hobbyists and providers:

do you think hobbying/providing makes you a better person? a worse person? doesn't make a difference?

I am posing this question, because when i first started providing. I thought everything was amazing, and it was going to be so easy. from time to time i see some people here bashing escorts about how our job isnt a job. Or that we arent educated, or that this is the good life for us etc. I just wanna say that there isn't anything easy about providing. We have to be dedicated, and disciplined, and its really hard work. It can drain us emotionally, just as much as physically.

I was very skeptical when I started escorting. Mostly cuz i thought I wasnt cut out for it. As I started escorting, I started meeting great people. caring people. people who seem like my company and things I would provide to them, would make their lives just a little better. Now that's just my own opinion. I really don't know if in actuality I made a difference in their lives, but they certainly made a difference in mine.

recently I lost a very special friend. And to my surprise, i got a lot of nice words from providers and hobbyists. (JD by the way ill never forget what you said to me: "We are a family here"). I must say that the hobby changed my life for the better. Unlike what I first thought about this type of profession. its not as easy as it looks. We begin to care for people, we look out for them, they care for us and help us when we need help. I have to say this hobby made me a better person. Thank you everyone. Thank you even to the trolls who make me appreciate the good people even more.  

Has the hobby made your life better, or worse?

I have met nice people and it has opened up my world.   I have learned a little bit of something from nearly everybody I have seen, and more importantly, I have enjoyed the company of people that I would probably have dismissed IRL - a true lesson in not judging a book by its cover.   I think it has made me a better person.

As a married guy, the guilt will probably never disappear, but on balance, it has been a very positive experience.

that being a provider has opened up a new world, in a good way. I am able to meet people I wouldn't have normally.

 It has been a great humanizing experience that exposes me to the nuances of life.

It certainly hasn't made me or my life "worse" I am quite happy with my life. I love sex and this gives me the opportunity to do what every teenaged boy has always dreamed of, which is to have as much sex as I ever wanted to. Just like eating the buffet at the Bellagio, I have actually had to say "no mas" to having sex at times, having had as much as I am physically capable of having, with as many different women as I wanted. How many men outside of this can say that?

but, has it made me a better person? I can't see how any recreational activity can make you a better person. I am pretty sure I would still be the same person without having done the things I have done, no better, no worse, but perhaps maybe not quite as sexually fulfilled.

lThe bad things can be worse and the good can be better.  Since getting into this world I have met some wonderful folks, and it more than makes up for some of the hideous dipshits I've come across.

your reply about your own experience sasha warms my heart.  i would hope (but sincerely doubt) that the majority of providers feel the way you do.  and yes, i believe this community (at least the decent people within it) are a family.

case in point:  you may remember i just had a severe lung surgery and am recuperating at home, unable to get out and drive myself around.  well i just finished texting with one of my atfs who is going to stop by my house with some fresh groceries for me.  i can't believe my luck to know such a lovely girl to do that for me!

has it made me a better person?  much better.  i was raised by an undiagnosed bipolar alcoholic mother (who as also an incest and domestic abuse victim), which pretty much screwed me up socially and sexually for most of my young adult life.  i was totally unable to communicate verbally or sexually with people for years.  

civvie girls couldn't handle my confusion and freak outs, and  i sure couldn't either.  it was even too much for my wife, because every therapist we went to insisted my problems were simply behavior modification problems and that i didn't even have a problem, which of course, made my problem even worse.

then i found this world.  the ladies here are kind and accepting, non-judgemental, and never cast aspersions on my ability to perform or not.  and they would do whatever i asked without comment, and with enthusiasm and beautiful smiles, as long as i asked nice.  and if they didn't want to do something, they were very kind about refusing.

i became so much more confident in my abilities in the bedroom, and everyone knows that that kind of confidence spills over into the rest of your life too.  i've become a much better lover, and by extension, a much better human being.  i can communicate now, and i am not afraid to let people know what i want and wha i don't want.

i am constantly amazed that this world is frowned upon by society at large, because it seems so incredibly healthy in its approach to sexuality to me.  if the civvie girls had been as understanding and sexually confident, i probably would have never wandered into this world (also, if my wife wanted to role play...but that's another sad story).

with very few exceptions i must thank every lady i have ever been with for helping me become a better me.  and i even have to thank the guys who offer support and advice about the women, and even you schmucks here on this board, including bbfs4ever and fancy8888 and the rest of you lugs!

I think the answer to your question is truly relative. Depending on which type of clientele you are willing to see and which type of service you're providing. I love my job and I truly care for the people that I see. I never allow myself to act fake around clients or fake any kind of pleasure. If I don't enjoy being around someone, then I wouldn't see them again. I wouldn't allow myself to see clients that aren't going to respect me. This makes me able to enjoy what I do and feel good about it. I wouldn't exactly say my work is hard, but not everyone is the same. I have a lot of energy though, and that's what people feed off. If you're going to see a client and you don't have a lot of energy to work with or you find yourself easily being drained, that can be difficult and not as enjoyable (for the provider). I like to please people and make them happy, that's what makes me good at my job and able to get satisfaction from it. It's definitely helped me to become a better person, only because it's opened my perception with pleasure and love beyond my generation. I've been with people that I wouldn't have thought of being with before, but I enjoy our time together thoroughly. People are always going to have something negative to say about any subject in the world. The difference is if you acknowledge it and give it meaning or not. Everyone has a different level of perception and morality, it's what's in your mind that matters.

pretty damn awesome. Yes there are weirdos we deal with but that's life in general. You just need to know when enough is enough and how to avoid negative people. My very first client at the agency I started with gave me the means to go indy... he literally gave me the world on a silver platter asking nothing in return. I call him an angel and to this day he is there for me and I am there for him. I thank the universe for him every day.

The only thing I don't get is on some outcalls (I don't allow people to party at my incall location) when people are "partying with the nose candy" and they are usually the higher end clients... they get so high and its 45 minutes past your time and you are trying to leave because its 7 am and I have class in a few hours and they say its all about the f-ing money isn't it... well darling if it's sucking a coke dick for 6 hours yup its all about the money I get confused when people want me to stay... and start getting really mean nasty and judgmental. Don't you pay me to leave? It would be a different story if I didn't see a ring on your finger or we started off the date with a nice meal and conversation... instead of me stripping and you doing enough drugs to scare me away. I don't judge them I wish they wouldn't judge me.

Basically there is the beautiful and the ugly but we have to deal with both with the utmost class and respect, we learn from it and we become smarter. This hobby has allowed me to travel the world and experience things few would only dream of. I am thankful and yes I do feel blessed for my life for my great clients and for the experiences that made me who I am. The good and the bad. Its allowed a certain depth of compassion for humans.

I suppose the holy rollers wouldn't consider me better, but who cares what others think?

I'm happy with this lifestyle, and meeting so many interesting people and going places I'd never go to also is a plus.

Just wish I had more money now.

Can't have it all

...as for making me a better person....nah, but getting a dog definitely made me a superficially friendlier person.

Better. But more importantly...just more aware. It hasn't nor will it ever change the person I am inside. But on average there are individuals you would maybe never come across except for being introduced thru this small lil world we live in. And that can be a wonderful thing.  

So yes... better life. But same core of a person.  

G xo

I can say that being involved in the hobby has enriched my life in many ways - meeting some wonderful people, increased my sexual confidence and broadened my sexual horizons, introduced me to ideas and activities I was formerly sheltered from, taught me to handle emotions I never thought existed.

I can think of a few regrets as well, but these are overshadowed by the things I believe are positive aspects of the hobby.

I am a growing and evolving person, and the hobby has helped me in both positive and negative ways. I am OK with who I am, and thus I would not change a thing about how I became who I am today

After my divorce, I was in pretty rough shape emotionally.  I was very  lucky to find a provider who wasn't just drop-dead gorgeous, but was also very, very sweet, and who treated me well. The kindness, cuddling, and just simple chatting was something that had been gone from my life for many years.

With only a couple of exceptions, each meeting has brought something new, something I'll remember all my life. Whether it's a spectacular BJ or just hugging and kissing, it's something I won't forget.

I know it's not real, but it feels real enough to make me happy. I only wish I could afford to play more.

swear. She is like the ultimate fantasy girl.  

Just the good mood I am put in after every session ... makes me happier, more relaxed, and easier to be around. I feel love for everyone, man!  

She is also there for me occasionally to text when I need advise from time to time. She is soooo patient and wise when she gives advice. She is definitely an "old soul" with great wisdom. I know that I probably sound like every post I write is an ode or tribute to her, but that's just how much she inspires me. I admire her.

And since most of my time "in the hobby" is spent with her, I would say that THE HOBBY HAS DEFINITELY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER BECAUSE IT WAS HOW I WAS INTRODUCED TO HER

It has certainly made my life more interesting and fun.  I think my life would have been pretty boring without the hobby, since I've never liked playing the dating game in the civvie world.

I'm grateful that I've met some wonderful providers throughout the years and have made a number of good friends in the hobbying community as well.

...but it definitely made my life a lot more fun...

made my life better, especially as to how I have been able to improve my overall health, how I treat the ladies I am fortunate enough to spend time with, and what I have learned from some of these fantastic women.

Doesn't make any difference --a good person is good and a bad person isn't.

I don't think this hobby has made me a better person. I do believe it has dulled my senses to what is morally right in life. However, I really don't care. I am what I am.

I don't know if the hobby has made me a better person. But it has made me a better lover. It has shown me so many wonderfully different women that I would have never met intimately otherwise. It has made a difficult profession much easier to handle with thoughts of sexy ladies to get me through the week. Then, when you hit it off with a lady, and become each other's atf, all of those things are magnified.  

But there's also a dark side to the hobby. There are some absolutely f*cking crazy ladies out there, and I've been put in some extremely difficult situations. Instead of having the attitude that we're all in this together, let's share ideas, many of the gentlemen out there are judgmental jerks. The fact that the hobby has to be so far under the radar can also put us in precarious situations. So there's a major avoidance mode that takes up a lot of time, and energy. The hobby can be very unpleasant at times.  

So it's a wash. In some ways I'm better, and love the hobby. In other ways the opposite is true.

to your questions:

1) i don't feel it makes a difference in what kind of person I am...

2) Overall, hobbying has been a mixed experience.  On one hand it (which was my decision and no one elses to hobby)...cost me my marriage and family once I was found out.  It's been almost 7 years and my kids still aren't talking to me.  On the other hand, post divorce, it's been a godsend and helps me keep my sanity and keeps me from rushing into another relationship just to keep from being alone.

I will say that my life is better, though.  I no longer have to worry about when I'm going to "get some" next, LOL.  And it has definitely given me a sense of community.  Although I don't always have VIP and cant always do the pm thing, I can usually reach out to someone if I need to (for their benefit or mine).  I agree with JD that we're a family here, and families enrich all of our lives.  I love you all!

No better, no worse.   I am mostly unchanged, and also just as ethical now as I was before getting into the hobby a few years ago, although others may disagree.  However, others do not define me.

But I am happier now.   A saying from my family a long time ago was "if Mamma ain't happy, then nobody's happy".    People being happy is a good thing.

We all need each other, because each other is all we really have.  So, please be good to, and respect one another.

Good question, by the way.  Knowing, understanding, and interacting with someone on more than the sexual level, is so much more intense and satisfying.

Can't say it has made it better or worse....its more interesting and unconventional that's for sure. Obviously financially it has made my life a bit more comfortable yet it has brought some considerable stress.... For now its all balanced out so I can't say...