A new provider I just saw told me she lives with her boyfriend. I casually asked her if she practices safe sex with him. She replied "No, he is my boyfroend and I trust him."

I asked her if he gets tested as often as she does. She replied, "No, of course not, he doesn't have sex with anyone but me."

She gets tested every three months. And I found her perspective concerning her boyfriend odd, and a little naive for someone who isn't naive when it comes to her work.

Question:  Do you think it is a good idea for a provider to practice safe sex with hobbyists but not with a boyfriend who isn't tested?

TET

If she had stated she practices safe sex with her boyfriend, would you feel safe?

If you practice safe sex with her, I would think this question irrelevent

Shoot..how many people IN the HOBBY get tested??

The 'general public' doesn't normally (as often, perhaps) and certainly not once in a relationship.
Just ask any of the people you know, co-workers, friends, married or single if they have protected sex.

How many Hobbyists are married and don't, have SO's and don't and likewise the ladies? I would say most Providers have SO's, or husbands with whom they have unprotected sex.

So, sorry, E, but I just don't get what you're getting at...

I don't see anything wrong with the ladies response.  

First, as Misty said, if she is safe with you, then it is irrelevant.  

Second, as Sedona said, most providers (and hobbyists) do not practice safe sex with their SO if they are in a serious relationship.  At some point, most people decide to trust their SO, so it doesn't surprise me at all.  

Is it a "good idea" to not have your SO regularly tested, given your scenario?  Only the hobbyist would know, as they know the habits of the SO, but the only way you can be "sure and absolutely safe" is if you do everything covered, do not attend to her orally (I hate the acronym "DATY"),
and don't kiss her (might get herpes or mono).  Otherwise, all of this is a calculated risk.

I don't find this to be odd behavior. In fact it's probably commonplace with providers and SO's.

But it's definately naive behavior.  No arguing that.

I think she wants to believe her SO is being faithful and maybe he is. We don't know her situation or her relationship or the type of man he is. We're only assuming that he's cheating on her. Heck, at one time, I really wanted to believe my ex was faithful too. However, it's always a good idea to get tested occasionally, even if she believes he's trustworthy. That's just common sense and practicality. The only thing I find odd is that she told him she has a boyfriend and that they has unprotected sex (TMI). Who in their right mind would offer such information?  Unless, of course, he asked her. If so, then be prepared for an honest answer guys.  I always said, "Don't ask, don't tell."

Hugs,
Ciara

I think Misty summed it up well.  Anyone can say whatever they want to you... maybe she is naive to think her boyfriend is monogamus, maybe you are naive to believe what people tell you... bottom line, protect yourself so you don't have to worry about what everyone else is doing.

I'm willing to bet if I were to ask most couples, single or married, whether they have unprotected sex, the answer is yes, and probably for most of their relationship.

After all, when did they decide (and what criteria) that 'now' it's OK?

Expect that your clients do, and that most ladies do - have at least one person in their lives..

I think it's normal that her and her boyfriend have unprotected sex. However, I mentioned that by still getting tested, that it was practical and reasonable. Sometimes HIV or AIDS does not show up until five or six years down the road. Many of these tests are not accurate, depending on the test given.

Hugs,
Ciara

don't most couples have unprotected sex? Why the surprise, then? After all, doesn't he (probably)? Yet, how many guys ask their wives or SO's to test, or assume they do?

it's better not to offer that type of information anyway. Remember your posts a few weeks ago? You said it's no one's business if you have a boyfriend or not. I agree. However, it's too bad that some people are ignorant enough to think that testing doesn't need to be done on both parties. I wasn't talking about whether she and her boyfriend should use condoms. Who cares? Actually, it's been awhile since I've had a boyfriend, but if I did, I probably would probably still use them at least for awhile).

Hugs,
Ciara

...unless he or she are doing something with person that warrants this knowledge. It's probably not rocket science but it bothers me than many hobbyists and SOs don't think that the other person is not screwing around: New Flash! They are...It's my greatest wish that we all play safe and this starts with communication. Whether a provider or hobbyiest your behaviors are the only thing that will keep you out of these situations. As for the orginal post, I concur with several other posts. If you are not secure about what a person does off the clock, make sure you are not doing anything with him or her that will give you reason for pause.. PERIOD.

E ticket,  Why should a provider not have a life with a lover?  Aren't we allowed what you might have with an SO or wife?   As long as you have protected sex with "us" this should not be an issue for you.  



-- Modified on 7/6/2004 12:50:05 AM

of the night?

Perhaps disturbing, and perhaps it can make you jealous, but isn't this reasonable to assume?  

I could imagine a couple mutually agreeing to minimize the BB experience, but I can't imagine being a woman's SO and not having them at least some of the time.  

/Zin