I don't know exactly how much time I'll devote to this but it seemed to me that some of the other newbies would be interested in discussing the hobby.
I'm not necessarily "new" to these activities. But new to the Hobby. Until about a year ago I didn't know these sites existed or that many ladies were on the web. I figured this activity was still underground. All I knew is that my last few experiences with the old phone book or in European "red light districts" were disappointing and that certainly there had to be a better way. Maybe I could find some tips on some porn magazine website that would make my hunting easier?? Well, since you're reading this, you know what I found!!!
I decided that TER and the other boards could surely provide a scientific method for getting exactly what, when, how and who I wanted where. I actually made a freakin spreadsheet for my first official hobby foray. It had a SIN quotient - ya gotta love that. That was derived from the scores received in reviews minus my perceived adjustment for inflation or a bad day (throw out the lowest and the highest, get an average and then reduce by one) then there were points added for specific services I thought I wanted. (At this point I believed all the reviews. Why would anyone possibly waste their time making this shit up?) Then I divided the cost per hour by the point total. No, I have no reasonable explanation for this. And no I didn't follow it once I got to my destination and mine eyes were opened!
I've learned many things this year, and as long as no one that I take seriously tells me to shut the fuck up I'll share them. Maybe some other guy will be spared a costly lesson?
So lesson number one (in no chronological order just whatever comes to mind first): IF IT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK AND QUACKS LIKE A DUCK THEN IT PROBABLY IS INDEED A DUCK.
I'm not condoning violence or inhuman or disrespectful treatment of providers. What I'm saying is that we can choose any name we like (call girl, escort, courtesan, hooker, pro, working girl, provider) it doesn't change the fact that its a transaction. Fantasy for fee. Don't ever forget that. I spent basically a weekend with one IMHO top provider. I think it was about $8k(2 overnights and one 6hour date). And if she would have arranged her schedule it would have been four nights straight for $11k. But when I left town do you think I thought about how much money I spent for a few rolls in the hay and 4 blow jobs? No I felt guilty because I asked for a blowjob on the way to the airport. I felt guilty because when she stood me up I ended up seeing another girl. I felt hurt that she stood me up(apparently I really needed to fork over that extra $3k which was burning a whole in my pocket). I felt badly because she was going to see some guy that week she said regularly called for 4or6 hour appointments and just banged away the whole time. (I had conveniently forgotten that I had wanted to do the same thing but somehow had ended up talking and cuddling and going out and sleeping etc...). At the airport she said don't treat me like a whore after I had expressed my desire for that going away blowjob. We talked a few times after I left and felt a strong connection to her. I used to check my inbox several times a day to see if she had written. I told her I wished we could be together. I wished I had met her before my kids came along. etc...
Why? because I'm a dork. She sold me the fantasy. She told me to tell her I only wanted to be with her. She acted like she came when we had sex. She told me she loved the way I treated her. She told me she enjoyed being with me and that I was good looking and had a nice cock (she oughtta be a good judge right?). She told me enough about herself to make me care beause she knew that's what I WANTED. I needed to connect. When I think back about the things I told her about myself I see that I told her I was very unhappy and that I needed a new life. She gave me one for a weekend. A very expensive weekend. A few weeks later back home I figured out it was all bullshit. I was first in denial, then anger. That bitch - I hated her. But then of course I accepted the truth. I remember reading about other guys on this board that fell for their ATFs and one day I actually started laughing at them.
She will always be an ATF. She's smokin hot and for that you can forgive anything. But really there's nothing to forgive. So lesson #1 is that yes, they will give you what you ask for. Just be damn sure you know what you need and can handle it if you get it.
For all you modern rock fans out there here's a lyric from Soul Asylum off of their Grave Dancer's Union album:
I fell in love with a hooker
She laughed in my face
So seriously I took her
I was a disgrace
I was out of line
I was out of place
Out of time to save face
See the open mouth of my suitcase
Saying leave this place
Leave without a trace
Stay tuned
-- Modified on 12/5/2003 3:48:40 PM
Interesting. As it so happened I stayed at the Venetian too and if her plane had showed up on time, I was planning on getting a "covered" bbbj too. (her head under my coat)
Well, it has been an interesting year. Learned the same things as you, actually it could have been me writing the story. Come to the realization I won't be marrying my ATF any time soon. She says she is not my girlfriend or wife but in point of fact behaves like she is my girlfriend or wife in terms of expectations. A lot of it may have been she discounted me so much and then saw me so much that it just killed any opportunity for her to make money. And the bottom line is this is a business for them. I also give away or discount my services to friends and people I take a living to but the bottom line is even though I love what I do, I still have to be paid to pay the overhaul and take care of my family.
So the bottom line for my ATF and I is, we agreed to like and respect each other, not abuse each other or the friendship. She changed her schedule to spend some time with me next week and then next year, we will see how it goes.
So if I am one of the guys you laughed at, I am glad. I look at some of the stuff I wrote and I laugh too. Because if there is nothing else I relearned this year is you have to be able to laugh at yourself or you are taking things waaay too seriously.
Thanks, Good post
Hope you have a sophomore slump LOL
I think you've figured it out.
The number 1 reason I keep the iron gate up. After reading this I might throw away the key too. Like I said before, let the tenderness pass through, but never the heart.
... that you should have seen BeBeDoll when you went to Chicago!
Just kidding. Actually, if I have learned anything this year, it is that the best relationship that we hobbyists can have with the ladies is that temporary relationship that does not wander too far from the hotel room we meet in. Or to put it another way, there is nothing better than hearing a lady say "Its really nice to see you again", but that's as far as it should go.
I think Anya said it best when she suggested the "temporary Type 7 provider."
'"you can count on them being utterly emotionally connected to you during your sexual relations." Well sure I am, the key phrase being "during your sexual relations" - afterwards, I return to sanity.'
For the most part I had a blast in Chicago. I met one of your lovely local ladies and can't wait to see her again! But I think you're right I should have made sure I met Bebedoll. Have to make up for that oversight next time.
I won't comment on all the obvious mistakes that you now recognize, but rather will just mention one thing. The problem with weekend, or longer, "dates" is the fantasy can't be maintained for that length of time. Not by you, not by her.
This means that by the end of the weekend, you're just two people spending time together and if you're clicking it goes reasonably well, or you've got a long, quiet drive to the airport if it doesn't. You may think she's perfect and you're in love, but after the first day, she's just seeing you as a regular guy who may be smelling up the hotel room or fogging up the mirror when she's trying to put her make-up on. Vacations are hard even on couples that are dating. In fact, they're relationship killers- I've ended two after 3-day weekend trips, and I didn't see either one coming until it was too late.
I also think long dates are very risky for any of the many guys on this board that tend to fall in love, or take things to extremes. We've all read countless posts about guys who are actually displaying various forms of obsessive-compulsive behavior and have lost all sense of perspective, even though they're always calling it something else (GFE, perhaps?). I'm not saying you did that, only that it's a common problem with some guys- again, made worse by a weekend length date.
As other have posted in the past, just because she's represents all the things you want in a woman, doens't mean she views you in anything remotely close to the same way. You're her client for the weekend, not her lover, Mr. Right, or her ATF. You picked her out from her pictures and reviews to meet your fantasies- she didn't have that option. So by the time you were on your way to the airport and wanted a BJ, she was way past the point of wanting to keep your fantasy alive. She was just a woman ready to get home, and hence her rather curt reaction at your suggestion.
My adivice would be to proceed more slowly in the future- no more weekend dates. Limit yourself to dinner if you want spend extra time with an escort. You'll both still part friends, you won't wear out your welcome, or confuse her with a GF, and you'll probably even get what you paid for in the process.
Well, I totally agree and wish I could be as eloguent. To be crass, for me the thrill is gone after I ``get off'' the first time.
I can see how one can fall for the lady in question (damn she looks too fine) but take care not to be a cliche - looking for love in all the wrong places (In F'n deed).
2k / cbj - that really sucks (covered of course).
It seems to me that the guys that are married or have gf's are better off in this hobby. Since those that only want sex (such as me) do not get confused. I know I'm paying and once I satisfy the initial urge I'm on my way home (I have yet to complete a 2nd round with a ``provider'').
I second the advice of Cogito Ergo DATY.
Good luck.
Very well said! I'd like to just add that the key is being able to emotionally separate reality from illusion. There's no problem with the ATF dynamic as long as this separation can be maintained. It's when the two become blurred that difficulties arise...potentially for both parties.
I'm not saying that friendships can't be made...I sincerely believe they can & there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. Hell, one gal I became friends with I haven't seen as a client for probably a couple of years yet we still remain in pretty regular contact. Another couple of gals who I do still see are ones I consider real friends & I care about them as such. But even though I am unattached, I don't for a minute dellude myself that those relationships are anything else. I'm too realistic for that, & it's probably that realism that has allowed me to enjoy these ladies the way that I do.
Moth
Halgoen Bulb
Get too close
Stay too long
Game Over
MMmmm. Interesting story. This year, too, has been my rookie year. Although I have been a womanizer from waaaay back, I kind of look at this year as the year I gave up my amatuer status and finally turned "pro." Except, unlike you, I don't regret it.
First, I would like to give thanks to TER and its members for the wealth of resources which enables me to sucessfully decriminate in my selections. Dare I say, I have yet to find one "dud" in the ladies I have seen. Instead, I have met some wonderful, beautiful, fun loving and terrific ladies.
Second, I think I understand what was involved, again based on the information I gleemed from the TER boards. I know overall it is a fanatasy but there have been a few ladies that I have enjoyed in more one way. Even then, I have not held any lofty amibitions that it would turn into a different lifestyle for me. I also guess the "eyes-in-the-back-of-my-head" mentality also comes from my given profession which basically holds that if you are "off" by as little as a second, then you are a dead man.
Finally, I would love to thank those beautiful & wonderful ladies I have seen (and even extend my thanks to those I will see in the future) as they have been completely straight-forward and honest in their intentions and dealings with me. I think that fact alone may be the bigget difference in our repsective experiences in this "hobby."