Gentlemen:  Been surprised?  Discovered kink where you thought it was all love and kisses?  Find roses among the thorns?  Do tell of your WEIRDEST experience with a provider, expected or unexpected....

As for myself,  I'd of course seen C. a number of times before...that time she met me on the corner of Bleeker and MacDougall, hailed a cab, threw a twenty at the driver and then went down on me, just for fun; or when she dragged me, post-session, to the after hours place, just so I could understand the true meaning of "guido" and the implications of sharkskin suits....

I bought yellow roses to take to the luxury suite she'd decided to occupy for our tryst.  When I arrived, there was the usual kiss and hug, the typical catch-up-on-what's happening.  Then she disappeared into the bathroom and came out a moment later and handed me a digital camera.  "Shoot me," she said.  
I followed C. into the bathroom where, on the counter and the toilet top, she had arrayed a mountain of gummi bears, a can of Spaghetti-O's (original and A-Z), a can of condensed milk, Dots, lime green jello, confetti, yellow, red and blue Silly String, whipped cream.  She climbed into the empty tub, instructed me to start shooting, and poured the Spaghetti-O's over her ample breasts.  Clik.  Clik.  Tomato sauce ran down her legs, into her bush, over her arms.  Clik.  Another can of it; pasta O's were all over her face.  She smiled broadly as I clicked away.
"What the f..." I started to say....
"Just shoot me, you'll see."  Clik.
She followed with the gummi bears, which dotted her body all over, plus the dots.  Clik.  The bottom of the tub was filling with sauce, candy.  She scooped it up and put it all over her hair; clik.  it ran down her back.  Clik.  She took handfuls and rubbed it all over the tile walls in the bathroom.  Red dripped down almost like blood.  Clik. Clik.  
C grabbed the condensed milk, turned her face to the ceiling and covered it in the gooey cream-colored liquid.  Her gorgeous features now looked like a marble statue; the milk dripped down her body, mixed with the tomato sauce.  Clik.  
Now the green jello: she threw the chilly liquid onto her breasts and shrieked.  Clik.  The confetti:  foil stars all over her face, her tits, her ass.  Clik.  
Then the Silly String:  she shot string after string at herself, creating great wads of plasticized goo.  She rolled in the gooey mixture in the tub.  Clik.
I realized I was getting hot.  Very hot.  Somehow, this was one of the most erotic things I've ever seen.  Then the whipped cream.  She squited it all over her face and hair.  It dripped down her forehead  like a white crown.
She zipped my pants down and pulled me out, then took me into her mouth.  Clik.  Clik.  Oh, my God!  Her face dripping milk and sauce; covered with Spaghetti-O's and confetti, the forehead covered in whipped cream, and her mouth working away on me.  It was so strange, so alien, so bizarre......and I was SO turned on.  

It went on .... she showered and cleaned up, and then we wrapped her up in Saran Wrap for FS....but that's another story.  

And now all I have are the memories.....and the pictures.

Funny,I just had dindin at a Bleeker Street Italian cafe,Risotteria, with a provider we both know and luv last week.As a point of reference for others,its in the West Village in lower Manhattan, an area which is chock full of these kinds of places but this particular one is known for their fresh tastey food. They don't have one freezer in the place, everything is cooked to order and the food was very delicious.

After dinner, as we hung out and strolled the area sharing some ice cream and checking out the people and sights, I pointed out a brownstown location above a storefront that I had some afternoon weird fun,several years earlier.I mentioned the "bordello" but didn't mention any details until now:

At that time, I was by no means an active hobbyiest(there was no TER) but recall once checking out a web sight which featured some naughty places in the NYC area.I think it was Red light.com or something to that effect. Well,anyway the place was called Afternoon tryst delight (again,don't recall exact name)The sex from the session was not very good at all,it wasn't GFE and very,very mechanical which most likely kept me from hobbying until last year when I discovered the wonderful world of TER.

Anyhow,the provider was a MILF, cute Irish lassie who turned "tricks" by day and tended to her household by night.The Maddam was in her early 70's and looks as though she was quite a looker back in her day.I gave her the donation and then without batting an eye lash, the Maddam asked me if I wouldn't mind her joining in for some fun. Booooiiiiinnnnngggg!
VonRyan almost jumped out of his socks...lol...I couldn't believe the request and quickly ruled out any possibility of doing it but at the same time didn't have the nerve to let her down by saying no.What I did was just tell her politely that I wasn't into threesomes and prefer only one on one luv sessions(how's that for qick false thinking...lol)...She completely bought into it and then shot back with another startler...that would it be okay if she watched? A double wammy from this Granny!...lol...I said ," be my guest but it'll cost ya honey"...Of course,I was only giving her some VR humor when she replied that she would chop $ from the donation. Hey...what the hell...lol

The lights were dim as Kelly and I started to do our thing... Granny sat on a couch about 20 feet from the bed. I have to admit that it was awefully strange and yet somehow kinky for me in a way.. but the provider couldn't seem to care less.She must have been down this road before with her and believe it or not I never did ask (if she ever had intimate relations with her).Granny had on this long flowing dress and my attention was on Kelly so I did not know what went on "down below" with Grandma...lol...Kelly must have worked before at Genaral Motors cause the sex was "assembly line" and covered the basic acronyms and only one cup of coffee.I did hear some light moaning from Granny's corner but she had left the room before I finished off with Kelly in the CG position.

Cheers!

This is a repost of something I posted on my local board in January.


"Apparently the world is not as large as I once thought since the following couldn't have happened if it were. I recently had a great encounter with one of our local ladies that I've had my eye on for the past couple of years. She's been well reviewed and is known to anyone who reads the reviews on a regular basis. Her schedule and mine just hadn't come into the proper alignment to allow us to get together and I really wasn't diligent in pursuing time with this lady until recently. Well, the time was right, our schedules were clear and we made arrangements to meet at an establishment we both knew the next morning. Finally, the time came and I arrived at the agreed upon location. Obviously, I was early because she was nowhere to be found. After waiting a few minutes, I called her to see if she was still coming. She answered and said that we were still on and she was about five minutes away. Sure enough, twenty minutes and a tense LE drive by  later she finally arrived. She looked great; she smelled great and was dressed to turn heads. We proceeded to the room she had gotten earlier and made ourselves comfortable and got to know each other a little better before commencing with the physical part of our get together. Since this not a review, I'm not going to go into graphic detail about what we did. She has enough reviews that she doesn't need another one from me. Needless to say that it certainly lived up to my expectations. After a great first round, she and I cleaned up and retired to the bed to recover for a time, talk and prepare for the second round. I asked her questions about her past and she did likewise. Somewhere in the conversation she mentioned the name of the elementary school she attended from the fourth grade on. Funny thing, it was the same one I attended. We talked about a few teachers at the school and come to find out we had the same sixth grade teacher. Quite a coincidence. Since she is three years younger than myself there was no possibility of us having been classmates since I had moved on to Junior High by the time she started attending this school. She then mentioned the name of the Junior High she attended. Guess what, it was the same one I attended. Again, our age difference still prevented us from being at the school at the same time since Junior High was only a two-year program at that time. Needless to say, she moved on to High School and sure enough, it was the same one I attended. I really wasn't surprised at that. At this point, it was expected. We were classmates for a year at the High School level. She asked the usual questions about "did you know so and so?" and "did you have this teacher?” There were a few familiar names here and there but nothing noteworthy. I then recalled my sister who is 2-1/2 years my junior and told her that she might have run into her at some point since she attended the same schools a few years after me. She asked what her name was and without fully thinking about the repercussions of answering truthfully I told her my sisters first name. I could tell by the look of recognition on her face that I may have made a bad decision to divulge that information. The next word out of her mouth was my sister’s last name. It also happened to be mine as well. This girl that I had just had carnal relations with and was sitting with naked on a bed in a motel room was my sisters best friend during their Junior High and early High School days. She then knew who I was because of her many visits to my childhood home to play with my sister. She knew both my mother and father and had spoken with me in passing during her visits. Everything was clear now and all those long lost memories came flooding back. I remember thinking about how I would be really interested in this girl if she were a little older because she was really cute; and looking her over out of the corner of my eye while her and my sister did their thing. I remember all the impure thoughts I had about her even at that age. I remembered seeing her on campus in High School (more impure thoughts). The look on both our faces at this moment is something I would pay dearly to have a photo of. A mixture of terror and surprise. Needless to say, there was no second round. We sat silently for a moment or two and then uttered a few tense words about the past. Inside, I was freaking out and suspect she felt similarly. Checkout time was nearing and she suggested that it might be best to get going since the cleaning lady had already banged on the door once. I agreed, so we dressed and went our separate ways. Follow up e-mails confirmed that she did feel a bit weird about the whole thing but was fine with it now and further added that it might be fun to get together again since we had “a secret”. She might be right."

P.S. The other participant in this story gave me her blessing to post this as long as I didn't use her name.

feel if that happened to me. Trying to think of which girl from the past it would be! There was one chick a couple of years my junior, who according to rumors had turned pro. I never relied on the rumors as truth, but I would have liked to have had carnal knowlege with her, for sure.

In Venice, late 80's or early 90's, I answered an ad for an in-call massage girl. Went to her home, one of those old bungalows near the boardwalk. She was short and chunky, wearing a long patchy dress and a white translucent peasant blouse and obviously no bra underneath, a left-over unreconstituted hippy, but cute and friendly. Met me at the door and invited me into her apartment.

It was dark inside, with shades over all the windows, and my eyes took a little time to adjust to the gloom. I found her table in the tiny living room; she collected my donation, told me to undress and lay face down on the table while she changed. She also said, whatever I did, don't go into the kitchen. Not without her, she said.

The kitchen was separated from the living/dining room by one of those rollup rattan shades, the kind one would expect to see in a neo-hippy's crash pad. I followed her instructions and didn't even look inside, still curious, but thinking of the massage with a happy ending to come.

After a few minutes she returned, naked as a jaybird and happy as a clam. "Would you like to see my pussy?" she asked, sliding up to the side of the table.  Well, here's where it got confusing, as I had a pretty good view of a fairly hairy female organ staring me in the face at eye level. "Sure," I said, taking a good look. It was pleasant, and I found myself getting hard in anticipation.

"No, no," she said, "not THAT one." She reached over and pulled up the screen. "THIS is my pussy," she said. I looked...and froze. A full-grown mountain lion was lying on the countertop about three feet away. Green eyes stared back at me, an implacable stare.

I went limp.

"Nice pussy," I said.

"She'll be okay, as long as you don't move too quickly," she said.

I lay there and took my massage, not recovering my lost erection, seldom taking my eyes off the big cat lying there on the counter less than an arm's length away. There was no happy ending, as I couldn't concentrate on anything other than survival.

"You musn't tell anyone," she told me, as I was getting dressed (and watching the cat the whole time). And I didn't. Until now.

And you know, I never went back...

Worth a repeat.

A shameless VonRyan, once again!

Nothing would appear to be sacred with you, VR.I mean what happens next?  Grandma brought you an apple pie and you shagged that also?
Goodness grascious VR, reads like you lost it once again, chap.



Tally-Ho!

I say ole' chap, with that assortment of food along with confetti and silly string,you can't be making it up.


and then you wrapped her up in Saran Wrap for FS

I take it there were no leftovers,
just sloppy seconds.

Tally-Ho!




-- Modified on 5/27/2004 7:54:24 PM

Time to get your shag pole out of that KydnEY LIMEY pie.

Cheerio!

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http://www.wambabes.com/

http://imfetisindex.imessy.com/index.html

http://www.tatteredandsplattered.com/

http://www.messychixxx.com/

That's right.  She fell asleep while me and our "doubles" partner ate out her pussy and rimmed her.

BORING I guess...

...but can I party with you two? I have much to learn.....