the old telephone chat lines back in the late 1990's.

Don't know how many of you had that experience.  But it was fucking great if you wanted to take your chances.

Cost like $20 for 30 minutes of messages or something like that.  But had quite a few hookups on those lines.  Some were duds.  But hey, WTF.

RT

you gonna die...

As most of you know I am a relationship virgin. Which means I have never had a real GF. I don't need NO clinging chics, and I have a boss and a mother. I don't need a second one.  That being said, (as I have stated before) I can only see myself getting marrying and settling down if I find someone whom I can have kids with.  

Now that doesn't mean that I didn't give dating a fair chance.. There was this one chic I went out with who was half Japanese half White. On 2nd date she asked me what if we had kids, what race would the be.. As some of you know, I am of Asian Indian origin.  Well my response was "They be mutts for sure..." Well, turns out she didn't like my response.  You ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer...  

Same chic asked me all kinds of questions about my credit score and shit, because she wanted to be sure that I could qualify for a mortgage.  This was when everyone was buying houses hand over fist..lol....

Bitches sure be crazy..

why we love 'em.

I met this guy in college who seemed nice when I met him. He was working on his MBA. But after a coupla weeks it was obvious he had some seriously weird baggage. It wasn’t long before he was insisting I wear a wedding gown while he verbally degraded me, shot toy water pistols at me and jacked off. And he had this ski mask he would wear all the time. Creepy.

Even worse, the dude would piss on me while I was sleeping! He thought that was funny as hell.  Fucking Asshole. This guy had some issues. I’m talking  scary fucked-up.  

Cant remember his name…I think it started with an…..r

Ignore if you've already heard it.

In college I went out with a girl named Dusanka for a few months. She was certifiably nuts. The first time she had me come over to her parents' house, her brother was sitting in the living room. He was a big guy, much heavier than me. She said, "This is Springer. He's teaching me about sex." I thought he'd kill me, but he just rolled his eyes and went back to watching TV.

Weeks later she told me she thought it would be really exciting for me to enter her room in the middle of the night and rape her. Don't know where that came from, but I never turn down a chance to try something new.

So, about midnight one evening I showed up at the house. Her brother answered the door. I was dressed in black, and carrying rope, duct tape and a scarf (to use as a gag). I said, "Dusanka wants me to tie her up and rape her." He just rolled his eyes again and went back to the TV.

So, I went into her room, tied her hands and feet to the bedpost, gagged her and raped her. When I was done, I took the gag off and she started yelling at me. "WTF do you think you're doing?" Stuff like that.

It was about that time I figured my ex was the most sane woman out there, so I reunited with her, we moved in together and got married.

Dusanka became a psychiatrist and is now treating inmates at California prisons. I pity those guys.  

Another short-term girlfriend was Nancy. She was an exotic dancer, and dressed like it 24/7. I was pretty whacked out on drugs at the time and looked pretty strange myself. Keith Richards was my hero. We stopped traffic, but not in a good way.

Anyway, the first time I went to her apartment, we went at it but she wasn't getting off. I tried everything. She finally told me that the only way she got off was to sit in the bathtub with her pussy right up to the faucet and run a steady blast of water on it. I assisted her with the water temperature and such, but it was the most unusual sex I've ever had. She had been a groupie for Johnny Winter of all people. Don't know if he was into bathtubs or not.  

There was a young woman named Laurie who hung out at the gay bars (that's where the real disco's were in my city, and where you went to pick up trendy women).  She looked a bit like Liza Minnelli, but with a petite nose and some tremendous DD's or maybe bigger.

I'd never met her, but she'd heard about me and wanted to have sex with me. She and her mother, divorced, were having some sort of contest to see who could sleep with the most guys. She had a boyfriend, a real muscle-bound type who was a lead guitar player in an alternative rock band. I guess he was cool with all this.

So, I got a call from her. I'd never even talked to her, but we were supposed to get together and have sex. Partly because of performance anxiety, but more because I just thought this was really weird, I begged off.

-- Modified on 1/16/2014 8:47:09 PM

Had one carve my first initial into her arm right in front of me as a "sign of her love."  Top that for BSC.

Crazy

Was living in Santa Barbara with my gf for about a yr. My friend had a time share in Cabo and begged both of us to join him down there. GF didnt want to go but insisted that I go and have a good time. I left my truck with her and took a airport bus to LAX with the agreement that she was going to pick me up at LAX we would have dinner in LA and spend a little time sight seeing (I had to be at work the next morning at 4:00am Monday) So we land and my friend asks wheres %$#@ and I told him dont worry she'll be here, they take off and I'm waiting at the curb (no cell phones at the time) 1hr passes no *$^& so I find a pay phone and call our house in SB, no answer, 2hrs pass and I'm a little worried, call again, no answer, 3hrs pass call again answering machine leave another message, 5hrs pass, its late now, night time about 10pm, I see a SB air bus sitting there go up to the driver and ask how late they run and he tells me "last one buddy", I dont get on it thinking theres some sort of fuck up maybe trouble and she's gonna pull up any minute. Waiting now midnite find a cab tell him I need to go to SB he looks at me and says "fares gonna be around $300, get in and were off to SB, 2hrs later 2:30am we pull up to her house, theres my truck sitting there, pay the driver go into the house, she's sitting on the couch in the dark turn on the light and ask "what the fuck?" Shes got this far away look in her eyes, fucking spooky, and says "why didn't I have one of the whores I was fucking in Cabo drive me home?" I thought I need to get the fuck out of there before something happens, go into the bedroom to get my clothes, no clothes, I hear her say "your clothes are in the bathroom" I go in the bathroom all every stitch was shredded and  in the bathtub soaking in bleach. Heres the kicker, while in Cabo I turned down 3or 4 different chicks. Corrset was right about dying when you have a crazy x-boy friends.

I'm thinking very hard, but I can't come up with one who was sane, so I guess the real question is who was the most insane.

That's also a tough one, but I think I'll just describe the one that in a way broke my heart the most because we had the most intense and passionate affair that lasted for about a month.

Then, one day it was over because, as she said:

"...your blood doesn't taste the same as mine."

Stalker.

There is a girl out there who has stalked me since Jr. High.
It's been more than 20 years, and she still pops up every now, and then.
It's weird. The more I try to get her to hate me. The more obsessed she became.

She is married with kids. Yet she still is sure we will end up together.
It's a little scary when she knows things about me. She lives upstate.
She must have people watching me to know these things.

I'll get random texts saying." Oh you were at this bar, or that club."
"That brunette was hot." "Heard you got a flat tire on your way to work"  

How the fuck does she know this shit?

Forget crazy stories of ex's.Move on and live life.ENJOY hobby no strings attached service paying escorts to leave/FUN.

1. Civvie: "and the envelopes say..."

First girl, which i dated, was what people call a "FOB."  
Hot looking 23-yo Asian spinner, but the broken English got to me from the get-go.  
She seemed normal on the first two dates.  

We had sex at my place before leaving on the 3rd date because her brother convinced her that I would lose interest in her otherwise.
I took her virginity.  
That should've been a big red flag.

Second reg flag was when she met my friends for dinner and afterward, they all were telling me she was crazy.  
I had missed it.  
Nevertheless, i largely ignored the warning and we went to her place where she tried to blow me for the first time (as I said, Virgin).

In the morning, I awoke to her waiting for me to wake so that she could present me with an envelope (not cash, lol).
Turned out to be open ended cruise tickets for two to stop at three different cities.
Me: wow, who are you going with? (Really said this in shock)
Her: you silly. Think about it.  

It was the third week since our first date.
I went home and broke up with her immediately over the phone.

Later, I get an email from her, saying that we should meet for dinner as friends.
I'm leery but she said she wanted to return my jacket.
My mistake. I was young.  
Instead, when I get there, she hands me another envelope.
This time, inside was a letter telling me that if I get back together with her,
I could have sexual carte blanche.
There was a short mental debate, but it was a no brainer.
Too crazy. And not good enough in bed.

I told her I would think about it.
I went home and stopped answering her calls and emails.

The following week, more craziness.
My doorman told me I had received a big package.
It turned out to be a microwave from her.
The attached note said: xxxx, I added up the money you spent on our dates and wanted to repay you. Cash was tacky and I knew you needed a microwave.  
That was interesting.
But the stalker part is that the doorman remembers seeing a pretty little Asian woman bringing it in herself from a taxi.

The piece de la resistance is that while I was coming home from work, without notice, I happened to see her spying on me from the window of a diner around the corner from my house.
I confronted her.
She said she was in the neighborhood (BS: she lives in Brooklyn, me east side of manhattan; she works on wall st) and wanted to talk.  
I told her to please leave me alone or I would file harassment charges.  
That was the last I heard from her.  
I told my best bro friend what happened and he was horrified.  
Him: fukk, dude, she knows where I live! (We dropped him off one day on the way home.)
It took me a while to stop looking over my shoulder after that. Lol.  

2. Provider/addict

Really hot Indian girl, mid 20s. Gets 9/9s here on average.

Saw her twice including a dinner date before she found out by chance that I had access to prescription pain pills.
After that, she became more friendly and started offering me OTC time.

She used to talk shit about johns all the time, including how disgusting we all were.  
Once she started a public fight with a provider she recognized in a restaurant.
If I weren't a regular, the manager would have thrown us out instead of letting me take her out quietly.

Finally, she made her move, inviting me to her hotel for an overnight if I would bring pills.
As addicts often say, she said she couldn't reach her doctor to get her regular stuff.  
Believe it or not, I had already reached the conclusion to cut her loose so I didn't reply.
I was with the same best friend about when a stream of her texts turned from sexy entreaties into threats.  
I never saw her again but I heard of tons of her drama on the back channel.  

-- Modified on 1/18/2014 7:24:27 PM