Regarding the "icky" thing, I wonder:
Are you saying that if a guy comes along, takes away all your financial concerns, and wants to only be with you (or whomever you BOTH decide to be with),Which is what "buy out" means,
And you happen to "love" him,
you will have a problem saying yes? Or do you have a problem just with my word choice
Not really a fell for her but more we became friends but I am now starting to have feelings for her. She was my first provider whom I saw 3 or 4 times a year for 3 years. Last year we started hanging out OTC i.e. lunch, taking walks, concerts, working out just doing things as friends. She is really a nice person to know and hang with. And yes we sometimes have sex for free sometimes not for those board bashers out there. We mostly just have a good time together enjoying our company. Just wanted the ladies input here mostly. Have you had clients that you became friends with then maybe more or just friends with but paid for benefits. She usually pays her way when we are out and has never asked for money. Also her actions towards me to me seem that she is interested. She goes out of her way to be with me, more than I would probably do. Am I wasting my time thinking of being more to her or should I just enjoy our time together as it is now.
If you go in to a coffeehouse and PURCHASE a vanilla latte and get to know the woman serving it, you might end up in a casual relationship that involves her sometimes making you coffee in the morning. If you purchase the services of a provider why is it so strange if she becomes a friend? I once had a ten-year relationship with my Tantra masseuse. The only drawback is that some of the mystery gets ironed out and she seems less of an exotic adventure when in bed. But... That's a small "price to pay."
I for one like to think of providers as humans who can still enjoy friendship and the company of another person with out seeing the green all the time. Hopefully I'm not being delusional. Since she pays her way, sounds like only friendship to me.
I agree with you completely up to the phrase, "only friendship."
"Friendship is love without its wings."
-- Lord Byron
When she pays her for you as well? What then?
I have guys I've become friends with who I like to have drinks and dinner with and some I have sex with so much they would have to take out a small loan if quid pro quo was all that mattered. Don't pressure her though, just enjoy those times. Pressure is bad.
I am right at the cusp of a transitioning relationship where a provider is moving from a strict P4P.. to what I would call a mistress.. She is very low volume.. has very good reviews (was once in the top 15 Nationally).. but her life has changed and she is now in a different place and out of the big city.. I respond when she lets me know that she needs some money for expenses.. I know she's there for me but that isn't the entire deal.. I can't afford to pay for everything and she still will see clents .. but we are special to each other.. I understand her.. & hope she sees enough customers to pay the bills.. but things are moving in a direction away from my original intention.. where it will go, I have no idea.. but it is fun..
Is it karma you are concerned with?
If so, do some things to make it right. Buy her some things that you know she needs as presents. She'll understand.
I don't think that money issues are the big problems in the kind of relationship you are drifting towards. Rather it is jealousy and possessiveness that gets in the way. Be wary of those issues.
They can work in both directions
everything you are able to share with one another and let things develop as naturally as possible. Respect, trust - take time. Finding solutions to "complications", takes time. Honesty and patience are easy if you really care.
Naïve or not, I like to think we're all people first; and that "hobbyist" and "provider" are very low on the list of characteristics we feel describe us best as inidividuals. I find it sad that so many hobbyists and providers alike choose mutual disdain over mutual respect (at least, in the context of some of the posts on this board).
Great private-eye series, if you're into that genre--but anyway, here's the thing:
As the novels unfold, Scudder is an ex-cop who becomes a freelance PI, and he goes through battles with the bottle, eventually hitting rock bottom, going off to the Twelve-Step thing, and rebuilding his life. He sees an escort regularly, partially as an occasional resource in his investigations, partially because he has needs, y'know? As time goes on, and they get more "involved", she mostly stops charging him.
After he gets on the wagon, he slowly realizes that he and the escort are not just "leaving things at each other's apartments", they're living together--and then he realizes that she's not seeing clients anymore, either. Storybook happy ending, right?
I think the only way you could ever hope to have anything like this happen IRL is if you just "let it happen"; any attempt to have a direct "let's define our relationship" conversation is going to be a minefield that is guaranteed to blow up in your face.
If you can handle the situation as it is now without getting too hung up over it, you might be pleasantly surprised down the road--OTOH, you might find that you've wasted several years of your life waiting for something that will never happen. Tough choices...good luck..let us know how things go...
certainly you have a friendship now. I would be a little slow to ask her where this is going.... all the while, in my head, I would be wondering. I would not be aggressive but might set the stage to allow romantic moments to happen. There is risk involved for both of you. Yes you could get hurt. So could she.
I do not know either of you, your ages, your histories. Let me say there are lots of former providers out there. Are you prepared to provide her support? Would she keep providing? Could you each let your past go?
If it were me, I would allow it to slowly evolve.
I'd add that I believe there is a judgment call to be made.
Is it the 99.99% situation that she describes?
Or is it the 0.01% situation I alluded to in a post yesterday?
if it's the first situation, listen to her.
99% of those will dissolve naturally for various reasons, usually because feelings/expectations become asymmetric or you were a transition and now that's over.
So, why force it. Nothing to gain.
If it's the other, then there is something to win.
Again, I caution you to think carefully because wishful thinking is counterproductive here.
The odds are so much against you.
Then, you must decide if you are a winner or a loser.
A gambler or a doormat.
I'm guessing the latter if you're posting for advice on the subject.
If the jackpot is worth it, the only way to win in that situation is to go all-in Hold 'em style.
I'm not going to explain further because I'm guessing you wouldn't understand.
It's that simple. Married men don't fall for hookers half their age, except for vanity, sex, and ego purposes. Sex with a hot chick always takes us right back to 'ego.' If you are married, then you are a complete idiot to have crossed this line, unless you are leaving your wife. If you are single, by all means enjoy the ride, but don't be shocked when she wants you to basically buy her out of the biz. Women who can fall for clients have a bit of a screw loose, because most clients are already fkin around and lying to someone else. Why the hell would any sane, secure woman be so naive to think 10 years down the road, she is not going to be in the exact same place... having a husband who fks around on her with a hooker.
I'm getting too lazy to be completely mean to these "I'm in love with a provider" posts.
But I "liked" your post. And I'm going to remember this so I can partially plagiarize it the next time.
Spike lee should make a parody movie called " You've got NO game." Lol.
Soon, some guy will be writing ISO "need a provider to have feelings for" in (fill in the city).
Well, it's true. I mean how desperate are people today when they have to fall for women who suck 4 d*cks a day, and for married men already cheating on someone else? That just screams STUPID to me. Why would I want a guy who is already lying to someone else? Could it be because she is a total moron who needs someone to 'take care of her' so she can't really afford to be so picky? Or, because most people are that stupid to actually think "I will be different... I am special and better than the wife/husband so he/she would change for me" lol. Yah, keep buying that load of bs ha ha.
People change for only so long, and then the first sign of drama or hardships, they run right back to what was easy for them.
Because we're all assuming you are.
Which makes your post tres stupide.
Before jumping into LTRs.
The lady should always ask: Why will this cheater change?
Guys should ask: Why will this hooker change, when she can make decent money and have fun doing it?
You are a tard.
"... money and have fun."
This is another illusion/delusion.
She is paying her rent, saving for school, filling her IRA.
By and large, you are anything but fun.
She would rather be having sex with what she is really attracted to.
Would you be having fun having sex with a troll, even getting paid.
She is trying not to vomit while she is working.
Fukktarded.
I met a great girl, we hit it off. I tell her to really sell the GFE thing, I won't take it serious. After a while we are seeing each other a couple of times a week and she is really good at selling the fantasy. I would leave the meetings with my head spinning, wondering "what if?" Then I would laugh at myself and think "yeah right, haha" This is always on the clock by the way.
This goes on for months, a whole summer in fact. Then one day she lets me know she is approaching that line as well and we need to face it or go our separate ways. I don't know what might have happened if I had been single and able to take her up on it, but I treasure those days and will always remember her fondly. I hope to find those kinds of feelings again.
TER is for reviews of escorts. That is, a man wants tohave sex with a woman and will pay her for it. Then he describes what happened.That's it! Nothing about that says having a relationship withher
Then you have thesugardaddy sites. A man financially supports a woman in exchange for sex. And maybe some companionship.pretty straightforward.
The new site is a man wants a relationship with thewoman he is having sex with. Problem is there are many already out there.
Match.com and eharmony are two.
My girl had invested all the money she made providing, in mutual funds and put herself through college and had more assets than me, I know, I did her taxes. lol
I really have no idea what she ever saw in me, I was thunderstruck when she told me and even entertained the thought, for a while.
Not!
The hooker ended up with more assets than you? No doubt you contributed to that.
Good job taking care of your family, dicktard!
You remember at what point your ATF found out...
Could coincide with when she went ghost on ya. Lol.
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 12:24:17 PM
Maybe these instances are amplified on this site but how does this even happen at all?
IME, the providers are all about business and its very clear what the boundaries are.
Could it be predetermined when they start hobbying? Almost like match.com for christ sake.
I really dont get this aspect of hobbying.
You would be surprised at how many providers are that lonely, and looking for a man in the hobby to 'take care of them.' I don't get it either, but there are a lot of abuse victims, women with daddy and abandonment issues, just flat out desperate ones, and gold diggers, all here to find the next sap to sucker into being with them. Successful, intelligent women don't go crusing for clients as mates... they just don't. And, smart, secure men, don't go looking for hookers as mates... only to pass the time.
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 12:16:43 PM
this board dontcome across that way at all.
There are posters right here who are begging with every post, for a guy to take care of them so they can leave this life, rather than getting off their ass and doing it for themselves. You won't hear from the others, because they are not going to admit it. I mean, really lol.
Attraction leading to wanting to spend more time with someone in a romantic setting is simply a function of:
A. where you spend your time the most is
B. how much you enjoy their company
C. how emotionally available you are
Hence these things can happen whether you're a church volunteer or an escort.
If you're not emotionally available it's easy to say please keep it to the bare minimum.
It's not about daddy issues or being taken care of, it's more simple.
Then it's pure desperation or ignorance. What woman would fall for a married man? A desperate one, who can't find a single one. Gimme a break.
In the six years I provided there was not ONE time I ever thought about being with a client out of the context of this... not once, and I have had my share of hot ass and rich men. Add to that, I never had a BF or casual sex whist doing this, either. I am not needy, naive, lonely, or codependent, that's why. I do not need attention from married men outside of a p4p, to make me feel better about myself, and only a woman who does need it, would ever be so dumb to think a guy she met here would stop cheating once he got with her. Now, if they are simply two people both into open relationships, nothing wrong with that. It's the delusion that makes me laugh.
I have spent YEARS with a few clients, and still did not 'fall for them' romantically or otherwise. You've got guys falling for girls they never paid for more than a damn hour once a month lol. It's sad.
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 12:33:27 PM
Sure, it's possible that this hook-up COULD come to no good, but I think these things can also work out right and provide lots of happiness for both parties if it is handled right.
Just because you know of situation where it did not work out doesn't mean that every one has to go bad.
It's just a matter of being respectful and loving towards another person, and not breaching the limits each person sets, along with making right anything you get with some kind of in kind gesture
Plus, I think that if it should happen to anyone, it's a nice, generous, and prob financially endowed guy as you seem to be.
But the advice here is not targeted to you. It's generally for the majority of joe-blow guys-- not the outliers.
Plus, discussing the rare phenomenon for the masses is pointless. Frankly, the guys originating these kinds of posts don't seem to have the stones to pull a drunk girl from a bar, let alone consummate the conversion to such a relationship.
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 1:36:06 PM
I've had 30 girlfriends, 3 wives and 300 hookers! And it was only the hookers I didn't pull from a bar!
But the advice here is not targeted to you. It's generally for the majority of joe-blow guys-- not the outliers.
Plus, discussing the rare phenomenon for the masses is pointless. Frankly, the guys originating these kinds of posts don't seem to have the stones to pull a drunk girl from a bar, let alone consummate the conversion to such a relationship.
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 1:36:06 PM
No I wasn't talking to you.
I guess you needed to run off some numbers, OT, to make yourself feel better?
That never goes well.
Then again, while we're on topic, I don't see you as the Dos Equis commercial guy either
Seriously, you buy that crap? I call BS and think this is nothing more than a canned reply to your target audience.
Any hooker who hooks up with a client/former client is insane and definitely has issues and vice versa
Maybe you're just not good company. There's plenty of women who have dinner or hook up. I am not unique in that.
Why would she want it to happen to her? You might like the thought of falling for clients, but that is the last thing most of us want or need in our lives. I never charged by the freakin hour since 2008, so ALL of my dates were extended in nature, and I was in the biz for a long time... that has NOTHING to do with allowing your mind to trick you, or blind you to how fked up and weak that really is. Do you really need that much attention that you get some type of charge when another woman's husband LIES to you and tells you how great you are compared to her? You're a hooker who spreads her legs an hour at a time... that is the ONLY reason they claim you are so great. They don't have to LIVE with you, listen to your problems. share a home, children etc. It's absurd to think that would not all change when the hooker becomes the wife, because it WILL lol. You will become the one with PMS, bitching about the garbage being left out too long, asking him to pick up Tony from soccer because you have to work for 12 hours that day, and being too tired to even thinnk about giving him a blow job.
You don't know, because you've NEVER been married. It is one thing to feel a romantic attraction to someone, but another thing entirely to literally claim to be IN LOVE with a married man, and he with you. It's weak, desperate, and pathetic. I signed up to help guys cheat in a sexual capacity, NOT an emotional one.
We provide an escape and an illusion, and most of us turn off that illusion when the guy nuts. We don't need to go crusing for friends and a mate in fk boards or any other board for that matter. I am just saying, don't buy into the same line of bs others have bought, because that is all it is... BULLSHIT!
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 2:26:38 PM
It's just Cos' marketing.
It's not a real opinion of hers.
Unless she uses the hobby to meet guys?
Then that's plain sad
Pretty judgmental....
If you read my stuff, then get it right.
I never told you how I met her.
It was not through this business. We met in a record store.
But I found she was a provider because she was a famous ps.
We held off on sex for 2 months while dating.
And if you must know, I bought her out and we both became monogamous- that only recently changed.
One should never ever, ever assume what I got will happen through the business.
So, me hypocritical- no.
Is my position clear now? Just to make sure...
I've never fallen for someone through the business.
And when they WERE in the business, I bought her out.
Now, you need to ask yourself if your stated philosophy rings true?
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 2:29:26 PM
Buying out was HTG's term earlier.
But it is very apropos when talking about a business.
You do remember this is your business, right?
This allows me to continue it without living on Soup in a Cup as though I were a 20 yr old. If I fail in 1-2 yrs it's off to working for someone's else's dream, and well, that doesn't bring me much happiness to think about.
Or do you think men who see you are donating to your blog/charity
Regarding the "icky" thing, I wonder:
Are you saying that if a guy comes along, takes away all your financial concerns, and wants to only be with you (or whomever you BOTH decide to be with),
Which is what "buy out" means,
And you happen to "love" him,
you will have a problem saying yes?
Or do you have a problem just with my word choice
Your description sounds sweet. But money is just as complicated as romantic feelings. Knowing myself I would have a problem saying yes. It's just not what I'm after
My answer would be no. If I were really that dumb or destitute education or job wise to not be able to get OUT of this business on my own, I would not really have much respect for some dude who was that desperate for a chick lol. Now, if he was a guy who saw I was in fact working towards those things, but simply needed an extra cushion, might be another story, but I am not one for that kind of 'help.'
Sorry, but that's just how I feel about being bought out per se. Education, hard work, and drive are what gets a person from point A to point B. The fact is, if a guy does that, he will never truly know if the provider really loves him or if she only pretended to do so, to 'get out.'
The hypothetical was posed toward Cos but if you're playing, the reality for the provider is that this scenario would only be posed by certain guys toward certain ladies anyway, and only under certain circumstances.
And the circumstances would have to be that guy was sure that he was not being taken for a ride, but was making the choice because it was the best thing around.
And the girl would need to be filling in her dream placeholder with the right person.
So, it's less a hostile takeover and more a merger of equals. Lol.
In my case, I was actually one of the lowest offers in terms of cash but the highest in the stock she got - a ten-handle at least! Lol.
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 6:11:44 PM
She has said MANY times she IS using the hobby to meet guys, so no, it's not marketing lol. Whatever works for her, but shoot me if I am ever in that state of mind. Married men who cheat are not exactly on my list of top 10 mates, nor would I be offended if a guy said he would never date a hooker. I would not either. It's called looking at the big picture, beyond blind emotions and naivety.
In the off chance that you really are foolish enough to be looking for a ltr this way,
Know that this guy was looking for the whore factor to make you seem more exciting.
When that wears off, you'll be left with just your usual feminine charms.
You're a nerd (in honor of my pal Dave here who's big on Lotr), so you'll appreciate this analogy:
It's like when Galadriel turned off her magic ring and went from hot Cate Blanchett to plain Jane Blanchett without makeup and special effects.
Anyway, have fun with the fukkin while you get it.
Time running out is the tagline for this business on both sides.
She didn't say anything about love or finding a partner. Like all providers, her situation is a many-to-one situation. I believe that is essential here. Cosette is referencing some well known research on human relationships. Proximity and exposure make a difference.
I see no basis for the criticism, especially at that volume. This is just a statement. (We could really get into it over the institution of marriage and how men's social lives have changed over the decades. Both topics are so tired though.)
How she runs her business is just that, her business
-- Modified on 1/19/2014 12:16:43 PM
More of the observation than judgment; I just happen to agree with Hooktard that there are a LOT of abuse victims, women with daddy and abandonment issues. Stereotypes are there for a reason.
You are correct... successful, intelligent women DON'T do this as a career, just for play money on the side, and not with just anyone for a quickie. There is a huge difference in the provider who puts an open sign up and fks 2 guys a day, 5 days a week compared to one who wants your first born to book, and for nothing less than 800 plus per date... sorry, but that IS smart.
No one I know does this gig full time, honey.... maybe the women you've met apply? The women I am close to had a career before coming here, and used this to make extra money, to go back to school, or until a better paying job came along.
You would be shocked at how many women here have a degree higher than yours, and make more money than you, as well. Sorry, you feel so bad about the women you have to pay to fk you, but shop on sites other than CL. I would hardly call a provider who sees 1-2 guys a month, a 'career provider.' It's obvious the other 28-29 days a month, she's not sucking d*ck, or she would starve to death without another income. Your naivety is very amusing, and your projection of what you've been exposed to here, even moreso.
-- Modified on 1/20/2014 12:50:15 PM
No one I know does this gig full time, honey.... maybe the women you've met apply? The women I am close to had a career before coming here, and used this to make extra money, to go back to school, or until a better paying job came along.
You would be shocked at how many women here have a degree higher than yours, and make more money than you, as well. Sorry, you feel so bad about the women you have to pay to fk you, but shop on sites other than CL. I would hardly call a provider who sees 1-2 guys a month, a 'career provider.' It's obvious the other 28-29 days a month, she's not sucking d*ck, or she would starve to death without another income. Your naivety is very amusing, and your projection of what you've been exposed to here, even moreso.
-- Modified on 1/20/2014 12:50:15 PM
There is an exception to every rule, so don’t take it personally. However I do admit I will be shocked to find out if there are many women here with a doctorate.
Let me let me throw it out there as a disclaimer before someone else feelings will get hurt, this is just my opinion that might or might not be correct so no need to get bent out of shape
...wherever they are.
to my post although it got off topic real quick as it tends to here. Yes I am married. And the lady in question is only 3 years younger than me and extremely well reviewed here. I chose to see an escort so I would not have the drama of an affair with emotions etc... Just wanted good sex was all. I was not some desperate guy looking for a woman. I could find one on my own if I wanted. I would never have chosen this route myself but I ultimately DID start down this road. If I had known I would meet a woman who I would be attracted to her personality and not just the sex I probably would not have done it. It just happened. You never know where or when you will meet someone. I think I will just stay the course for now and see how things go. I like our friendship and would not want to pressure her. And no it does not bother me what she does for a living. Hell if I could get paid to please women I would do it also. Again thanks for the responses.
If you are married, then it's not about YOU! Stop thinking with your d(ck and blindness and think about your wife. I sure hope you don't have kids, because "Dad left mom for a hooker" never looks good on the news.
"Dad gave most of their assets to a hooker, even did her taxes, and then tried to leave with her, but she'd had enough of him."
while Mom banged his best friend or boss.