This one is for sdstud (!) who said 'just cum!'.

1) So, guys, how important is it for YOU, whether we have an orgasm or not during the session?

2) Are you ok with the fact that sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't and it's not always related to you?

3) Do you want to see (and hear!) an orgasm whether real or not? Therefore a faked (convincing) orgasm is better than no orgasm?

4) Is louder really better than quieter? I mean, honestly, the quieter I am, the more intense it is - I want no noice to 'shatter' it.

Ok, guys, let 'er rip..

1) So, guys, how important is it for YOU, whether we have an orgasm or not during the session?
I work very hard to make sure that my partner enjoys our time together as much as I do, so yes it is important.

2) Are you ok with the fact that sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't and it's not always related to you?
Yes, but I will try my my best to make sure she does.

3) Do you want to see (and hear!) an orgasm whether real or not? Therefore a faked (convincing) orgasm is better than no orgasm?
Want the visual, don't need the audio.  Facial expressions, stomach contractions, etc. are more important.

4) Is louder really better than quieter? I mean, honestly, the quieter I am, the more intense it is - I want no noice to 'shatter' it.
See 3 above, don't need the audio but they are okay if you need them.

1.  I like to cum,  I see most ladies for at least 2 hours, so getting one in the time is fine, more is great and if I don't get a second one it's no big deal.

2. If she does not cum, she does not cum.  Most do.

3. Don't fake them.

4. If you make noise, make noise, if you don't don't.

Sedona,

GREAT topic change...

1) I love it when my partner has an orgasm.  How important is it?  Well, important enough that it's usually my primary focus...I am a generous man, and I love helping my partner get to a point where she's out of control, or nearly so.  Once I see that she's at or near that point, I can let go myself.

2) I'm perfectly comfortable with her responses, as long as they're real.  I don't feel as though I've let her down if she doesn't cum as long as she can still honestly say she enjoyed herself and me.

3) Keep it real.  Save the Oscar-winning performance for the next time you find yourself sitting in a deli across from Billy Crystal.

4) Quiet is okay, as long as there is some perceptible feedback.  I really get off when my partner is getting off, and I want to know when it's happening for her.  A couple other things you might do to clue me in: wrap your arms and/or legs around me and squeeze.  Look into my eyes...one of the most surprisingly intense things any woman has ever done at that moment was grab my head and force me to look into her eyes...

Yoda

How much fun can sex be if you don't have an orgasm?? If she's not having fun; I'm not having fun. At these rates you can bet your last dime, there WILL be fun!! (kind of feel like George Steinbrenner (lol))

I think this seems to fall back on the old question as to whether you're a "giver" or a "receiver"... I'm sure that there are plenty of guys who are not fazed if the woman doesn't enjoy herself. Personally speaking, I tend to get lots more out of the experience if I know (or at least think I know) that the woman that I'm with had an orgasm. Knowing that I gave a woman enough pleasure to curl her toes or roll her eyes up in her head turns me on to no end. That's not to say that I won't get off if the woman doesn't, but it's certainly a more memorable experience for me if I know that we both hit one over the fence.

As far as the noise thing goes, I'm kinda in the middle on this one. I like to have some vocal signals or encouragement, but once we're talking about earth shattering screams that make the neighborhood dogs cry, I have a hard time buying into the fact that the girl is doing anything other than trying to put on a good show for me.

There is a wonderful song by Bonnie Rait "I Can't make you love me".  Correspondingly, I can't make you climax.  You owe it to me and to our encounter that you tell me if there is something I am doing or not doing that stops you from having a climax.  If I can, I will try to modify my behavior so you can enjoy and you get your "shot".   I hope you enjoy our time together and I will try my best to facilitate your enjoyment.  After that, this is something between you and your sexuality.  

Don't forget, lots of guys don't come a lot of the time (Viagra side effect) and we keep coming back.

Harry

"1) So, guys, how important is it for YOU, whether we have an orgasm or not during the session?"

Moderately so, but not overwhelmingly. If she does, then I enjoy the session more knowing she has had a good time, too.

"2) Are you ok with the fact that sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't and it's not always related to you?"

Yep. No problem at all.

"3) Do you want to see (and hear!) an orgasm whether real or not? Therefore a faked (convincing) orgasm is better than no orgasm?"

No fakes, no how. Few people can do it convincingly, and the faking breaks the mood for me. I'd rather have silence than faking.

"4) Is louder really better than quieter? I mean, honestly, the quieter I am, the more intense it is - I want no noice to 'shatter' it."

Genuine is best, whether loud or quiet.

--b.

9 times out of 10, a man who wants to see a woman have an orgasm is primarily interested in his own ego, rather than her fulfillment.

A woman's orgasm is something I never focus on, though I am very interested that she has an amazing time with me.  For me, it's more about the journey than the destination.  And, by all means, girls, please NEVER fake anything!!  Those of us that know.....know!!

Jacksonlips

Sedona

Mea Culpa on our last disagreement- I was a littel too agressive.

On this one- civvie sex is all about my SO's orgasms.  And I do mean all about them.  We like to keep the ratio over 2:1 hers to mine.  And often exceed that...

I get massages, so this is all about ME!  If I can get a good bj, then all the better.  If there is time left over or we really click, I will try to get an O for my provider, but since I do not DATY w/ providers, this must usually be manual.

Do I love to hear sexy noises?  Oh yeah!

Right now I have a fantasy of an AfroAmerican lady talking dirty to me while we play and it is very powerful... note to self figure out a way to make that happen...something about a more expressive culture...

1)  Very important to me that she is having a nice time and has some or atleast one O.  Now I'm not good enough to do it on my own so please help out if you can.

2)  I love to watch women have Os, loud, soft, reckless, quite does not matter, very erotic to see a women in such a condition.

3) I'd prefer you are honest and not fake one, and if you are soft you are soft, loud you are loud.  If you did not have one with sex, let me watch you masturbate till you have one.

4) Which ever way works best for you, just be honest about it.

In fact if you would have some before I get to that works better for me, cause I know you are turned on.

Jacksonlips got me to thinking...I'm curious how many providers assume automatically that their own O is unimportant to their client, and focus on his pleasure to the possible exclusion of their own?

1)  I WANT to, but not having one doesn't mean the time is bad.  I assume the same is true with the Lady:  I WANT her to, but if she doesn't, I can still work to make it a good encounter for her.  For a few reasons I don't want to get into here, I had a long session with my ATF last week and we just spent the time hugging and talking on the couch.  It was, without any doubt in my mind, the best session I've had in years.  Not the norm, but maybe one in six doesn't end with a bang.  Strangely enough, this seems to be most often with Ladies I have seen before and very much like being with.  Sometimes we're just having too much fun with what we're doing to interrupt it for sex.

2)  Yes; getting "somewhere" together is 80% of the fun.  Often the actual destination doesn't matter as much.

3)  Real!  Real!  Real!  A real non-O is much preferred to a fake anything.

4)  See question 3.  Whatever is real for her.

... in the movie "When Harry Met Sally" is great!

However I would not expect such a vocal response from my partner although it does give one pause for thought that perhaps we men cannot always know whether a woman's orgasm is real or not.

I would agree that my partner's orgasm can be my primary focus and truly enhance the experience for me in the sense that it becomes a  more shared experience. It is in no way a requirement for an enjoyable experience.

However, I like sharing!


-- Modified on 2/20/2004 6:53:32 PM

Its so overwhelmingly important that I make the other person happy. Then I can have mine, but it is not critical, as your orgasm uniquely fufills me.

Not sure I can agree with you there jackson.  I hope that i'm not the 1 out of 10 men who is interested in a woman coming to orgasm for her fulfillment.  However, in thinking about it another way I want her to enjoy herself and not leave (or me leave)frustrated from wanting to have an orgasm.  For me drilling for oil isn't much fun unless that is what she wants me to do.  I believe in reciprocity..."I do you and you do me and hopefully we'll both be breathing heavily!"

A serious spin-off question:  i have heard this often from Ladies, and I believe them.  But why is it so difficult for them to accept if I say the same thing to them?

1. To me its almost as important as me having one or two or...

2. Really the only time I was somewhat disappointed was when my former ATF didn't, but like she said--sometimes I just can't.

3. No fakes--One time I just started laughing it was such a poor performance.

4. I can vouch for the fact that Sedona has INTENSE orgasism and they are very quiet and thats great, but as someone else said anyway is ok as long as their honest.

Do you know about the different types of orgasms?
There’s the holy orgasm… Oh God, Oh God
There’s the negative orgasm… Oh No, Oh No
There’s the positive orgasm… Oh yes, Oh yes
Then there’s the fake orgasm… Oh Edward, Oh EDWARD!

Sorry ED!

Cheers!

1) Yes, I find it important as well as enjoyable for me.

2) We all sometimes can, sometimes can't so that is fine as long as I know the lady usually can and wants to.

3) NEVER fake it- if you do, you've lost me as a customer

4) Loud - quiet, no difference as long as it worked for her

While I respect the position that some gals take of not wanting to achieve orgasm for whatever set of reasons, I find those sessions to be not quite as enjoyable for me as time spent with someone who is comfortable with doing so and who does. There are two providers that come immediately to my mind. One gal is unbelievably responsive and just incredible with reference to achieving orgasms. She even refers to herself as  "orgasmatronic", I believe  . The second is unbelievably hot in all ways, offers a wider menu than the first and has no hold backs other than not wishing to achieve O during the session. For me, while both types of encounters are great, I feel a little more fulfilled at the end of the session with the lady who can........and can..........and can.....and can.....

-- Modified on 2/20/2004 2:49:40 PM

AHHH  here lies a problem .If you want me to pop first and I want to get you off first we can be there all night. Wait is that a problem?

eat MORE, yet smaller, meals during the course of the day. As it relates to this topic, we may not want to consider smaller but go with the MORE for sure!  LOL

I think you may be over-generalizing that it's an ego thing.  I'll bet there's a much larger percentage of us than you think for whom it's more than an ego thing.  Orgasm is a highly private moment, both men and women often describe a feeling of being completely exposed and vulnerable.  All ego issues aside, how cool is it to be part of that, to have someone invite you in and share that moment with you.  If she said "just lay here and hold me while I do it myself" I'd still feel every bit as moved by being able to share in it and be part of it, even though I'd have no grounds to take credit for it.

In any discussion about sex, guys assume that every other guy except them is in it for power/conquest/ego/self-gratification.  Likewise, providers often assume that even though they're in it for other reasons themsleves, all the other providers must just be in it for the money.  Why can't we just assume that more often than not, both guys and gals are getting much more out of the emotional interchange?

1.  Who cares about your needs, it's all about me baby!  (Kidding!)

As for faking--no good!  If it's something she wants to have happen, then I LIKE being coached.  I'd rather have you coach me on what works for you than have you pretend my techniques work for you.  I find myself getting shy about coaching her or asking for something to be done differently--I feel like she'll take it as criticism, or I'll feel selfish.  But when I break out of that shell the results end up being explosive for both of us, but I have to work at it.  So I understand why a woman, especially a provider, might feel a bit reserved about coaching or asking for something.  But just like with me, the times that providers have coached me have been really, really great.  Coaching is like an investment in the relationship where faking is almost like a cop-out.

As for loud/quiet...  I think it's just that we need cues.  Ejaculation aside, for men it is more defined, has kind of a sharp edge to it that defines the start and finish.  I've found women sometimes drift into/out of them more gradually, and so even though I'm trying to be sensitive to her signals, I'm not sure exactly where she's at, especially in the case of a provider, who I don't really know well.

So here's a question...  Suppose I've been DATY'ing away like a mad-man and for whatever reason, you're not going to cum.  Sooo, now what?  How do I know when to stop?  It's awkward for you to say "I grow weary of your efforts" and it's equally awkward for me to say "I quit!"  I think the big fakey orgasm is as much rooted in signaling as it is in ego placation.

Thank you for your great answer !  I love you

I just hate it when a guy expects me to cum , it is way to much pressure .and I am not going to fake it .

I hate it when a  guy measures my enjoyment based on if I came or not . Get a clue guys it isn't about Cumming,  so much more to enjoy the just a final O .

I prefer to focus on the clients pleasure , I love to pamper my men !! ( I am like  that in my real life too )  but if his pleasure is to please me , then not a problem for me .

If I was hiring a guy I wouldn't care about pleasing him  or if he had an O ........ it will be all about me !!!
Selfish ? No , I feel his reward is pleasing me and the money .

I have no problem if my O is unimportant to a client . If I want an O I can do it on my own or find it elsewhere

But still in my eyes  the O isn't the most important thing.
The journey  is so much more important .

If you can act interested that's all that matters to me.

I do enjoy watching a woman thoroughly enjoy herself though.

I asked my wife how come you never tell me when you have an orgasm? She said, "Because you're never here!"

That's where the excitement, knowledge and fun live. And that's why I love all those peaks and valleys!

Darn is this really happening? If everything is right and going great everyone knows when i have my BIG O. i just hate the mess after we get done. i will not sleep in a wet bed.

Dearest Sedona

1. I like when a woman orgasms, because she is totally experienceing herself, her ego, a loss of control for instances in time where there is total trust and truly being themselves.

2. Yes, because I treat them as I want them to treat me.

3. No. Acting is for the stage, not the bed. (or whereever). Honesty about this is important to getting to know the other person and help enrichment of the sexual experience for both people. Technically, only men need to orgasm or ejaculate for the species to survive. This doesn't exclude sexual experiences that do not include orgasms from either party.

4. Louder is easier to tell when she orgasms, but an experienced man can tell if a woman orgasms without a sound. A major part for me is learning about the woman and how she experiences and reacts. And my best partners are the ones who do the same for me.

By being like this I have learned to be more trusting. And have reaped many more beneifts than I I ever imagined.

TET

It is most important to me that the provider be pleasured as well as give pleasure, and I try to do what it takes. However, part of me also says this is, at best, just wishful thinking on my part since the only reason this fine woman is with me at this time is that I provided a "gift". Otherwise, I doubt that she would even notice me. Sometimes, I succeed at convincing her that she is free to enjoy, but sometimes not. Faking doesn't work for me. And reaching an "O", hers or mine, is not the determinig factor, at least for me. Closeness, intimacy, fun are the biggies, and they do not always require "O's".{but even O-less, the deed[s]matter!.}

My sentiments exactly!

I love to eat a lady to orgasm, or even better
two orgasms.

Noise is not required, usually the ones the
cum the hardest get real quiet.

Don't fake it.  If you are obviously faking
it's a turn-off, e.g.
the provider who acts like they are cumming
after the first two licks --
I know it takes longer than that, and I'm just
getting started, so save the theatrics.