catch...at least a "7".

I am sure an ugly girl with a lack of self value or self esteem (you know, like a crack ho) just isn't what you had in mind. Not some loser drug user. You'd like a real nice babe, who is willing to place herself at risk just for you, because you're such a nice guy, and besides, you only want to do it once or twice a month. But she isn't going to do this because she cares about you, because you don't want any sort of involvement or commitment. She's going to do it for money. This nice girl.

Ok, I am gonna stop now because the combination or anger and amusement is gonna lead to some flames, and I promised to not do that...

Your dilemma surely brings back memories for all of us of those awkward, difficult early teen years. The first few steps of talking with people and those mysterious young women especially are the most difficult.
Personally, I've had two pleasant marriages, a dozen live-ins for 2-12 months, and now am in a similar situation as yours - interested primarily in f**k buddies for dates, dinner, and the like. I find them quite easily in abundance, and I'm just an old guy twice your age, with more FB's than I know what to do with.
You have to be positive and make an effort. Soon the effort is easy and a habit you can turn on or off.
Try this:
Every day make an effort to talk with someone new about themselves, what they are doing, and what they are interested in. When you build up another person's ego, you strengthen your own.
Every day give some thought to becoming involved in new activities where you can meet the kind of women you want to play with.
In major cities especially, the venues are unlimited.
You find FBs where you least suspect. I've met and dated some incredible babes from conversations that started in grocery stores, flea markets, antique auctions, art galleries, summer clases in art or the like.
You do need to present yourself very well of course in dress, hygiene, etc, to make the most of the hand you've been dealt.
Overcoming shyness takes constant effort.
A sense of humor, openness, and showing interest in the other person always helps.
You've already missed out on some good years, but the 30s and 40s can be great, even the 50s.
BBFS is not all that difficult to get. Having an updated doc's report that you are free of STDs is often a clincher.
I hope this was helpful.

Why don't you try dating services like adultfriendfinder.com or alt.com or Yahoo! Personals.

Be prepared to offer money if she even hints about it. Lots of professional (escort) and semi-professional (looking for sugardaddies or will do it for the right price or the right guy) kind of girls use those services. Seeing something like --> thi$ in the ad is a good hint. Also keywords like generous, giving, wealthy, professional as adjectives.

Be prepared to go get HIV/STD tests done beforehand. In fact, start doing it now. Not anonymously because then it could be from anyone. Tell the doctor you need something with your name on it showing you testing HIV and STD free on this particular date. That's what they do in brothels and the porn industry.

Be as honest as possible. There are women out there who will respond to "Fuck Buddy Wanted", believe it or not. But most women won't. Don't lie of course, but never promise something you're not going to give. Good luck to you.

This has pretty much already been mentioned but I must stress the need for you to try a service such as Yahoo! personals.
The very fact you left this post indicates you are not to shy to communicate behind the safety of the computer, so take that route. Several ads will be fairly specific that the other party is interested in a sexual relationship only, some of course will be providers. I would also highly suggest targeting married woman for these reasons. Many don't want to get divorced but are so neglected sexually at home they crave the
f--k buddy you are seeking as well. Married women will be far less inclined to attempt to turn your sexual relationship into anything more or become the ever tiring emotionally needy f--k buddy. Also, your chances of contracting a STD will be reduced with a married woman as opposed to  a women with mulitple partners. No guarantees of course, but better chances. Just stay away from my wife(:

This solves a couples of problems but creates some too.  First you won't have to worry about STD's.  Just hire a doctor to confirm that she's a v.  You won't have to worry about attachments or relationships.  It's a wam bam thank you mam that's safe BBFS style.  

However, you do have to get your ass there.  Plane rides ain't cheap.  And you have to like asians.   And they are ususal young, illegally young here.  That's probably the biggest problem.  Can you live with knowing what you did?  Devirginizing a minor.

The most obvious answer has been eluding us all this time.
An Eastern European Ultravixen binge trip for you.
The naughty women at www.kristynaescort.cz will surely provide an answer to your dilemma, without a saddle!
Most there speak both English and German.
Beautiful Czech women will stay overnight and play for as little as $350 per night. They do not have the (insufferable) uppity attitude of so many American women. They are invariably more oriented toward pleasing men.
You will be among strangers so you can shed the shyness and build a new outgoing personality with confidence in your dealing with women.
Get your medical STD-Free certificate, a passport, and a tourist visa.
Sign up for a summer 2 week continuing education course at the University of Prague.
Then go forth and do your brains out over there.
You will return a new person with optimism for finding F**kbuddies in the USA. That is what JC would do! He likes Shiksas!!

you can see consenting adults, perhaps even an entire vixen menagerie of Czech college students who truly enjoy what they are doing. There is no joy in deflowering a young Asian girl, and adding to the miseries of the Third World.
In the European countries, you meet women you can go out with to museums, art galleries, the opera, and can talk about current events. We Americans need to set positive examples instead of ravishing the resources and people of third world countries. No wonder so many hate us.

You say you are not interested in a relationship, yet you make the effort to tell us all about it.  Don't know about your looks, but I would venture to say that your lack of relationship has more to do with your personality than your looks (I see plenty of skanky looking guys with decent chicks).  Even a f*** buddy will require some sort of personality out of her partner and someone that can at least DATY with some skill.  Otherwise, what's the point???
I would go along with some of the others and say to get yourself a Russian chick or something, that you can marry and just think of as a f*** buddy for the two years or so that it will require her to get her permanent visa.  Then, you can repeat the process all over again.
This is not intended to be a flame, but honestly some real advice to someone that I don't see going anywhere fast in the relationship department in a committed relationship or even with the f*** buddy that you desire.  Check out the link, pick out a hottie, live it up for a couple years and enjoy it for what it really is...you have your f*** buddy and she has her green card.

Seems to me that I once saw a story on 60 minutes or something...that says what typically happens in these situations is that once you tie the note with the girl, the sex and everything else comes to an end. Except now this woman is your wife, which means she has access to all of your personal information, financial wealth, etc. etc. You can't divorce her without pain, and in the interim, she is enjoying both being in the United States AND being your wife, without doing doggy poo for you.

The bottom line in, hot girls don't associate with losers. And you are right, how good looking a guy is seldom has much to do with it, unless the girl is just FLAWLESS (though how fit you are has LOTS to do with it...girls don't like fat guys anymore than guy like fat girl...it is a whole DNA / natural selection thing). Once you get the Russian jewel to the US, if you can't keep her entertained one way or another (and boy, I sure as hell wouldn't want to take a chance on a girl that I didn't know well enough in advance to KNOW what her perfered form of entertainment was), she is gonna do the fast fade on you.

I've said it before here, and i will say again...all the money spent on things of this nature would be MUCH better spent investing in yourself...getting more fit, taking classes to develop a more outgoing personality. Then, the changes are more permanent and MUCH more satisfying - once you become a guy women desire, then you can have the women you want, versus again and again spending money to have women pretend they want you.

You can buy fish, or you can learn how to fish....

This was exactly what I was alluding to in my post re: "The internet"...along with chatrooms, etc.

The problem though is that in these arenas the guys WAAAAAAAAAAY out number the girls (on alt.com the ration is like 8 to 1). The women can afford to be VERY PICKY...and frankly, losers don't do any better in those arenas than they do in "the real world". In fact, I would guess that they probably do worse...because the girls only have a picture and whatever cute / charming note you have to go on initially, and if you don't have to personality to generate some REAL heat within a few minutes of chat (or a couple exchanged emails), well, she will just move on to one of the other 10 IMs she is getting at the same moment, or the 20 other emails she received the same day as yours.

The fact is, what our friend the poster wants to do is pretty damn near impossible. SOMEWHERE there is going to be compromise in order to make up for the fact that A) He can't meet girls on his own and B) He doesn't want a sustained relationship. Both of those factors together makes this exponentially more difficult. He is either going have to accept a "low quality" girl (desperate streetwalker, "crack ho", whatever) or really PAY OUT THE ASS...much, MUCH more than he is paying now for protected sex. Essentially, become a "sugar daddy", as you say.

And, oh, BTW, if he thinks for a second that he will be the ONLY guy his little honey is having unprotected sex with during the other 29 days of the month (you know when he isn't around for those "one or two times"), he's nuts. So there is that risk as well.

In fact, he IS nuts. This is just a dumb idea....