A fellow I've met once over coffee calls me up every 2-3 weeks. He wants to know if I want to "just hang out with him for an hour or so." I thank him for calling, remind him that now he's asking for a date and I tell him my rate for my companionship. He's quiet for a minute, then says, "But, I just want to hang out." When I remind him that the rate is for anything he wants to do, whether it's just to play chess or do other stuff, he sighs and says, "Okay, I'll get back to you." A couple, three weeks later, he calls and we go through the same conversation.

Since I don't keep phone numbers unless allowed, I don't know it's him until I answer the phone. He's always polite and rather shy. Without sounding rude, how do I suggest that he not call at all unless he's going to make a real appointment? The last time he called, I gently reminded him that I'm not part of a dating service. He kind of laughed and said, "I know, but... it's just a hot tub." My answer to that was, "Then you're asking to be with me..." and then I told him my rate. He sighed and said, "Okay," and we hung up.

What do you suggest I do the next time he calls? Put his number on reject so it doesn't come to me at all (which is not an option I like but may need to take)?

you have been more than patient and kind with him. but the fact that he is seemingly ignoring your boundaries screams disrespect, and anyone who does not respect you is not worthy of your time at any cost. if it were me, the next time he contacted me i would tell him as much, "clearly you do not respect me or my boundaries, i wish you the best but please do not contact me again." if he attempts any communicate after that point, block/ignore.

Is this gentleman someone who saw your ad/website and contacted you?Or is this a gentleman that you just met over coffee?I am slightly confused by your first sentence.Either way let him know he has to compensate you for your time regardless of what he is requesting.Whether it is going to the hot tub,dinner,lunch,breakfast whatever he is requesting.Since,you have already let him know once that you need to be compensated and he said okay but he still contacts you for free time.Not cool you might just have to block his number obviously he is not getting the hint and wants to spend off the clock time.By your post he seems like he is playing games and has no intention on setting up a paid date.

Save the number as "do not answer".  You don''t need permission.

Get Google Voice and block the caller.

Memorize the last four digits of the number.  If he's calling this often you should be able to recognize it anyway.

Append your reviews to your handle and join the Provider Only board.

I have nothing here to append, and as such I cannot yet join the PO board. I have other reviews, but that doesn't help me here.

As for the number, I've enough to remember in my life w/o adding someone's phone to the list of "things to forget anyway."

And, I wasn't looking for permission; I was looking for a different solution than blocking his number IF it was possible. From yours and the rest of the responses, blocking it sounds like it is the only option after all.

"Permission" indeed... pfftt!

Yep, I have all "blocked" numbers programmed in my phone as do not answer... most get it after awhile, some just keep calling. Otherwise, just tell him point blank next time, if he's not going to schedule an appointment, then he needs to stop calling you until he's serious.

Some people mistake kindness for weakness. I would cease worrying about his feelings and worry about himself.

Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not interested in any way shape or form in seeing him "off the clock" and that because of his abuse of your time you are no longer even interested in seeing him "on the clock". Then block his fucking number and put him in your rearview mirror. lol

IOW nothing good is going to come from coddling him in a effort to spare his feelings, this is how stalkers are created, the longer you allow this, the more he will get it into his thick head that you are interested if he could just figure out how to see you "one more time". Right now this is simply irritating, don't let it turn dangerous, stop it NOW

This guy "met you once over coffee" so he IS (deliberately) confused that you are not romantically interested.  He thinks that he will wear you down.  You do not want to turn him into a dangerous stalker but it's only fair that you tell him politely you "have no romantic interest in him."  Then stop taking his calls.  Taking his calls only encourages him...  It's time to break the cycle...  before it becomes an obcession.  You have been too kind which he has misinterpreted as interest.

I hope you are using a cell for your business for safety reasons.  ALL cells I know of make it easy to view a number.  You can simply list his number as "NO".  Even if he wanted to see you & pay your rate, I'm sure you know, you should not see him.  

Take good care,
skb

I think you are being more than nice to this guy.  Save his number in your contacts so you know it's him calling and just ignore it. This is what many girls do with time-wasters.

Has he ever actually booked an appointment?

Your giving him something he needs by answering the phone......that's why he keeps calling.  Men may be stupid sometimes, but he probably likes your voice, the "titillating" conversation, and that's why he keeps trying.  He knows your going to turn him down but as long as you keep answering he will keep calling.

and another asinine post like this one, WILL get your ass moderated, by my brother of course.

Outing somebody is not a joking matter, I don't find it a bit funny, and your ass will be moderated the next time it happens. If you have some kind of smart ass remark, I fucking dare you to say it. I hope I have made myself clear.

it wasn't quite clear. LMAO

Glad I don't make any intelligente culo remarks. lol

Sorry.  But that is rediculous in this circumstance.  SAVE his number and don't answer your phone.  Simple!  Problem solved.  Or if you insist on sticking to that rule, ASK him if you can save his number to your phone!  Then avoid him.  Ta Daaa!  I am BRILLIANT!

Hi!
I know that I run my business quite differently then most ladies, however the way that I structure my business really helps me to cut out the "riff raff" although its not a "heavy volume" based business.
For me, a gentleman must pay a deposit prior to receiving my mobile number, thus I do not have to deal with the headache of endless phone conversations with someone who has no real intention of becoming a client of mine.

I know its a unique way of running my business, but its a big stress reliever when it comes to not wasting my valuable time on the phone unless he has already booked a date with me.

--Sitara

... you're a really nice guy, but I'm running a business, so why don't you just call me next time when you are ready to pay for my services?

I think a polite rejection is superior to the old "don't take his calls" approach.

the inelligente part, not so much. lol

I have plenty of saved numbers in my phone.  There is DO NOT ANSWER, LOSER, DOUCHE BAG just to name a few.  Unless you're close to your phone's limit, this is a no-brainer.

Let me explain the problem I see with the old "just don't answer his calls" approach.

This leads to legitimate hobbyists with cash in fist writing providers off in a hurry if they don't hear back from them right away. That is because they ASSUME, based on this sort of behavior, that if they don't hear from a woman right away, it is because she has *actively decided* that she doesn't want to hear from them for some reason. The reality is maybe she's busy getting a root canal, the email got lost, or whatever.

I won't say who, but last year I saw a provider (not reviewed) who I had first contacted 3 years prior.

Three years prior, she didn't answer the one email I sent her. Who knows why? But, because of the pervasive "rejection via non-response" mentality among providers; I ASSUMED she had actively decided not to see me for who knows what reason.

Now, at that time, my hobby style was to see one woman exclusively and often. She literally gave up thousands upon thousands of dollars by missing that email; and the fact that I ASSUMED she didn't want to hear from me.

I know it was an erroneous assumption because, last year, SHE initiated contact with ME. Of course, now my hobby style is different because I spread out my appointments between 3-5 women, most of whom travel, never see the same local woman more than twice a year, etc. -- so all she gets is a pittance compared to what she could have gotten.

The bottom line is that essentially training clients that "non-immediate-response = rejection" causes ladies to lose a LOT of business ... perhaps a lot of business they never know they lost.

How that weighs against the benefits in terms of the approach you are advocating -- I dunno.

You see, when providers use "rejection via non-response" hobbyists adopt a "one attempt at communication and if I don't hear back pronto you are out" rule.

Admit it -- it pisses you off how quickly hobbyists make that second call to someone else.

I bet providers have missed a lot of business that way.

So I believe that providers should at least TRY an ACTUAL polite rejection first. And THEN start automatically rejecting phone calls and stuff. If they stop doing rejection via non-response; maybe some hobbyists like with a one-strike-and-you-are-out rule for unknown providers will actually try contacting a second time.

Here is the nuclear option. Have a girlfriend call him using some other phone and ask for the lady of the house. If there is a SO just tell her this dirt bag is cheating on her. Say nothing more and hang up.

Outing someone is not an acceptable option if something else would work. First she should plainly explain off the clock time is not going to happen, and if he calls again without booking he will be blocked from contacting her again. If he calls and fails to book she should block him and the problem is solved. Outing is just not acceptable and if I find out a lady has done so she would never see me as a client and I bet others feel the same. I would also do my best to warn others about her.

site that I probably should have done in the first place: My number is no longer on my site. As I was telling one poster, it's apparently a strange concept out here in the West, to fill in a form in order to be screened. I expect fewer contacts now, but those that do will be less impulsive and more apt to understand protocol.

Seriously.  This is a very effective sales technique.  Worth the investment, especially if all he wants to do is hang out, which you don't seem to mind too much, given the coffee.

Check out the link.



-- Modified on 1/6/2011 7:20:23 PM

From the OP:

"A fellow I've met once over coffee calls me up every 2-3 weeks. He wants to know if I want to "just hang out with him for an hour or so." I thank him for calling, remind him that now he's asking for a date and I tell him my rate for my companionship..."

Now, there are already a matrix of responses within this thread, some ranging from very sound to excellent advice, so no need for me to be repetitious regarding how bet to handle this kind of situation. Nevertheless, not many have apparently raised an eyebrow by merely looking at the first paragraph!!! It is not within my desire trying to connect the dots, but there seems to be some information missing, no?! What do you mean you met him for "coffee"? Is this some sort of euphemism for a "date" or did you meet him in a coffee shop (safe crowded place) to screen him which ensued by a "date"?

There are many men who are delusional enough to think that they are actually going to be dating an escort after a session (or a few), akin to civvie dating, but if a lady tends to meet a client prior to a date for coffee, drinks, etc, this kind of situation could easily arise.

Just a bit baffled, that's all!

I'm an escort you must compensate me for my time regardless of what we do it's always on the clock. Don't yell or sound bitchy about it but give it to him cut and dry. Sometimes you have to.

But you did do something I haven't seen in a long while if ever:  you got GGSB and I to agree on something:  you post is sick.

Not making any judgment about the practice, but some providers have been known to meet a guy for a cup of coffee as part of a screening process, especially if they haven't got references.  From the way the guy's acting (persistent, clueless, but meek and polite) I'm guessing he has no refs and no experience.  I read the description as a cup of coffee being literally that, a cup of coffee.

Oooo! Did I say that outloud?

I was going to ask "What led to this meeting for breakfast?" but it does not matter.  
If a civie get aquainted, any lady has the right to reflect & decide she's not interested in a gent or not in the market period.
If an intro for a professional relationship, the same applies.  He's not interested in booking.  He wants to talk to a beautiful woman...  like every other lonely soul out there.  
In either case, it does not matter...  any woman (or man) has the right to say NO.  If she needs to rehearse it, do so but she should not listen TO HIM.  She needs to politely say "Not Interested" one last time.  He can choose to aknowledge or not.  Count to 10 & hang up.  
skb

Occasionally I'm too polite for my own good or safety, as has been pointed out to me, both here and in PMs. (For which I'm grateful that those people cared enough to give me that info; thank you!)  

If you'd actually read and understood my post, AND all the subsequent posts by the people who know me (from prior posts) you'd have caught that I don't ask or say anything for "attention."  

Your nastiness is unnecessary and unwarranted. Get your claws out of my back. Either add something USEFUL to this post or don't say anything more.

-- Modified on 1/7/2011 11:43:11 PM

-- Modified on 1/8/2011 2:29:19 AM