I was one who kept it from him.
I broke up with him several times because he was snooping and I had no intentions of admitting anything.
I was in over my head b4 I knew it and in love with him and didn't want to be without him. Yet at the same time torn by this world.
I love what I do and my views on this and his are worlds apart. I see nothing wrong with this and see it as a business, its part of my lilyfe yes, but not part of who he knows. Its all seperate.
He has WAY too much time on his hands and he is quite nosy. I am sure that played a part in getting "caught" more or less but I am not sure if this is possable to completely keep this away from anyone you enter into a relationship with when your lives become so meshed together. There always seems to be a part of you that you keep to yourself and I believe it shows. They may not be able to put their finger on what it is they know but they know somethings not right.
So my 3yr off and on again relationship came to a head yesterday. He was looking for something in my car and found a hotel key that had fallen between the seats. We think we cover our tracks but if one is suspicious to begin with they will eventually catch on. Seperate laptops and phones, one you never seem to answer around them. A job that is somewhat taxing on your time at interesting hrs. Its a tough cover, lots of lies and for the most part aside from covering my tracks I'd say I am an honest person. Nicole and I live seperate lives really. This is how I see it so it seems quite simple for me to compartmentalize it all. Nicole is my "work" and I am not.
After a string of calls and voicemails of "why are you not answering your phone" I had to call him back. He knew, and I knew he did.
He asked me to be honest with him and told me he thought I was an escort. I was foolish but said more or less yes.
Well now he feels shattered and is sickened by me, so he says.
I wish he was not so hurt, I never wanted that for him. I never meant to hurt him. I wish I just walked away and had admitted nothing that way he would wonder but not be sure.
In some ways its really best though, because this relationship can't go on with us so far apart on our views of what I do. I keep going back to him because I love him so deeply. Its the best way to sever the ties though. It makes this break up final and with the way he feels it should never have started to begin with.
I am who I am and I make no excuses for that.
Not everyone sees this as I do and I know that but I can not be with someone who is sickened by the whole thing.
I am really not in need of advice, I know time is all I need here to mend. I will be ok and recover...I wish i never met him to begin with, life was easier b4 I had all this turmoil.
This business can be very isolating in so many ways and it seems there can be many casualties.
I always had a personal policy of No BFs while in this biz I broke that rule with him and knew it was inevitable in the end that I'd have to walk away. I wish I could have been honest. Thats the one thing I hated. Although this is a fraction of who I am it still IS a part of me and I always knew he wouldn't accept this.
Oh crap...picking up the pieces I guess.
Nicole
Sorry this happened to you my dear. It sounds like you knew the pitfalls, not that it makes things any easier.
Escorting is a very isolating life. You are right, the job is only a small part of who you are but it is a part that most women must hide from their real world friends and family.
I am very close to a couple of ladies that I have been seeing for years. Neither of them dates in the civvie world any more after tiring of the lies and deception involved in trying to conduct relationships with guys who, as you said, will most likely not accept what they do.
I wish you the best.
So often guys complain about the "high cost" per hour to see a gal, and they don't know about all the OTC costs of preparing, scheduling, etc.
What we also forget about is the terrible personal cost to their social and family life that takes a hit from their forbidden profession.
Thank you gals for the sacrifices you make for our benefit.
I wish you the chance to find the right person in your life Sweetnicole.
funny thing is, the last time we split I had a funny feeling he was at one point "a player" so to speak. There was something about his additude towards woman in this biz, it was way too involved and so strong it never sat with me right.
So on a day at the beach bored with the book I was reading and not much ppl watching going on, I decided to use my ability to check refs on him and did.
Too funny but he was a known hobbyist to 2 local agencies. When they told me, I was really not surprized more like I was relieved cuz I knew something was just not right.
Who knows when he found out about me really. well he was never certain of "who I am" Nicole that is but he knew something wasn't right.
So the now EX is a hobbyist who feels he can't be with me cuz I am in this biz. I called him on it during our last phone tag fight last night.
saying simply, I know your game I checked your refs as well. If he wasn't in this at all he wouldn't really know what I meant by that but he came back with I don't do that and never have. One agency I could see making a mistake but not 2. they both knew him and said he was a regular long time regular. So its really a case of the pot calling the kettle black or is it in his mind, since it was not his "job" that makes it ok in his eyes.
Don't know and really I don't care what the dynamics of it all plays out in his little mind. I know who I am what I am all about and see him for how petty he is.
This is really for the best, it puts a final end to our failing relationship no going back and I believe thats what it needed something had to sever the ties. Done deal now.
I am on a perminate vacation from relationships in this biz. too much deception for me. I really have a hard time with that whole "shell game" wayof life.
*deep breath...in and out* pick up the pieces and find a hobby...oh wait I have one. lol
xo
FWIW his actions are extraordinarily hypocritical. Next time around if/when try to be straight up off the bat. You'd be surprised at what is acceptable.......good luck!
The relationship was based on lies, and the ending of it was almost always a certainty. A relationship where both parties go in lying is certain to have a bad ending.
I have never had a problem dating a provider. I have a distinct aversion for liars however. I don't mean to be harsh, but it is what it is. You are probably both better off for it.
MRFISHER, youR post hit the nail on the head perfectly. We men who enjoy the company of all you nice woman owe you all an immeasurable debt of gratitude, for all you do to provide us with a fleeting hour of enjoyment. i don't know if enough men express that sentiment to you all
Sometimes I can't believe its possible to be able to pick up a phone and so easily arrange a meeting with provider.
Just know there are some men out here that really do appreciate the sacrifices you make even if we are envious of liefstyle you can make for yourself.
Its nice to see that this here is a two way street!
ox
Vivianna Love
I'm sorry, but I think that you're wrong. If we as providers decide to have a relationship, no matter how serious or casual it is, the other person has the right to know what we're doing and decide for himself whether or not he wants to date us.
Obviously you don't really wish that you hadn't met him, or you would have told him and gotten rid of him. I've been on a couple dates, where it came in handy as far as getting rid of the person. Once it backfired, turned out that the guy had a habit of dating strippers and hookers.
I tell anyone who I go on a second date with. It's not always easy and I lost someone who I really liked, but that was his choice and I know that I would want a man to show me the same respect.
it's over, from my experience. You say your views are worlds apart, so it's always going to be a conflict. Better yet, do you think you have similar values with or without what you do anyway? Why suffer the misery, you are better off without him. I know this is an isolating life, but that is our choice too.
There is nothing any of us can say to make the break-up any easier. I am truely sorry for that. I wish it were different. It is hard being in this profession. I have not even had a true friendship. How can you ? I havn't figured it out yet. When I did have a few female friendships, they always wanted to meet me at my job to have lunch or whatever. Finally I brushed them off so much, they stopped talking to me altogether. But, such is life. Do any of the providers out there have normal friendships with females?
just wondering..
bridgette
No! I have no female friends in my area. Actually the only females I know are from my civvie job and I don't hang out with them. I converse on the phone every now and then with other providers but none of them are local. When I travel into their area, I offer to get together but with our schedules we seem not to make the time. None of my so called friends I knew before the business know of my business. How often does one of us pick up the phone to call each other? Maybe once or twice a year and then it's obvious we just don't have common interest anymore. What a lonely existence... but one I'm not ready to give up because I enjoy the time spent with you gentlemen...
when you decided not to be honest with him.
-- Modified on 9/2/2009 11:01:33 AM
seriously,
what troubles me in 'his take' is 'Well now he feels shattered and is sickened by me, so he says'
You are still the same person he "fell in love with"! are you not? He may miss out on having someone who is well equiped to deal with problems in a relationship.... because you catch the aftermath of problems and have heard them out. Me? I would go for that, but before we take me too seriously, there are a couple of providers (who have very different life experiences) that I would drop everything and go with.... alas, tis not meant to be.
BUT! and pay attention, cause this is important to ya, the reason it is not meant to be has nothing whatsoever to do with them, it is me. I could not provide them with what they deserve (and not because of any misplaced adoration, rather I see what they have earned, by working in this profession, and by other aspects of working that they perform). In short, I would not wish to be a mouch off of them, and indeed, I keep in sporadic contact with one. She is good peeps! Actually they ALL are.
I am old enough to know what perspective is appropriate when viewing where I am in life, not many are. I am also old enough to understand that sex, and love are not one and the same. You can sell sex, heck you can even purchase adoration, but love? impossible to buy - even at the dog pound as some dogs will just plain old not like ya... if you were offering him love, that is certainly different from selling me sex. not quite the same.
I- now, would actually be comfortable with a woman who sells sex as her profession, IF she came home to me at night, and offered me love.
As to his hobbying.... I gather you were not surprised... there are those hobbiests, who do view women in this profession as "less than ladies" while I know the opposite to be true... many are excellent moms, members of the community, supporting all kinds of civic works for the good of their communities. This profession does not diminish their humanity, nor does it make them a saint - lets face it there are "bitches" in the profession, just as there are jackasses and assholes in the hobbiest crowds... but the profession has nothing to do with a persons decency and humanity. Don't let anyone, this dude included, tell you different.
I wish I could offer you a panacea to take away the heartache, but we both know that a tincture of time, will lessen the sting, I would only ask that it not harden your heart, as your posts are full of wit and intelligence. so, take 2 tablets of time, and maybe an injection of support from the members of the board, and move on - with less baggage.
So what would have bothered me? not telling me the truth... that is a showstopper for me. but I don't have that problem with the ladies I meet hobbying... they all tend to tell me tons of truth... including truths about myself. That's not bad. Be well.
very well put bizzaro
(eom)
Nicole's situation is heartbreaking, and I cannot be in her shoes -- so this shouldn't be seen as in any way prescriptive or critical. My heart goes out to Nicole and I wish her well.
But meanwhile I want to open up a broader issue.
I won't be posting so much down the road; so I want to look at this from a broader philosophical perspective.
At the end of your life when you are looking back and maybe have regrets; there are some things you don't regret. You don't regret whether or not you got that raise at the office or whether or not you kept up with the Jones'. You don't regret the size of your bank account or whether you had an extra flat screen.
Almost all regrets are focused on one thing and one thing only: people. The things we did to hurt them, the hurts we never fixed, the time we didn't spend, the things we never did together. And this is really the sum total of what is important.
In my early adulthood, I was a military man. My first wife met me through this venue; but also laid the condition that if we were to marry, I would have to adapt to civilian life. She had a whole list of career restrictions that cut across practically everything I wanted to do; but I understood that careers come and go, but wives -- at least theoretically -- are forever. So I laid down my guns. It's true, later she divorced me; but in the meantime she gave me a beautiful daughter I would never have had otherwise. *SHE* is more important than any career I surrendered.
Principle is important. But a true test of whether a principle is good or bad is whether it stands the people test: do people get hurt through applying it? Is a career so important that you'd want to die on that hill?
Because we live in such a materialistic society; and career and status often go together; we often (especially men) prioritize career quite highly.
But career often costs us our health, our marriages, our children, and our lives.
Perhaps the idea that career should be supreme to relationships should be examined. When career is superior to relationships; then we become servants of the economy rather than the economy being our servant.
Is that the way it should be?
suppose that Nicole had actually quit the biz, then met mr. dude. and he subsequently "Discovered" her past profession... and he rejected her on the same basis... I think that is the question, and based upon the presentation provided, I think the answer to that question would be yes. That is, it was NOT a question of putting career before the guy, it was the guy demanding a specific adhereance to a moral code that he himself didn't even follow.
I am not saying that there is anything "immoral" about providing, rather I am saying that he offered providing up, as immoral.
You can have a career (the ex ms. dude is a workaholic) and a family but only if you support the family to the best of your ability.
I would also offer, that as far as families go, in todays materialistic society it is very difficult to focus on those things important. I am now having to re-educate my kid on his family, and family history. as a teenager (15) I've had to remove ALL electronics from his life, get him to focus on things like - what was your grandmother's maiden name, where was she born, and how did you come to live here. sad, but he has substituted e-com for family - and who knows what he is taught to believe by e-com. I don't!
I would agree with you though, our society is maybe no so nice. I was watching a HS basketball game, and commented to one of the other dad's as to how he was able to take an afternoon off - and watch the game... his comment which was interesting, was he planned his career to be able to take afternoons off to watch his kid play, it was so important to him, that he actually planned it.
yea, these days, I think - what if....
and almost always the if is followed by the name of someone.... regrets.....
But just as joyously, I also have great accomplishments, and those are in the form of:
I am most proud of...
and in those instances the of is followed again, by a person's name. it is a great feeling.
Well Nicole... It is not an easy choice to make... about being honest. I am always conflicted myself on how to handle the situation... I believe in allowing others the truth so they can make their own decisions. They have a right to it just as you would as well...
HOWEVER for me I have no "shames" about what I do... and I am not the type to have others judge me on any part of my life... I have stood up and said my 2 cents on quite a bit in life... I do not stand in the shadows and stay silent...
BUT I do choose to keep my career quiet. I have respect for those that are open to friends and family etc... It has not a single thing to do with shame... The only reason I keep it to myself is for the legality reasons. I do not want someone trying to blackmail me. My reasoning is for safety only. Nothing more.
I enjoy what I do most of the time, as with any job and I know there is no such thing as every client is an excellent experience. But I then weed them out. Being around a long time allows you to do the such...
If I am in relationship I will say it has to be kept open. I do not like "chances" of having someone report my a$$. I have never been in a relationship recently where I felt I 100% trusted them and knew I wanted to be with them the rest of my life... If I were, at that point I would tell them... and technically I would probably retire.
I guess for me and dating "Our relationship is open but my love is for you only" No lying there. I know it is not the full truth but I am not going to have issues with blackmail or being outted. Does not make it right but that is my choice.
Please read fully as I took the time to clarify before any ranting at me Thank you.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this and
I'm sure there are many providers in the same
situation as you. When I first started in this
business off and on I was single so I didn't have
to answer to anyone. Now I am in a relationship
and trying to work full-time. My BF has no clue
that I'm a provider, yet. My bestfriend is a
provider and I give her rides to work all the time
as well as work with her. When I have an appointment I just tell my BF I'm giving her a ride to work, taking her home and then I'll be back. He never questions me. I don't want to just come out and tell him nor do I want to keep hiding it from him. So sweetie I just used your story to break the news to him. I read your story to him and then told him I'm in the middle of my reply but was not going to read it to him....He said but you're not a provider why are you replying? His next response was OMG you are a provider!!!!!!!!! My man collects Micro Tech knives, I guess it's a guy thing. Any way to my surprise he said he would like a new Micro Tech to add to his collection. Now for those of you that are not familiar with these knives, they cost roughly between $400-$600. I'm still trying to figure out how serious he was as he kissed me and headed out the door with a smile to work.
Leaving someone wondering BITES!
Nicole I just want to say that I find your
attitude in this situation very inspiring I
guess you could say and you're right, time IS
all you need. I wish you the best of luck! And
if you really look, there's no pieces to pick up
because the puzzle is already put together.
He's looking forward to living off the money he now realizes that you make. Hopefully I'm wrong, but since I've had the "yeah I could date a provider" conversation more times than I can remember, it seems that it's a fairly common occurrence.
I see where you're coming from and I hope that's
not the case. He makes plenty of money on his own
but lately has not been able to buy himself any
extras because I haven't been pulling my weight the
way I should be. I'm hoping he's looking at it as
I'm finally going to help out with the bills to
where he can splurge or he's in complete and total
denial that I have become a provider and he doesn't
know how to grasp the concept just yet. I guess time
will tell.
I agree and/or he could be thinking "Wow all of these guys pay her and I am the lucky SOB who gets it for free" "My g/f is so good she gets paid" blah blah. lol. I had to add that. Some think like that. Not all. Before I became a provider, my g/f at the time was one and It was made clear that I am 1st so I was fine with that. No lies just telling me the truth. Sh*t I even was in the living room at times lol. I would take it as a compliment if I ever had a b/f who was a provider or stripper as long as I knew where we stood.
Either way it is wrong for Nicoles exguy to judge her on what he himself does.
I have to agree with you.
I'm sorry you're hurting, I don't think the no bf rule is an important one.......if anything having one keeps me grounded and in tune with the fact that most men arent like clients. It sounds like you were covering your tracks well, with just a few slip ups.If he went to such great lenghths to snoop, he just doesn't trust people. you need to mourn the loss of this relationship before getting into another one, take as long as you need. Find one with less time on his hands who doesnt snoop. And don't leave hotel keys in the car......never let him even know you have two phones. Good luck.
Being a prostitute is not like being a filing clerk. For one thing, it is illegal and it DOES expose the woman to a great many risks that being a filing clerk does not.
Many believe prostitution should be legal. Many also believe that selling drugs should be legal.
Hiding a blatantly illegal occupation such as prostitution from someone you purportedly love is no different from hiding being a drug dealer.
What you are advocating is the very same dishonesty in provider's personal relationships that you deplore in your clients.
It is no different for your boyfriend to not know about the five guys you had sex with last week than it is for a client's wife not to know that he was one of those guys.
The fact that it is your self-chosen profession doesn't give it moral superiority to your clients when your boyfriend is stuck kissing five guys by proxy anytime he kisses you -- and without his knowledge or consent.
Look, many men will not date prostitutes; just as many women will not date men who have seen prostitutes. On both ends, it essentially grosses some people out.
But there ARE men and women who are more open minded. There IS an alternative to a life of deception and building "relationships" on a bedrock of lies. You can find a boyfriend who is okay with your profession. And if you can't find one, then wait until you have put the profession behind you.
Teaching people how to become more clever liars and manipulators is not the solution to stable relationships; because lies DO have a way of being exposed in the end. And the more manipulation was involved, the more betrayed the man you supposedly care about will be.
What you are describing is the same pure selfishness for a provider -- "it's right because it is what *I* want" -- as you deplore in clients you see as morally inferior beings.
I believe you should rethink your position on this so that the values you expect in yourself should be higher than those you expect in others. Certainly, they shouldn't match those of people you see as morally deficient.
from the same laws of physics applying to everyone else?
There's that adage, "You get what you give."
In the provider world, I can see where it could be a "third rail" type thing being honest about your occupation/s with family and lovers. It's kind of like having AIDS or Herpes but not with the dire physical consequences.
In my humble opinion, being honest is the most important thing in a relationship. It's the foundation that everything else is built upon. It’s a commodity everyone freely has but with its are risks and having been through a few rodeos’ I've learned the cost of honesty can be very high. Sometimes, you do a dis-service giving another a road map to your mind and the intimacies of who you are. Why? Because, sadly, there are a lot of manipulative "users" out there that pray upon those of us who are "wired" honest.
You see and honest person is relatively predictable. By virtue of that, easily "played" by manipulators and other bullshit artists.
You can sometimes know somebody 20 years and not really know them and that's scary. Because I've seen that and because I've had other experiences with users, I have trained myself to be eternally vigilant in the early years of a relationship, paying special attention to the behavior of a lover (Trust but verify).
Manipulators, generally, lie, and lie a lot, and they are really, really, glib and fast on their feet. Because they are such good liars lying so much, I turn with my verification settings on with new acquaintances. In doing so, I've found I'm generally going to catch the bullshit artist in a relatively short period of time.
In this case, if I were the boyfriend, I could give a fuck that you were a provider or those other descriptions, a whore? a Prostitute? a Lady of the evening? The stigma this occupation brings in our society is laughable. For the most part, aside from the fear of being blackmailed as previously mentioned, what you do is one of the most honest of professions.
What's a real whore? What is really immoral? How about all those suck asses in the financial world, real estate and banking or in government (lack of oversight) that destroyed our economy? I think that's what should be used as the definition of a Prostitute!
Or how about Madoff, ex Gov. George Ryan or Enron's Schilling and Lay?
Phuleeeze, sex for money? Sooo what!
Any man who would be so high on his horse to find women in this industry as amoral and un-desirable is a moron and has a real insecurity problem about who they are.
I’m just sayin’
Most times it does not work but in a few rare instances it does... I am sorry that you have been hurt... it is a gamble with long odds. Still many seem willing to take the risk...
I wish you well, Nicole.
skb
"she offered her honor, he honored her offer and all the night long...he was on her and off her".
Maybe it was Andrew Dice Clay...I get them confused.
-- Modified on 9/2/2009 5:30:12 PM
Sure, I think that some guys who accept the 'craft' straight away might initially be flattered that their significant other commands a nice 'wage for their wares'. But after the excitement dissipates, they may start to fear the 'other'(i.e.: the shining white knight in hobbyist clothing!) and worry that their partner may find greener pastures in the form of the 'bigger, richer, more attractive' competition for their love.
In step with prototypical human nature, when we really love/'crave'/idealize someone, we begin to fear that other women or men will also see them through the same rose colored glasses that we blissfully don. From there, it is very easy for jealousy to rear its ugly head as we realize how little control we really have over anyone, even the ones closest to our heart.
The oxytocin (natural stress-relieving hormone) which is released in human bonding can create a dependency as strong as any other. Therefore,the thought of real or imagined threats make it hard for a significant portion of people to truly separate love from sex as those hormonal bonds were forged largely through close intimate contact in the early stages of courtship.
My most liberal, optimistic 'dr. madrid' pseudo-psych/yogi interpretation would be: You are both fatally attracted polyamorous individuals (fully capable of loving/luving/ and the wisdom to know the difference) saddled with a culturally-induced guilt complex. And,well, maybe all of mankind have the propensity to be this way. Or, um, then again, maybe it's just me (Projecting?).
I find the more pressing issue to be your discovery of his own participation in the 'community.' Hindsight is 20/20,yes? So I'm sure you can at least look back now at his growing suspicions of you and realize how his own guilt towards stepping out was projected back on to you. So, in my opinion, the hotel key was a blessing in disguise in such a way that you can learn from and correct future behavior.
However, imagine if you hadn't been in this industry and 'stumbled' upon his participation in it? I'm sure it would have been doubly catastrophic. At the very least. In a perverse way maybe you'd do best to consider it as a sort of zero sum gain. Please note, I do not write this to make light of your situation; I hope you don't take it as a slight.
I agree with Amber that the ideal situation is to enter into an 'open' relationship with someone who doesn't hold double standards and/or tell as much of the truth as you can early on! I ,too, would consider it a compliment if I dated a male gigolo/entertainer, etc so long as I trusted that he practiced his profession safely and, if we became serious, made it obvious that I 'came first' (*winks) and both our sexual and emotional compatibility were equally strong.
Most people, the more mature and centered ones, can accept even celebrate the ability of the one they love to share intimacy with others in many settings. As a physician I am deeply involved with the lives of others and my SO prizes me for it. But few can accept that the one they love share physical intimacy with others. This ability that great providers possess is as intensely appealing --more so I often think-- as my ability to become deeply involved with my patients or the ability of some of my psychiatric colleagues to share these feelings even more deeply. Reading your wonderful piece, Nicole, makes me jealous of the man who had your love and sad for him that he could not fully appreciate you for the rare exceptional woman you clearly are. I will never have such a person love me the way you loved him. Few of us ever will and sadly many of those few will not be able to appreciate their great good fortune.
I was quite selfish here, I know.
What started as a summer fling 3yrs ago and blossomed so quickly into such a deeply heartfelt romance, it took me so much by surprize. I truly didn't expect it.
He and I are or were so close in so many ways, it ffelt like he had always been there. We never fought, we laughed all the time. Held hands and touched constantly. the whole relationship was drenched in Passion. Deeply felt strong passion. Our sex life, incase you were wondering was Amazingly Sensual and mind blowing.
we would spend time together really doing nothing and it was so great. I craved time with him.
We are from the same small town, same friends and I have teens so it was in the begining a secret I felt could not be told. I was not sure where we were going and for the sake of my kids didn't intend to say anything and just date him from time to time. Well before I knew it I was head over heels for this guy.
I admit I should have told him back then, and didn't which was very selfish of me. I wasn't thinking about him and his opinions but about myself and only my views.
I really had no right to expect him to just accept me the way I am and to view this world the way I see it. That alone was selfish and unfair.
Not to mention I put him at risk as I do myself but didn't give him the choice. that was so wrong. we have split up now 3 times...this one the only time I was honest with him and this is the final one...but all the times were because he felt something just wasn't right. I agree it wasn't I was lying to him. I wanted my cake and eat it too.
I see what I do as my job. I am Nicole when I work he does not know Nicole. So since I seperate it all out I saw what I did as ok. the betrayal was the worst of it. If it was unconditional love I should have been able to tell him but I didn't and for this he hates me. As he has every right to.
I was wrong and I have many regrets over it. One and the strongest one is that I have hurt him.
I regret I took all this time from him and it was based on betrayal and my own desires and selfishness.
I regret that he may see this as I never loved him and that is so untrue. I wish he knew I do love him inspite of what I do. I wish he could see how I see it so he would know I was in my heart faithful to him. My heart has always belonged to him. In this aspect there was no betrayal. He will never see it this way an I am sorry for that.
I wish I never came back this last time, it was a mistake and if I had left him alone it would not hurt him so much. I regret that so deeply. At this point honesty was NOT the best choice. I should have just walked away no explanation. He would have his doubts but my words, my stating as such hurt him so deeply. That was wrong here.
well I will be ok.
I like what I do and its a dynamic of who I am in some ways. I am Not ready to quit and quiting for someone who sees me as trash for what I do even though he knows me, he knows who I am...I can't see this ever working with someone I can't allow into my life with out feeling like I am being judged as less than him.
I will quit when I am ready and in my opinion we had not gotten there yet if ever.
He was not free of his own set of issues in this either. He wasn't perfect. He had some control issues, and honey I am not one to try and control.
he wanted too much of my time, I am a very independant person. So we were not there yet. Believe me if we were I would have retired ages ago for him. It was a working relationship in progress. I have teens and I am very involved with then and it was a tug of war some days trying to keep my time to myself without bruising his ego in the process. So it wasn't perfect by any means. there were many factors to why I didn't just up and quit for "the love of my life" So far he was in many ways and in others he was a pain in the ass at times and as difficult as an overtired 3yr old.At three its tolerated but at 53 it gets very old very fast. So I put off telling him for many reasons. Many selfish and many uncertain but all were for certain unfair to him. This should have never have gone so far and that was my fault.
I can't go back only forward so off I go...
I will be ok, I am a very strong woman.
peace
Nicole
I agree but like I said I do "my own thing" on this...
Bascially you realize he was not the one... and you pretty much knew that in the back of your head otherwise you would have done what you said... Everyone bangs their head on the wall sometimes. Or not quite there as you had said.
Trust is earned and felt. Either way I will say if he "loved you" he would have communicated and if you were there and he was there it would be worked out.
Lick your wounds and take sometime for yourself and move on to a better piece of the puzzle, Not easy to do I know... I feel the human condition KNOWS and if it does not fit, do not force it 
You may not agree but that is what I have found.
Nicole, I do feel for you and for what you are going through right now. And I know you really just wanted to come here and be able to wear your heart on your sleeve and speak to people who would understand you. I get that.
I don't understand though, why you feel you were wrong in not telling him what you do for a living.
I think that there is a kind of double standard here. What if all of your clients told their wives that they were hobbyists? Do hobbyists consider telling their SO's that hobbying is a big part of their lives.... and then let the SO decide if she can still be with him or not?? I don't think we'd have too many hobbyists if they did that.
But just because a man has this hobby as a part of his life, does that discount the love that he has for his wife? When he looks his wife in the eyes, makes love to her, and says, "I love you." He is being honest. In that moment, he honestly loves his wife.
The next day he's looking for a provider to make an appointment with.... He still loves his wife, he still has a relationship with her, he still lives with her, he is still building a life with her, still having heart to heart discussions with her, still holding her hand, and taking her out, and still appreciates her.
Being a hobbyist is just a part of himself that he needs (for what ever reason) in order to be fully who he is. He doesn't need to share every aspect of himself with his wife in order to prove that he loves her.
Why do you, as an escort, feel that you need to share every aspect of yourself with a man?? You were not wrong in keeping this part of your life private. Darling Nicole... above all else.. this is YOUR life. You need to be an escort right now because it is something that fulfills what ever aspect of your being that it fulfills. Being an escort is part of you and it is a wonderful part of who you are. But it is YOUR part. You don't need to tell anyone at all, or you can tell the world... that's your choice.
But telling someone else what you do does not prove that you love them anymore than not telling someone what you do.
-- Modified on 9/3/2009 3:25:02 AM
be open here. You have always expressed the ability to keep Nicole separate from Realname and life. You are to be commended for doing this. If you are like anything in real life like you appear here, the ex bf is the one who lost out.
I think I can speak for other hobbyists as well; you are very well thought of here. There is more to being a companion than just the physical acts. One of these days I hope our paths cross.
In the meantime, pick yourself up and get back on the horse. By all means, be safe.
God Bless.
you are very sweet and I am pretty much the same in my real life as here just in flip flops and shorts n a tshirt most of the time. Just the wardrobe changes. Nicole is a bit of a better dresser than I am. lol (she dates a whole bunch more too) I am not beating myself up but I do have solid regrets and own whats mine in this. I was really just dumping is all.
I am deeply in love with him like no other but as it stands I can't see it could ever work so I will move on. I just hope he can do the same without too much pain or bagage. I would hate to think I hurt him and he has difficulty getting on with his life. He holds grudges. Not my worry any longer though.
I guess there are lessons to be learned and time is in need to move on for us all.
thanks for listening and thank you everyone for your thoughts and your input. Lots of good advice here. Thanks for the shoulders.
xox
Nicole