Not all women are the same, nor do they like the same things. Their bodies are built different and respond differently to touch in different areas. Some women are hypersensitive, some crave vigorous activity.
The one and only piece of advice should be:
Open communication.
-tessen
I am sure many gentleman are very wise, and very experienced and probably don't feel they need to read any of this, as it does not apply to them. That is perfectly fine. This isn't meant to insult anyone by any means, but this post is actually meant to bring about discussion and educate at the same time! We might get some good laughs out of this as usual too!
I have had some past experience with some of my "former boyfriends" who just didn't get a clue as to how to properly finger a woman’s vagina or her clitoris properly. It made me wonder how many more men out there need someone to give them a little helpful instruction! I will cut and paste some links here too that are great reads on this subject as well.
First and foremost for those who might be interested in continuing to read this.. Long fingernails are a big No-No. You should always keep your fingernails very short and very clean. No dirt under the fingernails please. You always want to make sure that you have washed your hands, because you do not want to introduce harmful bacteria into the vagina or the woman’s urethra. This can cause a whole host of problems for her, from bacterial vaginitis, to a bladder infection, to vulvovaginits, and believe me she won't be happy with you if she ends up with a big Doctor bill and on antibiotics for 10 days!
The Vaginal tissues are very delicate and very sensitive. A Woman’s Urethra is also very very sensitive. These tissues can tear or become inflamed very quickly without proper lubrication and hard friction with a rough hand! So being gentle and delicate with your hand and fingers is key.
One thing that you have to remember is it doesn't matter how excited a woman gets, the natural lubrication is easily rubbed off by the hand, and fingers. So it is very important that you keep some lubrication handy, for constant usage during finger play. Human saliva is actually not a very good lubricant it dries up quickly and it actually has enzymes and other chemical components in it (that I won't go into here) that can be very irritating to a woman’s vagina, especially during finger play.
Never go directly onto the clitoris as it is very sensitive. It is best to to work the woman up by starting off gently massaging around the outer lips (Labia Majora), maybe soothing her by gentle stroking her thighs, anything that might help to relax her then working your way toward the clitoris. Please remember that rubbing on the clitoris directly especially if you have rough hands can be painful or irritating, so be sure to use a substantial amount of lubrication when working your way there. Remember to use a very "light touch". The clitoris is not to be pressed hard on, or rubbed roughly. Use a very light fingertip, maybe going around the clitoral area lightly with very slow, even motion. There is no need to go super fast, or herky jerky. Remember to keep your pressure light and even, not hard... and at a steady pace. You do not have to stay exclusively on the clitoris, take your finger(s) and gently go down in between the lips, gently stroking. Remember to communicate with your partner and make sure she is not getting irritated. Some women the more they get aroused the less direct stimulation to the clitoris they can take. Most women when they masturbate rotate in a circular motion around the clit others, up and down or side to side.
When it is time to enter your partner with your digits there are couple of techniques you can use. You can use your thumb on top to stimulate her clit, while inserting one or more fingers inside and trying to hit her g-spot. The g-spot can become easily bruised if you are rubbing or hitting it too hard, so again, communicate with your partner effectively to avoid injury or pain.
The other technique is with your partner on her knees or standing in a bent over position. This technique is used from behind where the thumb is inserted and gently stimulates the g-spot, and the fingers make a "V" around her clit.
So hopefully I have provided some good information... here are a couple of links for those who would like further reading on the topic!
After all this typing and thinking about all this fingering makes me want to pull out the lube for myself now... and well.. go take care of myself! LOL
Happy fingering guys!
Guilty Pleasures
[email protected]
Links for more info!
http://www.askstudent.com/college-life/sex-education-finger-finesse-the-art-of-fingering-a-woman/
http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/the-fine-art-of-fingering-using-your-fingers-to-give-a-woman-mind-blowing-multiple-orgasms-1322938.html
The best technique is to listen to your partner, ask and observe what she likes and doesn't like.
Many women like it many different ways and it's our job to find out what works best for the particular lady..
you can always stop at the 7/11 on the way, while picking up breath mints (BS do not tell me you are not doing this) please pick up a pack of fingernail files.
While in the car or wherever give those freshly trimmed fingernails a twice over and get them sanded down nice and smooth. Believe me she will appreciate it. Don't forget to discard the nail files prior to arriving home if you are married.
It is hard to explain fingernail files in your console when you drive a John Deere all day. lmao
Revolutionary Sex. All I can say about that book is WOW. If you are a guy and wondering how to be a great lover this is a must read. It includes many of the aforementioned things plus many more to make a woman squirm.
.02
Saliva has chemicals and enzymes, doesn't lubricants have chemicals and enzymes also?
Your post is nice. I can see you're trying to give some good (and MUCH NEEDED) advice. Unfortunately, the only thing you will succeed in doing is to get more and more gents fingering! PLEASE DON'T DO IT! Most guys do nothing but hurt women when they do it.
I hate to be fingered because it hurts like hell. It always leaves me sore too. I try my best to direct and offer more lube etc. But, it has never worked. When asking for a reference, if a lady tells me the guy fingers her too much, I will not see him.
Notawifeanymore,
I think if any lady in the biz has certain things they do or do not do, certain services that they don't provide, they should let their clients, boyfriends, or otherwise know up front. Put it on your website, or tell them via communications. Set those boundaries.
I am sorry to hear you have had such bad experiences. I too have had some pretty inept gentleman in this area. That is why I posted this. If I am with a gentleman and he is not getting it right the first time, (even with instruction) I cut him off at the pass, and tell him to stop immediately. There is no sense in letting him continue if he is causing me pain or soreness. What I have also experienced are men who do not like being told how "to do this or that" to a ladies body when she is trying to tell him what feels good or how she likes it. This seems to be especially noticable in this hobby of ours, as some hobbyists think because they are "paying" that they can do what they like despite the fact that they might actually be causing a lady discomfort or even pain. Some men think "I know what I am doing, I have a lot of ladies tell me this is how you do it.. or this is what they like, so don't you try to tell me how to do it!" They are not realizing that every woman is different in mind and body and has to be treated differenlty. That is why communication, and listening is so key! Some men are simply stubborn to listening to a woman when it comes to the bedroom, and they have learned very bad habits over the years and generally not receptive to change.
I do not in anyway generalize all men this way when it comes to fingering techniques or sex in the bedroom. I do however share my personal experience with some who I have met along the way.
Anyway.. I am confident there will be some men who might see this post and actually get some helpful benefit out of this. That was my goal.
=)
Guilty Pleasures
[email protected]
...we're happy.
(slightly facetious but amused tone)
Most women come equipped by nature with an amazingly versatile orifice just underneath their nose. It can be used for kissing, sucking, blowing, eating, breathing and even ... TALKING. (*grin*)
I know, with men often booking providers to *get away from* the endless yapping that shrewish women often erect as a barrier to sex; it is understood that providers are supposed to be agreeable.
And, of course, the male ego can indeed be a fragile thing. So I can sort of understand not speaking up in some respects.
(*Stern and admonishing tone*)
But ... pardon my French ... What the Fuck?!
Unless you are going out of your way to find nasty human beings as clients; the overwhelming preponderance of them have NO DESIRE TO HURT YOU.
In fact, if they KNEW they were hurting you, they would be horrified and change what they were doing instantly.
Moreover, romance novels notwithstanding, great male lovers are generally made rather than born; and even men with a very solid general knowledge of female sexuality can fall WAY short in applying that knowledge to a given woman.
So -- here you are, allowing men to cause you physical pain through IGNORANCE. Those men would be horrified to know they had done that, you know. Through your SILENCE and failure to admit PAIN you have essentially TRICKED MEN INTO HURTING YOU.
If I knew I was one of those men, I would be livid.
I agree, you should remove "touch pussy" from your profile and make sure guys know better than to touch you there.
You do NOT "try your best" to direct. Your *best* would be to say: "Stop, that hurts. Here! Let me masturbate for you and show you how I like to be touched." Then grab the lube and show him. Then, lube him up, hold his hand and direct until he has the hang of it. Then, sit back and enjoy something that actually feels decent and doesn't hurt. THAT would be your best.
(* lecturing tone *)
Finally, I am absolutely INCREDULOUS that you would be a proponent of enforcing IGNORANCE among hobbyists.
Safety through ignorance? I think not!
By keeping men ignorant, you only guarantee that MORE women have unpleasant experiences.
Fuck that noise.
Let knowledge flow!
In practice, BTW, I seldom finger providers; but that doesn't mean I never will.
Wouldn't it be better for that provider if I knew what the hell I was doing and DIDN"T hurt her?
You get VERY upset when women allow things that hurt them. I do too. There is one way to stop this and that is ONLY if the women in question speaks up. And when I say speak up, it is done in a very gentle, tactful way.
I don't particularly enjoy being fingered and gently move a gents hand away while mentioning that I prefer another part of his body in there. And as for general touching I am very vocal in praising those who have a gentle touch...certainly not afraid to let a guy know when he is doing a good job. If he is a tad rough for my liking, I will ask him to be gentler or just move his hand away and maybe move onto to something else.
There is no reason to lay there and let someone inadvertently hurt you and then get annoyed. It's up to the lady to stop or change what ever is hurting her or causing discomfort. Guys are not mind readers and neither sex arrives at puberty and beyond knowing what turns every man or women on.
... you've got me pegged, literbike.
And we agree.
WOW! How PRESUMPTUOUS of you to think I don't TELL them! Moron! First of all, I ALWAYS tell the rough fingering guys if they are hurting me. I don't mind a little light fingering. I even TRY to show them the RIGHT way! Imagine THAT?! It's the guys who for some unknown reason feel that shoving their darn hands in and out of your pussy over and over who make me nuts. Even AFTER you direct them and TELL them the RIGHT way, they still want to TRY AGAIN. It happens. Believe it or not! Big surprise that some men do what they want and don't care about anyone else but themselves.
For Christ's sake do you really believe the crap you just wrote?!? I have a long list of VERY nice clients. Every now and then someone (there ARE idiots among us) comes along who thinks fingering my pussy for an hour is FUN! It is not fun and I TELL them that! Then I DO NOT see them again.
SSOOOOOOO!!!! Don't jump to conclusions with your overactive imagination. I don't ALLOW them to hurt me! DUH! I love myself too much for THAT! I am being HONEST about how I feel about a LOT of fingering in general. I don't like ROUGH fingering. How's that for a clarification?!?!
Like what I say or dislike it. I don't really care. It is an IMPORTANT MESSAGE to let SOME guys know to take it easy when fingering a woman. Our vaginas are not BOWLING BALLS! Oh...and YES us ladies should always tell them when they are hurting us! No shit Sherlock!
four reviews and almost a whole year of TER membership! That's a lot of knowlege he's packin!
Besides, maybe it doesn't hurt his vagina as much as it does yours!
You are the one who says that no matter how much you try, men hurt you and leave you sore for days.
You can bet your vagina that if some woman is hurting ME, it's going to stop well before it reaches that point.
You do not have a vagina. I do. It takes 5 seconds of someone touching you the WRONG way to leave you sore. Let me scratch the side of your dick or accidentally run my teeth on it. 5 seconds of doing something WRONG will leave you sore. Period.
So you can bet YOUR dick that I tell them if they hurt me. Thankfully, it is far and few between.
Just keep making YOUR point. You don't listen anyway.
I think it is safe to say I shouldn't be allowing your teeth anywhere near my dick or anything else subject to injury.
In all seriousness, I get what you are saying and I don't think we are really disagreeing.
I think in your OP, when you used terms like "always" and "never" -- you didn't mean these literally.
Fine -- you have stated now that when someone is doing something that hurts you, you speak up. I'm happy. That's good. It contradicts my earlier understanding.
Just realize that your REAL message can be lost when you embed personal attacks inside it.
Allow me to quote you, with some emphasis added:
"I hate to be fingered because it HURTS LIKE HELL. It ALWAYS leaves me SORE too. I try my best to direct and offer more lube etc. But, it has NEVER worked."
Those are YOUR words, not mine. I am not AT ALL presumptuous, based on your statement, to believe that whatever you might be doing or saying, it is clearly insufficient to protect you from pain. Because whatever it is you are doing to stop them, you have clearly stated that it has "NEVER" worked.
Calling me a "moron" doesn't change things; nor will stating that I possess a vagina (your other post) make YOURS stop hurting.
Even in this post, you are referring to sex acts being performed upon you against your will:
"It's the guys who for some unknown reason feel that shoving their darn hands in and out of your pussy ... Even AFTER you direct them and TELL them the RIGHT way, they still want to TRY AGAIN. It happens. Believe it or not! Big surprise that some men do what they want and don't care about anyone else but themselves."
Yes, some guys perform unwelcome sex acts on women despite the woman's CLEAR and UNAMBIGUOUS request that they stop. There's a word for that somewhere in the dictionary.
But, I'm sorry, I am absolutely unconvinced that you make such a clear and unambiguous request; because, as you have stated, your attempts to get men to stop "never" work.
But, thank you for teaching me something. Thank you for teaching me that any concern I might have about your wellbeing is simply proof that I am a moron with a vagina.
-- Modified on 5/21/2010 8:23:15 AM
I don't care if I haven't convinced you of what I do about the small amount of guys who finger poorly. YOU are a JOHN. I am a WHORE. I'll betcha 100-1 I have been with MORE men than you have and KNOW what they do and how they act in private. YOU know only what your imagination tells you. It is a VIVID one at that.
Instead of disecting what I write word for word. READ the whole fucking thing. This is why I normally stay away from the GD Board. People like YOU are the absolute worst. You would be one of THOSE GUYS who do not listen. Clearly you only hear what you WANT to hear. I see you are on here a LOT. Not me. I'm too busy having FUN SEX with my clients.
I made one comment about hating being fingered. Being fingered to me means finger fucking. Not light finger play. There is a HUGE difference. You made it into some type of abusive situation. Give me a fucking break with your dried up bullshit already. Buh Bye!!!
You are not worth even one more word...
Let's look at the very personal attacks you have directed at me.
You have called me a "moron." You have stated that I have a sensitive vagina.
In the foregoing post, you accused me of being someone who performs sex acts on women in spite of being told "no." So you have publicly accused me of being a rapist.
And, of course, you have stated that I am not "worth" even one more word.
So, in your world, I am a worthless vagina-toting moronic rapist.
All over ... what?
My literal understanding of your words as being literally factual?
Well, I apologize. Truly, and sincerely.
Because based upon your judgment of ME -- a man you have CLEARLY never met -- and who is anything BUT what you have described; I realize that the words you type cannot be taken as literally factual.
Maybe generally factual SOMETIMES; but certainly not literally factual. And sometimes (as in your personal attacks on me) they have no resemblance to reality whatsoever.
So my responding to your post, at all, based upon its actual words was ill advised.
I truly wasn't trying to "parse your words."
Since you seem so familiar with my posting history; you are therefore well aware that I don't go out of my way to launch attacks on providers.
I truly took what you said at face value.
My greatest fear in dealing with providers is of somehow inadvertently harming them. It is therefore very important to me that they speak up when needed. The providers I book are universally capable of doing that, so that my fears in that regard are not an issue. These are women I can be absolutely certain will not be harmed in any way.
I won't say why this is a great fear of mine; I will simply say that I have a loved one whose life has been seriously compromised by men who wouldn't take no for an answer.
So what you did is hit a nerve. It's not your fault that you did.
What IS your fault, IMO, is your use of ad-hominems; personal attacks.
When, over an issue of this sort, you render personal attacks on me -- calling me the worst kind of client, essentially a rapist, a moron, etc. -- you render the rest of your argument meaningless to me, even if it would otherwise make sense.
Would you take anything a poster said seriously if he prefaced it by calling you names? Of course not.
So while I apologize for taking you literally; I frankly believe you also owe me an apology for the rather vicious personal characterizations.
Are you woman enough to render that, albeit from behind an alias?
Personally, I doubt it. But I'm imperfect. So I stand ready to have you prove me wrong.
Thank You John. I can apologize to you for over-reacting. Sorry for calling you a moron and other things. It seemed to me as if you were jumping the gun a little too much and I took offense to that. Thank you for this post. Like I said, this is why I normally do not post. I lurk.
Peace.
There's really no reason why a well-intended lady shouldn't post; and if I'm part of that, I apologize.
Pleasures, thank you for reinforcing the EXTREME importance of proper fingernail hygiene...neatly trimmed, no sharp edges, and most of all no DIRT under the nails. this imo should be part of basic hygiene taught in junior high health classes, but alas it is not.
whether a man wants to finger me or simply shake my hand...clean nails are a must...unkempt fingernails are my number ONE physical turn-off.
as for your advice on fingering itself, gents should keep in mind that every woman is unique and what one likes another will loathe, and vice versa. i enjoy being fingered but only by a select few gents who evoke a very high level of arousal in me. as for technique, i like it to start out slow and then gradually become rougher, even to the point of some minor pain. i cannot tolerate any touching of my clitoris, that's a huge no-no.
but these are things any gent with intuition and common sense will pick up on. the important thing...listen to your partner, most especially listen to your partner's body. 
objected.
Yes, my nails are trimmed and clean before every session. I do stay away from the clit and any light rubbing is not done with my fingertips.
DATY with a digit inserted seems to work well for both of us.
That I've found welcomed is, instead of just rubbing the finger in and out of her vagina, pausing and resting the pad of one or two fingers on her G-Spot ridges, and doing a gentle 'pulsing'. This is different than the 'Come Hither' many articles write about. Do this, after you've found out how she likes her externals (labia, clitoris) stimulated, at the same time and you'd be surprised at how much more 'juice' she releases.
One thing to not be missed too in the lead up to a finger insertion is to make sure you pay attention to her perineum area as well. Rich in nerves and increases blood flow to the area.
Not all women are the same, nor do they like the same things. Their bodies are built different and respond differently to touch in different areas. Some women are hypersensitive, some crave vigorous activity.
The one and only piece of advice should be:
Open communication.
-tessen
Any info about pleasing a girl is very welcome.
Thank you!
All of them at once!!!!!!!
Ohhhh yuck there is nothing right with that.
Oh well..... makes me squirt...that is the most ultimate reaction....WOW....ok, shower time!
YUM!
I think this tells us quite a bit about what you like with respect to fingering.
As with any act, be it fucking, DATY, fingering, etc.... some ladies like it slow and gentle and some like it hard and fast. Others want to start slow and speed up, and others reversed...
I do think the topic is ignored and good hygiene is imperative, as is communication with the lady.
I admit, I love the feeling of fingers inside a wet pussy.
Meh I don't like being fingered.