I once had a client bring a cucumber and spray butter and wanted to use them on me.  Of course I said no as it was not a healthy thing to do in my opinion.  

But I was wondering if anyone has ever used such items before and/or what has been the oddest thing used during the deed?

This might get interesting.....

While I have never had a request like that....very strange. I've used peanut butter on a few occasions. It's my own Reeses Penis Butter Cup. Yum!

This was more of a dare/demonstration than actually having sex.

I used to own a 1967 E-Type Jaguar roadster and was dating a girl that really loved the car.  The entire car was phallic, and I guess the wooden shifter knob was the most phallic part.  One night she decided she wanted to show me that she could slide down over the shifter knob, and who was I to say no.  Yes, alcohol was involved, but you're getting ahead of me.

It was a real contortion act, but she was only 5'-2", so she faced backward, straddled the console, and damn if she didn't somehow make that thing disappear!  It's amazing what you can do with a pussy.  Anyway, she slid up and down a few times for my benefit, but I don't think it felt that good because she got off as soon as I showed a suitable amount of awe and appreciation.  But yes, she literally polished the knob!

Every E-type should have come with a log book so its owners could record their exploits.  Because if you were single, it was only a matter of time before you'd have some stories of your own.  Especially back when they were new.  The Brits used to call the Jag "strumpet catchers", and I can understand why.  

As an added bonus, it was impossible for a lady to enter and exit the car (due to the very wide sill) without showing her panties.  Since I was a gentleman, it was always my duty to get out and open the door for her because of the tricky handle- at least that was always my excuse.  And it never ceased to amaze me how many women seemed to enjoy giving me a little show.  A different GF actually wore a garter belt and no panties in anticipation of going to dinner in the Jag.  This was 20 years before the current crop of starlets made the panty-less limo exit a routine photo op, and it almost made the ancient Lucas electrics and continuous maintenance worth the effort.

Geez, I didn't realize how much I missed that car a until now.


-- Modified on 7/15/2010 2:58:15 AM

There was this one time, at band camp...
We got down with a goat, one armed midget, 3 gallons of oil, a slip-n-slide, ball gags, 12 volt car battery powered nipple clamps, nail clippers, a warm watermelon, latex cat suit, sawzall with the 24 inch dildo attachment, a diver's mask, snorkel, gallon of tequila, and a mariachi band.
Damn that girl and her mom were fun!

"There was this one time, at band camp...
We got down with a goat, one armed midget, 3 gallons of oil, a slip-n-slide, ball gags, 12 volt car battery powered nipple clamps, nail clippers, a warm watermelon, latex cat suit, sawzall with the 24 inch dildo attachment, a diver's mask, snorkel, gallon of tequila, and a mariachi band.
Damn that girl and her mom were fun!"

Sure, that sounds like a pretty good bit of foreplay, but what did you do for the main event?

Where's the trapeeze?  The badger?  The super glue?  How could you even get excited without including at least three of the following: giant collection of toy army men, a tesla coil, small but excited bag of killer bees, 1,000 gallons of ballistics gel, an idustrial vacuum with expanded set of attachments, a moon rock, strobe light(s), helium (full canister), and a cuddly wombat?  Seriously!?!

I used to have more respect for you Mr. Boudi.  You have disappointed me.  You didn't even mention whether the mariachi band was legally registered with the Better Business Bureau and the local Coalition for Expanded Sex Acts.  It's the details like those that can make ALL the difference between just another night on the town and a truly memorable evening of romance.

Besides, if you aren't including the cousin that has 6 fingers on each hand, you haven't even begun to live yet!

  LOL!

I had taken my first wife camping.

I rigged up a block and tackle attached to a stout limb and an improvised harness using nylon straps.

The wife sat in it naked while I laid on my back. By pulling and releasing the rope I could adjust her height (i.e. penetration), and because she was essentially floating in air, I could give her a spin!

A game warden caught us.

Oops.

A nicely shapped, rather large carrot.

Scrubbed and dried, of course. No, I didn't eat it afterwards. However...

...we did carve a special head on it and leave it on her roommates pillow. (Hey! We were 19 for chrissakes!)

Although not really odd (I think???) I have on numerous occasions put a pulsating shower 'massage' head to some very good use during shower sex. The gals have always seem to really like the technique.

I was set up She had several O's too.

a bottle of chocolate syrup, and a melted pint of coffee ice cream recently made for a nice dessert session in the shower with one nice gal a few months ago.

Would that be a provider? It is the second Oldest profession! Right?

Just bananas, strawberries, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream. Almost a banana split She could take the cold of the ice cream.

Would ice cubes and warm brandy count as odd?

...ice cube in my mouth... and warm brandy to drizzle slowly over the areas* where I licked and sucked and slurped, etc. etc

* we are not talking toes here






:


HalfHour

OK, now this one may sound strange, but I had a GF way back when that had a thing for figurines (almost a fetish of some sort I guess). All kinds of them, had them all over the house, and her favorite was this giraffe with a real long neck on it. You get where I am going.....

... he was the same guy who had taught the hunting safety course I attended in high school! And he knew my dad to boot!

Everybody knows it takes at least 28V to break the skin and give a shock! (Except on the tongue!) 12V car battery won't do the trick.

For REAL fun with nipple clamps, use a homemade TENS device! (Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulator)

Plans here:
http://kisu.tripod.com/

Modify a bit to make an erotic electrostimulation device. Easy!

she kept thinking about Benjamin Franklin while sucking my dick. go figure. maybe she was experiencing a jolt of some sort. I shot a jolt down her throat.

Come on think about it today
What is the roles were reversed?  Wouldn't you be a little jealous or envious?? And wish you were him?  I am sure that is what he thought when he saw you.

at the hands of an ex b/f.  


Emerg....


Owieeee

The more the merrier.

Though, she mainly used it on me.

What can I say? I get a little freaky sometimes.

Oh yeah, laughed our asses off when the neighbors came over for a BBQ the next day and we made a salad with it.

I'm just fucking withya!

I wouldn't do that as far as you know!

Please elaborate what happened to send you to the hospital?  You know, just so that none us repeat the same mistake with you.

I don't see myself eating for a few days after seeing that.  YIKES.

No BBQ's at Mikey's house. lol

WTF, I'd be scared to drink a "long necked" beer for fear of where it had been. lmao