I recently spent a weekend in Vegas with a new hobbiest.  He was happily married, but felt something was missing.  He was so nervous and filled with guilt he had a difficult time enjoying the intimacy aspect of our time together.  In the end, he was ever grateful, saying that the experience was very therapeutic and saved him months of real therapy.  He said that my patience, kindness, and openheartedness was unbelievablle.  He concluded that he does not want to venture into this arena because he loves his wife and couldn't do that to her and he thanked me for saving his marriage.  

So, what do you think boys & girls... does this save marriages, destroy marriages or prevent marriages from happening?  



-- Modified on 10/23/2007 7:56:00 PM

aside from patting yourself on the back for a job well done, why don't you give up earning a living on your back, or your knees, and go get a degree in psychology, open an office and help more people...something based on your postyou seem very skilled at...of course having looked at your prices on the web site I can see where the former option is much more attractive than the latter...or perhaps you can bill yourself as therapy with a happy ending...you'dhavea hell of a practice

In terms of married men venturing into the hobby, it can in no way benefit a marriage. It may act as a substitute for a marriage that no longer contains the ingredients for a healthy honest intimate relationship. Even if your example hobbiest returned to his wife more committed than before, IMHO it would be hard to say that the experience of deceit, lies and betrayal "benefited" his marriage, although granted it may have pointed him away from a path that could eventually destroy it.

-- Modified on 10/23/2007 9:16:42 PM

Though "saving" should not be confused with prolonging the agony. Destroying? Well, hobbying may be a symptom of a bad marriage but it's certainly not the only one. Preventing? As in "it's much easier to just pay for the sex and walk away afterwards"?

Gotta be a lone dissenter from the tide of opinion so far........

I'm pretty new to this- five providers/six total visits so far.  Here's what's going on with me-
1.  Yes, if caught, it would seriously damage my marriage
2.  While my marriage has been terribly unsatisfying for several years now, I don't consider it beyond repair yet- just haven't been motivated to attempt repair lately.
3.  My brief venture into hobbying has not been guilt ridden- so haven't put any providers through what Laynie had to go through
4.  So far, although the sex has been awesome in my hobbying forays, and I've enjoyed getting to know some amazing ladies- it has not "cured me" of any life's ails.  
5. Even though the hobbying experiences have been thoroughly enjoyable, the abrupt end to each session when time is up and the necessary distance after the session to keep the provider/hobbiest boundary intact is certainly not very fulfilling.
6.  It has affirmed that when my wife and I were having sex, she was just as good.
7.  I've been treating her better since my brief hobbying- no, not guilt but sad to say to help cover what I'm doing
8.  My guess is that I'll get my fill of hobbying at some point and go back to trying to improve the marriage.

-- Modified on 10/24/2007 12:27:59 AM

-- Modified on 10/24/2007 12:29:42 AM

Golden bear...let's not feel sorry for what Laynie 'went' through. I think she was probably relieved (as most of these girls are when they do not have to 'perform', or when performance is as short as they can make it whether they tell you that or not). Based on her fee quotes she banked probably between 15-20 grand for just being a good listener (or based on her erudite posts, probably a hell of a talker too)., probably did the Vegas thing...ate in great restaurants, saw great shows, gambled, shopped etc..

nothing replaces real intimacy in sex, or in life. as painful as your marriage might be at the moment, if you don't want to end it, find some way to fix it...who knows maybe the sex returns, and the lessons learned sneaking around with pros makes it all that more real.

Sure, full disclosure or losing one's head over the hobby can destroy a marriage.  Great sessions/experiences with a superior provider  can also put one in a happy frame of mind and the outward radiation can be beneficial to all exposed to it, including spouses.

I like your post and think a lot along the same lines. I love my wife, I'm crazy about her. 5' 2" 125 lbs, over the ear length blond hair and firey green eyes, straight white teeth. A sort of Meg Ryan look alike, she's truely beautiful.

I would be devestated if this hobby were to cause me to loose her. That I guess is the one reason I've only seen one girl so far. I have a date with a different one in 2 weeks and from there I will hopefully have fulfilled my curiosity for this game. For me, I think that's all it is. "I wonder what it would be like to screw a pro?" So to speak.

The first girl I was with was not as pretty as my wife and to be totally honest wasn't as good at sex either. So really, honestly, in a strange way, I hope this next one (a young spinner) is not as good either. I may then decide to stay home and love her the way she deserves.

Now you know why I can't sleep at night! I've got to be nuts! The old saw goes "Curiosity killed the cat......"

why should she give that up to be an ineffectual hack?

Not to slam all therapists, but from what I've seen and heard of some, there's no comparrison to the real thing.

No way there is one response that covers the hobby universally...

-- Modified on 10/24/2007 6:44:31 AM

There's the client's marriage which will remain as the spouse gets an outlet for his sexual needs that his wife does not fulfill; and then there is the marriage of the neighbor/co-workers, etc., whom he will not have an affair with because he is seeing a professional sex worker.

There is also the collateral damage of getting fired, public humiliation, murders, etc., that society is spared from.

This is why enlightened societies allow escorting.

A marriage is a lot more than sex; but if it is missing then it can be everything. If the hormonally induced flames of lust have subsided (as they ALWAYS do); but the all important intimate friendship and reliance on each other still exists; then hobbying can be the completing piece to the puzzle. If the hobbyists becomes obsessed with his trysting to the exclusion of care for his marriage and family then its destruction will soon follow.

 Much like an automobile manufacturer is the responsibility of the provider. If she creates an otherwise 'safe' product then how it is used or misused is up to the buyer.  


-- Modified on 10/24/2007 7:10:06 AM

Great post Golden Bear and I have to concur will most of your points.   I also was surprised to learn that sex with my wife is better than with providers.  I'd quit hobbying if only my wife would open up more (pun intended). While my wife is not as hot as the providers I've seen, she's pretty open in bed and will almost everything a provider will do.   Plus the intimacy is great.   I can't for the life of me understand how my wife and I can have great sex and then she will be totally uninterested for months on end.

I am committed to my marriage and yes it would do serious damanage if caught hobbying.  So why do it?  For starters, I love hot women and my libido is as strong as ever while my wife's has slowed down.  Plus, I justify hobbying as the less evil path versus having an affair at work or trolling after work.

pistlpeet-
I agree with the majority of what you wrote, however, I felt the need to register on this site and make a quick response to your statement:

"I think she was probably relieved (as most of these girls are when they do not have to 'perform', or when performance is as short as they can make it whether they tell you that or not)."

While I can obviously only speak for myself, I must respectfully disagree that providers are "relieved" about not having to engage in physical intimacy with their clients- unless they are REALLY physically unappealing or smell badly (that's a big one fellas- take note-better yet- take showers-thank you.  Personally, I would be bummed because I love what I do.  No matter HOW good the money can be, if I wasn't enjoying it, I wouldn't be doing it.  Of course there's got to be exceptions to this statement- I can't speak for all providers, but by and large, I'm willing to bet that most will agree with me.  
So, even if the reason a client doesn't go there are because of his own issues having nothing to do with his attraction to me, if there was no sex involved, it would be hard to not at some level take it personally.  
Just my opinion.
By the way- today is my first visit to this site but am a member on RB (under a different name though) and I'm looking forward to becoming more familiar with this community.  

because I learned a great deal from my hobbying experience about intuitively identifying needs and fulfilling those needs. And, even though I didn't have any problems in this area, my sexual confidence improved and both my SO and I are now more open about that aspect of our marriage.

I no longer hobby because i've gotten what I can from the experiences and, in my particular case, merely having fun is not sufficient reason to spend the time and money the hobby requires. It's still mighty tempting, though!

I'm glad you still participate in the discussions Wormwood even though you are not hobbying now- I always get something from your posts!

my wife and I do not have sex.  None.  She has emotional issues that are significant.  No reason to explain them here, but I haven't had sex with her in a couple of years and mostly likely won't ever again.  She was hot in bed and is still very attractive.  I love her.

But I have the needs that really only men understand - so what to do?  I finally reached the conclusion this January to start the infidelity (in all bluntness that's what it is to a married man.  Single?  Yes, you're hobbying, albeit in an illegal manner).

She thinks I'm just jerking off and/or doing without.  It would kill her to know the truth.

Much, much guilt for me.  

This also explains why I can get an erection seeing her naked in the shower yet when I visit a provider - she has to work a lot orally to get me erect.  Even though the providers I've seen (except for my famous KellyDD experience!) are all AAAHOT - especially Abigail and Ashley.  

Long answer to the question, sorry.

Posted by pistlpeet, 10/23/2007 8:58:10 PM

aside from patting yourself on the back for a job well done, why don't you give up earning a living on your back, or your knees, and go get a degree in psychology, open an office and help more people...something based on your postyou seem very skilled at...of course having looked at your prices on the web site I can see where the former option is much more attractive than the latter...or perhaps you can bill yourself as therapy with a happy ending...you'dhavea hell of a practice

Your post would be so much more credible if you hadn't posted it under an alias.  Now I use aliases all the time (like now), but if I feel the need to flame someone then I do it under my real handle.
As far as the subject matter goes, I think the hobby either destroys a marriage or masks the real issues (for us guys) that compel us to hobby in the first place. Of course, I make an exception for myself.  I've been married for 24 years and have an active sex life with my wife. My issue is that I'm a shallow guy who gets off on the variety of partners and love to have sex with hot girls half my age even if we don't have anything else in common.

but I would not say it is due to your desire to experience the pleasures you were created to enjoy.

You sound like you are being honest with yourself and with us; that's not shallow, that's realized.

First if the trust of your point is that good sex is fundamental to a good marriage I completely agree.

 However I take issue with this "If the hormonally induced flames of lust have subsided (as they ALWAYS do)'.

  While the heat in most marriages fades, it is not a certainty. If a a person waits to become a couple with someone with whom chemistry is the icing on the cake. Where they both realize that they are committing to each other mutual happiness not some contractual level of participation, that lust, chemistry, heat need never fade. People are endlessly creative. If they have the mutually trust to bring that creativity to the intimate aspect of their lives they can create newness for an eternity.

 Sadly most people don't wait. Either they settle for less or get caught by an unplanned pregnancy, or some other social pressure. They make bad decisions when young then try to deal with the consequences.

 As for benefit vs destructiveness: Its awful damn simple. Relationships that don't share truth are either going to become miserable burdens or smoking holes in the ground. Sure I realize that sometimes it allows us to carry a burden until the kids are out of college or whatever, which is arguably best for them. But any notion that living with someone on an intimate basis with whom you must hide your life, or live a lie is "beneficial,  is wishful thinking.

-J


-- Modified on 10/24/2007 12:50:59 PM

quality . . . .

AFAIK, it's rare that women's emotional issues get better, and you never know when they'll explode.   I know the feeling of being stuck on a woman.

You gotta deal with the possible contingency that she WILL find out.  Forewarned is forearmed. Contingency planning like the military and big institutions do is very smart.

Are there kids?  That's a biggie.

Good luck, my Republiscum friend (W)

LOL.  Actually, I'm pretty sure he will call again... as they say, it's a slippery slope... and once someone has a taste of something wonderful, they tend to want more.  I merely posted this discussion as food for thought, to see what other people's opinions are on the matter.  Not actually seeking advice or reassurance.  But thank you for your comment!

That's like worry about pickle juice in the jar after all the dills have been eaten.  Its a cucumber for God Sakes.  They make more, trust me.

Yes, yes, yes, mrfisher is right, again.

My affair with coworkers fling years ago was much riskier and not as much fun.

I feel sorry for you. I have heard some stories where the man really is at the suffering end of things in a marriage.

I have found that men can say one thing and do another... if they give them enough time?

grossly unfair to men - but i know they're just trying to get in my pants.

BUT IT WON'T WORK!!  I'm not that slutty.

I was doing a tour in DC and a woman contacted me and wanted to know if i was servicing her boyfriend.. I honestly told her yes he was planning on coming to see me but I would be sure that he didnt since he obviously didnt know how to be sneaky... we continued to chat and he never called to confirm the appointment anyway .. i continued chatting with him on messenger and he didnt believe me and the girl were engaging in conversation tho i tried to let him know .. she just wanted to know what she was doing wrong and why he wanted to wander out of the relationship .. I told her that maybe she just needed to take some time for herself for him and put on something sexy and feel good about herself cause thats what pretty much makes us or breaks us .. anyway 9 months later they had a beautiful baby girl and were happily married.. she has since joined the military and has ventured to ga to visit with me and thank me and i visit with them every chance that i get back up to dc.. It makes me feel really good knowing i helped these two people become closer like i always say i am a marital aid not a home-wrecker..

but tell me, do you make it a habit of confirming to spouses and SO's about your affairs with their mates?

I must say I find that a bit unsettling, I would think that the best thing to say is "I don't know anything about this." and hang up.

actually laynie I hope for the sake of his marriage he does not call back. he does not sound like he has a marriage from hell, or even a marriage from heck. he sounds like he has a pretty good marriage, despite his misgivings, and by seeing a fantasy who is only there for the good times and who can afford to be the kind compassionate sensitive soul we wish would exist 24/7 in our lives, but only exists in the fantasy world of pay for play that you inhabit, will only further confuse him, and conflict him, and possibly lead to the destruction of something that is good and decent. No matter what you say you are in it for the money. I know what you see in him is a big fat pay day. Put your compassion ahead of your greed and hope, for his sake, he doesn't call.

the guy sounds like he is a bit confused, not like he has a diaster of a marriage...how about hoping he doesn't call back. Seeing someone who can afford to be the perfect companion for the short periods of time providers like yourself have to offer, can be very distorting to someone's reality; confusing what is real with what is role playing will lead to tragedy in this man's life, if I am reading your experience corrctly. I am sure the money is a big inducement for you, but how about putting someone elses stability before your own avarice.

hey laynie, now that you have teased our curiousity wiht this discussion, don't keep us in suspense, let us know if he does call back and how it went/or didn't, in round two...I am sure all of us who particiapted in this will want to know...

Make no delusions, this is definitely not "helping" his marriage..........


He is just deluding himself, and running away from the real issues.


How can you have a healthy relationship, without real intimacy and trust?


Think about it.....



We all want to delude ourselves, but at the end of that road, reality will be there to smack us in the face.

Perhaps your wife is doing the same thing that you are?




Why not talk to her.  Sit down and have a talk!   Deal with the real issues!!   Get to it!!!