my sweet, loving, caring father has found out what I do. I'm a mess. I don't know what to do. There's no denying it. I was stupid to think that he wouldn't, and I certainly don't blame anyone else than myself.
My prayers are with you and that you find a way to explain to your father why it is you have chosen this biz . I will also pray that the words you chose he is able to hear in his heart so he is able to understand your decision, even if he never is able to accept it. I will be thinking of you, Mara in San Diego
I am a father also, My children do not always follow the path that I have hoped that they would, it is part of them growing up and finding there own way to be, As far as you being a mess? Well I don't quite know how to respond to that, But I could say that, were my parents alive today I would not want to be a disappointment to them. But I also do not want to turn a blind eye to what my needs are also, I wish you the best in finding a happy solution to your plight! Trooper
I'm a very open and honest person and being a Provider is the only area that I'm obviously not 'open' about, and that DOES bother me.
I do know another Provider whose entire family is aware of her profession, and am envious. But, hearing about her family and their inter-relationships, it is understandable that she could be so forthright about it and also understandable that she doesn't care what they think of it.
I sympathize with IW because it would be a very unpleasant, to say the least, experience to have to 'come clean' with, in particular to your PARENTS.
"Forgiveness", however, is one word that didn't enter into my mind. Forgive me for doing something I love? Forgive me for having a lifestyle that is different than most? Forgive me for doing what every woman fantasizes about doing and having the nerve to do it? I have always been a person who 'goes her own way', does things differently, and not the conventional 'norm'. So, FORGIVE me..for what?
I don't need anyone's forgiveness, and I don't feel any need to apologize or explain for something that works very well for me, and makes me rather happy. The only thing I would fear would be the obvious - ignorant judgement and condemnation; and pure lack of understanding or even an attempt at it.
In a very real sense, I've been a provider for years. I simply wasn't paid for it.
While my situation isn't lateral to IW's, I am very proud to be an escort, love what I do, and hope to be able to say that I still have clients many years from now. And, if ever I find myself in a similar situation to IW, well, I will say why I do what I do, why I believe it's a good thing (or I wouldn't do it), and what it means to me. They'll either understand, or they won't. And I won't care or change a thing if they won't.
Yes I used that dreaded word Forgive in my post, I am not looking to start any moral outrage here, but I used the word forgive in my post because of the context in which I used the word is for this reason. Interesting Womans father, I would think raised his daugther to be honest, She has been less than honest with her family, If so many state that they are happy with who they are and what they do, then why are they hiding it from so many? Yes there are many judgemental people out there who do not understand. She made a personal choice and like it or not, she now has to live with the fallout, Is it fair? who ever said that life was fair? Its just one more example of life and one more example of owning up to ones choices made in life. If you are so happy and so sure of your choice then don't judge me for using the word forgive, because of your inability to be honest or upfront about the choices you have made in your life! I have raised my children to be upfront with me and honest. now that the oldest has reached an age of acountibilty for his actions, I do not judge his choices nor his behavior, I just love him for who he is.Its his life to live, not mine, and I of course live my life and suffer or laugh by the choices that I make in life.
There seems to be something inconsistent with your comments, trooper. You say her father should forgive because of the issue of dishonesty. Then you point to yourself and say, “I don’t judge my children”, and somehow that implies others hold to your same non-judgmental views.
Clearly, that is a pipe dream in our society. Just look at the laws involving this. If so many were non-judgmental, the laws wouldn’t be as they are. And you wonder why a Lady doesn’t openly shout her profession from the rooftops?
I believe your use of “forgive” is very much inappropriate, especially because you most likely don’t know InterestingWoman’s father at all. thus you have no way of knowing if he is as accepting as you think you are.
IW: I pray not so much that your father will forgive, for I doubt that is his to do. But rather that he will understand. I have not gone through this with my children, but I have lived through some things that are probably similar in many ways. If he will talk with you (and since I don’t know him either, I don’t know if that is possible), the only advice I can give you is to talk and explain as calmly as possible. With my children (both 20+), talking has been very hard at times, but much preferred in the end to silence.
must her father forgive her for being a provider? or for not going out of her way to discuss that choice with him?
you claim to be non-judgemental, trooper, but i don't see it in your words: "... because of your inability to be honest or upfront about the choices you have made..." is a VERY judgemental statement. how do you know what her reasons are for not sharing her choices with her father?
do you see providers, trooper? and do you discuss that with your family, your friends, your son? does everybody in your family and 'inner circle' of friends have the right to know every intimate detail of your sex life - and are you a liar for not sharing those details?
my beliefs and values are different from those of my parents. that does not mean i do not love or respect them. but if i make a choice in life that i believe would bother or hurt them, i would not go out of my way to share it with them. it does not mean that i am ashamed of what i do and it does not make me a liar. it would PROBABLY be better all around if i was just upfront about it from the beginning - but that is SO MUCH easier said than done.
IW - i wish you luck. sexual issues are just so easy to talk about with our parents (as well as our children), aren't they?
One of the more interesting and serious threads. Obviously it looks like the gals are more defensive and the guys are in a different corner so to speak ie what they would do if it were their daughters. Curious IW, are you willing to give up what you say you enjoy or if your dad asks you to give it up do you know what your answer will be. Hopefully whatever your answer is, it will be what you both can live with. I agree with Sedona as far as being your own person, that is my personality also but if your dad says NO to the business or no further relationship with your parents you have a possible lifetime decision. You also might answer if there is another vocation open to you if your decision is to leave the business. Yes, we would like to know what happens. The best to you.
I suppose you have talked to him directly by now to find out how he feels.
I know as a father that even if my girls killed someone I would find a way to deal with it. I hope you will give him a chance to come to terms with it and discuss it from your point of view.
You still are an interesting woman and your daddy's little girl. Talk to him.
I am sure as everyone reads your post they will pray for you and your dad in their own way and you will get through this whole.
Yea, one could say I'm upset. I know that this is probably the worst thing a parent could find out about their daughter. What my dad probably doesn't understand is that I'm still kind, bright, articulate, goofy, sweet, sensitive and for the most part, an ethically and morally sound person. Being an escort doesn't change the fact that I'm a human being. Most of all, I want my dad to know that it's not his fault. I have chosen this profession at this time in my life. Nobody has forced me to do anything - ever.
No, I haven't spoken with him directly. He sent me an email today asking me to come over with my dog so him and I could go for a walk. The note questioned how I've been paying my bills for the past two years, and mentioned how I couldn't have been getting by these past years solely on my good looks alone. (He's right. I have a good personality too!) Then at the end of the email, he dropped the bombshell that he "heard" I was an escort on the Internet. Needless to say, I almost fell out of my chair. The only way he could have "heard" I was escorting was a. He saw my picture online OR b. A former best friend told him. Either way I'm busted.
So I'm about to bring my doggie to my parents' house for what my dad calls a "heart to heart talk." I love my parents dearly. They've been so good to me. The worst part is if I tell my dad, I will have to tell my mom and my siblings. I know my sisters would disown me, and my mom would be devastated. I'm not usually one to post all my trivial details of my personal, but as some of you may know, this business can leave providers feeling a bit isolated at times. Thanks for listening. It means more than you know
Your problem obviously strikes a cord in all of us and if only there were something we could do, we would, But of course we can't.
What bothers me about this thread is an underlying assumption that being a provider makes you any less of good person. This is a lifestyle that brings happiness and much more to a lot of people, and I hope you don't in any way think less of yourself because of what you do. Is a clerk in a dry cleaning store or a Social Security office who is rude to customers and clients a better person because she adheres more closely to some ridiculous societal norm.
Obviously, this hurts -- both you and your father. Much depends on your relationship with him but be honest and don't look down on yourself. Your love for each other will see you through this.
Forgive me for being presumption (because I don't know you) but I do know some very caring providers and that makes me feel strongly in offering these thoughts. We're all pulling for you.
He knows you are kind, bright, articulate, goofy, sweet, sensitive and a moral and ethical person.
You are doing a lot of projecting. This is not the worst thing a parent could find out about their daughter. Murderer, drug dealer to school age children are just a couple of things that come to mind.
It is an old ism that you are what you are, not what your job is. I think if you are proud of who are and don't worry about what you do, then you can explain that to your dad.
The only reason I could think he would be upset is he knows the high quality person you are and doesn't feel your job reflects who you are.
It is really up to the two of you as well as the rest of your family to make the distinction between you and your profession.
I hope this helps you. Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you want and hopefully your higher provider will help you see the good person you really are.
Dear IW, I just read your reply to another responder after I submitted my comments. Dear heart, from what you said in the previous post, the fact that you are taking your doggie over to your parents to have a "heart-to-heart" is an indication that all is not lost. Otherwise he would not want to see you or have you in his house. I think the healing has already begun. I'm sure he has talked to your mom at great length.... that's a beginning. HANG IN THERE SWEETIE.
A.) if he saw it online, why was he there? maybe you should talk to your mom, unless your Former best friend showed him to prove it. B.) She is your former best friend, he should believe you over her. Maybe you were offered some good money to pose for pictures, but didn't know what the photographer was going to do with them. thats why they were there. Women have been taking pictures and signing their rights away for some time now for the mone6y
Feel out your old man and find out exactly what he knows. You could ease the pain by saying you are a companion and no sex is involved. Thats immoral and illegal, he raised you better than that.
But if there is no pulling the wool over his eyes, I guess I'd question how he is so well informed about the escort industry.
Good Luck, I hope it makes your relationship stronger in the end.
As others have stated, his response thus far indicates that he's feeling concern as opposed to anger. Don't be so quick to judge him as to assume that he's judging you.
My guess is that he's got more concern for your safety and concern for your reasons behind choosing a profession that you didn't feel comfortable enough about yourself to be open about it. Don't make too many assumptions and approach this conversation with honesty and confidence in his love for you.
Actually, the worst thing a parent could find out about their daughter is that she was killed last night in a....(fill in the blank here) or has a terminal illness. Anything would be easier to deal with than that.
IW, I obviously don't know you, your father, or the nature of your familial relationships, but I am a parent. I have asked myself on more than one occasion how I would feel if one of my girls entered this profession. To do anything other than support their decision would be hypocritical, but they're young. Ask me again in 15-20 years when the scenario is at least possible.
I would rather my girls be kind, bright, articulate, goofy, sweet, sensitive escorts with integrity rather than mean, dishonest, manipulative, coniving persons who stoop to anything in order to get ahead. Again, this is me projecting into the future, but if I found out, my primary concern would be to ensure that they were healthy, happy, and safe. If they were under some kind of duress, I'd see what I could do to help them. But it would be hard to argue with "it's my calling".
Among other things, your father may just want to ensure that you are indeed healthy, happy, and safe. These serious parent/child discussions often go in unexpected directions and reach improbable conclusions. There's no doubt that this is going to be a difficult conversation for both of you. Just remember that he's your father and that he loves you.
I respect the fact you don't usually like to post the details of your personal life, but I would be curious to know how you and your family end up dealing with this. Many people could learn something from this experience.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Good luck.
I'm so naïve. What is it you have to come clean about? You’re paying your bills. You’re not a burden to society. You’re proud of what you do. I’m proud of you too.
If my daughter deviates from the path I’ve mapped out for her (she’s supposed to be a fighter pilot after graduating from one of the service academies, or a pro volleyball player – outside hitter, specifically), then I guess I could “forgive her”, since it’s her life and I’ve lived mine already….
If she decides to escort for a while? I’ll help her with her business plan. I want her to pay attention to safety issues. Oh yeah: and don’t give anybody else a % of gross. Gross should = net, less G&A.
Hi IW If you've been in the business for a couple years, I'm sure that your folks, especially your dad, must have wondered how you made a living ! Now that the cat's out of the bag, don't blame yourself. If he truly loves you, and I'm sure that he does, ask him to understand that you are still his little girl even though he may not approve what you do. Tell him that you'll always love him .It's going to be very difficult for him, just as it is for you. It's going to take time and you are going to need to be patient, after all this is a shock. I don't know how old you are or how old your dad is but the older you both are, the better. I'm a grandfather... I had two boys ( I always wanted a little girl) and I'm sure that if you were my daughter, I'd forgive you, because I love you, and just hope and pray for your safety. Dear heart, be patient and let the shock to you and your dad dissipate. Remember that the wounds will heal, it will just take time. God bless both of you, and know that all of the TER family will be thinking of you and you will be in our prayers. Try not to let it consume you and don't dwell on it constantly. If you need to talk , I'll be here to listen, and try to give you some moral support. Luv ya,
First off, why are you blaming yourself?? People need companionship everyday.
Second, you make it sound like escorting is a bad thing. I for one, love my job and if someone found out, I would tell them to f*&k off...its my life....
Third, you should always remember that anyone can find out anytime.
Try to relax, you only have one dad, and I am sure, he will turn around.
I am assuming by now you have had this talk. I am assuming that it was a difficult first few moments. But I am also assuming that you probably found it to be somewhat of a relief. Many parents just want their children to be safe and happy. (OK that is what I want)
I know how hard it is to live with secrets. Thousands of men and women in the adult entertainment industry are all pulling for you my dear. To me that puts you in the "in" crowd. So no matter what you heard tonight, know many are secretly saying, god I wish I was in your position to come clean.
It may be uncomfortable for you at first. But I am a provider who at this point in my life have revealed myself to everyone I care about. Some of it was discovered, and some of it was simply my decision not to be isolated from those I love. When someone asks me what I do now, on most occassions I reply that I am a professional escort. I have found it to be amazing, that not one of my friends, or even new acquaintances has rejected me. I was met more with curiosity and questions regarding what it is like. Everyone wonders about that. The most recent question was whether I thought it would harden me. In fact the contrary is true. I have met the most complimentary and caring people in this field that it has even surprised me from time to time as I am sure you are aware of. The only reason I am useing an alias is because I don't want LE to know such personal things about me. Some are more approving than others, but you would be surprised how many females have asked me to help them get started. I generally refrain from doing that because I think it has to be something that you are truly comfortable with and not doing out of some sort of desperation. If you are not defensive and can really communicate that you are OK with it, then you will find that people are much more understanding than you might imagine. It might take some time, and it is not something that your father, mother or sisters need to hear about around the dinner table. But honestly answer the questions they have, and if they love you, they will listen. My best wishes for you....a sister provider.
Now that you're worst secret is out... perhaps you can completely open the door with him on many other issues (if there are any). Maybe there is a bright side to this... just have look past the initial despair.
I know it's rough on you now, and the next few weeks will probably involve some yelling, attempted guilt trips and disapproval. It may even be aweful. But then it will calm down. The fact that your dad wants to go for a walk with you shows that his love is unwavered. You are still his daughter. While he may not approve of your choices, and he will probably do everything he can to sway your decision on being an escort, he won't stop loving you.
You no longer have to live a lie. In a few weeks, you will feel relieved, and a huge weight will be lifted. Trying to hide such a large part of your life from those whom you love the most is exhausting and stressful. That will no longer be an issue. In a sense, you are liberated.
Try to help them understand that this is your choice. It is not a reflection of their parenting skills or your religious upbringing. Being an escort doesn't define who you are, it is simply what you choose to do. You are the exact same person today as you were before they 'found out'
Let them know you are safe. Tell them what screening methods you have in place, that you take care of your health etc.
From my personal experience, my mother was much more morally opposed, and my father was much more concerned with my safety (bad client, angry wife, or becoming ill). After all, most men would jump at the chance to be a hetrosexual escort if there was a market for it.
Find out exactly what it is about your work which bothers them, and try to find ways to ease their discomfort. For my mother, it was simply her embarassment at what I do. It doesn't fit into her preconceived notions of what is acceptable for a woman. So we don't talk about my escorting. When her friends ask about me, she just brings up how successful I am at my other job.
With my father, I had to promise him to call him (or my brother)whenever I see a cient (right before the appointment, and again when it is over). They basically have taken on the role of making sure I am as safe as possible. Yes, it is a little wierd, but I do feel safer. (On an even odder note, my brother is the one who scanned in all my photos for my website) - so yes, we have come a very long way since that first dreaded confrontation. Most importantly, there are no more secrets! My life is now completely honest. I don't live with the fear that somebody will find out (all my friends now know, and I haven't lost a single one over this). I can focus my energy on worthwhile things, instead of worrying about how to hide aspects of my life.
A couple of jokes to put things a bit into perspective. You may not want to use this during your first conversation, but they really do show that escorts are really no different from the average woman. We are just more efficient
A man walks into a nightclub and offers a beautiful woman $300 to go to his place for an hour. She is completely offended, and slaps him across the face. Not one to give up, the man asks her what it would take for him to have a passionate time with her. She replies "You need to wine and dine me. I want to be taken to the opera, and driven there in a limo. Flowers, chocolates, and a piece of jewlery wouldn't hurt." The man replies. "I see. So your price is just higher"
The second is a quote. I believe it was Chruchill, but I'm not entirely certain.
He walks up to a lady, and begins his converstion "I am well known, well-dressed, polite, and respectful. Would you consider spending the night with me for a million dollars?" The lady replies "Of course, I would be honoured" "Well" says Churchill, "Would you spend the night with me for $100" The lady disgustingly replies "Of course not! What sort of a lady do you think I am?" Chruchill responds "We've already determined that. Now we are just haggling over price".
Hang in there. I know it won't be as bad as you are anticipating. And in the end, it will be a relief to not have to lead a double life.
I can feel a lot of emotion and anxiety coming through in these posts. It occurs to me that, under the right circumstances, you might show him these posts. You were coming clean, so to speak, to us and sharing your concerns about his sensabilities regarding your work.
If you show these writings, especially yours, you will be showing him your honest thoughts to folks who do understand your position and honor you as a good and decent person as much as we can without actually knowing you.
What you say here is from the heart and he can see how you really think and how concerned you are for him. You are not presenting something to him that can be assumed to be doctored or sugar coated for his benefit. Our responses demonstrate how others feel about this biz. We demonstrate a sense of "OK-ness" that he may find odd at first, but none-the-less unifying. I would hope that there might be some comfort there and some food for thought without it all having to come from you.
Your love and feelings for your father come through here and he can't help but see this.
The last thing I ever want to do is disappoint or hurt my parents. Yet every time I admit something to them that I have been dreading to reveal, they never fail to show love and understanding. Corny, but true. Blows me away every time.
I'm sure your dad must have already given a lot of thought to the conversation you will soon have. It must have been very difficult for him to write that email. But he did, and from what you reported he didn't sound terribly angry, just very concerned. If he wanted to, he could have blindsided you with the information he had. Instead he's obviously given you some time to think about what you are going to say to him. He actually sounds like a pretty wise man to me.
Just my two cents. I hope things turn out ok and you can reach an understanding
Yes, this is one of the oldest professions known to mankind. In many other countries it is an accepted occupation re. LE. One way to look at it is that you provide a consultation service--both emotionally and physically. Being a consultant is a worthy profession. When I have a session with a provider I am looking for both mental/emotional and physical satisfaction. Just my .02 worth.
And I feel for you IW. Could I deal with it as a dad? Absolutely. Cause if you don't, you lose the precious relationship with one of the most important individuals in your life.
I can deal with a lot with my girls (and have!), but death, followed by estrangement, would be the worst.
Keep your chin up. Bring the dog. Look in his eyes, and he'll look into yours. Talk. Be honest. He loves you.
...to know that there loved one is safe, and understands the risks, and ultimately, Dads want their kids to be happy, knowing they can't control everything....he may want to make sure you have a Doberman with you at your incall!
Not to turn the situation around, but is escorting something that embarrasses you, perhaps at some level? Because of the stigma of it being illegal/unethical in a Puritan sense?
We all make choices in life - I have a friend who deals in pharmasuticals (sic) on the black market. I asked him once how he'd explain to people if it ever became public - how he'd explain to his friends and parents. He said he made a decision, understood the consequences and potential for embarrassment, and chose to do it based on the money and opportunities it afforded him.
I can't fault him, and have made my own decisions in life that I stand by. I haven't lived a lilly white life, and like most have some skeletons in the closet. But they've all been choices I've made, and if I have to account for them, so be it.
If this is supposed to be funny, it’s not. And I think it is insulting to a Lady who has a real life serious issue. There are a lot of other threads where humor is appropriate, but I can’t believe this is one of them.
If that was not your purpose, I apologize, but I then also have no clue what you are trying to say.
You say your dad is a "sweet, loving, caring father" If that is true he will remain so. Give him the chance to prove the wonderful things you say and feel about him. After all you're not the first daughter in history to take up this profession.
I know the two of us have had our differences in the past, but recently we have found some common ground. In that vein, let me say that I have had had to go through more than one "Worst Nightmare", relatively speaking with my own parents. As a result, I have been in your shoes, and can really feel your fear, and your pain.
Yes, it's true, I'm not a women (and arguably, not the least bit interesting LOL!), nor,am I an escort. However, as I just said, the significance of this meeting with your Father is a relative thing.
In my experience, it may not be easy(although I truely hope it is), but my advise is to listen to what your Dad has to say. He may be angry, he may be disappointed, but eventually(at least in my experience) he, as well as your Mother,and your sisters will come around. Remember, if he's angry, it's because he cares.
One last bit of advice. Don't let his anger, or concerns be the reason you leave this business(presuming that this is what you have been thinking). I told my Dad once "Since I obviously will never be what you want me to be, why don't you please accept who I am?". Now he has expressly refused,to accept that, but over time his actions, and attitudes have proven that he has.
In your case,your Dad might question your choice of professions based on your education (you'll recall you shared that with me once). However,my advice, for what it's worth is to firmly but respectfully stand your ground.
My PM is down temporarily, but you can email me at [email protected] if you like.
Hang in there, we all are in your corner, and we all wish you the best.
I think your words 'Hang in there, we all are in your corner, and we all wish you the best. ' are no no , specially 'we all are in your corner ' cause dady can misunderstand word 'corner' . Also , 'we all are in your skin or under skin ' can set big blood pressure . She can always claim that she was working for law undercover .
You have received a lot of good advice from other posters. The one thing I would not do at this point is to try and lie about it as a couple of posters have suggested. If he has become somewhat knowledgable about the escort business after having found your advertisement or being tipped off by your ex-friend then a lie would just be an insult to him.
As a father, one of the hardest things to accept was this: I taught my children to be independent and to think for themselves. And they came up with different conclusions!!
Accepting that they have chosen lives which I don't always agree with, but are still valid for them is very hard. I hope your father can get to that place and maintain his balance.
If your father is as upset as you believe, is there a way for you to deny it? If he isn't a person who can understand your choices and your lifestyle, there will be hell to pay with the rest of your family and with him. Give him your denial to hang his hat on.
What you do is none of his business (in this area of your life) and you don't know him an explanation. Fathers are never really prepared to find out the particulars of their daughter's sexuality. If he can't adjust, don't force him to - it won't work.
Spoken as the parent of two (sexually adventurus) daughters.....
I am a father of two girls. I grew up with traditional, religious parents. Before I started hobbying I shared my parent's value and think I understand the fears you have about your father knowing how you pay your bills.
There are many things my daughters could do (before or after I started hobbying) that would disterb and disappoint me. But there is nothing they could would that would ever stop me from loving you.
You describe your father using words like sweat, loving, and carring. Yes, he will be hurt; and, while it will be hard for you to face hime, in the end you will find he still loves you and wants you to be his little girl. Trust me on this: the man you describe will never stop loving you.
By the time I read this thread last night, IW, you must have been at your folks' house already, so not much point in my offering advice about what to do when you got there.
If you choose to share further, I may have something useful to say. But the choice is yours. You owe us nothing in this regard.
You are able to be warm, loving, and giving. To be able to open your heart and give such affection to someone in need is a gift. One that I much appreciate.
I dream to be married some day in the future to a wonderful, kind, and attractive lady. I still have hope. And for an hour, YOU make that dream come true for guys like me.
I am a gentleman, as I hope most of your clients are. I am a single guy, with good friends. I would hope that I am the kind of guy that you might date if our paths had crossed in life. (Darn! I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time). I often feel isolated, but being able to visit someone like you would bring a breath of fresh air into my stale life.
I want to say "THANK YOU" --Something I had to say in consolation.
Too late to offer advice, but I thought your father might imagine us clients as dirty, smelly, angry, louts, instead of the nice guys that we are, who just need some affection therapy.
WHAT IS, IS. The `cat' is out of the bag. Now yuo have to deal with it. You must choose..if you continue in the profession, tell him why you are doing it. Then it is his choice how he handles it. YOU must be true to yourself first and foremost.
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