If a client developed feelings for you, would you rather he let you know, or that he just STFU and keep it to himself?

He sees you every time you tour, tips you, treats you with respect and dignity. He’s booked with you over 15 times in a year.  

You share with him information that you don’t share with anyone else (at least to his knowledge, LOL).  

You have great chemistry. You genuinely enjoy each other’s company. While he understands that there are boundaries…sometimes things need to be said.  

Again, this is primarily for the ladies, but the Internet being what it is and since this is an open board, I expect a number of takes. I also understand that there’s been more than a few threads about “catching feelings” for a provider.  

I’m interested in the ladies take. Would you want him to let you know (you may already suspect it), or would you rather him keep it to himself so no boundaries are crossed and the current relationship maintains the status quo?

Thank you in advance for the well thought out and sincere responses.  

For the snark…well, this it’s to be expected.

but seems like the post needs a sound track.

 
Hope you get the answers you ask for your question.

I’m sure I would know because your actions speak louder, than words. The feelings maybe mutual & you would never know because you did share. She might be shy too! Over my years as a VIP Companion I have realized this is a deep intimate exchange of energy. You decide who you give yours too. I reserve mine for those who deserve notable treatment. I am not a garbage dump, so when you meet someone who shares a true connection it’s rare. I would shoot for the stars! Let her know. She may want more, than a booked date paid by the hour. My real friendships I have been, so fortunate to develop they don’t pay me for SW. The lucky few love all me, and are blessed to know me for who I am everyday all day, which is a Super single Mom. The full time job I never get paid for love life. Take a chance. I tell my friends I love them because I do. If you see someone regularly for over a decade it’s real unconditional love. Don’t listen to the negativity follow your feelings & gut. If I didn’t take a risk I would not be blessed with my few good men that I never watch the clock when I am with them. They love, worship & adore me for who I truly am Queen Bia! Xoxo Best of luck to you & your love! Not everyone is here to pay for a escort to come, or go. Real relationships, do happen, but not without honesty & trust. Live & learn. Life is our greatest teacher. Smile for me!

-- Modified on 11/30/2022 6:27:07 AM

No offense, but 15 times/year is not a whole lot. Maybe if you see her once a week, that would set you apart from other clients.

She may know, she may not know. But why take the chance of looking back on your life saying “what if”, when you can just find out now and maybe just maybe find exactly what you hope for? The worst answer is no. But a definite can be managed, where a maybe just usually hurts like a sonofabitch.

The best advice I've seen goes like this: Ask her to dinner and make it clear it's a social occasion; that you'll be happy to buy her a nice dinner but don't expect to pay her hourly rate for her time. If she says "yes," take it from there and see what develops. If she says, "no," then she's not interested in a social (or romantic) relationship.
That way at least you have your answer and haven't made a complete fool of yourself.

Some replies lean towards, "You'll never know if you don't ask (or tell)." Others lean towards, "If it ain't broke, don't break it."  
.
If you have no intention of taking it further or acting on her "favorable" reaction, don't bother. If her reaction isn't favorable, that leaves UNfavorable. If you're happy the way things are, don't say anything or you might break it.

He’s absolutely right.
I know from experience.  I tried it twice.  first time, she cussed me out and blocked me.  Had my answer.
Second time, she said yes, she would enjoy having a platonic evening (fair clarification for the evening).  We had a great time.  She retired very shortly after and we’ve been together for 4 years now.

with a dozen providers over the last 15 years, I can tell you from experience that it can be both a blessing and a curse.  After a couple of complete disasters in my early days in P4P falling for providers, I learned that any interest I had in being something more to her than just another customer had to be approached carefully.  While I have had good success throughout my life in relationships in general, getting close to a provider and having her be receptive requires some forethought.  Chemistry at the incall can be a distraction.  When the fucking is good, it's easy for endorphins to push you to want this to be a real relationship when it's not and never will be.  What works for me is to get into the friend zone first (which is often the first gate to hell with civvie women) and let her feelings catch up to mine before I make any suggestion that we should try being a couple.  

 
Providers are professional actresses and entertainers, so it's a miscalculation on the part of the customer to think anything she does to make your meetings seem like a real life encounter is anything beyond good business on her part.  If I am attracted to a provider (not only because the sex is good, but because she is also thoughtful and intelligent and we have things in common), after seeing her professionally for a while, I will tell her that it might be fun to spend a day together sometime doing something fun to get to know each other better OUTSIDE the scope of the bedroom, and if she would have any interest in that, to let me know and we will set up a nice date to do something fun.  

 
That's as far as I go unless I'm getting significant encouragement from her.  The last thing I want to do is blow up a good working relationship with a girl I'm seeing regularly.  Some are open to the idea of dating off the clock to see where it goes and some aren't.  You will generally know after one date.  We will cultivate a close friendship first, but it will not stop me from seducing her the same way I would a civvie girl, but not on the first date, and only if she says she would like to go out again.  If she does not respond to a romantic seduction, then you will know she is not at the same place you are with regards to feelings.  While I know how to turn on the charm and show her a romantic day and evening, I keep my own feelings in check until I'm convinced she is developing feelings for me.  In other words, if she indicates that she has feelings for you first after a few dates, there is less potential for things blowing up if you gradually reveal to her that you feel the same about her.  You will both get to a comfortable place where you are expressing your feelings for each other without hesitation.  It is not much different than a civvie relationship at this point.  To put it succinctly, my approach is . . . . . "Friends first, Lovers last."  Providers are naturally cautious about outside relationships, so becoming a friend first will cause her to be more open with you in all matters, including hearing about your feelings for her.  

 
Avoid these commons mistakes . . .  .

1.   Don't put them on a pedestal just because they are beautiful and great in bed.  Those are not real relationships for them, because that's how they get treated at work.  Treat them the way you would any other women with a normal job.  
2.   Don't discuss them quitting their job.  Most providers are happy doing what they are doing, at least for the time being.  Suggesting they quit working (unless you are asking them to marry you) will make you look jealous and insecure, which is the type of guys THEY want to avoid.  Having a real-life relationship with a provider is not for everyone.  
3.    Don't discuss or ask questions about their job unless they want to talk about it.  Most will want to share things that happen in their work with their SO  just like we do, so letting them bring it up lets you know they are actually interested in you, at least as a friend, and possibly romantically.  Either way, you are gaining their trust.
4  . Recognize that their work takes priority on their time and the nature of their work can mean they can be called to work at any hour.  If a provider has feelings for you, she will block out time to spend with you off the clock, but don't give her a hard time if she doesn't answer a call or text message  for an extended period of time.  
5.    Don't be cheap.  Providers always have their guard up for a guy who is trying to date them on the outside to get free pussy, so it's important in the beginning that the things you do on the first couple of dates show that you are investing in the social aspect of the relationship, even though there may not be any sex on the first couple of dates.  Some of my favorites are a day trip to Catalina by helicopter, a couples massage with sushi and a cedar tub soak in Beverly Hills, or swimming with the dolphins at Sea World.  These generally run about a grand a piece, but they will usually be impressed with things like this and see that you are interested in them as a person and don't just see them as a warm place to park your dick.  

 
This is already too long, so that's all I will say for now.  This has worked for me many times and I had many rewarding relationships with providers that resulted in real mutual love.   Hope this helps.

You have feelings for the persona she's curated. Some of us create personas that are so wildly different from our civvie life, that we'll even go so far as to create elaborate stories and details going back to childhood. And on the other end, some of us wear our companionship side very close to our skin. I've often joked that Eve is "me," but with less belching and ball scratching. But be warned, my day to day has plenty of belching and ball scratching.  

All this is to say-you don't actually know the girl. You know the curated version (or possibly fantastical character) she presents to you.  

The same goes for the chemistry on her side-she may genuinely enjoy you, but it's still curated. While we absolutely do have favorites and people we genuinely care about, it's also much easier to let the personalty "warts" slide when someone's in your life part time. Thus, even if you're correct that she also (actually) enjoys your company and feels great chemistry, that doesn't necessarily mean she's hoping for a "next step." (This isn't a SW specific experience, either. We all have friends/relationships that we find do best when we have more or less time together.)

However, since you wrote "While he understands that there are boundaries…sometimes things need to be said." it's probably safe to assume you're going to do this regardless. So, if you do ultimately venture into this heartfelt admission, here's my advice:

Tell her your feelings, and follow it immediately of how it will not change any aspect of your behavior, most especially financial compensation for her time.  

If you're going into this with a mindset anywhere along the lines of "I luv u! Can we bone for free?" expect to immediately lose all credible weight to your professed feelings, along with any and all contact with this woman.  

Even with the assurance that you're not pronouncing your undying love in hopes of free playtime, there's a chance she'll feel uncomfortable and start to quiet fire you. (Her schedule will start to get real busy, and you won't be invited to the party.) Feelings are normal and healthy, but a small portion of guys act on them in unhealthy ways. Many of the horror stories you hear-clients who stalk, dox, or harm a companion-started as a guy who felt entitled to the woman simply because he had feelings for her. Approaches vary wildly around the issue of feelings, but she may see your joyful news as a safety risk.  

Bottom line, think on this carefully, and decide whether your need to share your feelings or the relationship itself is more important to you. It's very possible that one will cost you the other.

END OF MESSAGE

Women are women and the best way to get them to run away from you is to tell them you have feelings for them.  So you'll have your answer. Just be prepared to accept it and move on.

It's official, you can never complain about anyone else being verbose.

Who got past the first phrase? Cut to the chase…
Can you summarize this in 25 words or less??

25 words or more.  Is that close enough?   Lol

 
I at least gave three guys who have nothing to contribute on this topic a chance to post on this thread.  That should count for something.   Lol

If you're including me among those "who have nothing to contribute" you clearly missed my post above. Probably because it was short and to the point. Whereas yours contributes only logorrhea, a/k/a diarrhea of the mouth (or keyboard.)
"In psychology, logorrhea or logorrhoea is a communication disorder that causes excessive wordiness and repetitiveness, which can cause incoherency."

by OTHERS.  You made no claim that you had any personal experience to draw on.  Nice try.

So WHAT if I initially "made no claim" of personal experience. While your habitual Philadelphia lawyering is your go-to MO, who ever made a rule here that no one could ad a bit more info as a discussion continues.
And in FACT, I have got personal experience to draw on here. But in your world I'm not permitted to say it. While YOU are permitted to continually make shit up.
Not even a "Nice try" by you.

Well written.  Thank you for sharing your perspective,

After spending many hours with someone over a long period of time, both in a professional and non-professional capacity, it’s very possible to develop feelings for the person beneath the professional persona. But it’s important to know for whom you have feelings: the person, or the persona.

 
Note that I’m not just stating this as a hypothetical.  

If you have personal experience, why didn't you share it to begin with?  You always mock posters here who dispense information piecemeal in a vain attempt to keep up with the skepticism.  Got hypocrisy?    What about my post are you contending is "made up" and where did you get your information?    

If you CAREFULLY read my initial post here it never said I had no personal experience in this area. And no one but you had a problem with what I initially wrote -- one, in fact, praised it. Is that what got your panties in a bunch? Jealous much?
And please tell the class the basis for your claim that I "always mock posters here who dispense information piecemeal?" That's just one more in your LONG line of claims that you simply made up.
No wonder you have zero credibility on this board.
So much fun watching you tie yourself in knots.

the best advice you can give came from others, not from you.  That was my whole point.  Either you had no experience, or you knew your own experience didn't amount to shit.  It's the same thing.  At least you KNEW you had no advice from your OWN experience that was worth sharing, but don't call that "making a contribution," which is what you then spent more posts trying to do.  Now that you made a big deal about YOUR alleged experience, how about sharing these experiences with the board.  You have argued that you have personal experience, but you don't seem to want to mention what it is.  It must be pretty worthless.  Lol

 
You like to claim I just made something up, but when I ask you to tell me what part of my post is made and where did you get your information, you go into deflection mode and change the subject.  It's because you know it's NOT made up, but from my own experience, but you are too insecure to admit that YOU are the one who made the false claim that my post was made up.  A man who still had his balls would own when he's wrong.  Just say, "I stand corrected."  It doesn't hurt and it makes you more of a man.  

-- Modified on 12/3/2022 5:31:33 PM

How else to explain your last statement, which is a willful mis-reading of what I wrote. The truth is, I do have experience and was exactly the same as what I cited from others. So no need to repeat it again.
It's also hilarious to see you posturing in the second, lie-filled paragraph. I really love the part where the man who NEVER stands corrected suggests I do it when I've proven myself right.
Take the L. You'll feel much better. Though I know you won't.

both women given you at the most prolific participants in a thread that is titled "Question for the ladies/companions/providers about feelings…"

 
LOL

 
Feel free to go back to your (not so) private exchange.

I have said,  "I stand corrected" and admitted I got something wrong 36 times since 2015 when I started posting as CDL.  You have 9 instances between 2010 and 2015 (before I was posting here) and ONE instance since then where you admitted you got something wrong.  You like to make sweeping generalizations, but when pressed for details, you go silent.  I asked you earlier what I got wrong, and you changed the subject and didn't answer.  Now I will ask you where are the lies you say are in my second paragraph above, and you will deflect and change the subject again because you know it's a simple matter for me to link your accusations to what you have already posted.  You have a habit of thinking each of your posts are in a vacuum and nobody can read the previous posts in the same thread.  It doesn't wear well calling me a liar when all they have to do is read above and see that everything I called you out on is right there in your own words.  Maybe it's time to take you own advice and take the "L".  The hole you're in will stop getting bigger.

Do you have any clue how petty your post makes you look? And, no, I'm not wasting my time going back and checking my posts. Please, now, go and have the last word that you seem to covet so dearly. This is just pathetic.
As for who's more believable, your continual fights with numerous posters here mark you as our most obsessive and combative poster. Not to mention that your continual lies on the now-defunct P&R Board (to which you actually admitted) have marked you as our least credible poster. Now knock yourself out.

a lying sack of shit my post makes YOU look like?  

 
You always go back to the Politics board, which is no more because of the toxic partisan posting of guys like you.  I did admit that I often made things up there just to watch the rabid guys like you melt down, and you must admit that I was brilliant at triggering you guys.  Trying to compare that to the informational posts I make here just shows you are desperate for SOME argument here that makes a modicum of sense.  So far, no luck.  You seem to have a hard time distinguishing between what is legit information and when you are being fucked with.  

 
I only become combative with my stalkers.  Welcome to the club.