I really need a reality check from hobbyists, but also especially providers on something in my civie life.  My fellow hobbyists are more than welcome to offer advice/input/perspective, but I would especially love responses from providers, considering you are women and you know women better than we men do.  

OK, here's the deal.  A while back, I sent an email to a coworker who is a real cutie asking if she ever wanted to grab a bite to eat or a drink sometime.   Well, she never responded.  I took that as a no.  I was pretty disappointed that she couldn't even send me a response telling me that she's not interested, but whatever.  Again, I took it as a no, and that was that.

Well, since that has happened, I try to avoid having any contact with her.  In fact, I won't even look her in the eye, and I think she has given similar treatment to me.  Hell, once when I was walking to one location, she was right in front of me, and turned her back to me.  Anyway, it's pretty awkward.  The reason I want to have little to no contact with her, is because I don't want to give her the slightest excuse to report me for sexual harassment.  Also, I think due to an event in her past, she is worried about being stalked, so I want to be careful to not give her the impression that I'm a stalker type.  

Well, lately this woman has acted in ways that appear to be less hostile.  Just recently, she saw that I was talking to another coworker, and she walks towards us.  As soon as she arrived, I walked away and didn't say a word to her.   When I walk by her or near her, she doesn't turn her back to me or look down at the floor.  The other day, she appeared to walk from one side of the hall to the other and got somewhat close to me as she walked by me. I was starting to wonder, if it was slightly possible that she might be starting to be interested in me, but I quickly dismissed it as the next day, she didn't seem to acknowledge me.  

Well, today, she does almost the exact same thing, but this time, she was actually pretty close to making body contact with me.  She also seemed to have a pretty cheerful smile on her face.  I was stunned.  Then as soon as she walked past me, she looked back in my direction with the same facial expression.   I must say that I was starting to wonder if somehow, I have grown on her and maybe she is starting to dig me.  Then again, in reality, it's likely that she just thinking about something completely different that made her happy and still wants nothing to do with me.  Believe me, as much as I would love to believe this gal is into me,  I acknowledge the more likely reality is that she is not interested in me.  But, if she does dig me, I DEFINITELY dig her.  

Fellow hobbyists and providers (especially providers), is it reasonable of me to wonder if perhaps she is interested in me, or is this just wishful thinking with my dick?  I would really appreciate some input/advice on this.  

And thank you providers.  Because of the valuable services you provider, I no longer have to be disappointed with futile civie relationships, because I know your services are available. Yes, it's business, you women provide so much more pleasure than a civie gal could provide, at least in my experience.  

subtly giving you the body signs that she may be interested, but irregardless, I would definitely NOT be the one to initiate anything outside work again.

You emailed her, and she did not reply, maybe she had to take some time to think about it, talk to her girlfriends about it, ask their advice. But you already let her know that there is interest in getting to know her out of work. If she wants to respond, or follow thru, let her be the one to initiate it. She already knows you have interest.

If you ARE misreading her recent friendliness, and you pursue her AGAIN, you most definitely could be accused of sexual harassment since you already emailed her once.  Plus if you are wrong, and reading too much into it and you try again. The tension at your work would be able to be cut with a knife. You would need to get a new job LOL

Interesting that you would ask on this board this type of relationship question.  Seems better suited for a Dr. Phil or Oprah Q & A.

But FWIW...continue to ignore the bitch.  Look at the thread below...the one where the bad boys get the girl.

And nice segway into making this post stick....by making the hookers your advisors  LOL

Especially if she had a stalker or just got out of a relationship. Talk to her and be professional. If she s interested and she sounds like she might be give it some time. Talking to her as a coworker/friend probably wont be taken the wrong way. I would avoid asking her out again until you have talked some and if you do ask her out have the confidence to ask in person. Email and texts are very impersonal and most of the women I ve dated, worked with and am friends with view it poorly.
     If she s into you you will find out.

Seen way too many lawsuits caused by this.

Just go up to her and say, "Hi."  That's it.  Don't ask her out.  Don't get ahead of yourself.

Just say hi.

I knew a guy who behaved like you did.  He read into everything, and it got to the point where years later he never uttered a word to her but was convinced "they had something."

Alll you gotta do is just say, "Hi."  If she says something back, then engage her in a nice, professional discussion.  That's all.  Don't say that you are interested or anything.  Just say things like, "Hi, I noticed you worked in this department," and ask her about work.  Keep it to that, and let the conversation flow.

Really, you are reading WAYYYYYYYY too much into this.

Don't do it.  Its a bad idea.  My brother who happens to be an attorney got into trouble with his ex-firm when a secretary filed a complaint against him with HR for sexual harrasement, and all he did was asked her out and made some comment about how hot she was to a male coworker after she turned him down for a date.  He had to resign from his firm.

She is playing a game, and not a very nice one.  (Reminds me of Jr. High for Christ's sake.)

In general, the work place is a very bad place to find a girl friend/boy friend.

Stick with the hobby or take some night classes in yoga.  That's where you meet interested gals.

I have never been told this. Though I hear it all the time "leave personal bull shit at home".

How could you date a co-worker while leaving your personal BS at home? Can't do both.

This ain't 1952.

...but perhaps she realizes you're not a creep after all and wants to make up for the way she had been treating you previously.

Thanks for the helpful responses. I'm going to take the safest route and continue to NOT pursue any kind of romantic relationship with this person or any other coworker.  As others have said, it's WAY too risky.

Yeah, I very well may have been reading too much into it, but can you really blame me for having an extra spring in my step today?  It's always nice to get some positive attention from a smokin' hot babe, isn't it?

Does your employer have policies about workers dating?

If not, why do you assume not responding to an email means NO?

If you feel so uncomfortable around some one that you cannot look at her let alone just say Hi why do you want anything to do with her?

I f you are this uncomfortable now, how would you feel if REALLY rejected you?

“ As soon as she arrived, I walked away and didn't say a word to her.”

Let's assume for the time being that everything before you started shunning and snubbing her were true, that none of it is just in your head, why would you want more contact with someone who, if they want to say Hello, cannot?

Let's look at it another way “I DEFINITELY dig her.”

For me, I have to contend with having to separate what my instinctive reaction to woman is, an implicit fantasy, from real life.  Am I reacting to her or a her that I desire?

Every Thanksgiving pumpkin pie looks fantastic to me.  Whenever I eat a slice of pumpkin pie I wonder why I never remember I really don't like how it tastes!

Consider that your time might be better spent just practicing hanging out with women so that you eventually feel comfortable chatting with them.

When you find the right moment, ask her if you can talk to her privately for one second. Tell her it was unprofessional of you to email what you did awhile back and you realize it made it awkward between the two of you and that you were sorry. That way, that gives her the opportunity to tell you one of two things:
1) oh, no problem...dont worry about it
or
2) well, I actually was hoping you would ask me in person!

If its #1, no harm, no foul. If its #2, enjoy! If you dont do it, you will always wonder "What if...."

I understand that you are primarily looking for the ladies point of view, but, I urge you to consider this. Don't shit where you eat. There are so many women out there, that a woman where you work might be best left alone. Here's why I say this, if you and she were to date and break up you will still have to work with her and things will inevitably be more weird at that point than they are now. If you do pursue a relationship with her, I truley hope it goes well and you never have to deal with the previously mentioned scenerio.

You sent an email asking if she ever wants to grab a bite to eat or drink sometime , to someone you
had never been out with ?
 

  I thought of better  way , since the email wasn't personal enough  .


Now that you think she is showing interest , show up at her door and ask her out .  
 
 

I don't care if she is into you, and I am sorry to tell you this, but since the whole "sexual harassment" scandal involving Clarence Thomas, the work place officially ended being place to date coworkers.  There is a high probability that when you date a coworker, it ends with an accusation of sexual harassment or some other such nonsense, in which case your employer gets sued, or in which case you get fired or are forced to resign.

It doesn't even matter who is right and who is wrong, if the boss has to pay a $100,000 legal bill to defend his company against an ex-female employee, then you are the one who brought the problem to your employer.  Cases like this will typically happen years after the alleged act too, when the female employee gets spiteful against you or your boss, then this accusation will come out of nowhere.  Trust me, I have personally lived this nightmare in the past, and this will never happen again.  No pussy at work is worth the problems it will bring you in the end.

Next time she gets near, grab her ass, and show her you are da man.

-- Modified on 10/24/2012 1:08:01 AM

showed interest in another woman. It's not rocket science. Does not mean she is interested in you...just means, she needs therapy.

-- Modified on 10/24/2012 1:08:46 AM

Sweetie stay away. She never responded and now she has got your mind in overdrive that you are posting on here about it but nothing has come of it. She is not interested. If you think she was starting to lighten up a bit but then shes not, well you have your answer. Some women who are not into a particular guy after he has expressed interest in her will behave in funny ways. They will get jealous if you are talking to other women, but it has nothing to do with you. Some women are head cases.

 It is best to just stay away and forget about her, or save her for your fantasy file. Plus I would not get involved with office romances.  It can go bad in so many ways. So see your friendly provider, maybe join some dating sites, take your dog to a dog park(if you have a dog), or just go out! You will find someone. I am sure you have many great qualities and when you least expect it a woman will be on your arm!

LOL.  How are you supposedly getting a "connection" when you can barely look at her and can't even carry on a conversation?  

I worked in HR for 6 years in a previous life.  I dated THREE different co-workers.  I never had problems but the gals I dated were MATURE and very respectful of my situation.  It can be like playing with fire.

Your first mistake was sending her an e-mail asking her out when it seems pretty clear that you had no idea what her answer might be (sounds like you don't even know her that well).  Better approach would have been to make an effort to get to know her (not hard in a work environment) and then throw out the old, "hey, would you be interested in a drink or two over happy hour sometime this week?"

Gives her a chance to make an excuse if she's not interested (then you know where you stand).  

If I was a gal, getting asked out over e-mail would not exactly impress the heck out of me.

"I like you. Do you like me? Check one; _yes _no"

Work place dating is always a bad idea for just the reasons you wrote that post.

stop acting submissive at work.

If you see her in the hall - make eye contact and say hello.  Get it out of your head that she's interested in you and move on to someone outside of work.

Be polite and a nice person to hang around with at work and no more than that.

you want the dr. phil web site.  

this site is about hobbying.

Yes.  Always wait until the woman leaves the job before you do anything with her remotely sexual.  Relationships always fall apart and women can be vengeful.  Stick to the hobby.  The hobby eliminates temptations.  In my pre hobby days I would think about approaching women who work with me but I would think twice because I knew I would not want to deal with the tension after things fell apart.   Post hobbying I have no interest in hooking up with anyone in or near my workplace.  The funny thing is that now, I look at some of the women in or near my workplace and I suspect that some are providers!!  The hobby changes how your brain works.   Do not take the risk.  There is probably a provider who looks just like the woman you are digging.