regarding the alias right above me, well...just wondering if, in addition to your other intestinal problems, you suffer from keyboard diarrhea?  I, too, as inicky46 have been diagnosed with a chronic case of this by the eminent physician, Dr. GaGa, so I know of which I speak!  In fact, this very post probably qualifies as another in a long line of explosions of keyboard diarrhea!  LMAO!

Take necessary preventative actions.

1. avoid food / drinks that cause discomfort later on
2. try to empty out system.
3. wear CLEAN cloths
4. mouth wash so that residual food is washed out...  
5. floss, so that residual food is removed. then brush.
etc
etc

Avoids a whole lot of problems during a multi-hour session. Every girl I've met has told me she loves me long time for my effort. lol

..before you go see a provider?

It is to a point cleaning one's bowel before appointment is consider necessary.

Flatulence is a pure nightmare.

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV"  


HH

That reminds me......I have to go SCRUB UP! lol

but as to telling anyone they need to wash their ass, if they don't already know about basic hygiene, a million threads on the subject isn't going to help.

Does anybody really think that some unwashed slob, with giant skidmarks in his drawers is going to read this or any other of the gizzilion posts on the subject and think to himself "Damn, they are talking about me, maybe I should wash my stankin ass?" Give me a fucking break.

In the summer  I often take  three, occasionally four showers a day.
 She said I was compulsive, while she would relentlessly insist on giving me BJs day and night.
 Looking back,I'm wondering if there was a correlation between our compulsions.

Yeah I agree, flossing /brushing causes microcuts.

I should probably push that act far in advance.

Sum Dum Guy
with Tai Ni Wang

Sometimes ladies want to stay out with me and have fun. I do show em a good time. The last few actually stayed out with me til break of dawn watching the sun rise. lol

What can I say, I'm just too god damn hot and got too much game. Well maybe not, lol... but #5 happens for sure and sometimes initiated by the girl.

Do feel free to make fun of the grown men that feel they need to tell other grown men how to wash their ass however.

Or if you choose, you can simply make fun of the guys who truly don't know how to wash their ass, balls, pits, teeth, etc before having a planned sexual interlude.

There are so many POVs worth ridiculing here that I can't bring myself to pull the thread, so feel free to have fun with it, and the idiot posters that so richly deserve it.

It does amaze me how many guys here have apparently never had a spontaneous sexual encounter, and think that all sex has to be preceded by hours upon hours of grooming, preening and dietary restrictions. Haven't any of you guys ever just jumped in the sack with someone on the spur of the moment? I mean this in both the civvie and P4P world.

But seriously, if you're going to floss and brush, do it several hours before your date so that any micro-cuts caused by the process can heal.  I usually do it at least six hours in advance, after which I don't eat anything intensely spiced.  I use mouthwash before leaving and then use a breath mint before going up to her incall.
nick

To be in tip top condition and perform well without running into an embarrassing situation.  

Excluding exercise, and diet preparation,
it takes me 45~1hr.  I had plenty of spontaneous encounters, countless actually in the civvy world... but without the diet taken into account it does lead to uncomfortable situations.

Reason why diet comes in to play: Normally, I drown myself in hot spicy food, my mouth has a very high tolerance for extremely spicy (I finish 2/3rd of the hot sauce bottle at Chipotle.. that should tell you the extent) but the intestines fall short somewhat. This leads to unpredictable conditions a few hrs later. Dietary restriction is important for guys like me lol.

I am a clean freak and when in any doubt I will SCRUB my clients clean myself. I cannot tell you how many times the warm soap hand towel has been completely brown when I am in the process of washing a clients ass.....but never you fear I have learned to be an ass washing sexpert!!!!

I am not sure why it is so difficult for some people to get in a warm running shower, turn around, open their butt cheeks, let the warm water run between their ass cheeks, put A WHITE wash cloth under the running water, put the soap in the wet wash cloth, rub the soap in the cloth until suds are seen, flatted hand towel in their hand, turn away from the running water, put hand with warm soapy towel between their ass cheeks, scrub from the back of the ball sack to the top of the ass crack.....turn with their backs towards the running water, open up soapy ass cheeks and rinse soap off ass crack.......... CAREFULLY EXAMINE HAND TOWEL IF THERE IS ANY OTHER COLOR ON THE TOWEL EXCEPT WHITE YOU MUST REPEAT THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE UNTIL THE TOWEL COMES BACK TOTALLY CLEAN.

Now why have we failed as adults? BECAUSE THIS IS A CONVERSATION SOMEONE DIDN'T HAVE WITH THEIR PARENTS WHEN THEY WERE IN THEIR FORMATIVE YEARS........how do people get off the toilet after doing the number two and not wipe their ass crack until the toilet paper comes back white? I use baby wipes and/or take a shower and wash my ass.

Seriously, I have had clients show up for an appointment with SHIT BALLS IN THEIR ASS....not JUST DINGLE BERRIES.....flat out plain ole nasty ass full sized SHIT BALLS. How could this man walk around with a shit ball twixt his butt cheeks?.....then expect me to put my head anywhere near that?......ummmmmmmmmm???? Oh and here is the killer he refused to take a shower bc I had smell good soaps....he said his wife would notice the great smells.....I could not agree more, and he was kicked out of my hotel room. Dude seriously maybe if you would GET THE SHIT TURD BALLS OUT OF YOUR ASS YOUR WIFE MIGHT FUCK YOU HERSELF.

Yeah it is gross but welcome to our world!!!!

You fucking people must eat some of the most digusting, over-processed, artificially dubious foods.

Fucking vegetables are good for you.

Eat a 12 oz steak? eat 16oz of spinach!

Fiber is your friend.

and I will confess to watching certain things I eat if I know a sexual interlude is on the immediate horizon.

Korean food is definitely off the menu unless I plan of fucking a Korean girl, Kim Chi breath is not eliminating by simply eating a mint. lol It also has it's challenges on the other end of the digestive tract. lol

Now in all fairness, if your are planning of fucking a K-girl, the best defense for Kim Chi breath on a lady is to fight fire with fire, as long as both of you are eating the same thing it seems to cancel the other out.

Then just "Dance to The Music"


Thank you
2011 = 28

Wow! Cleaning my ass before a session! Who would have thought of that! Don't pass gas in a provider's presence! Again, brillant observation!

While we are at it, how about these useful (Yet ridicously obvious) tips:

1. Never eat an onion or any meal smothered in garlic immediately prior to a session
2. When visiting a provider at a hotel, never walk up to the front desk and announce, "Hi I'm Hardy here to have sex with Sally the escort in room 825. Will you please let her know I'm here"
3. When first meeting the provider, never hand her cash and announce, "Here's the $300 dollars you wanted to have sex. Now strip and blow me"
4. When during the session if the provider asks you to stop spanking her ass, never continue to spank her ass
5. When the session ends, never kick back and announce, "I have absolutey no plans for the rest of the day, so what are we going to do together"

We actually need a thread asking about whether one should wipe their ass before a session? What the heck do you think? Telling us that we shouldn't pass gas in a provider's presence? Really, when is it a good idea to pass gas in anyone's presence??  What are we five years old here?

Come on, we can do better than this

I will say that some of these posts make me laugh so hard! Next to orgasms - Laughter is the best feeling....lol

I'm really starting to think alot of you fuckers are a combo of don't fucking bathe regularly to normal white collar norms/are socially retarded/book smart geeks/white knights.  WTF guys.   Raise your game/mix in some salads/walk around some/lay off the chili cheese fries!  Fuck.  GG canwe just expunge this thread?  How do you guys get money to hobby if you cant wipe your ass and not go farting around women who are your wife?  Or do you just see BBW types via Bp?

In my opinion, Schneek, honeydew would be a challenge too, especially if it hasn't the opportunity to ripen...either way, an utter mess will ensue. Tomatoes...now that I think about it, would remind me of a bloody mess. Let's stick to the fine providers.....

the apple  pie in "American Pie?"

-- Modified on 7/25/2011 3:54:25 PM

I get my undercarriage exceedingly clean, and my wife still won't get near it! :p
I WISH it were simply a matter of cleanliness.  maybe "shit ass man" just eventually gave up and got into bad habits haha.

Sorry about my misfired message a second ago.  Surely no woman could be this funny and write this hilarious play by play for you obsessed dirty ass wipes.  The dude who wrote this had to be giggling the whole time.  Well done.

Montreal seasoning, or Tampico.

Oh. Medium rare, also.

Thank you for the humor. That shit makes the world go round. Ha!!!

I make a VICIOUS chimichurri. Lol

But if they don't know to wash their ass they are probably hopeless. I don't blame providers for attempting to convince the smelly asses out there to wash their smelly asses.

Thank you for the effort!

...is your friend in this endeavor.. Pressure wash that pucker-button and all them 'nethers.!!

Or you can just call it the "Redneck bidet" and be done..  

I "feel your pain", sister.!! And it ain't just men.! d:^)  Schneeks..

(We clean that part of ourselves too)

If you are a provider, you just turned me on.

I wish you offer the service "fanboy helping provider clean".

Obsessed about shower

You are not the only one.