It seems like some providers are not having a very good relationship with certain hobbyists.  First of all, I'm very sorry to hear that.  I consider all providers my sisters in a sense.  Second of all, I had one of those particular experiences.  

Today, (I have a lady who sets up my appointments, driver, etc. for me) and it was an incall appt.  I found out very quickly he lied about his age and race (I do not see gentlemen under the age of 30).  Being the newbie provider I am, I decided to go for it and hope for the best.  Bad mistake.  He shorted me on my rate (not by much, but still), and was very rough and left bruises on my arms.  

I told the lady who makes the appointments he lied about his age, race, and was very rough with me, and I didn't want to see him again.  She scolded me for not being more aggressive and kicking him out.  I know I should have, and I'm working on that (damn that MN nice!).  

I guess what was the worst was the way he treated me.  Like an object instead of a person.  

In the first time since I started this profession (a whopping 2 months!) I felt dirty.  Before, I was fortunate enough to have mostly caring hobbyists/clients, so this was a complete shock to me.  

I'm not going to quit or anything, but some advice for what I should do next time?  Should I be more upset at the scheduler?  I just feel rather vulnerable.

I know how a previous poster felt about people screwing you over.  I just got my first TER review and I was happy it was so good, and when I read things like CL, it makes me shake my head to think that providers and hobbyists would do something like that to each other?!?  I guess I'm more green than I let on.  I love my work for the most part.  It feels like I really make a difference and connection, but with this particular instance, I'm not sure how to feel.

All answers are welcome!

Thank you for your time.

K

You may want to go over what your scheduler does for screening.  A thorough screening would have revealed that this guy was lying to her.

There are times when even our best doesn't work out.  In those times you need to assert yourself and just say "NO!"

Also, do yourself a huge favor and join DangerZone 411.  It is a great resource for screening info, alerts, and a place to connect with other ladies.

I am joining this right now!  

I will ask further about the screening process in more detail also.

The only real advice I can give you is to chalk it up to experience.  Review the situation, talk to your screener about how she screens and what questions she asks...then figure out how you can change your criteria so that doesn't happen again.  Then grow a back bone.  If someone is not who they said they were, ask them to leave.

I, too, have been hurt by an over eager client who didn't listen to my gentle proddings to be more gentle.  Had it to do over again, I would have stopped the session and told him that if I had to ask him one more time to be gentler I would abruptly end the session and he would leave.  Before you do that, make sure you have the muscle behind you to enforce it.  Someone who is so agressive as to leave bruises on you is a dangerous person to confront. These guys are pretty sure you won't call the police after they've assaulted you because you have to explain why they were there.

I'm a big advocate of self-defense lessons just because every now and again you run across someone like this.  Fortunately for me, they've been few and far between.  And I can tell you that a person's race or age has nothing to do with it.  Men over 30 can be just as big of jerks as men who are under 30.  

I'm sorry this happened to you sweetie.

-- Modified on 7/1/2007 9:22:59 AM

Physical young gentleman are sometimes less mature minded so sometimes you may like to save time and not to take those may-harm-you appointment.....
Take care and stay safe my dear. I am sorry for your hurt.....
xoxox
Kitty

and even worse, to a relative newbie. As you know, not all us hobbiests are like that.  The vast majority of us are kind, caring, gentle people. But I also know it only takes one jerk to spoil it for everyone.

  I can only speak as a hobbiest, but when a provider arrives who is obviously not the girl in the pic, I always ask her to leave. To me, there is only one reason why someone would purport themselves to be someone they're not. They have something to hide, and that something is almost always bad news.  If you can't bring yourself to ask them to leave, and it's an incall, just don't answer the door. (Most doors have peepholes in them, so you can get a good look).  If it's an outcall, just say something like 'sorry, I'm at the wrong room', then walk away. At least you're still in a somewhat public area.  The worst thing you can do is get alone in a room with a potentially dangerous person.

  Don't be afraid to PM some of the experienced providers around here, most of them, like you, see other providers as sisters. I'll bet you'll get some very useful advice from them.

   Best of luck to ya!!

First, I'm sorry for the way this disrespectful asshole treated you.
Second, 'your screener scolded you'? Did she screen him at all? Ya gotta get at least one, if not more, provider references. If she had checked, she would have known he was lying about the age and race thing, and that should have been enough to cancel the appointment. It could have ended up worse.

Please be safe

Screening, like everyone else above said, is essential. However, anyone can lie about their race and age. Screening does not rule that out just by asking questions. Like Mary explained: You need to walk away if it's not your cup of tea. Politely say, "How old are you?" He'll answer and then say, "I'm sorry but you must have given my scheduler a different answer because I don't see young gentlemen. So next time, you might want to be honest with your answers." Then leave. Don't step inside his house/apt.  Just leave. Then talk to your scheduler to see what type of questions she is asking. If she asked all the right questions, then it's not her fault. You can make sure the guy is who is says he is by getting a reference from another reputable provider. I find aside from making sure he's not ellie by other means of checking, a provider reference is imperative. You can ask her other personal questions you might not get over the telephone from him.

Hugs,
Ciara

In my business, not that I *have* to, but it is better for the business if I take a bit of verbal abuse (letting the other person feel bigger, rather than pointing out their short-comings) and a lot of eating crow for other people's issues, failures, etc.

As frustrating as it can be in the moment, I try to shake it off, let it go, realizing that honey gets people to do things better than arguing.

While I'm not in the sex business, I can still understand that sometimes unpleasant stuff happens, especially when so many folks are unrespectful and self-centered.

Hopefully you can shake it off, add it to your experience to handle future situations better, and move on to better fields without becoming jaded.

Good Luck!

But that would be a lie.  You will encounter this again.  Lying, shorting, roughness.  All are part of the human experience.  What I can tell you is that you do have a choice, and that you do not have to enable the behavior.  Simply say to the man (clearly not a gentleman) I'm sorry, but I don't do humiliation, you must have me mistaken for someone else.   - and then - just leave.  

In my business, I meet lyers, cheats and bullys.... every single day.  And they are supposed to be the pillars of our society.  This type of behavior is not limited to the hobby, nor is it confined to one race, age or creed.... rather you are as likely to encounter it in your place of worship as you are in the most criminal of incarceration institutions.

But I am sorry that it happened to you.

-- Modified on 7/1/2007 8:48:57 PM

I think it is easy for folks to say to leave but you said this is an incall so you have to get him to leave and how safe did you feel if he was being rough already.
 I don't know when you count your money but that would have been the moment I would have said leave if it was early on.
  It also seems to me that the scheduler works for you, not the other way around and I would be bothered by her "scolding" me for not handling things differently when the point of having her do her job is to avoid it. Can you get another scheduler?
Hope this can be minimized in the future, for sure.
Hang in there, but be sure to let the other ladies know about him so he can't harm others. Make him pay.
B