a lot of times guys feel guilty (truth)giving a provider as a reference because they feel the girl will be hurt/angry that they are not coming back to see her.
if its the famous promise, I will see you again, knowing or unknowing that they wont see her again or its a favorite girl and their afraid they will be confronted by her when they do see her again.
This is what I hear a lot. It is harder to get a reference than other info at times.
Hi,
Newbie question: I just started hobbying in February and have seen 5 providers so far. Two asked for references, the others haven't. I trust my intuition and haven't had any bad experiences yet in regards to getting scammed.
I have also seen professional dominatrices over the past 11-12 years and never have been asked for references or for anyone to "vouch" for me. Only once that I can remember has someone been in the other room (found out after session) and only once did someone request a public meeting at a bar prior to sessioning.
My question is this: What is the point of references? Do providers get ripped off that much? And why do some providers insist on/ask for candid info that can get one in trouble, like work phone and place of employment?
Thanks in advance for the answers!!
heinous
If I am going to give you 100%, I need to be sure you are: A. Not LE, B. Not a nut job/violent man.
If I don't know the provider you are using as a reference, I like to also verify work info. There has been cases of LE HAVING provider references. And also using verification sites.
I had one client with whom I was freaked out thinking he may have been LE. The session was less than stellar. We met again a few weeks later and the difference was night and day because I was comfortable. He likes to joke with me and say that he blocked that first visit from his mind. He didn't see a problem with it UNTIL after the second visit. He has since become one of my ATF's.
My advice - if you want a great session, give the provider what she asks for. A reputable provider won't save your information, nor use it to blackmail you. (If that is your concern)
Just my .02
Kari~~
-- Modified on 7/15/2008 9:12:58 PM
Really you should be more concerned about the ladies who don't ask for reference's at that point you should be very careful.
If you read the newbie board it will help you in many ways with these questions.
Beyond that, put yourself in their shoes for a minute. They're at the door, either inside for the incall or knocking for the outcall. On the other side is a guy they've never met, who, in a very short time, will have them in the most vulnerable position imaginable. They typically have no safety net, and are engaging in an activity where calling for help has almost as much downside as not calling because of the ramifications. I'm amazed at the sheer balls these ladies have to take that extraordinary leap of faith in walking through that door.
Now, why would anyone begrudge them anything reasonable that helps them reach any amount of increased comfort in this situation? Not only does that increased comfort usually translate into a better session, but it is also just simple decency to let them have it.
You should do as much to let them screen you as you want them to do in giving you the initial information to set the appointment with them.
These ladies put a lot on the line for us, not knowing who or what is waiting on the other side of the door. When I make up my mind that I want to see a particular lady, I am completely prepared to give her the information that she asks for. If you're not willing to do that, you are wasting your time and hers.
Screening may not be common in that scene, but it is here. It's how we keep everybody safe.
If you aren't asked I always think that is an odd thing. Of course, stick with well reviewed folks and you shouldn't have any trouble.
It is important for everyone's safety and comfort level that references and perhaps other related things be used. HOWEVER, (I always say this)....discretion is also important for BOTH parties. Do not give out more info that you are comfortable with (employment, employer's phone number). I had one bad experience and that is all it took. Discretion is part of the safety issue.
For many reasons we ask for references=
To make sure you are legit- not ellie
To make sure you are are clean, congenial and fun -
To make sure you wont rip us off
to make sure You dont beat us up
Kill us
etc and so on
As for some asking, and some not - have faith in the girls THAT DO - if they are keeping safe. They are keeping YOU SAFE TOO...
That means the world to many -
Men and ladies alike -
And dont think those girls dont screen the girls you give for references- they do - LOL
we should be CSI agents LMAO
If a girl is screening.. You dont even KNOW how lucky you are !
references actually mean nothing to me. i would never ask for them, and if a gent provided them anyway it's a bit of a turn-off, as it tells me that he's a seasoned "hobbyist" who likely sees a lot of escorts...call me delusional but i like to think that i'm special, lol.
as to why we ask for personal information like place of work, true name, work number and such, that's primarily for safety/security reasons. we need to feel sure that you are who you claim to be. in addition, this information allows me to get to know you better, and for me it's all about truly getting to know and explore person, not having some anonymous meaningless encounter with a stranger.
I am almost never asked for references. I am routinely asked for things like a verifiable phone number or other types of screening questions, but I am almost never asked for provider references.
I ask for references, and sometimes find it odd what some gentlemen are willing to share immediately, and what they try to hold back until after one or two email exchanges.
A few are willing to give work info, but are reluctant to give provider references right away. That would be a warning sign to me, thinking that they would not get a good reference. But when I get the reference, it is usually that they are very shy and self conscious.
The point is, be upfront and honest. Even what you hold back says alot about you.
a lot of times guys feel guilty (truth)giving a provider as a reference because they feel the girl will be hurt/angry that they are not coming back to see her.
if its the famous promise, I will see you again, knowing or unknowing that they wont see her again or its a favorite girl and their afraid they will be confronted by her when they do see her again.
This is what I hear a lot. It is harder to get a reference than other info at times.
You've hit the nail right on the head! That right there is why I'm VERY uncomfortable asking a girl for a reference. And I WOULD ask- I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate having other providers call her up out of the blue asking questions about her clients... Even more so, having a client give out her contact info w/o asking.
Even though this is a business relationship, I'd still feel disloyal asking a lady to talk me up to a different provider. Those ladies I would consider asking are ones that I enjoy enough to WANT to return-and I don't want to mess with a good thing...
I understand why many ask for them, though.
I always ask for references from other providers the gentleman has seen. It is for safety reasons. I do not ask for other personal information. Just want to know you have met other ladies here and you are safe/legit.
Some might go on instincts or talk to you on the phone to get a feel for you....others need the references because we don't rely just on gut instincts alone.
Calienteguera aka Susie