This thread is raging on another board and I thought I'd introduce it here. "What aren't you paying for during a session"?
I don't pay them to lay all their woes on me. I especially don't want to hear about marital problems or about their boyfriend(s). I'd prefer to not know ANYTHING about a spouse or boyfriend. Toss kids into that statement too. I don't want to know how many sessions they had earlier in the day or week. I don't want to hear about the previous guy or what the bastard said or did.
I don't mind talking and getting to know her. I actually enjoy that and feel more into it if she is at ease and comfortable with me. Rushing into the act can be a real turnoff most times. I'm sure as hell not thrilled with someone that strips, jumps on the bed and says lets get this over with. I have to wonder when she throws out a comment about her boyfriend whether that is subtle way of laying down the rules. I really enjoy some interaction afterwards too. Showering together is damn nice but it doesn't happen often enough. The fact that she sticks around to chat without being in a hurry adds to the overall experience.
the same...HOW CAN WE SERVE YOU? (not just the basics like dont talk about your kids, but the "other stuff" like I'd love it if you'd give me a foot massage [or whatever it is you want but are afraid to ask for])?
I would actually like to know the answer to that question. I strive to provide the BEST Service I can in EVERY encounter...I consider myself a "Courtesan" and do my best to maintain that during the entire meeting. But I have to admit that I dont always know how far is too far [eg: can I take a shower with you, can I give you a foot massage, can I validate your parking? ...just kidding] (in either direction). You said that you would like to shower with the girl afterwards...I would LOVE to do that but thought it might be going "a little too far".
Now dont get me wrong, I have the good sense not to talk about my mundane life (Hey sable, how's that laundry coming along?...exciting stuff huh?). I am a good conversationalist, that is not my issue.
I would love to give foot massages, etc...but I just never know how he will feel about that. I wonder mostly for the reason you stated..."it doesn't happen often enough". I want my service to be memorable, but I want to stick out like a shining star...not a sore thumb! :0) lol. I dont want him thinking...what did she do that for? Of course I could ask...but doesnt that take away from the fantasy? (kind of like: well if you have to ask...)
So gentlemen, here is your chance! In the form of a "Do's and Dont's" list...HOW CAN WE SERVE YOU?
Some of you have a wall or attitude of suspicion that is seemingly always there. I try for conversation to get to know a person but always trying to sense the lady's level of comfort. With some, I sense that edge almost constantly. There are kooks out there in the world and some paranoia is healthy. Too much is a show killer. Find a way to lay down your rules without killing the mood.
What is missing? Seduction and real passion for the most part. Doing a strip tease is nice but let us participate or be more involved. Dress innovatively, wear sexy outfits and let us help unwrap the presents. Too many show up in t-shirts and jeans these days. The opportunity to discuss preferences (both YOURS and mine)beforehand is great but usually ignored or not available.
I don't want to hear that I am the biggest you've ever seen, the most handsome, etc., because either you've lead a sheltered life or figure me to be a rube. It detracts from the experience. Try to keep it real. That goes for the B-movie theatratics too. If the session is for 1-2 hours, make sure you stay for the whole time.
Taking a shower or bath together afterwards is something I always enjoy. Maybe I am outside the norm but I doubt it. I had one session where we bathed together first and that was a real treat. Certainly memorable. She seemed to be irritated if I tickled her feet but she let me get a way with it very playfully. She finally tried to hide them but I steathfully found them again in time. Some of us don't have a dark, depressed desire that we are just exploding to blurt out. I'd rather work on some chemistry with the person I am with at the time. When that occurs, you have a lifetime memory.
This gig is all about human relations, or as they say in the current parlance, "it's all about you!". Yeah, it's about the love, too. Chicks are good at being empaths, I think it has something to do with being able to bear children.
That being said, just be yourself, be spontaneous, and enjoy thre moment. If the client needs a little inspiration, then inspire him!
The best line on this topic was muttered by Anthony Hopkins in MI2: "She's a woman, she has all the training she needs."
*Yes, I know it's an old George Clinton romp, but I was really thinking more in Macdonald's sense than in the P-funk sense.
I can understand how you feel. But I'm also not a mind reader and don't want to cross any line so you have to communicate what you would like to do. If there is anyone that you can talk to it is your GFE. I'm not here to judge you but to enjoy what ever makes you feel good. As far as, we the providers, talking about boyfriends, husbands, kids, NO. You’re not spending your time with me to hear that. BUT, on the other hand you are spending your time with me, and have every right to talk about what ever it is that you want to talk about. I will not stop you. I'm here as your companion, to make you feel good and if talking about the sun, wife, job, other providers then so be it, get what ever you have on your shoulders and want to release it then so be it, let me relieve that stress.
I have to agree with you here...I know much more about the private life of every provider I have seen (save one) then I cared or needed to know.
In one case, an acquaintanceship of sorts has developed, based on having communicated for some time before we met, and having continued communications afterwards, so I suppose that the circumstances differ in that relationship (she knows a fair amount about me too...)
However, last night was a very good example of what you are talking about. Girl comes by, and before she departs, I learn about her ex boyfriend (that she is still sleeping with), her live in girlfriend / lover, her money problems (she has to "really hustle for the next couple nights" to make her rent), her short term future plans (she is also saving to buy a used car...but not ANY used car, a "certified" used car...she was clear on that point). I learned that she was an actress in high school and college (ok, fair conversational game) and that she "got around" as well back in those days (I didn't need to know that). I learned about her appointments for the balance of the evening (TMI), about her regulars (TMI) and about the times she has done "a couple crackheads...usually two guys who can't afford me on their own, so they share...each gets one pop. If they didn't waste their money on drugs, maybe they could afford better" (MUEY, MUEY TMI). I even learned about her own drug habits, and how she tries to get a little wasted before she goes to work so that "it's easier", and that she sure wouldn't want her daughter doing this (thank gawd at this point the hour was over).
Now, I have been told that I am a charmer, that I am easy to talk to, that I am "different than other guys". I figure this all works in my favor...the more comfortable a lady is, the more at ease she will be, and the more at ease she is, then more likely she is to share of herself...in all ways.
However...some sharing just isn't professional. And...as *I* feel strongly and have stated in various posts...this is first and foremost a BUSINESS relationship. "We" can be friendly, cordially, and have a great dialogue, without getting personal.
My complaint is that I am not interested in a "true girlfriend experience"...i.e. one that included personal details about a provider's personal life (finance problems, romance problems, drug problems, kid problems, client problems). As I said, I believe it is possible for two people to have interesting and stimulating dialogue without getting personal...there are other topics like politics, current events, the entertainment industry (a recently read book or viewed movie). It is possible, in my opinion, to have a conversation about something other than YOURSELF. At least possible for intelligent, well read, life engaged people.
Perhaps you misunderstood my point...I thought it was pretty clear. I made no reference to the service provided (which was good...review to follow). The topic was things we clients DON'T want, and the original poster specifically made reference to the sharing of unsolicited personal information. I was merely agreeing with him, and providing an example.
Of course, you might feel like that is all part of a "true girl friend experience" and is what you are "paying for". Since I have a "true girlfriend", I just as well pass, thank you.
Hey MyLifeAsMe I was just kidding you. I agree with you and Kojak. Most men see the ladies to relax and get away from their everyday problems. The last thing they want is to be depressed by listening to every one of the provider's problems.
Sounds like quite the experience, Mylife. I feel for ya guy. Been there and done that. I've never had one talk about doing a couple of crackheads, thank God.
My worst session started with her telling me how she was in therapy, screwing 5 guys or so a day and how tired she was. She'd recently lost custody of her kid in the divorce but that this beat living out of a car. It didn't get any better but at least levelled out some. I was checking her for needle marks as though I'd know what to look for. Then she tells me about some 350lb guy banging her earlier that day. OK, NOW I'm really in the mood.
I don't mind discussing finances and have numerous times. What I find curious is how it seems that not many of the ladies have any savings? I'd think that they'd be doing pretty well money wise even if only seeing one customer a day, especially the indys. Your story about the car brought back lots of similar memories. Saving for a computer, camera, car, rent, etc. Beats me, they must spend it as fast as it comes in.
I am SURE some do...but my guess is it is like the erotic dancer myth (I've dated a couple dancers...). The popular stereotype is that girls make a ton of money, are working there way through college, and that dancing is just a temporary thing. The reality is that most girls start dancing because they are REALLY desperate for money, and don't really possess the skills to do much else for a very good buck. They dance, make some decent money, get hooked, never go back to school (if they were going in the first place), and end up not being all that happy with things as they wake up one day and find that guys prefer 19yo dancers to 29yo dancers, and that 29 is not the best age to start college at.
I suspect that for escorts, since you can cultivate a base of regulars, things might be more stable financially, but I also suspect that expect at the top of the profession (top 10%?), the income is good, but not extraordinary, and is also not extremely reliable. Virtually every escort I have met so far has shared that they got into the business because of money problems, and an associated lack of choices regarding other ways to make money. Some turn it into a bonanza...maybe other don't. I dunno. The litmus test? The provider I saw yesterday decided to tell me that after a couple months on the job, it isn’t something she wants to have to continue to do for very long…and that she’d never want her daughter to do it.
Regarding YOUR experience...man...I have never had anything liked that BEFORE the "intimacies" began. I think I'd probably have to bail...
The lady that I know best always gets me for $500 or so per visit. She is that damn good and I'd pay more if she asked. She has quite a few regulars but goes day by day as to whether or not she's available that day. We've had numerous discussions at length and she always seems to be hard up for cash. She lives on campus, pays rent on a house and is substantially on her own. She has a computer but its broke and she doens't have the money to fix it. She borrowed money (not from me) to buy a camera, needed money for some kind of hair weaving, car needs fixed, yadayadayada. I know another one that told me she doesn't have a credit card because she has poor credit. Neither is on drugs but the money evaporates quickly nonetheless. Both are pretty young and single.
Hey, its their life and they can live it as they please. Just my observation.
This is pretty much my experience as well...with both dancers and escorts....
Again, I am *SURE* there are women in the sex industry who both make a very good living AND manage their finances well. It is just that my experience much more resembles what you are describing...
I'm sure you guys are right about the lifestyle of many escorts/dancers, but please don't forget there are still those of us who are very responsible, save our money, and are in this only temporary. I've been doing this for 4 months, loved it, and in that short time (and yes, I was attending college at the same time), I've saved what I wanted to pay for school (and a good down-payment for a new car), so I'm retiring from the business with no regrets.
And remember, not every girl you meet will be the type of girl you'd want as a girlfriend in anycase--we are all so different, with different likes, dislikes, stories to tell. I guess the most important thing for everyone is *passion* and making each experience special. I do wish that more girls in the business shared my love of sex and meeting new people and having new experiences... of course I also wish that more guys would share my love of being in shape, (what's with those pot-bellies?), good hygiene, etc. Guys, do remember that women have a higher sensitivity to smell, so any kind of body odor is really quite gross. My 2 cents
If you were paying us, and only chose the ones without pot-bellies, we wouldn't have them (simple case of Darwin in action). But since we pay you, we get to have pot bellies. Maybe offer a fitness discount, and you'll see fewer pot bellies.
dman, hehe, you are such a crackup and are right in what you're saying as well. I agree with you in that if the provider wanted in-shape hobbyists, offer a discount. It may sound harsh but the reason we're paying the provider is because we want to spend some quality time with her/him. The other side of the coin is that the provider can always just say no, you're not my type and I think it should work both ways. I'm new at this hobby but what if a provider told me she was beautiful and had a body to die for, or I saw a picture, but when she showed up I was disappointed, would it be wrong to tell her that I feel I was mislead and I don't want the service? How does this all work anyway when it comes to a provider embellishing on the true facts? Any help would be appreciated. TIA
THANK you and I agree with everything you've said! I am doing this because I *love* doing it, not because I have no other skills... I have a degree in journalism and extensive experience on the web and could get a great "real job" IF I wanted to. I really don't, I'm having way too much fun Not to mention paying for my home that I own, my car that I own, and all my other bills, with plenty left over for comfort every month. I make my own hours, call my own shots, and see the gentlemen I am able to truly enjoy. I do not see crackheads and if I even got a hint that someone was on any kind of drugs they would be out my door so fast my own darned head would spin!
I hate this stereotype. The problem with generalizations is that they are so darned general!
Hi! Interesting thread here, and I would like to submit my own humble opinion... First, I could not agree more with Melinda here. I have been in the escort business for only about two months now, and like most others it seems, I entered because of severe financial difficulties. I just went through a nasty divorce that left me penniless. I am almost finished with a Ph.D. (don't ask me where or what in, as I won't tell you; most of my clients don't know this, either). Finishing that degree is the most important thing in my life right now, and although I teach as an adjunct at a local university, the pay is crappy, student loans don't provide *quite* enough to live on, and I wasn't about to go into major credit card debt. Hence, my decision... I do not do drugs, and my financial situation is now stable, but I do need the income I make from working a couple of nights a week (not nights before I teach!). On the other hand, one of other women who works for the service _is_ a crack addict.
I seem to have an ability to really connect with my guys. Unless the guy just wants to take care of business, and be done with it, I absolutely always stay the entire time. I invite them to shower with me afterwards, I rub their shoulders and neck, I cuddle, I chat... I find that the connection is at least as important to me; I feel icky otherwise. While I agree with Melinda about odor (oh, lord... that one is a biggie) and hygiene, I need to say that I find it even more objectionable when a guy hounds me to be his girlfriend. There are two guys whom I will not see anymore because of this. It just became too uncomfortable, and neither one seemed to understand that my dictum of keeping my personal and "professional" lives separate applied to them, too.
Anyway, that's just my two cents... probably worth what it cost you. And on that note, I'm going to start grading papers! Love to all. Anne
Anne, where are you located? Being new at this, and a little shy with first encounters I'd be really interested in learning more about you. Looking for someone who can make me feel we've been long time friends/lovers. TIA
Not all of us are fat slobs either. I was unaware of a genetically better olfactory sense in women. I don't wear cologne and try to make myself presentable for a session. Yes, I do work out too.
These two women were young and damn good escorts. I could easily fall in love with either of them. I found it curious that neither seemingly could manage their money very well and commented as such. Maybe it was a cheap shot? There are professional athletes making millions that are filing bankruptcy. I guess you do end up spending at the rate of your income.
First of all, there are several kinds of escorts. You have the services that are bam,bam. Secondly, there are the younger girls that generally don't have a clue as to how a real "business" works. They are just screwing for money and don't understand relationships- generally and there are exceptions. Then there are the professional independents that are running a "business" which really what we are talking about here. At the end of the day this business is very similar to any other service business.
So what does the customer want? It very much depends and is very much "customized" for each client. I think every provider has different relationships with their "regulars" and has figured out what they like after several sessions. It's pretty simple and I don't think there ever will be a checklist except I think it's pretty universal that guys don't want to feel rushed. This doesn't mean that he can take all night for a one hour session but relax and stay the hour or two. And don't forget that it's a two way street. The guy has to put in the same amount of effort as the provider to make it work. And when it all clicks... man it's great.
Ok this is going to sound VERY unpolitically correct so I'll apologize in advance to anyone I may inadvertantly offend.
But, this girl is on drugs... is doing guys she *knows* to be crackheads...at a DISCOUNT... good lord... WHAT do you EXPECT in the way of conversation? I mean... honest here... class is not this womans middle name! Pleeeeease do not use her as the example to represent all of us... she certainly doesn't fit the mold of most of the ladies I've met, and I hope she doesn't fit the mold of many ladies nationwide.
Part and parcel of ensuring you have a good experience is in your initial *choice* of whom to see, and all the research that goes into that. With a girl like you've described, the biggest thing to focus on is to be glad she didn't straight up rip you off! I hope that in future you are able to meet some of us who are educated, have class, and do not have a need to get high to make our appointments "easier," because we simply love what we do. Most of the ladies I've met or spoken with, if they found out a client was on any kind of drugs, (not just CRACK... but holy bejesus CRACK!) would have him out the door before you could blink.
The money problems I understand... everyone goes thru that kind of thing at some time in thier lives. Almost everyone, anyways. Talking about it is definitely a faux pas, but yanno you could've turned her own logic right around on her... maybe she could afford more if she didn't get high before all her appointments!
OK don't flame me because I have no idea who you are talking about and certainly don't have any grudge or anything against her. I just hate to see us all lumped into *that* mold. It just ain't true!
I DID say that I am sure that there are ASPs who are on time of their game in regards to both their lives and their finances...I just hadn't met any.
And I confess to being judgmental...who am I to say what a persons life should be? Just because *I* wouldn't chose those set of circumstances doesn't mean they are by definition wrong.
And I guess should take up for the "escort on drugs"...she said that she only smoked weed...and frankly *I* would go back to smoking weed if I didn't have so much to lose if I got caught somehow!! I LIKE weed!! So I'm not looking down on her for that, and thus really had no reason to "turn her own logic right on her". It had been a good session, and she was a friendly gal.
My point was that she didn't need to share all this with me...I just don't get all the personal detail sharing (back to the original vein of the thread...what we guys don't like).
And I didn't mean to generalize or characterize (even though I probably am guilty of the latter). I did mean to illustrate my point however...that the sanitized myth of the ASP rolling in dough and living the high life is the exception, not the rule. I am sure some ladies do VERY well...better or much better than their clients. I can't see myself spending time with those levels of professionals (hell, I STILL can't completely accept that I am even "paying for it"...the only way I reconcile it now is that I say to myself "hey, you used to would drop this kinda cash in a strip joint in one night without thinking..."). The ladies I have spent time with...and I have spent a great deal of time with a couple ladies that I developed personal relationships with, saw being a ASP as a "band aid", and admitted it wasn't a very good one.
Every provider learns when she first gets into this business or soon thereafter, that she will need a good sob story explaining how a sweet nice girl like her got into this horrible retched business. (sarcasm intended)
Why? Because its the clients who want to hear it. The clients are looking for some sort of proof that this pretty young thang is indeed a sweet damsel-in-distress who because of unforeseen troubles beyond her control aka Dragons, has been forced by the cruel circumstances of life to work as a prostitute.
Its makes the client feel better, safe, as in she isn't going to steal his wallet or murder him. )
I remain amazed at the things some of the hobbyist say and do. From "falling in love" to stalking girls, to falling for sob stories...
Perspective guys...perspective. It can be a wonderful relationship...a meeting of bodies and minds in time, but never forget...fundamentally...it is a BUSINESS transaction. If you weren't paying, she wouldn't be there.
I don't have a sob story... I'm not a damsel in distress... And I DON'T need to be rescued! I just love working for myself... have been working on my own as an adult webmaster for years and years. And ironically I never hook up with guys in my personal life because of all the complications it *always* involves. The night before I took the plunge and posted on the boards I was so horny I thought I'd POP! This gives me a context so that I can play as much as I want, AND helps supplement my income. Bonus bonus BONUS!
I've had money problems while in the 'biz. In February I had a horrible situation where I'd just paid all my bills, and one of my dogs attacked and tried to kill my smaller dog. Wound up running me $1500 in vet bills plus $800 in hospital bills (I got bit on the hand in the process of breaking it up), and needless to say I didn't feel comfy taking appts while I had tons of teensy little cuts in addition to the big bite on my hand. I'd guess $2300 at a pop would put a hefty dent in anyone's income, unless you're Bill Gates But I certainly didn't use it to try to rip any gentlemen off... I scraped and scrimped until I was able to get back on top of things.
I SWEAR to you that I have never solicited such a sob story, and I could absolutely live without hearing it. And while we are on the topic, I can't ever remember thinking "how (did) a sweet nice girl like her got into this horrible retched business.". I figure life is all about choices, and our destiny is what we make of it.
Not too long ago I was with a young 'un (set up by his uncle!). I suggested to him that if he was going to continue to see escorts, he probably shouldn't leave his wallet sitting out while he left the room. I had these horrible images of this kid (well, he was over 21, but still a kid to me)getting ripped off of all his hard-earned pay. How disillusioning that would have been for him! Anyway, yes it's a business transaction, but no... not all of us are prone to relieving hobbyists of more money than what we're due.
1. "Cum for me baby" - thanks you just totally fucked up the vibe and its going to be even longer now!
2. Obviously fake moans of pleasure - sometimes silence is golden better no response than a fake response - if no response it saves me from jaw cramp - :0
3. "Sweetie" / "honey" - a way to de-personalize it for the provider and in a twisted way a bit condescending
4. She's dressed before the condom's in the trash/toilet
5. You're a bit early and forced to stay outside the room or wander around the neighborhood
Got to admit, I've been a hobbyist (love that term!) for over 20 years, and I've met a lot of nice people. I tend to like to connect at a something-other-than-physical level if at all possible; so, if that means I hear a story about a provider's home life or relationship, so be it. I actually get a bit of a kick listening to all the stories (vive la difference)! In the end, my hobby encounters are no different than any other encounter: I try to get a feel for the other person -- find some common ground.
The only thing that turns me off is being rushed or hussled. But I must admit that hasn't happened lately (since I moved to New England).
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She seemed to be irritated if I tickled her feet but she let me get a way with it very playfully. She finally tried to hide them but I steathfully found them again in time. Some of us don't have a dark, depressed desire that we are just exploding to blurt out. I'd rather work on some chemistry with the person I am with at the time. When that occurs, you have a lifetime memory.
