Could you? Would you ever let yourself get vulnerable with a woman who gets intimate with other men for a living? Would you really open up to her? Just wondering... xo Faye Desiree

i think alot of clients do at least for the time they are with her.  All kidding aside I think it could be very easy to fall for a provider especially if a guy is going to her cause he is lonley and  she says and does the right things and makes him feel like a million bucks.. I think after a while the line between fantasy and reality could blur.. Ohh enough of all my theories.. I think its possible.. My answer is "Yes"

Speaking honestly...
I could. Thats why I wouldnt let myself.

Opening up, a certain amount of vulnerability, real feelings of friendship or caring, yes. But love. Not for me. Just call me hypocrite I s'pose but I don't think that would be a wise thing to do, at least as far as I am concerned.

Though if I were to make an exception, your website does look interesting



-- Modified on 10/20/2001 11:25:47 PM

Been there, done that.  No regrets and the fact she was in the business (I would never think of asking or requiring someone to quit) was not the reason things didn't work out.

Would I and could I do it again?  I don't see any reason why not.  You know life is too short and special people are too hard to find to rule anything out.  That said, a provider has to be very, very special and demonstrably sincere to warrant taking the risk.

Could you ever fall in love with a women who is a Doctor?

I see sexwork as healers and would have no problem whatsoever supporting a provider in her chosen profession.  In fact, I usually have more in common with attitudes and ideas, at least regarding sensual /sexual issues than a non-pro women.

Many can't handle it because of the big jealousy word.  But jealousy is the lack of love and insecurity in my view.
.

I've been there too, and would do it again for the reasons you mentioned.  I've posted on this before with both my success and warnings, so I won't repeat.  

The providers that say they wouldn't date any guy that would let them continue in the business show their own feelings of low self-esteem about what they are doing.  No different than Woody Allen saying "I'd never join a club that would have me as a member." (I think someone was credited with that prior to Woody).

Dave in Phoenix, you make good points too re. the attractiveness of shared attitudes toward sexuality, also the destructiveness of jealousy.

Faye,

Am there, doing that.  

It has its' good and bad points, but it's not what hobbying is all about.  I should have been more careful, since I'm married and wasn't looking for complications.  I allowed it to happen, but I knew better.  

Even though I have a terrific arrangement with her, it's been very emotionally taxing at times.  I've got to say that it's taught me a lot about understanding and handling jealousy, though.

Where it's going to end up, I can't say.  But I know I won't walk away unscathed, and I probably won't be alone in that.  If anyone's contemplating this scenario for themselves, all I've got to say is good luck and be prepared for a bumpy ride.

PC

Personally, I'm not the jealous type (sometimes my SO complains about that fact) so her involvement in the biz probably wouldn't be too much of a problem. For many, it might also depend upon how the two people met, as a client-provider or in a strictly social situation. In the latter, most certainly possible. In the former, possibly, but less likely, as I would be more likely to have emotional walls around me going into meeting her. It would probably only happen if the client-provider relationship changed into one of true friendship first (ie. doing things together without business being any part of it). So, if I were single, I probably could if it was truly mutual. That might be the main question, however, is it mutual? JMHO
pt

I have flown in various providers and have spent long weekends with some of them fulfilling each others wildest fantasies and when it has been time to take one in particular to the airport after a 5 day 4 night stay it was not easy to let go and say goodbye. She even told me that by dropping her off on the Airport Entrance was sufficient but I refused since I am a gentleman and took her all the way to the gate. I then found out why she did not want me there. Ever since, we have maintained contact and have seen each other several times but I know is just a fantasy, (SOMETIMES I WISHED IT WASN'T THOUGH) and someone that knows how to treat me well. But it is tough, REAL TOUGH!!!!!

IMHO It Is Possible!!!!

Doc

It's amazing how much stuff we have wrapped around this profession! What I'm about to say is just another way to look at things... This work happens to be a profession that involves intimacy with a buncha guys. Sometimes the intimacy is real deep, usually not. Sometimes the sex is to die for, often short of that. It is what it is. But good god! the stuff and meaning we wrap around it! It's independent work, using the bodies we inhabit and perhaps a part of ourselves thrown in for good measure.

Why would providers be any different than any other woman? Of course we want: 1) trust in a relationship, 2) romance, 3) true friendship (which always involves letting down your guard, speaking your truth and - that old word - trust again)... we want all those things! I don't think most men can handle what a provider does. And prostitutes know that in the deepest level of their being. It creates havoc with our sense of security about *really* opening up to a man. What if he sees the "little" me, the scared me, the one that doesn't look or feel so sexy, the one that's pissed off, hurt, not "together," not a five star girl.. just some average chick from Kansas... in an old chenelle bathrobe. Know what I mean?

But if you can make that connection with a provider, you've often found a woman who is willing to challenge her own fears, plus face society's limitations, she's probably gotta great sense of humor (if she's "in her skin"), perhaps highly intelligent and even spiritual. And, who knows: maybe a good, no, a great fuch! Why not take the risk?

I think we're afraid to love and open up cuz we're afraid of being entrapped in some kind of possessive, ownership tie. Maybe on the most basic level, most men wouldn't want to admit to others, let alone himself, that he's in love with a 'hore! Maybe it's a blessing! xo Faye Desiree

I was in love with provider last year (and maybe still am today).
It was a struggle for us to keep business and pleasure separated as I went from a client, to a very fortunate client, to a friend, to a very close friend, and finally to a good platonic friend.

Accordingly our relationship went from purely physical to physical and partly emotional, emotional and partly phsical, and then finally to emotional only.

I was the first guy that she had broken her non-dating rule with. She was a very independent girl and did not have any experience with this situation, which caused her to reevaluate a lot of her lifes goals.  After only a few months, I was getting serious and actually starting talking about marriage with her.

This was not very smart on my part and definitely made her panic.
She felt she needed her freedom and we parted ways a short time later.  We have stayed in contact with each other almost daily thru email and once in a while, we get together and talk.  

For those that have never been so fortunate as to have a relationship with a provider, perhaps it is their jealousy that inhibits them from expressing their love when they find a soulmate.  I am sure that for others it is the problem that money has on a sexual relationship.

Today, I still think about her daily.  She made me appreciate life and all of it's beautiful and romantic aspects all over again.  I would do anything for her.

I did... and it didn't work out too well for me... But, I think I could still fall in love w/ a provider... For the most part, I think of providers as other "providers" in my life... The guy at the deli, the accountant at work or any of a number of people who do something for me, because I pay them... This doesn't preclude me being friends with them... But that's how I always thought... So, friends sometimes turn into something more...

I suppose it's a little different, with sex/love being so intertwined... (Brain farting here, still reeling from missing my provider, so excuse me...) In my case, I knew after about 3 times that I was in love with my provider... It wasn't the sex, it was the things she said... I normally do all nighters, so there was the dinner conversation, etc. etc.

Whenever the subject would come up about "work", she'd have this look, which I've been in the hobby for more than 10 years, this look like she didn't want to be here. (PLEASE PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, I'm not judging, I'm not saying anything) But, I told her, if she didn't want to do this, I could take care of her, and I told her that I loved her. She met my family (who didn't know of course)... But, I think I loved her and maybe she appreciated me for getting her out, and etc. but, she probably didn't love me back. She told me horror stories about her past, and one of the things she said was "Well, you always tell them what they want to hear..." I wonder if she just did the job really well with me... This took two years... When I talked to her about all this I asked her specifically, whether she had a bf or not, and she said no, but presumably that was part of the act. Then, weeks afterwards, she mentioned that she had a half bf... Which became a full one. Yeah, yeah SUCKER! But, I never got the feeling that she intentionally set out to do this... Yeah yeah, EVEN BIGGER SUCKER!

*sigh*

It's too bad going to other providers doesn't cure all this.

-- Modified on 10/23/2001 6:26:54 AM

I not only could, but have.  I once saw a beautiful young provider who, had I submitted a review, would have received a 10. She was the sweetest, most innocent lover I had ever experienced.  A week after our first session, she moved in with me and we lived together for 2 1/2 years.  She stopped working immediately, as she didn't really want to in the first place--she only did it to support her husband, an interesting character who thought I was a loathsome creature because I patronized "providers" but didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with the fact that he lived off the profits of one.   It could probably happen again.  I recently saw the lovely Lara Nichols, who seems to be a favorite on this site, and could easily fall in love with her.

I am in love with a provider. Well... Two of them. Both know it. Open up? Any more and I'd split in two. Gotta love life, the joy and sorrow, the pain and pleasure. Magic stuff.

What, you mean I have a CHOICE about who I fall in love with? I would probably kick myself, because of the ancillary grief, but then, every relationship has ancillary grief.

I fell in love once with one. It was very difficult to say the least.

SE

I think the reality is that 99% of women are not psychologically cut out to do this type of work.  If I were a really beautiful woman, I could easily see myself saying "gee wouldn't it be nice to make $1000 a day."  And I probably would do it.  But I have a guy's mentality because I'm a guy.  And the problem for any guy who's falling for a woman who's in this business is that it's very rare that she's an intellectual with a high IQ who takes a really openminded view of what she's doing.  Usually what she's doing goes with a great big helping of poor self-esteem.  And that gets complicated by the fact that there is a really big chunk of guys who make up the clientele who don't have a realistic view of what is going on.  Like the guys who write in every review they have here about when the girl climaxed and how many times.  This same guy living in some fantasy land where he's a big stud making the providers have orgasms every time is the same guy who's going to be open to being manipulated by a SP.  You sound like a bright and honest person, but the fact is there are tons of women in that business who look at a guy's clouded reasoning because he's falling in love as a tool to just get more money out of him.

I've had several good long-term relationships with women, never been married, and while I appreciate SPs and I'm glad they are there and providing the service, I would consider myself clinically insane to get in a position where I was in love with someone who stands such a good chance actually being a total mercenary.  I'm smart enough to realize I'm not smart enough to be sure WHAT she's thinking.

Yes-I have and would again, and her being intimate with other men so long as she was honest and safe about it would not bother me at all.  Love and commitment to me is about a lot more than sexual exclusivity/monogamy, it is about honesty and trust.  Sex is sex and love is love.  Many of the relationships I have had have been with providers, strippers and a couple of women in the adult film industry-and most of them were very positive and none of them ended due to her line of work but for the same reasons a relationship with someone in any profession would end.  But I will say this:  Even if I fall in love with a provider, and have strong feelings beyond the bond that provider/cleint share she has to sincerely express to me that she wants to take it to the next level first and I have to know that there is no ulterior motive present, that she is feeling this because she enjoys my company beyond just mutual sex or money and appreciates me for who I am rather than just to get favors from me.  Otherwise it is best left a business relationship.  There are a lot of cases where people have fallen in love with providers only to find their hearts and finances totally but there are those rare instances where it can happen and work out.  Love is difficult to find in this life and I say wherever one finds it to embrace it, balancing following ones heart with following ones common sense.

I am

Dear Faye,
There was a time when I thought it was not possible.  However, I have discovered that many providers are wonderful women who have the same difficulties and joys as do we all. I think it is absolutely possible. As a matter of fact, I have recently discovered how well a man can be treated.  Experience has shown that certain providers make a man feel better that a girlfriend or a wife. I met a beautiful woman recently and she is wonderful. She makes me feel better than I have felt in years. I realize that this is her profession and treating a man very well is what she does. Her motives are most likely business. However,I find that to be ok and I want to see her despite that fact.  However, I can't let myself go and recklessly place my emotional neck on the line only to have it chopped off like the Teliban. I am not a fool and I won't be victimized (I hope). I know this is a fantacy but meeting a girl and living happily ever after is also a fantacy and a cruel joke. I like her anyway. After all, aren't women we date in a business state of mind anyway. The first thing they want to know is what we do for a living (Or how much money do we have?) As a matter of fact, in the final analysis they are the most expensive, most costly and most unfulfilling?  Men become doctors, lawyers and indian chiefs because of women.  
Am I making a mistake?

Interesting post, Kimosabe.  What you have to remember is that women become providers for many different reasons--each one is unique.  Some are certainly in it only for the money and see their customers only as objects to be exploited, but just as certainly there are others who are genuinely caring and sincere.  You just have to rely on your own intuition, be a little trusting, and of course be willing to take a chance.  Love, after all, is always risky.

Jimmyjam and G2's posts were very intriguing. As if one is in a ballroom full of people, there is always one or two people that stand out like a shining star and catch our eye and our heart. Each special friend has unique characteristics like the friends or coworkers from our personal lives. One guy has a great sense of humor. Another might be kindhearted and selfdepricating. But it takes that special chemistry of personality, magnetic draw and common interests that often put those "What If" questions in our minds. Generally, married guys know when to pull back and show you where the lines are. I know what to discuss and what not to by listening closely without saying a thing and I respect other people's privacy. When the friend chemistry is there, everything is evenly placed and can still be fantastic. When that other chemistry is there too, well, it's euphoric. I have one married friend who is the bomb. I see him once a month and he is very special to me. Handsome, intelligent, funny, well dressed, not arrogant but confident, master of many skills, handsome, protective, comforting and did I say handsome? Sometimes I like to imagine that we are lovers either happily married living in a house by the sea or having a torrid affair while working together at the same firm...and it's that imagination that sets the world ablaze. If he wasn't happily married, I'd jump at the chance to date him but he is so I jump other things...and he doesn't seem to have a problem with that.

HB

Could and have.  Providers are people with a unique line of work.  They have feelings and fears and hopes and desires like anyone else.  They are probably more attuned to the feelings and needs of those they are with than most women I know.  In most cases they are intelligent, witty, knowledgeable and just fun to be with.  May be the women I choose to see, but that's what I've found.

Have known one lady for a couple of years now.  Am I in love with her, yes as a very dear friend or perhaps a member of my family?  Could we be romantically in love, probably if either of us were to let it go there?  Instead I think we're both comfortable with the deep love that goes with a very good friendship.

I am now seeing another provider.  Could I fall in love with her?  Perhaps.  Age gap could be a problem.  My martial status could be a problem.  If it develops in that direction, I suspect it will be as very good friends, perhaps friends for life.  She's special and she has brought things to my life that I did not think possible.  I'm more open and trusting with her than anyone I can think of.  Is that the basis for a deep friendship and love, could be!

So to answer your question, yes I can and have fallen in love with a provider.  I may well again.  Providers are people and we're all capable of meeting a person and falling in love with them, with all its joys, trials, excitements and tribulations.  It's no different than with anyone else we meet, just a little more trust required.

I had been married for almost twenty years when I first met this provider that I fell in love with.

Many, many hours were spent trying to get a handle on whether or not she felt the same about me as I was feeling about her.

In the end, we backed off and are letting time tell us whether or not we are meant for each other or not.

I am learning that anyone who works in this business has to definitely go slow when it comes to a relationship.  The confusing boundaries when it comes to money, sex, and love are enough to boggle anyones mind, much less a provider and a former client.

It is not easy but remember, providers are people too.

Been there.  Done that.  It does make your heart drop when you come in after a long days work to see your lady and she says.  "Sorry, I've gotta go to work."  I dated a provider that also worked at a strip club.  The club scene didn't bother me at all, but when she started providin' for two or three hours at a time, I felt a little left out and ultimately we just decided to go our separate ways.  Would I do it again.  Probably!

I'm glad to know so many gents allowed themselves to follow their hearts.  As someone else stated love is very elusive and when you find it "go far it".  Myself not trying to fall in love so I try never to be misleading.  When gentlemen seek us out it is usually to fill avoid and contrary to popular belief it isn't all about sex.  I feel for the gents that have been manipulated for extra monetary gain to the provider.  This is dishonest to lead someone on falsely.  This is playing with someone's emotions and it is like playing russian roulette.  It is cruel.  I have made so may wonderful friends as a provider and I love everyone of them.  Each is special and individual is his own right and I compare no one to anyone else.  One of my wonderful awakenings was to discover love came in all kinds of wonderful packages and I didn't have to marry somebody just because we had a wonderful intimate encounter. My motto is "LIVE FREE"  Live is very exciting---Freedom requires everyday effort.  Keep loving us with responsible regard and you never know someone might say "I Do"

LOL, Cheridan