In a dating/marriage relationship the Woman is complete control.

It's my opinion guys who indulge in p4p, have complete control over their sex lives. They have sex whenever they want morning, day, or night...i.e sex is available at YOUR convenience.

You can have sex with a multi-variety of women on different days of the week. A Chinese gal on Monday, a Vietnamese gal on Tuesday, a Brazilian gal on Wednesday, a Latina chick on Thursday, a Black chick on Friday, a Blond Chick on Saturday, a Red Head on Sunday, etc.

In a marriage or dating relationship, the woman is in complete control of sex. It's really a lousy deal and the main reason most guys who patronize hookers are married. Unfortunately while dating, guys get hooked in by a girl who offers 'em all the sex they want, they get married, the first child comes along, and the woman loses all interest in sex. The guy is screwed and has no other alternative but to seek out pay for play providers.

I am happily divorced and hobbying helps to keep me that way. A man that is getting all the sex he can handle is much more difficult to lead around by his dick, than is a man who hasn't been laid in a year. lol

Of course there are the manginas among us who still can't stand up to a woman, even with an empty sack. lmao

and neither have I, except with respect to D/s relationships....

for the most part I have enjoyed interdependence negotiated on the basis of our respective strengths and weaknesses, mutual support, genuine caring, space for each of us to grow and develop without clinginess / dependencies, and no expectations of exclusivity.

Relationships are good if you find the right women (and vice versa)

and if you are not conditioned by the dominant local superstitions with their early bronze age institutions and disfunctional moral theology.

Friends can't figure out why I always have a big smile on my face.

Hey, have pity on us poor bastards who got married young (before growing a real pair and setting their terms) and now have to do their thing on the side. Some times I get real pissed about how things are.

Yeah, I P4P, but they STILL control my time and my money, and I'll tell you why!

I make dates with some of the HOTTEST ladies that walk this fucking planet.

And that means I have to take care of the 'little things' besides their 'donation'.

I fucking LOVE to be seen with a beautiful woman. That's part of the experience I'm paying for.

So when we stroll into a store, and pick up Magnums and booze of her choice? Oh yeah! I'm getting looks!

Not to mention, gambling with them. Or having dinner. Or just hanging somewhere.

Not to mention room service, and her answering the door, almost nekkid? Oh yeah! I'm paying for that experience!

Brother, if you think it don't costs. It costs.

But the return on my money, is ohhhh soooo  worth it!!!

JMHO!!!

I'm harmless. Just let me rant and everything will be alright!

BTW, I'm still digging on the sausage and meat balls!

They didn't have that shit when we were kids!

So it has to be the booze!

BTW, I've been waiting for this! Thanks, brother!

When the subject is who controls the sex, it's just one type of control issue.  What the couple needs to work on is the larger issue of control in general, not just sex.

Anyone who is thinking about becoming a marriage counselor (like me) will probably be working on helping couples with their control issues.

Glad you found the joy of hobbie. I too found it cool to be able to get a girl with just a couple phone calls when things are slow.

But I'll disagree about dating and relationships - If you are the man, you are in charge. No you can't make a girl have sex with you against her will, but you can either make her want it or walk out and find 10 other girls to fuck, better looking and less demanding.

Why would you want to control somebody?

One of the first things that attracts me is their spirit.

Why would I want to squash that?

Keep them down, and they lose a part of themself.

The light in your eyes, and the smile on your face is sooo very attractive!

Just me I guess...

I'll admit, I'm not much more 'experienced' than you are in this field. And I've never been married. Had many SOs, lived with a few. And their kids.

But I never presumed that if they didn't get their shit together, that I could replace them so easily.

Most here that know me know I'm a pompous ass. I'm the resident drunk, and I toot my horn on many occasions.

But the ladies I talk with, either here or PM, email, phone, or see, know Mikey.

I might be a dick on the boards, but I totally respect the lady.

Ask around, fucker.

I might 'act' like an asshole, but you sure as fuck sound like one.

IMHO, of course....

When I was much younger than today, I fell in love with a lovely young lady, we got engaged, both families were fully supportive of our eventual marriage.  Except that didn't come to pass...some other dude broke into the picture late, and took her away.  The fact that he was a LOSER that ultimately couldn't take care of her and the kids he spawned...

I could go into that crap further, but this is not the EH, and I need no advice from TLG.  I am mostly happy as a hobbyist, and agree the it gives you complete control over your sexual destiny, though you have to be mindful of the dollars spent.  In civvie world, most guys have to take what they can get...probably the major reason why the majority of men only have experience with at most a half dozen ladies, and live lives of quiet desperation.  Thank goodness, that isn't me...

The question was about control, and I believe that having control over one's own life, incl sex doesn't mean you need to treat other's poorly, or obusively, or be manipulative

You can respect girls without sucking up to them. I personally sometimes had a problem respecting girls when I drank, so now I don't drink and respect girls pretty much all the time

And it's not about it being EASY to find girls, to some it is easy to some it is not but either way it gets easier with some practice and pretty much any guy can do it, and as long as we can do it, we have control over our own sex lives. But if you think I'm for disrespecting girls, nah, that's not what I'm about

i have heard stories like yours so i don't doubt that it happens.

let me suggest that you didn't carefuly research your long term leasing arrangement before you inked the deal.

now sometimes stuff can happen, illnesses, etc. but there are ways of researching how the LTR would work and assuring that your circumstance, as you describe it, is unlikely to happen.

the key is to avoid for LTR purposes anyone for whom complete control would fit like a glove. in a LTR it's a plague. someone most comfortable with a balance of power is a better choice for the long lease option.

it's about having a clear idea of what works and what doesn't.

sometimes i think i had a clearer idea of that way back then AND made it more clearly understood as well.

who don't believe it, go get married!  A bride always smiles at her wedding, only because she knows she's given her last blowjob!
Actually, they can start out quite well.  The people who enjoy skiing should love marriage, as it all goes downhill, and with time the slope get VERY steep.  When it gets to the point where she views it as an extension of house work, its trouble.
Warning signs:  She goes to bed much earlier or later than you do.  If you happen to go to bed at the same time, doesn't brush her teeth, or the final sign...wears a tampon 365 days a year!

Thank God for the Hobby!!!!  

I agree with you 100% This is suppose to be fun after all we are paying for it, and I've learned my lesson as far as dating or building a relationship with a provider.

Talking about "Control Issues" vs. the dynamics between two people, who are each trying to get basic, intermediate and higher order needs met, is like the comparison between gross motor skills vs. fine motor skills. Seeing relationships from behind the lens of "Control Issues" can severely limit your ability to truly understand a couple's dynamics.

You went from; "In a dating/marriage relationship the Woman is complete control," to "In a marriage or dating relationship, the woman is in complete control of sex." Well, there are more things are on the table, to be negotiated for, than sex.

But, I agree with you in that, "Thank goodness for this hobby." Sometimes, intentionally or unintentionally, the sex life of a couple becomes unsatisfactory for the man, and sex his good for his health.


-- Modified on 4/19/2010 9:59:52 AM

We come onto this mudball naked and alone.
We leave pretty much the same way.
The last things we have, if lucky, are some really good memories.

Now that's how a man should behave...make her want it or walk out on her and get it somewhere else if she won't give it up...ladies, listen up...the man is ALWAYS in charge.

Being in the hobby means you're captain of your sex life and you can put the dick in any hole you want. Nice to have some extra cash.

I like my man to b in charge!

that's rediculous! we turn down more clients than we see, most women in this business anyway.

you choose who you want to see, call her and she chooses to see you or not.
Everyone is making a choice here.

i've found ways to get them to re-think seeing me.

like asking them if they'd mind dropping mom off at her dialysis appointment afterwards.

it gets rid of them for good instead of them coming back and trying over and over and over again.

amazing that they never give up.


yes i realize it's unprofessional but it brings me sweet serenity now.

Years ago, it was stated that going a strip club and merely viewing a woman's bare breasts lowered a man's BP.  The authorities instantly rushed out to refute this...except that the stats didn't back them up.

Bottom line...hobbying is a net postitve for those of choose to engage.  

Personally every man is welcome but I have heard that there are many reasons why a man is turned down. To name a few...bad hygiene, rough, board rep, size, age, attitude, explicit emails (although us ladies can be as nasty as we like...I've heard some men love this), and has been placed on a dns list. Hope that helps.

the top reason, which knocks out most "hobbyists," is incompatible motivations and goals. i am a provider because i passionately want to serve men who genuinely need it...i look to fulfill men in ways far beyond the physical, to provide a safe place for them where they feel free to truly be themselves. this means that i instantly reject most of the men who contact me, as they are just looking for NSA sex. they provide name, stats, references, and what day and time they'd like to meet. INSTANT reject. otoh, men who reveal a bit of their true selves and what they are lacking in their lives, the needs and desires they hope i can help fulfill...these are the ones who deserve my consideration.

the second most common reason i turn down someone is age. i simply will not see men under 40, because i feel much more comfortable with men significantly older than myself. older men are also more likely to be comfortable with a submissive-natured woman.

Are you a professional sex therapist.

just this funny, old-fashioned little thing i like to engage in called "conversation." voice to voice. human to human. talk. listen. laugh. get to know. freaky, huh?

and actually quite often i do feel like a therapist, an all-around psycho/physical/sex-analyst.