I have read in many places (including here on this board) how women who are in this line of work tend to compartmentalize in order to do this. I've never quite understood that concept, try as I might. To me, compartmentalization connotes lying to oneself about parts of you- things you've felt or experienced as a provider (or patron)- that you do not want mingling with your "real" self.

I don't compartmentalize that I am aware of. I do have a unique ability to let go. The letting go is as temporary or as permanent as it needs to be, and is useful with this work. When I engage with someone as Sarah, I have a mini-relationship with them that can start with an email and end with the kiss goodbye, or can last months via emails back and forth with visits in between- all led by the unique desires of each patron. The walls around the experiences we share - walls that are created by the existence of the monetary factor - are as compartmental as it gets. The rest, at least for me, is a true indulgence in the sensations, the emotions, and the mind-sparkle that happens between two people who are genuinely interested in one another enough to spend quality time together. Those experiences carry into my "real" self and my "real" life to help make me who I am, and I value that. I can't imagine shutting them into a compartment somewhere. They are essential threads in the fabric of "me".

Do you see yourself as someone who compartmentalizes? If so, what does that mean for you?

You certainly use a lot of "I's"  Telling how you are better and doing it boldly on the General Board.  
Has it crossed your mind this is misplaced?

than you, anyway, since she knows how to use complete sentences, and can post a message that is both interesting and topical. You, on the other hand, are just taking an unprovoked cheap shot at a very well thought out message.

Have it crossed your mind this is misplaced?

every session you have or will have merely compartmentalizes a small portion of you..every one you meet is different..every experience you have is different..the sheer variety of people you will meet in this hobby is overwhelming..your mind has to compartmentalize those to stay sane..

But during that hour, or two, I am in love.It is not just physical. I read her bio to see if it would be someone that I am compatible with. At our date I want to hear as much about her as she will allow to reveal. I want to be the one to impress her, win her over. And in the waning moments of our date as she lies there in my arms I fantasize about what it would be like spending a life with her.

As I exit the parking lot reality sets back in and it is a bit depressing, but that's ok. The rush of the previous moment felt great and well worth the huge downer.

I know all that may sound creepy, but that's what us old guys do, be creepy.

I think each person will respond differently based how they view themselves as well as how they were molded in their younger years. While you can overcome certain aspects of the 'inner kid' that was formed years ago, it truly takes someone who is honestly objective with their own being. I don't compartmentalize my time in this hobby, but understand it for what it is for me - one way to get to know myself better and experience things that you may not in your normal life. I think you hit the nail on the head - ''true indulgence in the sensations, emotions, and the mind-sparkle". Personally, I look for that connection in my encounters and with it, i go away a better person. Thank you for sharing some great insight into you and when I visit Tampa, I will most certainly reach out to you to spend some time and indulge in some 'mind-sparkle'.

Unless you are a swami living in an ashram, modern life requires that we play several roles, and that probably goes double for the people reading this.

I like to think of the hobby as a metaphor for the theater.  When we attend a performance of a play, we let ourselves get wrapped up in the actors' portrayal and forget our everyday selves for the sake of the experience.  So it is when I'm in the arms of a ravishing and talented escort.  

Sure, I know that when the door closes I return to my everyday life, but that doesn't stop me from leaving with a big smile on my face and the knowledge that I can come back for more another time.

The problems come when people forget that it is a performance, and then their worlds collide.

His smarter brother, nonetheless.  At least you can write complete sentences, and I didn't have to read your mangina write up, for lack of a better word, three times to make sense out of it..

The date has a euphoria like a drug. You get there and the high begins and you enjoy the ride till the climax and you come down. We all know that coming down will be difficult, but the high is worth it.

I think everyone puts things in compartments just to exist in our daily lives. I do understand what Sarah is saying about it bleeding over into our daily lives, as some of my experiences have made me a better lover and more importantly a better person.

We all put up walls to hide what we do here. Those walls have windows that let us peek inside to remember, and doors that let us go back through to re-experience.

she;s not...you're not..we all just deal with things differently...so I compartmentalize during my FT gig as well as this one...so what? I still do a great! job, get regular promotions and raises and LOVE what I do or I'd be a FT escort again,,,but I compartmentalize...so does that mean I don't engage? I do. I engage in everything I do and have a serious passion but that's just me...my "mini-relationship"'s are compartmentalized as are my real ones...my best friend who isn't an escort is the same way,,,some walls up, some down but still loves her boyfriend,,,she just has a different way of engaging and loving him,,,xoxo

or is that reserved just for the backpage youngsters

with total strangers, and then again some do. You don't think a married man who uses your body and mind as you say for an hour, is not going back home to his wife and focusing his attention on his family after? Maybe those compartments or boundaries allow him to keep it real, about what he does here. I would venture to guess it is the same for the women. I have no desire to have a married man infatuated with me when I am not around....please lol. He rents me, but he made a vow to his wife. I GET that.

If you need the time spent with the men here to carry over into your real life, nothing wrong with that. If that makes you feel better and shapes a part of you, who is to judge it as being wrong? OTOH, I don't feel that need to carry anything over because THIS JOB is NOT the real me...it is a character I play and nothing more. Saying people who don't want lines crossed are lying to themselves is a bit deluded...I would think those who have to paint this thing up for more than what it is are really the ones who are lying to themselves. I don't see many men leaving their wives and marrying the hookers they seek, so obviously it is one sided if one party needs to 'take something away" from this, other than that tingle and a smile. This business takes all kinds.

Sure, you can't exactly forget the friendships made, but I don't think I will be sending out wedding announcements to former clients when I quit the biz and get married again, and doubt they will be inviting me over for dinner to meet their families any time soon. You can only take so much with you. Maybe for you and I am just guessing not assuming, you need the memories of men who treat you well to get through the day...I don't. I am borrowing these married men for an allotted time and they are paying me to go away after. I do just that. Using a defense mechanism would be more suited for a person who can't just deal with what they are doing here...they have to dress it up all nice and pretend it is something other than what it is, and that they are somehow better of a hooker than the next person. I have never needed to do that to sleep at night. Probably the same reason I am not offended when someone calls me a hooker...I do work as one lol.

-- Modified on 11/8/2012 11:14:26 AM

Did I nail a relative of yours scrump? The only person I have written about having a connection with is Lina, during a double with Ginger. When I got your sister, it was a one off to relieve myself, but I paid her well and she wasn't complaining.

When I first started, it was a little more difficult, however, now it's pretty easy. I don't look at compartmentalizing as either good or bad. This is a fantasy, as long as the escort I'm with entertains me, I'm good to go.  

Although my escort persona is based on the real me, I absolutely compartmentalize. It's a neccesity that allows me to give myself more fully during my sessions. Honestly the "real" me has concerns and priorities that has no place in this at all. "Tia" is only concerned with her client. "I" am focused on family, the mortgage etc .

Yes, you're right. I do use a lot of "I"s, because I can only speak from my own experience. In no way do I feel my choices or experiences are better for everyone; again, I can only speak for myself. That's why I've opened the discussion- so that I can understand another perspective. What's yours?

For clarification: here is the wikipedia definition of compartmentalization:
Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.

Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states.

I think it is good for clarification to post the definition of compartmentalize that I am referring to for this discussion:
---
Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.

Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states.
---

But I don't really feel I do this. I relish my experiences in this. I wholly accept and recognize what I do as a human as adding value in some way to who I am.

But there is another definition of compartmentalize:
---
com·part·men·tal·ize
transitive verb \kəm-ˌpärt-ˈmen-tə-ˌlīz, ˌkäm-com·part·men·tal·izedcom·part·men·tal·iz·ing
Definition of COMPARTMENTALIZE
: to separate into isolated compartments or categories
— com·part·men·tal·i·za·tion noun
Examples of COMPARTMENTALIZE

   He compartmentalizes his life by keeping his job and his personal life separate.
   The company has compartmentalized its services.
---

And even this wouldn't be 100% true for me, but I can see the instance of the first sentence being prevalent here.

I don't buy that anyone has a connection with every single person that walks through their door, especially if they are charging by the damn hour.

You are also in a different situation in your marriage as opposed to most men here, but I won't get into that in public. That situation allows you to be able to feel and give more than the average hobbyist who has no plans of leaving his wife at all.

-- Modified on 11/8/2012 12:05:27 PM

We all compartmentlaize the various aspects of our lives. My home life with family, my work life my life as a sports fan, all have their own "compartments". But they are all part of a much broader picture that encompasses the totality of who I am. Each is a genuine part of me, although they might be different in certain aspects from each other.  Each is piece of the whole mosaic that is my life.
My hobby "me" is another part of me, undoubtedly differnt from the others, but still inseparable from the whole. Although I was far more tentative at first,  I now realize that I am as genuine in my hobby activities as I try to be in everything else I do. In practical terms, if I don't feel an attachment with the woman whom I am in bed with, I am a very poor lover. But when  the big head is driving the little head, the sky is the limit.
So for me the real question is, can I have such intense feelings for a"service  provider" when we are together while at the same time realizing that it is temporary, only for that moment. I think that for me at least the answer is yes.  
For many providrers, I am sure that Mr. Fisher's analagy holds true. A  hobby date is nothing more than a master performance for an audience of one. The better they are as an actress, the more satisfied the client, the more he will return and draw other clients through his reviews to the same  "show".
For other women in the business,  I beleive that  a hobby date is much more than a performance. I beleive that there are many women who connect with some of their clients in a personal, genuine way - knowing that it is only a very short lived and temporary connection.
I am also a service provider (in a very different kind of industtry LOL) and I know that in a competitive market, I have to offer a superioir product as well as be "business GFE". But I don't have to fake that or put on an act. I genuinely do like most of my clients and enjoy doing business with them. In a number of instances, we have even become close personal friends.  
I think that is what Sarah is saying. That even in this business, the connection can be genuine, even knowing that it is limited and temporary.

Providers isn't  your work, like the actor, require you "to be in the moment" to do it well.  How many view it that way?  Whether or not you think you compartmentalize.

Now that I saw SS define compartmentalizing as an unconscious effort, I realize I was speaking past her point and not to it.

Still, whether unconscious or not, this function serves to allow us to go about our lives without the pain of realizing our foibles.

As for women being more prone then men to succumbing to these foibles I'll leave unaddressed for now, but I suspect both sexes can fall prey to it.

Remember, even fake leather can be REAL fake leather.

it works very well until you stop and examine it.  Then is breaks down upon reflection because it was unconscious to start with.

I would love to project the same person into every aspect of my life, but I am honest enough to know that it ain't gonna happen.

So, I lead a life of deception, mostly unto my self.

It's a trade off I've decided to make.

emotion during my dates," and my response was rather simple. I am not void of "emotion" but I am void of emotional "attachment." I want nothing more from the guys who see me than what they are willing to give, and they feel the same. I do not want a married man who still loves his wife dearly, thinking about me when he is with her. I don't get paid for that..maybe some other women do?

that I personally do not find creepy at all.

As long as that doesn't cross the wall, so to speak, and your fantasies don't turn into something you want to make real. This is where the wall is so important.

YES......I go to an appointment willing to suspend my disbelief and if the lady is really good, I will succeed. It is theater.....performance art.....allowing yourself to dream in real time.

The issue is not whether you play roles or feel attached; it is whether you have integrated the actions, values and attitudes of the hobby into the rest of your life.  If you are basically the same person with the same values and attitudes in the hobby as in the rest of your life, you do not need to compartmentalize.  OTOH, if your actions, attitudes and values are different outside of the hobby, you are probably compartmentalizing.  If your actions in the hobby do not comport with your core personal values, compartmentalization allows you to avoid the psychic pain those actions would cause.

am using the term "compartmentalize". You get it!! You see it for what it is: a temporary connection that is as intense and enjoyable as you want it to be for you. I need to post another post about the definition- I think I left it too vague, and people are misunderstanding me.

It would be a pleasure to meet you should you find yourself in Tampa.

This is exactly what I was posting about. This is the definition of compartmentalization I am referring to- not the everyday way we organize ourselves and activities.

I carry my core self into everything I do. Knowing myself deeply has been a fabulous process in my life, and being true to that is important- I am not interested, at this point in my life in being any other way. Nor would I engage in an activity that required me to be someone I am not.

Thank you for that clarification.

In the case of people who feel they have to compartmentalize (using your definition)- right or wrong, I just want to know how it works.

compartmentalization.

Here is how I am using the term:

From Wikipedia

Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.

Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states.

Here is how you're using the term:

com·part·men·tal·ize
transitive verb \kəm-ˌpärt-ˈmen-tə-ˌlīz, ˌkäm-com·part·men·tal·izedcom·part·men·tal·iz·ing
Definition of COMPARTMENTALIZE
: to separate into isolated compartments or categories
— com·part·men·tal·i·za·tion noun
Examples of COMPARTMENTALIZE

   He compartmentalizes his life by keeping his job and his personal life separate.
   The company has compartmentalized its services.


So I am not saying one is better than the other at all. I am certainly not saying I am better or worse- lord knows I could very well be worse. But that's not the issue I am trying to tease out here.

invest emotions like that for a meeting with someone who may or may not have any real interest in me. i don't mean romantic interest rather,  a generic compatibility.

I have not yet met a provider I would befriend in civvie life.

"a connection with every single person that walks through their door"

You are right, but I would bet that some hookers can make a connection with a trick. Not every "date" that walks through the door is someone that the hooker would want to be with, but just an envelope for a couple of hours of a pseudo GF.

I give more and do so happily and it is in no way with EVERY hooker I'm with. I understand or try to understand what this business is, not as easy as it seems at times. Sometimes it can just be a lets fuck, I think you're hot, other times I think it starts out that way. Then you get to know the person behind the envelope, and possibly look forward to that next date.

All I'm saying is that in general terms we all compatmentalize, but it's not an equation that works 100% of the time. We are humans with a fantastic ability to fantasize and feel emotion. When that happens it should be enjoyed.

That little voice in my head says "action" and I get into character. When the session is over.."cut and that's a wrap".  I simply play a part and go back to "me" after.

SS, I knew what  you were trying to say, but you kept repeating it.  I thought there was a place for psyc talk. I was wrong.  It happens.  I believe 2004 was the last time.lol.  
Well guess what.  Lots of people cared.  

Mr. fisher   You may be a person who can take the objective step of one who is analytic.  This copying has to do with how we handle are problems, which often are or become our fears then as SS described quickly they become anxieties.   Simplified.  Emotional people are going to run, hide from there fears.  Analytic  people will intellectualize them which is still a coping mechanism another defense.

The analytic group are more likely on their own or with guidance to become objective enough to see where what facts do what to them and take action they might not like to cure the situation.  The emotional people may need a lot more help and both often know what to do at first. Like Hamlet knowing and doing are difficult. Yet necessary to really live.

"To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them...."
Hamlet's Sololoquy

need to bring my work home with me so to speak. I also do not get some ego trip about a married man thinking I sucked his d*ck better than his wife...I am not that insecure, to need such faux affirmation of what makes me have merit. If I ever did allow myself to feel more for a married man than I should, it would only be because he was not a career hobbyist and was headed for divorce...none of which has anything to do with me of course.



-- Modified on 11/8/2012 11:02:54 PM

The analogy is only valid for the spectator. When I watch a good actor or actress, my tears are real and the emotion I feel is real. A good actor on the other hand works very hard to capture the character of the role in order to be convincing to the audience. But the character  is most definitely NOT the actor. Only when the costume and makeup come off does he or she revert to being themselves.

It is very special that as a companion, you can be yourself and not an actor playing a role. I don't know if many escorts can genuinely say that. Some are simply great actresses playing a very convincing role.

I appreciate your appreciation!

I'm not certain I have the capacity to compartmentalize, given that I need to be psychologically present to make the experience fully engaging. Spoken as customer, not provider, of course.