I don't get it...Some of the recent posts I've seen on here lead me to the conclusion that some of the hobbyists tend to be fairly happy in their marriage. SO Why do they continue to hobby? Is the person your married to your love of your life? A couple of weeks ago, a survey asked us would you continue to hobby if you found your true love? I answered yes because I honestly do not think I could keep such a thing like this hobby of ours a secret to her.

You can be happy with the companionship and spritual, moral, emotional, andintellectual support provided by SO. But SO could be boring or bad at sex. That's why the need for sex surrogates arise.  My 2 cents.

We are always looking for the perfect vagina.
The thrill of the hunt.
The perfect orgasm
Have you read the DA VINCI CODE..Its kind of spiritual and communing with a higher power.  I could go on but I think you get my drift.

I haven't read the DA VINCI CODE.

I'm not trying to get all ethical and moral here but I'm just trying to understand how a happily married man still continues to hobby. Whats worse is I see some guys mentioning their kids and what not. What kind of impression would that make on your child if your S.O. ever found out?

Society has done mankind a disservice for years.  We have been led to believe that sex and love are hopelessly intertwined.  Not so.  I deeply love many people I'll never have sex with, and the best sex I ever have is with people I don't love at all.  Society calls it "making love."  Takes the nasty away...makes it O.K. for all those puritanical types.  But, in fact, love often has nothing to do with it.

I adore my wife.  She's the center of my world.  She's model gorgeous and we have a wonderful sex life.  She knows I hobby like wild.  She likes it.  She doesn't view pleasure coming from a source other than her as an insult to her.  She relishes me getting maximum joy out of life.  THAT, my friends, is true love...not insecure, strings-attached love.  I share my entire world with her.  I share an hour or two of pleasure with providers.  As John Denver once sang, "I'd no sooner love one kind of woman than drink one kind of wine."  It's the only way I can live.  I adore women.  If I didn't have such an amazingly advanced and understanding wife, I'd be single.  I couldn't sneek around, any more than I could have sex with just one woman forever.

There...since you asked,

Jacksonlips

does your wife have a younger like-minded sister you can hook me up with?

sheesh ... we should all be so lucky ...

and this is coming from a single(ton) guy!

LOL

I'll take the older sister!

I am very much in love with my wife. She is the perfect mom (everyone calls her supermom). She keeps the house in perfect order. She cares about me and the kids very much. I would do anything for her. But there are a few things that we differ on. She doesn't like the foods I like the most and I don't like the food she likes the most. So we compromise in dinner situations all the time. The area where our interests differ the most is sex. I love sex and everything to do with sensuous and passionate sex with a woman. She has pretty much no interest in sex at all. A man's interest in sex is disgusting to her. As far as I can tell, her only inteerest in sex is when she wants to have a baby.
So I can live a life with no sex and be with her (which I have done for long periods of time). I could leave her to find a woman with a more compatable sex drive (then I would lose a lot in the other aspects of my life like family). Or I can find other means to satisfy my sexual interests (for which hobbying is a very nice solution.) But if my wife found out, it certainly would change our relationship. So I try to do all I can to keep my secret.

Those of us, including myself, who aren't honest with their significant others about our professions are no different from men lying to their wives about hobbying. In fact, I am not honest with a *single* person in my life about what I do. Yes, I have made the choice to be dishonest with my loved ones about this profession, but at times the choice can be taxing both psychologically and emotionally. It's been easier since I moved far from my family. My mom now thinks I nanny part time. My brothers thinks like my mother. My best friends here in Chicago think I'm looking for work in my field of education which is only a half truth. And no, unfortunately, my friends wouldn't understand. My closest girlfriend here was a virgin until she married her husband last September.

Guz, please don't concern yourself with the choices, thoughts and emotions of other hobbyists. You will surely drive yourself insane. Every individual has different reasons for hobbying and escorting. Those reasons are sometimes more obvious than others. Ultimately, each person has to do what's best for him/herself. By the way, I *hope* my husband sees escorts when I marry. That way I can spend more time watching BBC, playing with my dog and baking cookies with my girlfriends.

I've been married 36 years, together 40, and we're tighter now than ever.  She knows I see providers...hell...she is a provider.  We share stories (no names, of course), and get even more turned on.  Whether you believe me or not is irrelevant -- it's true!

I'm an older married guy. My wife has lost her libido. I'm longing for sexual contact.

I wish I had scored that answer in my life. I probably would be a lot less Cynical.

  Cm.

we all need hero's to look up to in life, I just found mine

Jacksonlips, I hope you realize what a lucky and blessed man you are.

My response to the post asking providers if they would be upset or not if their S.O. was seeing other escorts was titled, "A Happy Meal vs True Love".
If I ever get married, I plan to be similar to your wife. She sounds very well adjusted and Beautiful!
Life is too short to take the human urges and desires of others so damn personally.
Infidelity is NOT a deal breaker for me. Sex is not love... but both can be very healthy. It's just a helluva lot easier to find 'True Sex' than 'True Love'.

-- Modified on 6/10/2004 12:46:40 AM

 
Cindy,I share the same philosophy as yourself and JL's wife..
Its a rare relationship that requires trust, honesty, and respect
and two very secure people.
 

 JL..if by slim chance you find yourself single again..
I'd be first in line to date you..
 
 Im sure that line would be blocks long..

xo
 

 

-- Modified on 6/10/2004 1:43:08 AM

I applaud your wife for being very open minded and secure in herself. She is quite rare in this day. I'm sure every other hobbyist on here who was married/single wishes they could find a woman like that.

-- Modified on 6/10/2004 5:53:14 AM

I've wondered about this too from the providers perceptive and It is also a difficult thing to do...but I know a lot of providers are free willed and they do what they want to do and I find that to be magnificent. Especially today in this day of ours. I thank you for replying in this post and providing a providers perception.

although my wife and I do enjoy many of the same foods!

I agree that our relationship would change if she found out, but it wouldn't be a disaster. She'd be upset for a while, then get over it. I don't tell her simply because I don't want to rock the boat.

“Every individual has different reasons for hobbying and escorting.”

Well stated, InterestingWoman. I would argue with you, however, that one of the values of this board is that we can discuss those reasons and possibly learn a little more about ourselves in the process.

Yep ... Love and companionship which all of us want in our SO does not neessarily translate to "Best Sex Ever" ... we have to find that somewhere ... providers are the answer.  Now, if someone finds a superwife, supermom, and also a nympho lover ... that's the best package ... but in life (as with everyone) ... we rarely get all our cakes and eat it too.

Well I am reasonibly happily married.  Most of the time.

I do it rarely. But I like the occasiional new woman without the baggage that goes with mood swings etc.  For the most part it has reinforced that what I have at home is not all that bad. And it lets me have my mid-life crisis far less expensively than a Corvette would cost.

And there are a handfull of ladies out there that are a real treasure to know.

Its like anyhing else after 24 years of marriage and raising two teenagers...and both of us have two careers....
......work,work,work,kids,kids,kids,work,work,work,parents,parents,parents,work,work,work,in laws,in laws, in laws,kids,kids,kids,stress,stress,stress,work,work,work,changes,changes,changes....
Sure, we've come along way together, and there are many ups and downs, but VR has urges that neeed to be satisfied and affairs have been there for the taking but VR has not bit....

Thank God for providers!

Cheers!

The million dollare quetion for me is Do provder really  think are marriage marterial After doing this for a year its open mine eyes to a part of sex i never new was thereThis really just a question no more

what if she was oing it toYou may tell you she does not But if you do it why can,t she

We used to be at the top of each other's list.  Now work, children, chores, community service, blah blah blah all shove me down to #10 on the list and she never gets to anything lower than #7 on a daily basis.

I love her with all my heart, but I can't live on an hour of vanilla sex once a month.  I almost get the sense that once we have sex in a calendar month that she is crossing me off her to do list.

It also doesn't help that she only wants to do it in our bedroom or a hotel room when we travel two or three times a year.

Unfortunately, the economy is STILL sucking for my industry, commercial construction, so I haven't had the resources to hobby much lately.

Providers, however, are that Stepford Wife/Mistress that all men secretly wish we had. For a short period of time, our wants and desires are all that matter and nothing else will move us out of the #1 spot for that time (OK, other than the donation for their time)

The more, the merrier!

If i ever remarry that is what i am going to have with my SO. I don't want him to go pick up a girl off the street but for him to be with a provider, that works for me. I want him to say honey i want to go fuck a  provider to night and i would say have fun and tell me all about it. just don;t lie . sounds great to me.. lol

should come to southern California. There are'nt anywhere near enough contrctors, laborers, foremen, consultants, etc. etc. Come on down!

about being a Provider, but that's ME. Gentlemen in my personal life know.

As far as family and friends, while it does cause me to lie here and there, I don't feel that overall, I'm 'lying' to them, it's simply none of their business.

And Guz..ALL of my married clients are very happily married. Every one of them, according to them.

Just a guess.  I'm single.

Society has dealt us a terrible hand with marriage.  I find it so frustrating that I've stayed single.  The vast majority of people in this culture accept society's teachings about marriage unquesioningly-- including most wives.  If the marriage can exist stable and happy, while the husband sees a provider who has no interest in breaking it up, then it is the wife's delusion about her spouse's psychology that's the problem, and this was fed to her from an early age by the society.  People, male or female, are not made to be perfectly monogamous.  Only the most jealous or the most compulsive would be.    

I was almost married once.  Then it became apparent to me, after a few conversations on the subject with my SO, that I would not even be able express to her that another woman is attractive.  You talk about cutting off honest discussion and needing to live a lie!

So, as I see it, both alternatives require a lie.  The question becomes: which one is less harmful, less damaging psychologically?  

/Zin

Why declare warfare on everybody through honesty?

Some friends know that I hobby, and they know better than to tell the ones that don't, or to tell my family.  I have a large extended family.  If they know, everybody knows.  

Still, I guess some leakage could occur.  

But IW, your situation sounds really stressful to me, like being a spy almost.

/Zin

I love my SO, she is sexier that any of the ladies I have met through this board, has as good a body as any I have met here, and we share a really nice carnal life together.

But I like to be massaged and foreplayed and she is not into that, and i like a good bbbj every now and then and that is not a strong point for us either.

So I consult a specialist in one of the other of these arts a couple  of times a year...

But I like this wierd community, so I hang out here a lot...

I have not been hobbying for a long time.  It hasn’t even been a year!  But I find that since I started this hobby, I have become a better father and definitely a better husband, not to mention the balance I have found in the other aspects of my life.  I read in one of the posts a few weeks ago that “women become mothers……”  which is ok, but that makes us (rightfully so) priority #10 or so in the list of priorities.  I always thought of my wife as my best fried.  She was a woman who could have anyone (hell, she could still have anyone she wants after having 2 kids!) but she chose me, and stayed with me through some tough times.  A year ago, I found myself resenting her for not spending time with me and constantly nagged her like one of the kids.  I had become more of a problem for this lovely friend who was already stretched to the limit.  Realizing that, I began to question this whole marriage definition and values (?) I had tried to keep for the past 15 years of being with her.

I believe in self improvement, but there are certain things that we shouldn’t change about ourselves if we ever hope to be happy, healthy individuals.   I found a long time ago, that women fascinate me.  I like them and I don’t think I can live a happy life without the variety.  They are simply more interesting.  The fact that I love my wife has nothing to do with this fascination. I keep thinking about my state of mind a year ago, and say “What the f**k was I thinking? Why didn’t I start this sooner?” It’s become painfully obvious that we don’t do our loved ones any favors by forcing ourselves into people we’re not.  

These days, not only do I not add to my wife’s problems, I once again, find myself wanting to go home not only to see her, but to offer help with the kids and any other projects she may have.  My biggest problem these days is going home after seeing a provider and not allowing myself to tell my wife, “Honey, guess who I saw (or is it did?) today?”  Why don't I tell her? I'm not sure!  It's never seemd like I HAD TO tell her! Knowing me better than I know myself, I’m sure she knows what I’m doing, but she gives me my space.  May be in time-I hope-I’ll be able to share my stories with her.

I'll take the wife!

I've always offered this sort of lifestyle to my SO's.  We have only this life to experience everything we possibly can in our bodies.  Let's do it.  

Thanks for posting this.  It's refreshing to read about people in truly adult relationships.  Is she interested in sexual encounters outside of your relationship as well?

You my dear wonderful man are very lucky, Nothing is more wild then knowing that your wife knows that I, me the provider, is doing the wild thing and making her husband happy.

Jacksonlips, we will talk about this next time while you have me on my back, and I'm looking up into your eyes.  HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!

Have a great vacation, see you when you return,

Kisses,

RED

I want the identical twin.

Interesting woman. You have offered some of the most concise and cogent advice I have ever read. If you need new clients, I'd be glad to make your acquaintance. Poor Guz seems guilt-ridden and you are right, if you have to think too much about the choices you have made, you better walk away. Confession will do nothing, but hurt those you claim you love.

if you have the same outlook as your wife? Does she see anyone outside your marriage? If so, do you feel the same about it as she does? If not, why doesn't she see anyone else? I would just love to know if what is good for the goose, is good for the gander.
There seems to generally be a disturbing double standard on the part of the hobbyist's on this topic, so Jacksonlips, what's the deal?
From the replies to your posting Jackson, you are the envy of a lot of men here, the belle of the ball so to speak. I think there is nothing so beautiful as honesty and understanding between mates. It's really beautiful. I just wonder if it's a reciprocal arrangement? I saw no mention of it being so.

I ask because I have definitely noticed that many men in the hobby seem to have no trouble with the idea that they can have extra-marital sex without it impacting their feelings for their SO, or endangering their relationship. In many cases, as mentioned in this thread, they often say that it makes them better husbands/fathers. I make no judgement on this line of thinking (in many cases I think it's true), but it often doesn't go both ways.

So here's the question...assuming your woman (this is not just directed at Jacksonlips, it's for whoever cares to answer) would like to have a purely sexual relationship (or 10) outside the marriage...how does that sit with you? I repeat PURELY SEXUAL. We know this is possible, look where we are, lol. In answering this question, it would be great if you guys could do your best  to avoid saying how 'women aren't like men when it comes to sex'...'they have to be in love', 'for them it's emotional', yada, yada, yada.

I'm really just curious to get some honest answers on this question...and will be pleasantly surprised if they aren't riddled with hipocrasy.

Sex and love are seperate to me, and to many hobbyists, but is it different when it comes to the wife? Is it only seperate when it serves your needs? Just a thought, an honest question. Do you guys walk your talk? Can't wait to see your feedback.

Hey, jacksonlips......damn you are one lucky guy......


sham

Dude, you are already busted. It's only a matter of time before the truth comes out. I say this because you've committed the perfect "sin," rationalization. Have you ever considered that the "bad" sex in your relationship might be you? I am not being funny here. In many relationships, people who are otherwise sane and normal often are not sexually compatible and not dis-interested as you claim. My GFs husband left her for greener pastures and she gave me the opposite story. Today, we are not exactly swingers, but I let her do her thing from time to time and that includes other women. So if you really love your wife stay at home. If you describe her as the sexual deadbeat that you say she is, she'll not only find out, but she'll kabob your balls in an US court. You don't sound like the type of guy that will let her have a fling or two, but then again, while you are punching the clock, she might be having a box lunch with Angie.

If you have't read my original response, I'll tell you that I'm kind of new to this whole idea.  I stayed completely faithful to my wife for 14 of our 15 year relationship--yes, even when we weren't married! Since you asked everyone, I'll tell you this much.  Last year it turned my stomach to see two people on TV or wherever, looking into each others eyes and say,” I want to get old with you".  The thought scared me to death. These days(This would probably make more sense if you read my original response), I can relate to that phrase!  Gag if you must (as MrSelfDestruct Would say!), but since I began this sport, I really do want to get old with my wife and nobody else!

I have to be honest, since you want honesty, that the thought of my wife being with someone else, does bug me a bit.  But then again, I compare that with the thought of her feeling as miserable and trapped as I did a year ago. I'd never want that for her.  If she needs the release to be happy, then I'm happy for her. I'm not so sure I'm mature enough to want to know the details though

As much as I would LOVE to move to the land of milk and honey covered porn stars, the commute would be too much of a bitch to deal with from the east coast.

That company barbecue that got out of hand last year, is probably the reason for the spike in demand.

Our area still hasn't recovered from 9/11 yet.  No one wants to build in a city with a big bullseye on it (most of the top floor of the Empire State Building are empty right now)

Hopefully, things will improve in our area soon.  Having the second highest labor costs in the country isn't helping either...  

-- Modified on 6/11/2004 12:44:14 PM

I think you would find it very interesting.  Lots of undisputable scientific evidence on the ways in which men and women differ.  Very thought-provoking stuff.

There are a few areas where I would never live and that includes most of CA. I mean, porn stars notwithstanding, the providers are pretty much the same, and like most places, bait and switch is alive and well. I can play and pay a lot less with the local jack shacks here in Chicago if all I want is a CBJ and cigarette-swirled, booze filled kiss on the cheek. I had a provider offer $350 for the above scenario so I gave her a fifty and asked her to leave. So while NYC and a few other places on the planet are more or less marked for terrorism, believe the grass is not greener in SOCAL. In fact, from the point of view of terrorism, the west coast with it wide open spaces make a bigger albeit different kind of target. I will stay here in second city so long as it make economic sense and if the wannabe porn stars stay west of Misssissippi. Can't a guy get some strange and not worry about getting his dick blown off by a car bomb? This is not Tel Aviv.

I'm single, and a newbie in the hobby as well.  So my answer is being drawn on my gut.
 I think the short answer (for me) is: I could actually get behind her seeing other guys...particularly if we shared most of the feelings about each other's experiences in a healthy way.
I'm with Sedona...I can't keep something that pivitol from an S.O.
 A longer answer is:
 I think a lot of guys got married and then discovered their sexual needs and appetites afterwards.(Matured...evolved...whatever.) The result? The hobby.
 I think a lot of women did the exact same thing with the addition of whatever having a baby might add chemically to that mix.  The result? The hobby isn't as available...so "an affair".

 In my case I've discovered, and am discovering all of this without an S.O.  When a S.O. comes into my life eventually (you see I have hopes, Octavia...I have romantic vision!)  Sex is gonna be a huge part of the blessed conversation about the "marriage contract."
 I'm one of the guys that voted in the survey that I'd not hobby anymore if I found my "true love" cause, in my mega-large fantasy world, she's gonna be all I'll need sexually...  But if she expresses the need to have a roaming sex life...an open marriage... I'm gonna have to dive in cause my outlook has "evolved" to: "life is so fleeting and love is so eternal and all is fair as long as you don't hurt anyone."
 Thanks Octavia...
love,
 Jockeypants

I like your website and hope that you don't add anymore tats to your lovely body. The next time I am in Seattle, I'd like to help the local economy... Dinner, drinks, fun. I usually stay down in the 4th avenue area. Near you?