I'm a provider and I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with another provider. I don't know how to feel. I don't trust him anymore and I think it really terrible that another girl would cross that line and just go for the money.

Am I right to be angry at her? I know I do what I do with married guys but when when the person is me, I can't help feel cheated on by the provider moreso than the guy.

Am I right to feel this way?

Anonymous

Your BF paid her for sex??? What a slap in the face. Betrayal and insult,awful duo,I'd say, sorry about that.


               CD

Your boyfriend cheated on you.  You have every right to feel angry, sad and betrayed.  You cannot trust him.  If he saw someone you know who is to say he is not seeing other girls.  I assume that you know the girl.  That would be the only way she would know he is your boyfried, right?

If she did not know he is your boyfriend than of course you cannot blame her.  If I were her I would have contacted you, told you, made the appt with him and had you come in and catch him in the act.  I would then split the money with you

Take care and drop the loser man,

Kelli

If you are a provider, you are cheating on him every time you see a client.  So, if you live in a glass house don't throw rocks.

It is her job and he knew it. Going to another provider is just like dating another woman. She doesn't go out and pick individuals that turn her on to be clients. He on the other hand did go behind her back and went to another woman. Completely different things.

In a perfect world such differentiation would work.  But face it, we're all human and those "chinese walls" are more a facade than actual structure.  Let's be realistic here.

After all, if we could live our lives in such black and white terms the word "loophole" would be absent from our lexicon.

I do understand her pain.  It's worse than someone close to you dying.  When a person dies, they are gone from your life and time heals.  When someone exits your life by virtue of bad acts the pain remains because they are still there.  You cry like a wounded animal day after day...

In my opinion, the issue here is trust and betrayal; How deep was your trust, and how profound the betrayal? If there were strong promises of fidelity, then your hurt and anger are certainly warranted. If you were operating on assumptions of fidelity on his part, then "boys will be boys", and for your relationship to continue, you must clarify the terms of your future together. Just my tuppence.

Give it up.  If you're upset, then you should not have a BF.  You're doing things with other people that you don't want him to?  Double standard, eh?  That it's a job is not relevant to the emotional impact and the lack of trust it engenders.  

You've no right to be angry at the provider either.  She didn't do anything you would not do tomorrow!

Chicken or the egg, Catch 22, double standard, whatever you want to call your case.

IMHO neither one deserves the title "friend" but your real problem is with your boyfriend.  Certainly not a class act on the provider's part but, if not her then someone else.  Dump the boyfriend.  (JMHO)

The funny thing is...I have said to him that if he would like to see an escort, all he'd have to do is tell me first and I'd be okay with it. I am not okay with him sneaking behind my back, making up a string of lies that eventually come out...ie: lying to me telling me he's out with a guy friend and then going to a hotel room with another woman. Why can't he just tell the truth? I've been honest with him from the start about what I do for a living and I don't date or do free outside of my job. I only see pay clients. I love my boyfriend but I don't understand why he feels the need to lie to me. I even told him I'd enjoy a 3some with another girl. Or is sneaking around and lying the turn on not the act itself? If you were a guy and your girlfriend or wife was open minded sexually, why would you lie to her?

Feedback appreciated.

Sorry, but after reading further the "terms" of your relationship, it seems pretty evident that your BF was using you. It seems to me that he wanted you to believe he was faithful so he could continue to have you for free for his own selfish sexual satisfaction. I disagre with some of the others here; NO double standard involved.HE betrayed YOU. A lie is a lie is a lie, and no one deserves to be decieved as he did you. And the fact that you were engaging in sex with other guys does not make it OK for him to sneak around, because there was no lying, no deception on your part. He knew what you were doing from the very start of your relationship, and he apparently accepted your activities without reservation. The difference is as clear as this printed word; HE is guilty betrayal, YOU are not!

It's gotta be tough for a provider to have a BF in her life.  I don't know which would be worse:  If he knows what you do, or he doesn't.  If he doesn't know, is what you do for a living "cheating?"  You tell me.  If he knows, is it still "cheating", sort of, at least in his mind?  If he says he understands and is OK with it, is he lying to you, himself, or both of you?  Was what he did weakness, or revenge?

It's wrong for him to be dishonest with you.  But I wonder if it's all as clear-cut to him as it seems to be for you.

Personally, I've allowed myself to become very close to my regular provider, and I don't see (or want to see) anyone but her.  And while I understand that it's her job and everything, I sometimes have a hard time dealing with it.  Feelings exist even when the mind tells them they shouldn't.  In these situations, everyone needs a lot more slack than they would in the "straight" world.  If he's sorry, you might want to give another chance.  If he's not, sayonara!

EOM

i worked in texas for a while last year, met a provider and we hit it off. after a few weeks she expressed the desire for us to be exclusive, like bfriend and gfriend. understanding that she still dealt with the business, but kept telling me she wanted to start a legitimate business in a relatively short time, using money saved and invested from her current business, i half heartedly agreed, partly because of my being leery of being involved with someone in the biz, partly because i live in southern california, and i knew that this project wouldn't be a forever thing in texas.

i developed feelings for her, and very reluctantly tolerated her biz activity because she was 'determined' to be out of it soon. as long as i was there she didn't show an real motivation to leave the biz, but it was the main point of conversation when we spent time together. at times she was moody, and we didn't talk for days. she told me that if i felt like i needed to see another girl that it would be understood, as long as i was honest about it. i never had the desire after i met her to see anyone while working on that project. she generally kept me at a distance during that whole time, speaking often about our being an exclusive thing, but never actually treating our relationship as such. well, time moved on, i'm working at home again, and we rarely talk, and i have to initiate the talk. she is still in the biz 11 months later. in my experience, i didn't like it that she was in the biz, but i understood that this was her life at that time. did she say those things to me because she wanted a more normal relationship? maybe. i stuck with it for months because i believed that things might change. when i saw that they wouldn't i applied for a project transfer back home, using that as a kind of resolution point. she didn't choose to want a change, so i came back home.

i think that in the future i could definitely fall for a provider again, going into that kind of situation now not being so naive. it's not something i might look for in an encounter, but i am an open and optimistic person by nature. i don't think that i'll necessarily meet a provider outside of the biz, so in a similar situation all things would come understood. it is a very delicate situation, with emotions being ultra exposed to great damage.

I've been where you are only about 2 years ago.  "Open Relationship" is an oxymoron like "Jumbo Shrimp."  The definition of open relationship varies from couple to couple and between the individuals themselves.

Why would he go behind your back?  Because he's a thrill junkie and he wants to get away with something.

I've been there...  She's going behind my back and at the same time tailing my car around town to see if I'm going behind hers! The more I think about it again THE ANGRIER I GET!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I'll stop now.  If you need someone to discuss this with, consider contacting me.  But I will call it as I see it so expect objectivity.

Take Care!

-- Modified on 8/8/2001 10:59:15 PM

Well, I wonder if it was me he cheated with.  I felt so terrible when a customer told me he was dating a provider and was hiring me.  However,  I believe I am sworn to a silent oath as part of my job, so I did it and kept my mouth shut.  I personally think that if he told you,  he must have cared.  And at least it was not a free girl,  it was just me (or someone like me) and I would not cross the line because I know my job.  I am sorry this happened to you.  As for me, I have accepted the fact that this could happen to me.  I decided that it is better that he pay rather than for free.  My only resentment would be that he did not just give me same amount of money for my services.  I am sorry this happened to you.  I am sorry he did not ask permission.

I too had a relationship with a provider at a AMP a few months ago. Same situation we hit if off a few weeks later like BF/GF. She told me to be patient and once she have enough $$$. She will quit the AMP. She said she had a business partner that wants to start a web-related business. I helped her out getting sample web pages. One think led to another. Then I found TER and found out what she was actually doing at AMP to other guys.
I was estatic. Then we were having constant arguements about her receiving gifts from clients at the AMP. She see alot of exclusive clients. I adapted to it. I rarely get to see her since , she only works on weekends. I tried to sacriface my afterwork hours to see her. Even called in sick a couples of time during the week. To make a long story short. She told me that she was going to a trip to seek out additional real estate investments in another state. I said ok. Let her go. A few months ago I found out she was having a side affair/relationship with a marginally old guy that was divorced. And that she when with him to the trip. So I had to let her go. What it for the amazing sex? Or I'm was the so-call pretty match to make her cum every single time.

I will be more cautious in the future to date any providers. Unless I can see really and truthfull commitment. Sorry for the long message. I need to vent once in awhile. I'm still pretty F**KIN mentally. Here's my 2 cents....