"BIG DIRTY SECRET THERAPIST DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW... Everyone had a screwed up childhood."
No, many people have had a perfectly normal childhood. Of course, even the best of them demand that the child learn to cope with pain, disappointment, defeat, and struggle with overwhelming emotional states.
And, some children really do suffer abuse (emotional, physical and sexual), and neglect, to a greater or lesser degree and time duration.
The dirty little secret that some therapists don't want you to know is, how much resiliency you had as a child, and they want you to focus on the pathology in your personality and behavior without focusing on the healthy parts of your personality and your strengths
(Spoiler Alert - Providers – read the bottom of this message for my Therapists’ thoughts on YOU!!)
In short his scientific analysis is that the sexual aspect of Hobbying is due to a need for stress relief and a persistent need to realize unobtainable sexual fantasies with women. Well that may be somewhat true. I do have a desire to eat whip cream out of a beautiful womans' ass. (Can you believe I pay $90 an hour for this - WTF)
In my particular case he attributes it to a need to escape my childhood of a loving but dysfunctional family (is there any other kind) and an "inappropriate" sexual encounter with an older female relative as a child (a very mature child who was more than willing let me f------ tell ya).
Why am I posting this? Well after several months out of the HObby (get that HO bby) and working with this overpaid YENTA - I plan to engage in a serious, spectacular, off the charts, over the top, once in a lifetime encounter, stupendous, tremendous, unforgettable session with one of if not THE BEST Provider on this here planet known as EARTH. He wants to know why? Duh, because I FUCKING love it!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh by the way he knows all about TER (read below for his thoughts on Providers - watch out because the analysis is biting!!! - good thing I paid the $90 for all you Providers)
Well anyway this putz wants to know how serious I am about therapy and says that if I plan to continue then I can't engage in my upcoming serious, spectacular, off the charts, over the top, once in a lifetime encounter, stupendous, tremendous, unforgettable session in the near future. Can you believe this SHIT an American Doctor that rejects $$. I didn't break it to him but the fucking session is happening Man. No way I am backing out of this Therapy be damned.
Anyway, here are his thoughts on Providers. Because as part of my therapy I took him all through TER. Who knows that little fucker may now be a HObbyist.
Medical Analysis of Providers (this assholes' opinion NOT mine):
* About 2/3 of Providers are into this lifestyle strictly for the money. No analysis can be given due to economic consideration.
* The other 1/3 are Women who seek to possess and control members of the opposite sex. Why? Reasons are as varied as the women. But most reasons would fall under the category of women who feel some need to get back at men for slights/trangressions in youth or early adulthood. These women seek to reclaim the power from a male dominated society and seek to make men submissive thru sex. How else could some Providers consistently score high?. These women clearly desire more than sex - it is obviously control they seek. As it is clearly evident by the string of ratings that are 8 or above on a continuous basis. That clearly is the sign of a women who is out to put herself in position of power over a men.
Hey don't blame me. That asshole said it.
Anyway thoughts, comments, suggestions as my LAST therapy appt. will be coming up soon because NO FUCKING way am I missing this userious, spectacular, off the charts, over the top, once in a lifetime encounter, stupendous, tremendous, unforgettable session
Ridgetucky “Turn my swag on looked in the mirror and said wasssup”
As far as the therapist goes, he sounds about right.
*Shrug*
My therapist (actually like three in a row now) said there was positively nothing wrong with what I'm up to and that its legitimate enterprise. The first was Canadian and the most recent two are Europeans though lol. All three had varying opinions on the motivations of myself and providers in general. There is nothing wrong with what your therapist has said and I don't find it offensive.
Control is obviously a motivation and elemental in sex for both men and women and you can't have a transference of "power" (money or sex) without relinquishing or assuming control. The control and trust required for these interactions is...intoxicating.
Have fun and keep it real- your last couple of posts have made me laugh out loud. You're single handedly resuscitating this board from the doldrums with your enthusiastic return.
As it would just dilute the sensation...but that's just me..lol Interesting analysis by your therapist, especially regarding the 33% of providers. I would be interested in what LG has to say about that. Perhaps you should have this moved to that board or post there. I would be interested in her comments.
Secondly, I think your therapist is right in his analysis. I also do not feel embarrassed or ashamed in saying that both the financial rewards and the control are powerful motivators for me.
When I told my therapist what I was doing, he looked at me like I was crazy. And, pretty much told me I was. So, I dropped him and found a new therapist who was not going to judge me. Perhaps you should do the same. Therapists are there to help you figure out why you do the things you do. Not to judge you for doing them. They do not desert you when you do something that is a failure in their eyes (not that I think this would be a failure...let me be clear--I am happy for you!!) Your therapist is wrong for doing that. But, like I said, I do agree with his analysis.
Ridge, I'm glad you went to therapy, but I don't think it helped you. Just don't take the hobby too seriously. It shouldn't be the most important thing in your life.
I'm curious about this upcoming session of yours--the "stupendous, tremendous, unforgettable session" Yeah, that one. I wonder if that's how your provider will remember it. She'll probably go home afterwards & tell her boyfriend that she met the whipcream guy again & they'll both laugh.
General Rule: If you're just out to have fun, then you're ok. But If you're looking for love and approval from providers, then you have a more deeply rooted problem and one "stupendous" session won't fix that. Take care, --z
Ridgetucky, your therapist has a very Psychoanalytic approach to his treatments. In my educated opinion that is summed up as old quack who adheres to Freud's CRAZY views of repressed sexual childhood memories as the root of all problems. It's an outdated form therapy/way of thinking to say the least. You will probably be more balanced without it! If you ever go back- try someone who is cognitive/behavioral in their approach. It's much less 'dark ages' and a whole lot more enlightening.
Sounds like you have an amazing date planned and I hope you have an amazing time!
No offence taken to his analysis of an escort's motivation. I do think there is more to it than just the two examples he gave, but the two he gave are pretty accurate. Wanting $$ and sexual control are not inherently bad things.
He is also likely right that you are not too serious about the therapy .... again not a big deal.
What IS a problem is his giving you the 'it's me or the escorts' ultimatum. What is he? A jealous wife?
Therapists are human and therfore will see everything through their own world view. But they need to draw the line when it comes to being judgemental and giving ultimatums.
Hi I'm new on here and a provider and had to post this...your therapist is an idiot! If he had enough brains God gave a piss ant, he would know, that by paying a provider, the client (hobbyist), is in control. He who holds the purse strings and all that! As for your'e one last 'BLAST', come to Ft Worth darling and have that 'last one' Texas style! oxoxo, CandieRae
Why am I here and why am I so good at it? I'll tell you why and you can give your head shrink a heads up.
I started this hoping to make some $$$ At first I didn't.
BUT
When I did, I realized I could be MYSELF and men would not judge me. Cause you see...the year before I started this..I would make love to a man and he would constantly ask "Are you Okay?" I could phuck real good. And I enjoyed it. I think he thought I was a prostitute. It was embarassing. And he wasn't the only one...so when the oppurtuntiy came up..IO knew I could do it. Secondly..all my life and through both marriages I was never loved or desired. And we all know how much we need love and desire. I get the desire and the attention I need, NOW!! Also, because of my childhood abuse..I became a giver. I am a giver and a healer to others.
I've never shared this ...but I am close to writing a few books...so ther u have it.
you could be saving it up for some more hobbying activity?
He isn't much of a therapist to go and pigeonhole people the way he does, and he sounds very judgemental to say the least; never a good thing in a therapist.
We'd all be too fucking happy to ever consider therapy.
Therapy is for people who are unhappy with their life and are looking for help in changing themselves or their choices in life, what could possibly be wrong with "fucking like bunnies", unless someone else is getting hurt?
One serious note on the subject, if someone else really is getting hurt, that you should get the fuck off this board and put your dick back in your pants. Aside from that you would be a buzzkill if your posts were so funny in their naivety.
says a lot more about your therapist than it does about you or the ladies in this business.
As for his statements about you, I don't know what you have told him to bring him to making the conclusions he has.
For his statement about you not being serious about therapy if you have your upcoming session, well, if you went to him for sexual addiction, or because of a wish to not be driven by your sexual desires, or because you wanted to work on having a meaningful monogamous relation or the like, then yes, having a session would undermine that.
His analysis of ladies in this business based solely on looking st TER for however long he did, is a touch bold since he has apparently such limited exposure to the "Hobby".
First, that 2/3 are in it strictly for money... I seriously doubt that. Is money a factor? of course it is, money is a factor in all jobs. Unless your therapist sees patients for free his work has money as a factor as well. I would argue the very nature of this business is such that if a woman were in it strictly for money and no other reason, she wouldn't be particularly good at it, or she would burn out fast, turn to drugs, etc.
Like any job there is a cost benefit analysis if you will, comparing what has to be done for the money (and the toll it takes) against the earnings, benefits etc. To say it is "strictly for money" is simplifying things too much.
I am sure there are women in this just for the money, but I doubt it is such a vast majority, money may be a primary motivator, but in most cases I would believe their are secondary motivators that led them to this line of work over others. To say "strictly" is ignoring far too many factors.
The idea that the 1/3 is just in this to control men...(your therapist doesn't think much of women does he? he offers two simplistic reasons and both of them less than flattering in the terms he uses)
I have known a few ladies in this business that do see it as control, but not control of men, control of their sexuality and who gets access to that. The women I have known that mostly make this about control, want to control the who, the how, the when, etc. do so because sadly they were sexually abused or raped when they were younger, so this business becomes a kind of therapy for them. Not to control men or make men submissive, but to make sure men don't do that to them either.
Some ladies do this for their self-esteem to feel desirable, many of the ladies I know that get consistently high ratings don't strive for those to control men, but strive for those to feel good about themselves, to have some empirical evidence that they are attractive, that they are good at this. They seek to be reassured of their own sexual worthiness.
Then there are ladies which are just "sluts" and came to the realisation that they can pick up guys in bars for free or they can pick and choose clients and get paid very well.
Then you have ladies that get treated as sexual objects by men in every job they had, and figure out if it is their body and their sexuality that is valued them they are put a better price tag on it than $15 an hour to be hit on by their boss and customers.
...and a million more reasons, and ladies that have varying amounts of a number of reasons.
Your therapist makes efforts to speak with authority from a place of ignorance. Now since I don't know anything about him other than what you wrote I won't call him an unqualified quack, but from what you have written I would be reticent to say he isn't an unqualified quack either. Oh, and he might want to check his own issues about sex and women before he starts telling people his theories...just saying. *grin*
p.s. since he reads TER feel free to share my post with him, I am sure he will appreciate it.
extra $$$ to throw around? Use it on the ladies, as you seem to love them, but have no interest in the therapy. Most therapists are just a gaping hole that you throw money into anyway. If I'm going to throw money into a whole, I prefer it be between a woman's legs! Just turn on the TV and watch DR Phil. He is equally dull and boring, says absolutely nothing of value, but only costs enough for the electricity to run the TV!
I think there is usually a combination of both of these things. You can make money other ways, but if you choose this way of life, there has to be an underlying reason you have the ability to detach sex from emotion.
Men are naturally procreators by design. We can have mindless sex for the sake of spreading our seed and our instincts tell us to do just that. Women are wired differently. They tend to be nesters and want to settle down with one guy and have the emotional component in place before they give themselves to that man. In a lot (not all) of the cases, you will find that something has happened in a woman's past to give her the ability to detach emotions from the act of sex. This is usually not her fault, but there none the less.
There is also the exercising of power and control over men that is there whether you think so or not. I'm not saying it's good or bad and I'm not judging, just presenting a point of view.
We all need money to live, so to me that's just not a factor. We've got to get it somehow or we'd all be starving and dirty in a cardboard box under a bridge.
As far as power goes, my only thrill would be the ultimate control of my own destiny and the feeling of accomplishment from running my own business and determining what I make, and what my family has MYSELF and not some hot aired pompous CEO sitting in his untouchable high rise office.
I also truly enjoy giving pleasure as well as receiving it. You gotta love that or none of us would be here.
And as far as settling down with one man and nesting, that's for the birds! LOL I'm having way too much fun and obviously that therapist isn't having enough!
I agree with WebTerrorist on so many points... Everything is ALWAYS more than one reason. It is my opinion that therapist like to categorize people. It makes things simpler for simple thought processes.
Looking at sex / relationships throughout history there has always been a "courtesan" position. (Not news to anyone here.) There has always been a "leader" position, etc., and like with all positions there are varying shades of gray in integrity and motivations: corrupt leaders or sleazy "ladies".
BIG DIRTY SECRET THERAPIST DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW... Everyone had a screwed up childhood. That's childhood! Fits and starts, trials and mistakes. No one had a perfect first sexual experience. That is not how life works. They set some idea of what "normal" looks like and forgot to say, "ask yourself what feel right for you, that is YOUR normal". Duh-ope!
How creatively do you handle each situation?
So, with that said, many people look through our culture's eyes when viewing the hobby/provider life styles. With a Noam Chomsky look at the world, an overview of cultural trends and historic behaviors, we, here, are the norm. We set the bar for what is healthy or unhealthy. The shadows always influence the light. Both a necessary.
While I'm at it... Some women actually have a more Zen approach to this lifestyle. We all are good at some things, and better at others. Some things bring about pleasure to others and some things bring about pleasure to self AND others. And then, the ability to get compensated for all this pleasure? That is just funny all the reasons why someone would NOT follow their authentic talents, but trade a life in for a snoring, albeit stable, husband. How can we not just laugh about it all?
~ MiaKat
P.S. Thanks for the great thread! Got me fired up this morning. Yea team!
"BIG DIRTY SECRET THERAPIST DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW... Everyone had a screwed up childhood."
No, many people have had a perfectly normal childhood. Of course, even the best of them demand that the child learn to cope with pain, disappointment, defeat, and struggle with overwhelming emotional states.
And, some children really do suffer abuse (emotional, physical and sexual), and neglect, to a greater or lesser degree and time duration.
The dirty little secret that some therapists don't want you to know is, how much resiliency you had as a child, and they want you to focus on the pathology in your personality and behavior without focusing on the healthy parts of your personality and your strengths
Coming out with a conclusion with out any facts is just an opinion and everybody has one. If the opinion is demeaning to others, it says a lot about you and the way you view yourself, it seems the therapist needs a therapist , his conclusions might be true to some but certainly not to all, and this is my opinion.
There is just so much misstatement, and hyperbole in your post, that I won't spend the time and energy addressing it all, so I'll just pick one at the very beginning.
"In short his scientific analysis is that the sexual aspect of Hobbying is due to a need for stress relief and a persistent need to realize unobtainable sexual fantasies with women."
Did he say that was his "scientific analysis?" Did he say he did a scientific study on said topic?
And, why would we care about his opinion? If working with him works for you fine, if not do something about it, but it's none of our business.
And, why does your encounter have to be "with one of if not THE BEST Provider on this here planet known as EARTH." Oh, and this is the second time we're hearing about. What is this need to announce to everyone here, your intended exploits.
Now, go away and don't bother me any more until you've done the deed. Then, come back and tells us all about it
But I don't give a flying fuck about what your shrink, or any shrink, thinks about me or the women that I sleep with. You shouldn't either.
I have a woman friend that I have been very close with for many years. When I met her she was a stripper and I was a customer. At one point in her life she went through a severe bout of depression and saw a shrink for a while. When it got to the point where she told the shrink about me the shrink told her that my motivation for being her friend was to try and get into her pants or to get free lap dances from her at work. Neither was the case. The fact was that I was not going ro see her at work anymore and I was boinking one of her best friends. The last thing I wanted was to sleep with this woman. The shrink didn't know that. How could she? She never talked to me. Shrinks try to put everyone in a box. Life is not lived in a box. We are all individuals.
Your shrink probably doesn't know any escorts. He just knows what he reads.
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