I got divorced about 2 years ago after being married for twenty years.  I am in my early fifties.  I have found it next to impossible to find attractive women to go out with.  When I was younger this was not a problem. No, I am not looking for women in thier 20's. Attractive women in the 40-50 range would be fine.
I am now older but still not bad looking.  I frankly am shocked by how difficult it is to find someone to go out with that turns me on.  This has led me to try and find other alternatives.

Strip Clubs have been alot of fun, but are very limited.  I have been reading the reviews and checking out some of the wonderful looking ladies on eros and RS2000, and thinking that this might be a the next step toward getting the sexual intimacy that I need from someone who really turns me on.  The main thing that has stopped me is fear of HIV and STD's.

Is anybody else in the same situation? If so, has the hobby helped until you find someone?

Very Frustrated and Horny!

Jimmy

I was married 27 years and I'm 56. I know the feeling for sure. On RS2000 you'll find a ton of lookers, but are you looking for 'built for show, or built for go'?

TER offers quite detailed reviews that help me. If you frequent an area where girls are based. I am in Chi-town, so I have many choices and I don't see a provider who doesn't have favorable review-S.

Agencies are a last resort if you cannot plan ahead, but some are better than others .... and how.

Your story sounds all too familiar.
The kind of women you like are largely wary of divorced guys, and not so numerous as when you were their age.
You're not in DC I gather because the Capitol city is an exception. Professional attractive DC women 30-50 are in abundance, but still wary, and they realize they do not need a man, especially not a traditional sort. They are more into dinner out, the theatre, exotic travel, museum parties, non-clinging males.
Strippers and dancers were fun in my 40s, but I wasted a lot of money on them. Their biz is to tease, not please.
The 50s is a good time to lead several lives. One is to do somethings worthwhile with your career.
Two is to develop several bed partners from the escort, companion, and rub down worlds. It would be very dumb to become attached to them or anyone else.
You find such ladies through carefully studying TER reviews and escort sites such as Eros. It is important to study reviews.
If you have an e-addy and tell me your general Metro area I can send you a link to more useful info. I travel and keep a private stock file on most major cities.

-- Modified on 8/5/2002 7:23:06 AM

I'm also mid-50's, divorced once (a very long time ago) and widowed 4 years ago.  After a year of doing nothing I tried dating again and was saddened by the quality of women out there.  In an age group I am comfortable with (say 40-55) they are jaded, angry, and in many cases just looking for a rich guy to spend his $$ on them.  I'm retired, not rich by my standards, but comfortable enough to enjoy myself any way I like.  My first vacation after the death of my wife was to Las Vegas, and I went on the 'net to see what I could find for some female company.  I found, thank God, Cindy Spice, arguably the finest courtesan that ever walked the earth.  My whole perspective was completely changed by Cindy.  I do not date any more, but I do use escorts frequently for companionship.  I find that if I chose carefully, and know what I want from a woman, I am very happy with this type of arrangement.  There are 2 I see from time to time, and I also have the ability to "experiment" without guilt or fear of recrimination.  And I like that.

Amen to all the above.  Only thing I can add is that question isn't always "show" or "go", but "show/go" or "relationship".  The latter is the trap to be avoided at all costs.  Easy to fall for these ladies -- they're well experiencein making you feel king of the hill and wanted, but keep telling yourself it's a business for them, and you'll be fine.  Pick carefully based on TER reviews and comments in these boards (regional boards better for choices in your particular part of the country), and you'll find plenty with "go" and "show", and will have reached nirvana.  Spend the bucks, and good hunting ...

Hello Jimmy!
I read your post message,
I know sometimes after youve been married for so long..
then divorced..
The single scene can be a little awkward.
But yes,the answer to your Questian..
Is it a good idea to go through the Escorts advertisements Independents...
Also you can go to TER for Entertainer Reviews,
To find a ladie of Your Choice!!
Just Untill You find That Someone Special..
Oneday again...Ofcourse...Untill then...
Have Fun Jimmy,
Honk If Your Horny...
Sheila
Related link:[email protected]

Do you want just attractive women? Or are you actually looking for a new life partner?

If the former, pretty much it is a matter of money. Buy a Ferrari, flash some Cartier or Gucci: hate to by cynical, but you will find yourself nicely accessorized with arm-candy.

If the latter... well I always suggest to similarly-quandaried friends that the best bet is to take a class or join a club where you have a nice mix of people and generations coming together for a shared interest (say, photography or painting, maybe antiqueing tours): it is not unlikely that you will meet a nice young (or older, who cares) attractive woman who will have some depth and be able to see the young sport inside. And if not, then you have at least learned something that will make you more interesting when you DO meet her.

Remember, more than money or power, women like a man who is (i) interesting and (ii) has a sense of humor.

My opinion, anyway.

O.

It's easy to find entertainment or companionship on TER, but dating middle-aged "civilians" is almost impossible.  There are SO many divorced or single women in their 40's and 50's that are alone, but emotionally unavailable to new people (I live in So. Cal.).

I've been single a long time and concluded it's the acculmulated emotional scars from a lifetime of relationship mishaps that are the culprit.  While men have an equal number of failed relationships, they carry different wounds from past loves lost and take away different lessons.  It's typical for a man to feel he was taken advantage of in love or marriage, but it's usually financial in nature (she took my house and car, and then came back for my dog).  Whereas most women feel they were taken advantage of on an emotional level (I gave him love, sex, children, kept his house etc,) and he left me for (fill in the blank) the minute I got old.

Since it's a human tendency to always be "fighting the last war," when dating in a post-divorce scenario, men tend to mitigate concerns about further financial damage while women tend to mitigate potential emotional damage.  This means men see providers on TER, go to strip clubs, have girlfriends instead of wives, or insist on prenups if they choose to remarry.  Guys tend to approach post-divorce dating as a kid in a candy store, but then can't figure out why the candy fights back.

Women on the other hand may choose celibacy, dogs or cats (who provide unconditional love), or resume dating but guarded, and with an edge that wasn't previously there as they attempt to protect themselves from getting hurt again in the emotional glinches.  Guys can certainly be emotionally hardened too, but I'm talking in generalities for the sake of discussion.

I'm shocked at the number of middle-aged women who have accepted celibacy as the solution to dating frustration, rather than address in a positve manner the things that previously caused them pain.  It's seems very sad to me that so many women end up prematurely alone when they say they want to be in a relationship.  I think the best solution for middle-aged women would be to free themselves of the limitations and burdens of past relationships and roles (wives, mothers etc.) and date whomever and whenever they liked.  In other words, have a little fun for a change and adopt a new attiude- after all, the rules have changed by middle age and you're no longer looking for a perfect husband, father of your children etc.  But typically, the reverse seems to be true, and they either quit playing the game (rather than re-examine what they might have done wrong in the past) or they resume dating, but still using the "rules" of their youth, critically screening candidates for marriage.  Unfortunately, no man is good enough since the mental checklist of "don'ts" is many pages long by age 50.

I've long maintained that the reason men like younger women isn't just their younger bodies, but rather their young attitudes.  Their enthusiasm and lack of bitterness and disappointment in love and life is sexy.  Many women my age don't understand this.  They seek to explain their social demise in terms of declining physical beauty, or something their "bastard husband" did, without ever realizing the role they played in losing at love (withholding sex, nagging, complaining etc.).  When they look in the mirror, they see the lines, but they don't see their bitterness- and it's the young attitude, rather than the young skin that most men seek.  

-- Modified on 8/5/2002 2:57:05 PM

Jimmy:

Life just started for you!!!

Just a word of advise for you my friend, when getting an escort, please make sure they are not rip offs.
you deserve to have a great time. Me personaly: I like to have long conversations with the gentleman i am about to see. I like to make friends and loosen up a little, That spices up the "date".

There is nothing wrong in getting to know who you are about to see.
Until then, play safe!!!

Vianca

Your addressing an issue that I hope one day to impact with writing, research, lectures, and documentaries.  You clearly described attributes that were almost my own 3 yrs ago.  To large of a percentage of women are soured as you described or looking for someone to take care of them.  I'm writing a book called "Women Don't Get It"---I know I didn't--it took becoming a provider--to find the enjoyment of being a woman who came to really enjoy what an ultimate full-embodied experience I could have being with a man--without guilt.   Jimmy what you seek is extremely limited and elusive--not impossible--but the attributes
you seek are only found in about 1-5% of the population and that is including both sexes.  This group of individuals are usually found in some profession--that is trying to save, better, the world for the other 95%--burnout is high--this is why change many times is slow to come about.  The group that isn't driven by a monetary goal but true altruism--is small.  In personality theory--I reference Keirsey/Bates--Their book is titled Please Understand Me--it contains a The Keirsey Temperament Sorter--where when completed it directs through the scoring to your character/ temeperament type of which there are 16--I score as a INFJ or a ENFJ--although personality theory is still deemed
quite subjective--when I did the sorter and read through my character type I found it to be 95% right on to my own perceived notions of my self.  Even though this book is used in graduate coursework--it's easy to follow and I found it to be enlightening and thought provoking---once you know your type it gives insight has to the other types and how you might pair with the other types in love, work and play.  Probably can be ordered through most of the online books stores and delivered.  Information is power--this might help you to be a better searcher.
LOLuv Cheridan

Please Understand Me is an excellent book and I've recommended it to many, as well as posted it on previous threads.  As a one-percenter (INTJ) I know what it feels like to always be in the minority.

Not only was I better able to understand myself after reading the book, but I was also able to start thinking in terms of these characteristics when I met others.  It gave me a framework to organize some of their personality characteristics into something that made sense.  So rather than rejecting a potential s.o. because they views things, or makes decisions differently than you do, you can make allowances without feeling you're compromising.

After all, we're not looking for our clone when we date, we want a complimentary and compatible personality.  Any person we date will present some challenges to our personal status quo, but they needn't result in conflict or rejection.   The better we understand ourself, the more we can get out of a relationship.

-- Modified on 8/5/2002 7:23:32 PM

Jimmy,

As many of the reponses you've received (good insights as always by both G2 & Cheridan), you certainly are far from being alone in you frustration & dismay.

While I can empathize with you about finding an attractive lady in your preference of age group...it's certainly not impossible, just not quite as easy.

But that's not the reason that I took up this hobby at all, & the reasons are something no one in this thread has touched on thus far.

I've made my money & accumluated my assets (meager as they are); raised my family & want no more.  While getting back into the dating scene seemed a bit different, it wasn't so difficult...soon became easy again, as most things do with
time.  

But while any man or woman may have some "baggage" from the past, the right sort of person will make these experience lessons (whether positive or negative) that they learn from & make them a better person than when they were much younger.  Think of yourself for a moment....did you know 20yrs ago as much as you do now?  Were you a better person then?  I doubt it.

So while many ladies in your prefered age group have those admirable qualities, the one problem I personally encountered is this:  They all want to get married (or something similar).  Sorry...not my own personal cup of tea for more reasons than I'd care to go into at this point.  

But I guess the bottom line is...that's what led me to TER.  As a result I've met a lot of really great people here, guys as well as gals.  Keep in mind, I didn't come here to find a lifetime relationship.  

So hang in there...it'll work out however it should work out.  I wish you the best.

You gentlemen should not feel alone. I am that magic age and with the death of my husband I found myself in the same situation. I tried dating for a while and found that the guys I dated immediately took possession of me and wanted me to quite my job and devote my life to their care. I have a very demanding job which I love. There is no  reason that I should have to do that to enjoy their company. I was married for almost 25 years and had no trouble juggling family and job.(I am not speaking of this one) So not wishing to be "without" for some of what I hope will be the best years of my life. I started escorting, when I had the time. I consider it little paid affairs    It has been wonderful for me. I don't do a lot of it and I make sure that before I agree to see someone that I know what the gentleman is looking for and that he knows what I am looking for as well. Since I do this for my social life, I am careful to know the gentlemen well before I agree to see him. I don't want to waste his money and I don't want to waste my time.

Just like men in their 50s are looking for a different kind of encounter so are ladies of that age.  I have no interest in men in their 20s and 30s.(I have kids that age!) I want someone who understands my references and who takes the time to enjoy what he is doing. The money tells us who we are, and once the connection is made and the gift negotiated that discussion is finished and we move on to something worth while. I have never been fond of rules and if there are to be any I would expect that two people with 100 years between them could make up there own.

The problems you speak of gentlemen are not just confined to you but to both ladies and gentlemen. There are a few of us out there that march to their own drummer. I doubt you will be finding us in the review section and it will require some searching on your part. You won't find a form to fill out or a website for the world and our kids to see. Hopefully what you will find is something worth the time searching.

Happy Hunting!
Ellen
[email protected]

don't seek to have an intellectual discussion about a problem of sexual arousal. instead:

1. peruse local ads for ladies, find five that give you the most wood, and select the one with the highest reviews on ter.

2. see local lady, and completely surrender yourself to her scent, her touch, her voice, her perfume, her silky skin, and her amazing skills, holding back just barely enough to remember the difference between fun now, and disease forever.

3. wake up next morning refreshed, relaxed, and amazingly clarified about the difference between women as sex mysteries and women as people stumbling through life's problems just like you.

4. discover astonishing futility of intellectual discussion of previous three points.

good luck.

I can identify even though I've never been married.  I am, after all, 53.  You scored some great responses as well.

A gentle word of hope:  Age and attitude don't always correspond in as linear a manner as your experience so far would seem to indicate.

There are a lot of young women where I work.  10 years ago, most of the distaff element were slightly older than the current roster, but it seem as if the Ladies working there now are more conservative, get married younger, and have kids younger than their predecessors in the early 90s.  (No.  This is not just a change in my perspective as I age.)  The people of my (advanced, geriatric) generation seem to have more of a sense of fun and adventure than do today's younger folks.  If you keep trying, I am convinced that you will start running into people like that.  Absent, of course, the after effects of having been bleeped over by one or another of the more appalling specimans of our gender.

One of the best movie scenes of all time is at the beginning of Robert Rossen's "The Hustler", when Paul Newman ('Fast Eddie') as the young pool-shark challenges the veteran Jackie Gleason ('Minnesota Fats'). After about twelve hours of straight pool, it's clear that Fast Eddie is wiping the floor with Fats. When it looks like it's all over, Fats goes into the bathroom, washes his hands and face, and then applies talcum powder. Fast Eddie starts cracking up, laughing at Fats for being powdered like a baby. The Fatman just shrugs it off and proceeds to run the table, and Fast Eddie out of big-time pool hustling.

The lesson to be taken is that, despite the emotional and physical scars we may carry as we go through life, you have to wake up and start each day anew. Sure, you carry more baggage the older you get, but that just means you have to try harder. You don't want to get weighed down to the point that you become dysfunctional. By the end of the film, Fast Eddie has also learned this lesson. When he finally defeats Fats, though, neither of them are losers.

Thanks for all the great responses!

Many good points that have helped me to see things from a different perspective.

I live in the Chicago area by the way, and will have to try and get together with some of the providers who I have been reading about on TER. Hopefully this will reduce some of the frustration!

Take Care!

Jimmy

About your fear of STD's...

You owe it to yourself to do some research on that and find the facts and come to your own conclusion.  sf101.com is my favorite website for HIV discussions... and if you type in "oral sex STD" or any combination you are interested in, in Google, you'll find more info than you know what to do with.

However, you should feel comforted to know that the reputable ladies in this industry take very, very good care of themselves. Our bodies are after all, part and parcel of our "product" so to speak.  Thus it's in our best interests to do so, and what you find is that things like chlamydia or the other *less detectable* STD's, if present, get picked up right away... vs. a less active woman who doesn't get a checkup but once a year.  We tend to be very, very careful, for our safety and yours... and my personal opinion is that your odds of catching something from us, if you practice safe sex always, is lower than if you picked someone up in a bar.

Just my opinion... but please do, do some research on your own to see what you think!

Hugs and good luck,
Nicole