A few days ago I had a nice dinner date. The next day she sent me a text asking if I was interested in an "arrangement," which would be a 3-hour date with her once a week for a very reasonable fee. My curiosity piqued,  I said yes.

The first date was today. As her car was unavailable I picked her up. It was nearly a half hour each way. On the car ride back she was delighted to receive photos she had taken at a shoot a couple of days previously and started editing them for her social media. We got to my house. I offered her some wine, which she accepted. She then proceeded to spend the next 2 hours editing her photos with some suggestions from me, and engage in fairly minor small talk. Then she asked me to take her back because she had a family gathering to go to.  Of course I did. When we got back she hugged me and went in, and drove home.  Not even a kiss..

I was bothered that one of the 3 hours was allocated to travel time. I was also bothered by the chaste nature of the date. It didn't seem like that was the type of date one should pay for. Am I off base on this?

that the devil is in the details.

 
You agreed to an arrangement for a weekly “date”.  What happened qualifies as a “date”, albeit a chaste one as you said.  It seems that there was a misunderstanding between you and the woman regarding what “a date” entails.

 
If details were never discussed, have that discussion now. If you can’t agree on date parameters that are to your liking, cancel the arrangement. I hope you didn’t make advance payments.  

END OF MESSAGE

that brought me back to straight up mongering..  I had a good time from 2015-2020 playing in the SB world, and while there were fair share of flakes,  you could still not only have a quickie but also a good long term arrangement.  Some of the SB relationships also morphed into quasi gf-bf relationships.  

 
I think something happened during the COVID era and shit just went downhill. I don't have time for this nonsense. I got shit to do...

her fee was "reasonable". She just wanted to get paid for basically doing nothing. Something of which is a big tread among the Twitter hooker crowd these days. Pay me just because I'm me. LMFAO.

You might have as well set the money on fire and watch it burn which sounded more exciting than the actual date.

Whenever I did an extended date, I always questioned everything to ensure both of us were on the same page.  

Live and learn.

I’d just not reach out to her again. And, if she reaches out to you, just be very cool. Almost cold

Like “Is thee something you need from me?”

If she says anything about another “date”, you simply say: something like “Last time was nice. I enjoyed your company. But dates like that, though nice sometimes, are not representative of the kind of arrangement I am looking for. All the very best to you in finding what you are after.”

My bet is that you’ll probably hear nothing after the “Is there something you need?” And almost certainly nothing after the second response. But if there is, you’ll know if there’s a chance for some genuine sugar by the nature of her response(s). Just remember that the less you say, the more you will learn. And that you are back to square one. If she isn’t willing to be very clear about how her behavior in the next date will change, then you have your answer. And I recommend that you disengage as nicely as possible.

Still, this is just my opinion. I’ve only had one long term sugar arrangement. The few others were very short term And I haven’t been an active SD for quite some time.

But it's still early so back out and get the hell out......you're being played

St. Jude's is a great org. I recommend you give up the SB world and give that money to them.

The gist of what I read in useryrhead's reply is: "here's how you get rid of her without directly telling her to fuck off." But that is not necessary if you want to make this work.  

As other's pointed out, your failure was in not discussing the details in advance.  And that becomes critically important because the context of your time went from "booking a provider for sex" to "going on a paid date." Like in the Sugar Bowl, and unlike booking a sex session, it's your responsibility to ensure transparency and mutually understood expectations before you agree to move forward.  

 
But all is not lost. You can still have that discussion.  You need to reach out to her, preferably by video chat or phone and say something like this:  

 
"It was so nice to see you, but frankly, I don't think we are aligned on how our dates will work. I'm very interested in our weekly arrangement, but it's important to me that each date include time for intimacy. I hope you agree..." Once you settle that issue, then it's time to address how long each date will last.  "I want to honor your time requirements, so I think we should agree that our 3 hours starts when you arrive at my home, and end when you leave.  Does that work for you?"  

 
Use a collaborative tone, not a "gotcha" approach. Be straightforward, but not rude or aggressive. Use inclusive pronouns and adverbs like "we"  "us" "together" and "win-win".  Once you have walked through this process, you can decide if you want to continue or bail.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

The hooker scene these days.  As one poster said, you're paying just to be in her presence lmao.  Needless to say I concur with the rest of the group.  There are no subtle nudges IMO, you should state exactly what you expect from this "arrangement" and take it from there.  Otherwise you shouldn't be surprised by the outcome. This new crop of SBs/Providers are all about less for more.  

I agree.  These days being polite and a bit oblique about the arrangement tends to give the gal the idea they just have to meet for a few hours, chat a bit, and have a meal -- none of it to interfere with their constant on the cell.  Now I have become pretty point blank. X$, x times a month, majority of the time in bed.  Weeds out the BSers quickly. Used to mess around with 4 or 5 gals and not much sex. I am now down to 2 once a week each and more sex.

And as others have said, I would have ironed out ALL of the details BEFORE the first payment of money.  I don't like continuing negotiations, and that's what you end up with when you fail to reach a COMPLETE understanding at the very beginning.  Even when doing everything right, I have not had very many SB arrangements last more than about 3 months.  They all start walking back their side of the commitment after they think they have you locked in.  

I tend to agree. Most seem good for 3 to 6 months or so for me. I've had one exception a few years ago that lasted 2 years (her junior and senior years).  I was aware of two other supporters also. My experience the SB, ten years ago, lasted longer than now.

If you were bothered about the drive time to pick her up and drop her back off you could've rescheduled the date for next week or at a later time. I would suggest speaking up with what your expectations are and what she has in the mind for a 3hr date.  
You clearly had a good time with her initially or you wouldn't have even considered an arrangement.
If you would like to see her in the future you should really have a conversation.

While I can understand being excited about new photos and asking opinions. I can even see editing some photos during the drive time. But editing photos for 2hrs out of a 3hr date is unacceptable in my opinion.
But if you didn't indicate that you would like to move the appt to more intimate aspect of the rest of your time together perhaps she thought you were ok with it?
idk...the whole date sounds a bit strange imo..sorry lol

First, I hope you’ll forgive the long delayed response. That said..

 
I completely understand. Everybody comes at this stuff with their own set of preferences.

 
You have much more experience in the sugar bowl than I do. So I have nothing but respect for your feedback.

 
My approach is what it is because I hate BS. Especially when I’m paying for it. If a girl I’m paying to see is as badly misaligned with my expectations as the one in the original example, then I’ll be nice. But I won’t give her another chance to do the same thing.  

 
So, to me, if she wants to continue to play with me, she has to make it clear that she understands what’s going on. That said, I’ve never, ever not been clear about expectations. So, this kind of thing has never happened to me.  

 
The one time I was in a situation somewhat like this, I did much as I described. She reached out to me afterward and apologized for the misunderstanding. And it worked out just fine.  The misunderstanding had been in no small part my fault. I had told her we were just going to go shopping. I hadn’t quite expected that I’d be disappointed at the lack of play time. But, as I said, she read the signals well enough to recognize I was disappointed. Even though I fully recognized that my disappointment was unreasonable. But, as I said, we worked it out. And made sure to include play time every time we were together after that.

 
Maybe I got lucky. But the approach I recommended has worked. And I was clear that I hadn’t used it often enough to say it was a well proven approach.

Two 30-minute drives and you didn't suggest a blowjob to pass the time?

 
Seriously, your fault for not initiating some form of intimacy in the 2 hours at your place.

 
Can't wait to hear how next week's date goes.  

PaLaw,  
  In one aspect I would say that you do take part of the blame in what happened as the provider that you dealt with was or at least appeared to be extremely unprofessional. First of all, When a Provider has a "So-Called-Date".  The focus should be on the Client/Hobbyist and not on anything else. Maybe you should inbox me (I'm in Mays Landing, NJ) and let's set up a real professional session.